Monday, December 14, 2009        Edition: #4164
Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription or You’ll Be Sheet Outta Luck!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Embattled golf superstar Tiger Woods’ affairs are damaging more than his home life – he reportedly faces losing 2 of his mega-bucks sponsorship deals. His endorsements with Gillette and AT&T, rumored to be worth up to $20 million are in the balance following his announcement he will take an ‘indefinite’ hiatus from golf. (What will it take for him to ever make a comeback?)
– ContactMusic.com
• Meantime, daytime talk show “The View” (ABC) is apologizing for calling one of Tiger Woods’ alleged girlfriends a ‘hooker’. Rachel Uchitel’s Hollywood lawyer, Gloria Allred, demanded the apology. A statement from the show says Joy Behar’s remark about Uchitel was ‘a joke’ and the show apologizes for ‘any hurt feelings or mis-impressions’.(And would like to revise the description to ‘slut’.)
– StarPulse.com
• Guy Ritchie’s film, “Sherlock Holmes”, is to be released just a week after James Cameron’s much-anticipated “Avatar” (December 18th). Ritchie was spotted at the IMAX preview of “Avatar” with his producer Joel Silver. They were obviously keeping tabs on the competition. Ritchie’s verdict? “Well, nothing to worry about here then”. (He was kidding, right?)
– PopBitch.com
• The January 2010 edition of “Golf Digest” proudly displays a cover shot of Tiger Woods looking serious while golfing, along with Barack Obama crouching on the green. The inside article claims the US president watches Tiger to get tips on preserving his image. “Tiger never does anything that would make him ridiculous,” the story says. The issue went to print in mid-November. (Oops!)
– Limelife.com
• Snoop Dogg, in association with VoiceSkins.com, has announced the launch of Snoop’s GPS voice. That’s right, instead of a pleasant female voice giving you directions, now you can have Snoop snappin’ at ya. (“For shizzle, don’t turn there, fool. It’s the next right, mutha trucker!”)
– StarPulse.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Snoop Dogg (“Malice N Wonderland”).
• “Jennifer Hudson: I’ll Be Home For Christmas” (ABC) – The singer/actress relives childhood Christmases by performing at her neighborhood church.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Wolfmother (“Cosmic Egg”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Reba McEntire (“Keep On Loving You”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Chevelle (“Sci-Fi Crimes”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Alicia Keys (“The Element of Freedom”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – 50 Cent (“Before I Self Destruct”).
• “The Sing-Off” (NBC) – Nick Lachey hosts the debut of this new a cappella singing competition. Ben Folds, and Shawn Stockman of Boyz II Men are the regular judges.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Adam Lambert (“For Your Entertainment”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• All American Rejects – “Gives You Hell” has officially been named the ‘#1 Most Played Song of 2009′ of those that made “Billboard” magazine’s Top 40 Chart.
• Ashanti – She’s set to star in and produce her own reality singing competition in a bid to find the next big superstar. (Now there’s an original idea!)
• The Beatles – They released the top-selling album of the 2000s … over 3 decades after their breakup. Their “Greatest Hits Compilation 1” has sold over 11 million copies since its release in November 2000, according to decade-end sales numbers.
• Taylor Swift – She’s forced to share the spotlight with Kaye West again. As “Billboard” reveals in its year-end charts, they’re the ‘Top Female Artist Of the Year’ and ‘Top Male’.

SPAM CENTRAL:

Brazil has now overtaken China as the spam capital of the world. A new report issued by Cisco’s security division says that more than 7.7 trillion spam messages came out of Brazil last year, nearly triple the 2008 total. The USA takes home spam silver, with about 6.6 trillion messages, a marked decrease from the 8.3 trillion mark set in 2008. The good news is that China’s spam production has seen a steep decline. Now coming in a distant 7th, the People’s Republic was only responsible for 2.4 trillion spam emails, a full 25% drop from a year ago. (Brazil’s chief exports are now coffee, spam, and plastic boobs.)
– Forbes.com

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

• Asked in a nationwide survey to define holiday shopping, 50% say it’s ‘a pleasure’; 22% ‘a chore’; 19% call it ‘no big deal’; and 8% think it’s ‘a nightmare’. (1% didn’t have time to answer because they heard Zhu Zhu Pets were available at the other end of the mall.)
– AHN
• A recent study shows the average female Christmas shops for 12.5 recipients, while the average male buys for just 8. Women also take far more time selecting gifts. (And don’t shop exclusively at the 7-11 convenience store at the corner.)
– “Working Mother”

NO FEAR:

