Friday, December 24, 2021 — Edition: #7136
’Twas The Sheet Before Christmas …
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
The Bull Sheet will be shutting down next week for the holidays, and will not be publishing Monday, December 27 – Friday Dec. 31. Following THIS ISSUE, the next edition of “BS” will be published for Monday, Jan. 3, 2022. All subscribers will receive account credits for non-service days. Thanks for a very successful year of BS and Happy Holidays, all!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ “Wheel of Fortune” giveth, and Wheel of Fortune taketh away . . . and Audi giveth instead. After a contestant lost out due to a technicality (yet again), the luxury car company is stepping in to provide that contestant with: ‘A BRAND NEW CAR!!!’ On Tuesday’s episode, Charlene Rubush made it to the bonus round, to go for the grand prize of a new Audi Q3. Despite giving the correct answer, (which, ironically enough, was “Choosing the right word”), a long pause in her response caused host Pat Sajak to rule it incorrect. The ruling drew ire from Wheel fans on social media, with former Jeopardy champion Alex Jacob tweeting: “the woman literally chose the right word. Give her the car.” On Wednesday, Audi’s Twitter account responded, writing, “You’re a winner in our eyes, Charlene. Now, let’s get you a prize.”
★ Fox has decided against moving forward with its “New Year’s Eve Toast & Roast 2022” special from New York due to the ongoing surge of COVID-19 and its omicron variant. The network announced its shift in plans on Tuesday evening, saying in a release that “Replacement programming for New Year’s Eve on Fox will be announced in the coming days.” Joel McHale and Ken Jeong were set to co-host the program, with special correspondent Kelly Osbourne, and performances by Billy Idol, Imagine Dragons, Pink, Maroon 5 and others.
★ The lawyer for the alleged Jeffrey Epstein victim suing Prince Andrew said they may depose Meghan Markle if the lawsuit goes to trial. In August, Virginia Guiffre filed a lawsuit against Prince Andrew, a longtime friend of Epstein, for alleged sexual assault when she was 17. Prince Andrew’s legal team has a Jan. 4 motion to dismiss it. If that’s unsuccessful and the suit goes to trial, Guiffre’s lawyer said that they might call Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, to the stand because of the “important knowledge” she has into the inner workings of the Royal Family.
★ “Home Alone” has been crowned Britain’s favorite Christmas film of all time. The 1990 festive flick starring Macaulay Culkin topped a poll by Virgin Media with 35% of the vote, with “Elf” (26%) and “Love Actually” (23%) coming in second and third, respectively. They survey found that Brits watch, on average, 8 Christmas films during the festive period. By the way, “Die Hard” came in fourth. (Well, that settles THAT, doesn’t it?)
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Ken Jeong, Maya Erskine, Anna Konkle (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Simu Liu, Ruth Negga, Big Sean & Hit Boy (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Anderson Cooper (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jeff Goldblum, Caitriona Balfe, Sophie Buddle (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Anita Ward, Freda Payne (R)
• “The Talk” (CBS): Anna Kloots (R)
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Mariah Carey, Alanis Morissette (R)
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jennifer Aniston (R)
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Sara Gilbert, Priyanka Naik, Michael Corriero, Patricia DiMango, Tanya Acker, The Band CAMINO (R)
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Jaleel White, Anne Burrell (R)
• “A Holly Dolly Christmas” (CBS): Dolly Parton presents personal Christmas stories and performs hymns and light-hearted holiday classics.
• “It’s a Wonderful Life” (NBC): Ruined by a miser (Lionel Barrymore) on Christmas Eve, a suicidal family man (James Stewart) sees life anew thanks to his guardian angel, in this 1946 Christmas classic.
• “Hot Chocolate Holiday” (LIFETIME): A coffee shop owner finds herself in competition with the handsome owner of a dessert shop whose hot chocolate tastes just like her grandmother’s secret recipe.
• “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (NBC): A curmudgeon (Jim Carrey) living atop Mount Crumpit sets out to quash the yuletide preparations of the Christmas-loving Whos of Whoville. Anthony Hopkins narrates.
• “Writing Around the Christmas Tree” (LIFETIME): A romance novelist meets a dashing author at a holiday writer’s retreat, who convinces her that to write about love, she must first experience it.
• “Holiday Wars” (FOOD): The reigning champions of “Halloween Wars” and “Holiday Wars” face off in a New Year’s themed battle involving team mascots and champagne-inspired cakes.
• “Merry Elfin’ Christmas: Bye, Bye 2021!” (FOX): Celebrities take over TMZ and hash out their top stories of the year.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ed Sheeran — is closing out 2021 with a big achievement. Wednesday, he posted video to his Instagram announcing that his 2017 hit ‘Shape of You’ has made Spotify history. Quote: “The first song to hit 3 billion streams and I’m really, really chuffed with it.”
• Beyoncé – She and Jay-Z are both on the shortlist for the 2022 Oscar for Best Original Song. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced that Bey’s song ‘Be Alive’ from “King Richard” and Jay’s ‘Guns Go Bang’ for “The Harder They Fall”, a film he also produced, are both in the running.
