Thursday, December 17, 2009        Edition: #4167
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

Finally they’re doing something important! The US House of Representatives has voted to ban abrupt spikes in volume during TV ads and a similar bill has been introduced in the Senate (even if they succeed in leveling volume, the compression will deafen you) . . . The administrators of Michael Jackson’s estate and a cadre of attorneys are seeking millions they claim are owed for managing his affairs since he died (even after death he’s still behind on bills) . . . Actor Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”) has donated $1 million to his alma mater, New York University’s Tisch School Of the Arts, to establish a scholarship fund in his name (it’s the ‘Grumpy Dad Grant’) . . . 43-year-old actress Sarah Jessica Parker (“Sex & The City”) fears she made a ‘terrible mistake’ by having a prominent mole removed from her chin last year because now she’s permanently lost her trademark beauty mark (instead, why not get your chin reduced, Seabiscuit?) . . . Tiger Woods’ dad taught him how to golf but 40-something South Florida cougar Theresa Rogers claims she’s the one who showed him everything he needed to know to become a great lover (let’s see, that’s #14 – and counting) . . . And adult film maker Adam & Eve Pictures is already shooting a parody of the Tiger Woods scandal, a titillating horizontal mambo starring Tyler Knight as the golfer & Kayden Kross as wife Elin which will be titled – “Tiger’s Wood” (sample dialogue: “Damn, my shaft is bent!’; “After 18 holes, I can barely walk!”; “Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more!”; “Nice stroke but your follow-through is weak!”; “Mind if I join your threesome?”).


• “Jay Leno Show” (NBC/CityTV) – Mary J Blige (“Stronger With Each Tear”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – “American Idol” finalist Allison Iraheta (“Just Like You”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Franz Ferdinand (“Tonight: Franz Ferdinand”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Boyz II Men (“Love”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Matisyahu (“Live at Stubb’s: Austin TX”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Mariah Carey (“Memoirs Of an Imperfect Angel”).
• “Saturday Night Live Presents: A Very Gilly Christmas” (NBC) – Holiday sketches from past season; ‘Gilly’ (Kristen Wiig) appears in new sketches.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – Alicia Keys (“The Element of Freedom”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Robin Thicke (“Something Else”).

• Coldplay – Today through December 31st they’re holding an ‘End of Decade Clearout Sale’ on eBay, where they’re selling guitars, keyboards, amps, posters, platinum discs and other autographed memorabilia. The auction benefits London-based charity Kids Company.
• The Game – He says he’s ‘reinventing’ himself … by dropping ‘The’ from his name.
• Green Day – They’re getting their own edition of the popular “Rock Band” videogame next year.
• Kenny Chesney – His latest album, “Greatest Hits II”, has been certified Gold for shipments of 500,000 copies.
• Kings of Leon – They’re set to take 6 months off. Drummer Nathan Followill tells “Q Magazine” he’s going to golf, fish, camp in the wild and sit on his couch with a tub of chocolate chip cookie ice cream. Despite the break, he reveals the band has begun writing material for their 5th album.
• Lil Wayne – After countless delays, his new album “Rebirth” will be released February 1st, but he won’t be around to promote it much. A NYC judge has set a February 9th sentencing date for the rapper’s gun case. He’s likely to be sentenced and report to prison that same day.
• Nickelback – The rock group so many love to hate has been named ‘Band of the Decade’ by “Billboard” magazine.
• Phil Vassar – He’s offering a free Christmas digital EP, “An Acoustic Christmas”, through his official website.
• Stone Temple Pilots – Frontman Scott Weiland tells that the band is almost finished recording its Don Was-produced new studio album.

