Thursday, December 7, 2000                                               Edition:  #1949

MALL SANTA PET PEEVES:
• Kids who refuse to believe that’s fruitcake on your breath, not gin.
• When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it.
• Even with the costume, people recognizing you from “America’s Most Wanted”.
• Parents who get all uptight when you offer their kids a pinch of Skoal.
• Enduring the taunts of your old buddies from drama school.
• Two words — lap rash.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
LAST NIGHT the controversial off-Broadway hit “The Vagina Monologues” began a 5-week run at The Music Hall in Toronto (the reason 500 men in Hogtown are still blushing this morning) . . . The Beatles “1″ album is now the fastest-selling album ever, with more than 12 million copies sold in its first 3 weeks of release (amazing how the same old material keeps selling when it’s re-packaged, ain’t it?) . . . Billy Crystal says he can’t host the “Academy Awards” in March because he’s too busy (oh no, we’re takin’ Whoopi) . . . Pearl Jam is set to release another 47 live CDs, this time from their North American tour  (soon they’re have so many on the market, they’ll make a million by selling one copy of each) . . . And in a new “Blockbuster” poll, Julia Roberts was picked the #1 ‘ideal holiday party date’ by men (just ahead of — “anything with legs that says yes”).

MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
Shooting has begun in Oxford, England on “Spy Game”, a thriller starring Robert Redford and Brad Pitt as CIA agents (last time they worked together was on 1992′s “A River Runs Through It”) . . . Gwyneth Paltrow will star in  “View From the Top”, the story of a small-town girl trying to achieve her goal of becoming a flight attendant (wow, high aspirations) . . . Sean Penn is looking to play a man with the mind of a 7-year-old who’s trying to regain custody of his daughter in the drama “Sam I Am” (Michelle Pfeiffer might play his lawyer) . . . And newlywed Catherine Zeta-Jones will play a lawyer who discovers her psychiatrist husband is cheating with a patient in the thriller “Trust”.

THE GOODS ON GIVING:
A new study says men spend more time looking for gifts for their bosses than for their wives, but women spend more time shopping for their pets than their husbands. (And bosses and pets spend about the same amount of time shopping for gifts.)

DO WE HAVE TO PICTURE THIS?
The results of this survey may surprise you. Retired people have twice as much sex as their grown kids! The average senior citizen makes love 4 times a week, compared to just twice a week for their married children. Researchers say that’s because the spark is still there and seniors have more time to show their affection. (You’re not getting older, you’re getting luckier.)

TOP-SELLING TOYS INTRODUCED THIS YEAR:
• ‘Poo-Chi the Interactive Puppy’
• ‘Tekno the Robotic Puppy’
• ‘Pokémon’
• The latest incarnation of ‘Barbie’
• ‘Razor’ scooters
(Source: “The Toy Report”)

THE BULL SHEET 12.07.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1932    [68] Ellen Burstyn (Edna Rae Gilhooley), Detroit MI, TV actress (Dolly DeLucca-“That’s Life”)/movie actress (best known as the pea-soup covered mother in “The Exorcist”)
1956    [44] Larry Bird, French Lick IN, ex-NBA coach (Indiana Pacers)/ex-NBA star (Boston Celtics)
1958    [42] Edd Hall, Boston MA, TV announcer (“The Tonight Show With Jay Leno”, since 1992)
1967    [33] Tino Martinez, Tampa FL, MLB 1st baseman (World Series champion NY Yankees)
1974    [26] Nicole Appleton, Hamilton ON, pop singer (All Saints-“Pure Shores”, “Never Ever”) who’s pregnant with Oasis singer Liam Gallagher’s baby
1978    [22] Shiri Appleby, LA CA, TV actress (Liz Parker -“Roswell”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TONIGHT at 6:15 pm EST on Parliament Hill in Ottawa, they’ll connect the  giant plug on “Christmas Lights Across Canada”, one of the country’s most dazzling displays of over 250,000 lights which continues through January 14th. Displays will be simultaneously lit at many provincial legislatures.
PHONER: 800-465-1867(National Capital Commission)/613-239-5013 (Lori Peters)

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999    Latin music continues to surge as Enrique Iglesias and Marc Anthony release self-titled albums

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1784    [216] 1st ‘screw’ (no, really?)
1926    [74] 1st ‘refrigerator’ (using gas) patented by Electrolux, the vacuum cleaner people (if you look way in the back, there’s still some leftovers growing mold)
1935     [65] 1st ‘western’ team to win the Grey Cup (Winnipeg Blue Bombers vs Hamilton 18-12)
1963    [37] 1st use of ‘instant replay’, in Army-Navy football game on CBS-TV (nowadays we get replay after replay from a half-dozen angles, even from the jerky new ‘umpire cam’)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Take It In The Ear Day
[Sat] National Pastry Day
[Sun] Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales
International Calendar Awareness Month (“Oh look! There’s one over there on the wall!”)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTERS:

• “What’s the best toy you ever got for Christmas? Do you still have it? Where do you keep it?”
• “What tacky former Christmas gift do you feel you have to haul out and display whenever the giver comes to visit?”

NAME THAT NOISE:
Bring in a toy that makes noise. First caller to name what it is wins whatever you wanna give ‘em.

BS TRIVIA:
Q: What’s the world’s 2nd-largest media company, after AOL Time-Warner?
A: THIS WEEK shareholders of Vivendi Universal and Canadian parent company Seagram overwhelmingly approved a merger with France’s Canal Plus. It’s a $34 BILLION deal!

BS TAG LINE: It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.


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