Wednesday, December 19, 2007        Edition: #3680
Just 6 More Sleeps Till Xmas!

“Survivor: China” ‘lunch lady’ Denise Martin has NOT been demoted to the position of janitor as she claimed on SUNDAY’s reunion show but was actually promoted to the job of full-time custodian before she left to tape the series, her Massachusetts school district claims (producer Mark Burnett may want his $50,000 cash gift back!) . . . Producers are already said to be exercising the sequel option in all of the stars’ contracts for the upcoming “Sex & the City: The Movie” (before anymore age lines appear) . . . 38-year-old actor Matthew McConaughey has had stitches after slicing his face open while training Ultimate Fighting Championship-style for his role in the upcoming movie “The Grackle” . . . Just days after she filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences, Pamela Anderson has decided to try to work things out with her 2-month husband, Rick Salomon (seems they finally came up for air and realized they don’t like each other) . . . Meantime, Anderson & Salomon will NOT be starring in a TV reality series as was reported by a celeb magazine, but “I Am Legend” star Will Smith’s production company IS shopping a reality series based on his family life, with the focus on wife Jada Pinkett Smith & their children (like he needs the money) . . . While new editions of the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” and “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” begin JANUARY 2nd minus their writing staff, David Letterman’s production company continues to attempt to negotiate a deal with the Writers’ Guild that would allow the “Late Show” to return WITH writers . . . And 18-year-old “Harry Potter” star Daniel Radcliffe has just forked out $4 million on a plush NYC apartment, not to live in, but to rent out – for a whopping 20 grand-a-month (now he wants to be a real estate wizard!).

• Alanis Morissette – Her new album due NEXT SPRING, entitled “Flavors of Entanglement”, will include world-music and folk-influenced tracks set against the experimental pop of producer Guy Sigsworth, who’s formerly collaborated with Bjork.
• Chris Cornell – He’s lost over $30,000-worth of valuables after his Argentinean hotel room was flooded waist-deep in water following a concert in Buenos Aires.
• Crosby, Stills & Nash – Oldies rocker Stephen Stills has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and is scheduled to undergo an operation on his 63rd birthday, JANUARY 3rd.
• Destiny’s Child – Kelly Rowland says she & Beyoncé are considering reuniting the group after seeing the recent success of other reformed acts. The group disbanded for the 3rd time on March 28th, 2006.
• Hawthorne Heights – An autopsy has found Casey Calvert died due to substance abuse, a lethal combination of prescription drugs. The guitarist was found dead on the band’s tour bus outside a Washington DC club on NOVEMBER 24th.
• Kanye West – Two women tried to revive his mother Donda West after she had a heart attack and stopped breathing, according to 911 emergency recordings just released by the LA Fire Department.
• Keith Urban – Wife Nicole Kidman says she’ll put her acting career on hold for the next year in order to accompany him on tour. Hmm, wouldn’t have anything to do with that huge “Golden Compass” bomb, would it?
• The Killers – They’ve launched a legal battle against former manager Braden Merrick who’s claiming some $3 million is owed him in unpaid commissions from 2006.
• Switchfoot – Their recently concluded 34-city “Appetite for Construction Tour“ with Relient K raised over $100,000 for Habitat for Humanity.

• Alicia Keys – She guests on “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Beyoncé Knowles – Her concert special “The Beyoncé Experience” airs (BET). The worldwide tour is expected to conclude with a final show in Las Vegas DECEMBER 30th.
• Bonnie Raitt – She guests on a vintage edition of “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• “Jackass 2.5” – A new film from the “Jackass” boys debuts online. The hour-long feature mixing new content with extra footage shot for “Jackass 2” is being streamed online without ads for 1 week before it moves to download paysites such as iTunes and Amazon.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Minimaim’ – A paper cut or other small wound that refuses to heal because it’s located on a high-use body part, such as a fingertip, knuckle or the tongue. (“I an’t dalk ery good duday … got a nininaim icking a envelope.”)
• ‘Pupperware Party’ (aka ‘Puppy Pawty’) – House parties that allow owners and their pets to test-drive canine specialty products before buying them. (“Now let me demonstrate the dog-walk scoop-up bag …”)
• ‘Ringxiety’ – Hearing a cellphone ring or feel it vibrate when it actually has not. According to an Alliant University study, 67% of cellphone users suffer from this malady. (Did you hear that?)