A team of 4 Maryland highway workers claim they’ve developed a device that extracts hydrogen and oxygen from water and burns the gases in vehicles to boost gasoline mileage and cut emissions. So far they’ve successfully tested the process in their own vehicles and now have the go-ahead to experiment with Howard County government vehicles. The county’s facing the worst budget crunch in decades and is looking for any edge to reduce costs. (If this works, the price of water is about to zoom zoom zoom.)
– “Baltimore Sun”

Stats continue to show that the way we communicate is changing. Highlights of the newly-released Statistical Abstract of the United States from the US Census Bureau …
• Over 110 billion text messages were sent in the last year, double the previous year.
• Cellphone subscribers sent an average of 407 text messages apiece in 2008.
• At the same time, the average length of a cellphone voice call declined to 2.3 minutes.
• About two-thirds of all teens use text messaging, mostly due to its simplicity as well as the privacy of being able to communicate without being overheard.
– “TIME Magazine”


• Deli Meats – Experts suspect that the chemicals within these meats may lead to inflammation. Can’t live without your lunchtime sandwich? No problem. Layer slices of lean meats such as grilled chicken breast between your bread and eat bologna less often.
• Milk – Several studies have found that milk (regardless of fat content) is associated with increased acne. One reason could be growth hormones that naturally occur in milk, because 80-to-90% of milk is derived from pregnant cows.
• Soft Drinks – To keep skin looking healthy, you need to keep your blood sugar balanced. A medium-sized Coke at a fast-food joint can contain a whopping 56 grams of sugar. Excess sugar can cause everything from acne to visible signs of aging.
– Excerpted from


A service called ‘Celery’ lets computer-shy folks Twitter with handwritten notes on paper. ‘Celery’ works with any fax machine, by which users can send and receive email, Facebook and Twitter messages; even receive blog posts without ever going online. The service is meant as a go-between for non-computer users, such as seniors, and their tech-savvy family and friends. Founded in 2006, it now has customers in Canada, the USA and Puerto Rico. Service plans start at about $9 per month. (First you have to show great-grandma how to use a fax machine. “What’s that you say … a what machine?”)
PHONER: 518.833.6807 (Neil Grabowsky, Troy NY)


The owner of a brothel about 2-hours’ drive from Las Vegas is hoping to hire Nevada’s first legal male prostitutes within a month, now that state health officials have approved a method to test men for infectious diseases. Shady Lady Ranch owner Bobbi Davis says the world is ready for women, or even other men, to legally buy sex. Plus, she says, being the first in Nevada to offer male service could provide a boost in these tough economic times. (She hopes business will be … up.)
– Associated Press

The speed of modern life is 2.3 words per second or about 100,000 words a day. That’s the amount of verbiage bombarding the average person in the 12 hours we’re typically awake and consuming information, according to a new University of California study. Although we may not actively read all 100,000 words, that’s the approximate number reaching our eyes and ears through emails, texts, online surfing, reading, and other media. Add images, such as videos and computer games, and we’re faced with the equivalent of 34 gigabytes of information every day. Oh, and by the way, these estimates don’t include people simply talking to one another. (These days you could auction off silence.)
– “Times of London”

• As previously mentioned in “BS”, the “Muppets Bohemian Rhapsody” debuted on the Muppets’ newly inaugurated YouTube channel just 3 weeks ago. New figures show the video parody of the classic Queen tune has already generated over 10 million views. (A sign of nostalgia or just boredom?)
• Some ironic figures from the current ‘Climate Summit’ in Copenhagen, Denmark. Total number of limos being used: more than 1,200. Total number of private jets ferrying in VIPs: over 140. (Talk about your mixed message!)


1946 [63] Eugene Levy, Hamilton ON, movie actor (“American Pie” films, “Best in Show”)/former TV actor (‘Stan Shmenge’ and many other characters-“SCTV”)

1949 [60] Paul Rodgers, Middlesbrough UK, rock singer (Bad Company-“Can’t Get Enough”, ex-Queen+Paul Rodgers, ex-The Firm, ex-Free)

1958 [51] Mike Mills, Orange County CA, rock bassist (REM-“Drive”, “Losing My Religion”) FACTOID: After retiring 12 years ago, drummer Bill Berry has returned to REM for the band’s 2009 Christmas single, which was recorded for fan club members.

1966 [43] Tracy Byrd, Vidor TX, country singer (“Drinkin’ Bone”, “Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo”)

1966 [43] Duane Propes, Arlington TX, country bassist (Little Texas-“Life Goes On”, “My Love”)

1973 [36] Eddie Fisher, Colorado Springs CO, rock drummer (OneRepublic-“Stop & Stare”, “Apologize”)

1974 [35] Giovanni Ribisi, LA CA, movie actor (“The Flight Of the Phoenix”, “Cold Mountain”)  UP NEXT: Director James Cameron’s sci-fi epic “Avatar” (opening Friday).