New York University researchers have found a drug-free way to block fearful memories, opening up the possibility of new treatment methods for problems such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The findings show that reactivating a memory – by showing people objects that stimulate the fearful memory – opens up a time window in which the memory can be edited before it is stored again. Earlier studies have shown that drugs can be used to block fearful memories, but the results were not long lasting. (Soon you’ll be able to use a USB cord to plug your brain into Photoshop.)
– Reuters

BULL’S INTERNATIONAL MOOS:

• Chongqing, China – A Chinese man has signed a contract with his wife that entitles her to attack him once a week. The 32-year-old husband took the unusual step after suffering intense abuse from his wife, who has studied kung fu since childhood. In just a week before they signed the deal, she beat him up 3 times. Why’s he stay? The husband says he’s attracted to his wife’s ‘strong and independent temperament’. (And the spanking.)
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Poole, England – A couple in the south of England have named their baby daughter ‘Kia’, after the family car in which the new mom gave birth to the babe in the back seat. (It could have been worse … they might have owned a pickup and called her ‘Half-Ton’.)
– NYPost.com
• Tokyo, Japan – A 27-year-old woman has managed to re-enter Japan after being deported to China. It was only when she was arrested on other charges that it was discovered her fingerprints were a tad odd. It became clear she’d undergone a procedure to have her left fingerprints grafted onto to her right hand, and vice versa. She apparently paid around $15,000 for the surgery in China. (Performed with an X-acto knife and Crazy Glue.)
– BBC News

GOOD-BYE LAPTOP, HELLO SMART PHONE:

Soon, your mobile wireless device will be able to do everything your laptop can do – maybe more. By 2011, it’s predicted that a quarter of all mobile phones will be smart phones as wireless connections speed up and prices come down. And next generation smart phones will be more reliable and able to handle many more chores than they do today, eventually making them capable of replacing your laptop and/or office computer. (So then, when you accidently drop it in the toilet, you’ll be losing your entire career.)
– “The Kiplinger Letter”

BS AMAZING FACT:

Last year, an estimated 17 billion catalogues were sent to US households. That’s about 56 for every man, woman, and child.
– “San Jose Mercury News”

BS CHRONOMETER 12.14.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [60] Cliff Williams, Romford UK, rock bassst (AC/DC-“Rock ‘n Roll Train”, “Moneytalks”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1988 [21] Vanessa Hudgens, Salinas CA, movie actress (“High School Musical” movies, “Thirteen”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Bouillabaisse Day”, a day to throw some shellfish in a pot with some finely-chopped onion, celery & tomato, a little white wine, a little more white wine, and – BAM!! – a whole mess of garlic. Nummers, instant heaven!

• “Geminid Meteor Shower”, which NASA’s Meteoroid Environment Office calls the ‘best meteor show of the year’, continues to peak before sunrise this morning when those who live in dark, rural areas may be able to see dozens of bright meteors per hour streaking across the sky.

• “Halcyon Days” begin, the 7 days before and 7 days after the Winter Solstice. According to ancient tradition, it’s a time of peace and tranquillity. (That’s ’cause they didn’t have malls!)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1977 [32] “Saturday Night Fever” premieres, starring John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John (Bee Gees generate several hits from the soundtrack)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [25] “Like a Virgin” becomes Madonna’s first #1 hit

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1947 [62] National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing (NASCAR) is created

AND REMEMBER . . .

[Tues] Cat Herders Day
[Wed] Chocolate-Covered Anything Day
[Wed] Re-Gifting Day
[Thurs] Wright Bros Day
[Thurs] Underdog Day
This Week Is … Civil Rights Week
This Month Is … International Calendar Awareness Month (Look! Over there on the wall!)

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS REASONS HANUKKAH IS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS:
• No roof damage from reindeer.
• Eight days of presents (well … in theory, anyway).
• More elephants in the Hanukkah story.
• Never a ‘Silent Night’ when you’re amongst your Jewish relatives.
• Burl Ives doesn’t sing Hanukkah songs.
• Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:

Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve bacteria.” One bacteria pipes up, “But we work here … we’re staph!”

BS WEB GOODIE:

Let’s face it, some people make better Santas than others. Don’t let your wee folks see these!
Funny or downright disturbing?
NET: http://www.sketchysantas.com

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:

• Where would you live if you were expecting ‘Grandfather Frost’ to show up with your Christmas stash on January 1st?
a. Sweden.
b. Russia. [CORRECT, where Santa's known as ‘D'yed Moroz’.]
c. Lateville.

BS PHONE STARTER:

What’s the oldest toy from your childhood that you still have kicking around the house?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: Britain’s Royal Society of Accident Prevention recommends banning THIS from office parties.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Mistletoe.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A friend is someone who likes you … even after they know you.


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