People of the Middle Ages enjoyed far healthier lifestyles than their descendants do today, according to British physician and bestselling author Dr Roger Henderson. Their low-fat, vegetable-rich diet, washed down by weak ale, was far better for the heart than present-day starchy, processed foods. And while medieval folks consumed more, most of them burned off the extra calories with a strenuous workout of 12-hours’ labor. (“Har, pass me a haunch of venison, a ladle of gruel and a flagon of ale … I’m on a diet.”)

Men look up when browsing, women look down. Retailers know that men don’t comparison shop as much as women do, so they’ll stock their higher priced brand name products on the upper shelves, and the less expensive store-brands at eye-level. (Why men are ‘top shelf’.)

Things to avoid in a social situation, according to the book “How to Live Like a Gentleman” by Sam Martin …
• Never say: “How’s your ex?”
• Never say: “Do you dye your hair?”
• Never say: “I found a hair in my soup”
• Never say: “I hate coming to these things, don’t you?”
• Never finish the speaker’s sentence when in conversation.
• Never look around the room instead of looking the speaker in the eye.
• Never interrupt a conversation to take a cellphone call, to say “hi” to passersby, or to pet an animal.
• Never imagine the speaker naked … no matter how attractive.
– “Facts & Arguments”

A 59-year-old Ukrainian woman living in Queens NY has had her hair cut for the first time … in 45 years. Darka Jakymchuk had not had a serious haircut since 1962 when her father lopped several inches off her waist-skimming ‘do. She says she decided afterward not to trim her auburn tresses again until they reached her ankles. Having achieved that goal, she walked into a salon the other day and left with a giant braid in a box. (What did they use … hedgetrimmers?)
– “NY Daily News“

Santa’s Latino cousin from the South Pole, ‘Pancho Clos’, has been dropping in on youngsters in the Lubbock TX area since the early 1970s. He has become such an integral part of the local holiday scene that a second generation of kids are now coming out to see him. ‘Pancho’ is also a kind, jolly man but wears a red sombrero with elaborate gold designs, a colorful poncho over his red suit, and travels by cart and burro. (“Hey man, you got some ‘stuff’ for Christmas?”)
– United Press International

• Drink lots of vegetable or fruit juice containing  fructose, which speeds up the breakdown of alcohol.
– “Before You Call the Doctor”
• Place a cold compress on your forehead and put your feet in a tub of hot water.
– Naturopathic Practitioner Cathy Rogers
• Take 2 tablets of activated charcoal before bedtime.
– UCLA Medical Research

Top London sommeliers involved in blind taste-tests of designer waters costing up to $100-a-bottle have come up with some surprisingly results. The survey by “Decanter”, a high-end magazine on wine & spirits, ranked ‘Waiwera’ water from New Zealand as #1 ($18 per liter); Vittel from France 2nd (80 cents a liter) … and plain every day tap water 3rd overall (2 cents per liter). The results come just as the National Consumer Council is attempting to persuade high-end restaurants to offer free tap water as an alternative. (Take that, consumer lemmings!)
– “The Telegraph”

Excuses to end a conversation at a party and move on, according to the book “Small Talk Savvy: Operator’s Manual” by Melissa Wadsworth …
• “I’m going to refill my drink.”
• “I promised myself I would meet 3 new people tonight.”
• “I need to find the hostess.”
(Not recommended: “Oh pardon me, did I nod off?”)
– “Social Studies”

• Every year in Hawaii, hordes of residents line up at the appointed hour to watch Christmas trees being unloaded from refrigerated containers.
• Close to 50% of employees think it’s acceptable to come into work with a hangover during the week before Christmas.
– “Recruiter Magazine”


1963 [44] Jennifer Beals, Chicago IL, TV actress (‘Bette Porter’ on “The L Word” since 2004)/movie actress (“Flashdance”)

1967 [40] Criss Angel (Christopher Sarantakos), NYC, TV/stage illusionist (“Mindfreak”)

1980 [27] Jake Gyllenhaal, LA CA, movie actor (“Brokeback Mountain”, “Rendition”)

• “E-Mail Santa Claus Just in Case He Didn’t Get Your Letter Day”. It’s also “National Clean Out Your Closet to Make Room for New Toys Day”!