1975 [34] Milla Jovovich, Kiev, Ukraine, movie actress (“Resident Evil” films, “Zoolander”)

1978 [31] Neil Sanderson, Peterborough ON, rock drummer (Three Days Grace-“Break”, “Just Like You”)

1979 [30] Ryan Key, Jacksonville FL, rock singer/guitarist (Yellowcard-“Lights & Sounds”, “Ocean Avenue”)

1994 [15] Nat Wolff, LA CA, TV actor/singer (“The Naked Brothers Band” since 2007)

• “Audubon Christmas Bird Count” through January 3rd, when more than 40,000 North American bird watchers will conduct the annual numbering of our feathered friends. (“1,502 [bam!] … 1,501 …”)

• “First Flight Anniversary Celebration” at Kill Devil Hills NC. A tradition since 1928, it honors the Wright Brothers’ flight at Kitty Hawk NC December 17th, 1903. 106 years ago at 10:35 am ET, the first sustained motorized aircraft flight travelled a total of 850 ft. Orville Wright was the pilot, winning the honors in a coin toss. Wilbur got to run alongside.

• “International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers”, the 7th annual when organizers are asking sex workers and their customers around-the-world to gather at 5 pm local time to honor prostitutes who have been killed while ‘on-the-job’.

• “National Maple Syrup Day”, honoring the great Canadian taste treat that requires a second mortgage on your house to purchase. There are over 12,000 maple syrup producers in Canada, accounting for more than 85% of world production. The province of Québec is the world’s top-ranking maple syrup producer, accounting for more than 70% of all production.

• “Re-Gifting Day”, an annual observance on the Thursday before Christmas week. Many office holiday parties are held on this day, and research shows that 40% of office party gifts are regifted.

• “Saturnalia” began, the week-long festival in ancient Rome honoring Saturn the planter god, which was marked with these lasting traditions: the exchange of gifts, illumination of lights, and the closing of businesses. Early Christian church leaders scheduled “Christmas” at this time of year partly to counteract this extremely popular but disapproved pagan celebration.

• “Underdog Day”, the 33rd annual saluting all underdogs and unsung heroes, the ‘Number Twos’, who contribute so much to the ‘Number Ones’ that we always read about. Sherlock Holmes’s Dr Watson, Robinson Cruse’s Friday, Captain Kirk’s Mr Spock and [co-host] are examples. Ask listeners for other followers who’ve been under-appreciated.

2003 [06] “Lord Of the Rings: The Return Of the King” opens in movie theaters (#2 movie all-time with $1.1 billion in worldwide box office)

1994 [15] Pop diva Celine Dion (then 26) marries her manager Rene Angelil (then 52) at the Notre-Dame Basilica in Montréal

1994 [15] Actress Heather Locklear marries Bon Jovi rocker Richie Sambora (divorce 2007)

1843 [166] “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens is published in London and immediately sells out


1991 [18] NBA’s ‘Most Lopsided Game’ as Cleveland beats Miami 148-80

[Fri] Islamic New Year
[Fri] International Migrants Day
[Sun] International Human Solidarity Day
[Mon] Crossword Puzzle Day
[Mon] Humbug Day
[Mon] Winter Solstice
This Week Is … Gluten-Free Baking Week
This Month Is … Write A Business Plan Month


It seems everyone has their hand out this time of year. And while most of us don’t mind giving to worthy causes, how can you know which are legit? A few that are definitely below board …
• ‘Make-A-Sandwich Foundation’
• ‘Foreskin Restoration Society’
• ‘Leprechaun Leprosy Association’
• ‘Lost Geriatric Glasses Fund’
• ‘Wurlitzer Organ Donation‘
• ‘Adopt-a-Banker’
Make a fake donation on behalf of a friend here …


These pills can’t be habit forming; I’ve been taking them for years.

What profession contributes far more value to society than it gets paid? (A new study by Britain’s New Economics Foundation finds that hospital cleaners are worth far more to society than bankers, because they create 10-times the value of what they’re paid.)


Today’s Question: Most people who do THIS, do it 4 times before they’re successful.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Quit smoking. (“USA Today”)


Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper.

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