• “International Language Week” to promote the international language ‘Esperanto’, invented by Dr LL Zamenhof in 1887 to solve the world’s language barrier … but it never really caught on. You can learn to speak a few words in Esperantese here (the word ‘feko’ is particularly useful) …
PHONER: 800.377.3726 (Esperanto League for North America)

• “Oatmeal Muffin Day”, a good day to haul a fresh one from the oven and slather it with butter.

1997 [10] All-time movie box office champ “Titanic”, starring Leonardo Dicaprio & Kate Winslet, opens in theaters (eventually grosses over $1.8 billion worldwide)

1843 [164] “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens is 1st published in London and immediately sells out (he completes the story in just 2 months)

1857 [150] 1st ‘Bathroom Tissue’ marketed (50 cents for 500 sheets … about the same as now)

1917 [90] 1st ‘National Hockey League’ games played (5,500 fans watch Montréal Canadiens beat Ottawa Senators 7-4, while 700 soldiers get in free to see Montréal Wanderers defeat Toronto Arenas 10-9)

1970 [37] 1st ‘Disposable Razors’ go on the market (and 1st wife borrows her husband’s to shave her legs)

1922 [85] 24-year-old Theresa Vaughn is tried for bigamy in England after it’s found that she has accumulated 62 husbands … in only 5 years!

[Thurs] International Human Solidarity Day
[Thurs]  Eid al-Adha or Feast of Sacrifice (Islam)
[Fri] Underdog Day
[Fri] Humbug Day
[Sat] Winter begins
[Mon] Christmas Eve
This Week Is … Tell Someone They’re Doing a Good Job Week  
This Month Is … Drunk & Drugged Driving Prevention Month


• Is air travel nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo?
• Has anyone ever made an ‘easy payment’?
• If electricity comes from electrons does that mean morality comes from morons?
• You know how most packages say ‘Open Here’? What is the protocol if the package says, ‘Open Somewhere Else’?
• Is it considered a ‘terminal illness’ if you get sick at the airport?

Can you come up with the seasonal song based on these convoluted descriptions?
• “Our Desire Is Your Yuletide Cheer” [“We Wish you a Merry Christmas”]
• ”Season Without Color” [“White Christmas”]
• ”Listen, The Heavenly Messengers Harmonize!” [“Hark!, the Herald Angels Sing”]
• ”Soundless Nocturnal Period” [“Silent Night”]
• “The Yuletide’s Dozen 24 Hour Intervals” [“The Twelve Days of Christmas”]
• “Loyal Followers Advance!” [“O Come All You Faithful”]
• “The Manikin Of Crystalline H2-O” [“Frosty, the Snowman“]
• “Omnipotent Supreme Being Tells Happy Males To Relax” [“God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman”]
• “Delight For This Planet” [“Joy to the World”]
• “Castaneous-Colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration” [“Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”]

What’s the best driving tune of 2007, the one you really love to crank when hitting the road?

• Before the arrival of turkey, the traditional Christmas meal was …
a. Roast seagull.
b. Blood pudding.
c. A pig’s head served with mustard. [CORRECT]

• In “The Night Before Christmas”, what visions danced in the children’s heads?
a. Toys and drums.
b. Sugar plums. [CORRECT]
c. “Halo 3”.

• What is the country of origin of the poinsettia?
a. Mexico [CORRECT]
b. Zambia
c. China

There’s too much blood in my caffeine system this morning …

Today’s Question: Research shows that Wednesday is the best day for THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A first date.

The greatest pleasure – doing what they said couldn’t be done.

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