• Donna Summer — An unearthed 1979 photo of the disco legend looks eerily like Kelly Rowland, and now fans are calling for some fantasy casting. Summer, who died in 2012, is the subject of the recent hit Broadway musical “Summer: The Donna Summer Musical”, which many social media users want to see made into a movie — with Destiny’s Child alum Rowland in the starring role.
• Madonna — teased her Instagram followers by letting them know she was in the studio alongside Swae Lee and others, recording “surprises for the new year.” Madonna is reportedly re-recording her hit ‘Frozen’ with Lee after the song had a resurgence in popularity thanks to a viral remix on TikTok.
• Metallica – Last week, the group played 2 40th anniversary shows in San Francisco, and fans can watch both concerts on Amazon now through Dec. 27. The shows also come with “enhanced bonus footage and additional exclusives.” (Amazon offers a free 7-day-trial.)
• Styx — Ex-singer Dennis DeYoung has once again said that he wants to reunite with his former bandmates for a final tour. Quote: “I don’t wanna be back in the band…I just want it one last time, really, for the legacy of the band…I know how I would feel if I got to see The Beatles one more time when everyone was alive — it would have been ridiculous.”
• Dylan Scott – His latest single ‘New Truck’ is a little surprising. For one, it’s relatively upbeat for a ‘heartbreak’ song. For another, he doesn’t have much experience with relationships ending. Scott has been with his wife since he was 15, and the song reflects on the 3 months at age 20 that Scott and his wife Blair — then his girlfriend — were not together. They married in 2016 and have 2 young kids.
• Brett Eldredge — delivered a living-room concert on Insta from quarantine on Monday, after being forced to cancel his weekend shows when he tested positive for COVID-19. Clad in a bowtie and dinner jacket, he said “I am healing up nicely. I’m feeling really great”, before dancing, singing and charming fans for almost 30 minutes.
• Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani — teamed up for a new, lovey-dovey version of their duet ‘You Make It Feel Like Christmas’ for her Facebook Watch series “Live from the Orange Grove.” Shelton looks festive in a dark jacket and tie, while Stefani shimmers like the ribbon on a fancy Christmas present in a classy but sassy silver dress. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/53wnksjv
SHOOTING THE BULL
THIS WEEK’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Matrix Resurrections” (R-Rated, Sci-Fi/Action): A return to a world of 2 realities: one, everyday life; the other, what lies behind it. To find out if his reality is a construct, Mr. Anderson will have to choose to follow the white rabbit once more. (Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss)
• “The King’s Man” (R-Rated, Comedy/Adventure): In the early 20th century, the Kingsman agency is formed to stand against a war plot aimed at wiping out millions. (Ralph Fiennes, Gemma Arterton)
• “Sing 2” (PG, Animation/Kids): Buster Moon and his friends must persuade reclusive rock star Clay Calloway to join them for the opening of a new show. (Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, Scarlett Johansson)
PICK YOUR ICK:
A survey says that owning an Android phone is officially the UK’s biggest ‘ick’ of 2021. What is an “ick”? The term has become a social media catchphrase, most notably on Instagram and TikTok, but was coined by the 90’s show “Ally McBeal”. Usually used by women, ‘ick’ refers to some small detail that is an instant turn-off. The survey, by the dating app POM, found that other top ‘icks’ as we head into 2022 include: not having social media, smoking, using pet names, wearing muscle-fit shirts and people talking about themselves in the third person. 74% of men agreed that “dirty or unpainted nails” were at the top of their list, while 78% of women think refusing to learn to drive is the ultimate turn-off.
(Just call me “All of the Above”!)
(Ah, yes, the eternal battle: iPhone vs. Android. It’s quite the “device-ive” issue!
MORE EVIDENCE THAT METAL RULES:
You may be enjoying the jolly festive music of the season these days, but you’d be listening to heavy metal – if you knew what’s good for you. A study has found that people who live in areas with more heavy metal bands might live longer. The study was carried out in Finland by a group of university researchers. Their main conclusion is that there is “no evidence for adverse health outcomes” with exposure to heavy metal bands. In fact, the scientists wrote: “Cities with a high density of heavy metal bands showed slightly lower rates of mortality and of hospital admissions for alcohol related problems and self-harm.”
(However, the opposite may be true of you go to a Finnish death metal concert and yell: “This music sucks!”)
(So, what they’re saying is that metal fans are definitely NOT “Down With the Sickness”?)
NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ A man who decided to commemorate his first wedding anniversary with a touching tattoo was left red-faced when it was revealed that he was inked with the wrong date. His wife, Ashley Carlevato, took to TikTok to reveal the embarrassing fail, writing that for their first anniversary, the couple decided to get tattoos. She got an “A” on her ring finger as a tribute to her husband, and he received the Roman numerals “XICMXIX” on his arm. As Ashley points out in the video, “He was supposed to get our wedding date in Roman numerals…We got married on Jan 1, 2019 (1.1.19), But instead he got 11,919.” Her caption: “I knew I should have googled it for him!” (Her Mom was right: She’ll never be able to count on him…)
➢ Students at a Tennessee university learned the hard way that you should really read between the lines — and the syllabus. Professor Kenyon Wilson has revealed he hid clues to a cash prize within his semester’s curriculum to see if any of the course’s 70 students would actually read it. And did they? Not a one. A hint in the course syllabus gave a locker number and combination where a $50 cash prize was hidden. Wilson left the prize in the locker for the entire semester. In a Facebook post, Wilson shared that his “semester-long experiment has come to an end” and that he had “retrieved the unclaimed treasure.” (He must be the guy who wrote the Apple User Agreement!)
DID YOU KNOW?
NOW, it’s a shortage of candy canes, because 2021. The New York Post is calling it “the great Candy Cane Crisis of 2021,” reporting that some US retailers haven’t been able to keep candy canes in stock, due to a combination of ongoing supply chain issues and a downturn in this year’s peppermint crop. According to the Department of Agriculture, peppermint production has declined nearly 25% over the past decade. Candy makers have also been slammed during the pandemic with high commodity prices and labor shortages, preventing them from fully cashing in on the holiday season.
BS CHRONOMETER 12.24.21
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940  Dr. Anthony Fauci, Brooklyn NY, physician-immunologist (Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, Chief Medical Advisor to President Biden, a lead member of the White House COVID-19 Response Team)
1971  Ricky Martin, San Juan Puerto Rico, pop singer (‘La Vida Loca’, ‘She Bangs’)/TV actor (“The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story”, 2018)
1973  Stephenie Meyer, Hartford CT, novelist (The “Twilight Saga”, which sold over 100 million copies worldwide in 37 languages and spawned the movie series)
1974  Ryan Seacrest, Dunwoody GA, TV host (“Live with Kelly and Ryan” since 2017, “American Idol” since 2002), “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest” since 2004/TV producer (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians” 2007-17)/radio personality (KIIS-FM LA, “American Top 40”, “On Air With Ryan Seacrest”)
1991  Louis Tomlinson, Doncaster UK, pop singer (w/Steve Aoki-‘Just Hold On’, One Direction-‘Story of My Life’)
CHRISTMAS DAY – Jimmy Buffett (‘Margaritaville’) is 75; Sissy Spacek (“Carrie”) is 72; Annie Lennox (Eurythmics) is 67; Dido (‘White Flag’) is 50
SUNDAY- Lars Ulrich (Metallica) is 58; Jared Leto (“Suicide Squad”) is 50; Chris Daughtry (‘It’s Not Over’) is 42; Kit Harington (“Game of Thrones”) is 35
MONDAY- Wrestler Bill Goldberg is 55; Emilie De Ravin (“Lost”) is 40; Olivia Cooke (“Bates Motel”) is 28; Timothée Chalamet (“Dune”) is 26
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Christmas Eve”, a family gift-giving occasion in many countries, it is the evening or entire day before Christmas Day. Together, both days are considered one of the most culturally significant celebrations in Christianity and Western society. (***See “BS Phone Starter”, below***)
• “Egg Nog Day”, celebrating the seasonal rum or brandy drink that has nothing good for you in it, but sure tastes good. A coffee spiked with egg nog and brandy is called a ‘tom-tom’. (My family simply refers to it as “yule-fuel!”)
• “Last Minute Shopper’s Day”, celebrate by going out and purchasing any last-minute gifts or other items you need before Christmas. (See you there!)
• “Christmas Day”, the annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ, observed among billions of people in more than 160 countries. It is celebrated religiously by a majority of Christians, as well as culturally by many non-Christians, and is the integral part of the holiday season centered around it.
• “No ‘L’ Day, gets its name by being a pun of the word “noel.” Today, you’re invited to skip the ‘L’ in all correspondences and communications – written or spoken. Noel is another name for a Christmas carol (also French for ‘Christmas’), so it is fitting that No “L” Day takes place on Christmas Day.
• “Boxing Day”, a legal holiday in Australia, Canada, Germany, New Zealand, and the UK, which takes its name from the old English tradition of boxing up gifts & food for the less fortunate. It coincides with “St Stephen’s Day”, when churches traditionally opened their collection boxes to the poor. In South Africa, it’s known as “Day of Goodwill”. In Canada, it’s also the excuse for giant after-Christmas sales.
• “National Candy Cane Day”, In 1844, a recipe was published for a straight peppermint candy stick, which was white with colored stripes. Literature first mentioned the candy cane in 1866, and it was first mentioned in connection with Christmas in 1874. Since as early as 1882, candy canes have been hung on Christmas trees. Enjoy one today (as if you haven’t already!).
• “Thank-You Note Day”, a day to say thanks for all those gifts — before you forget.
• “National Whiner’s Day”, dedicated to people who whine about unwanted Christmas gifts. (Grinches!)
• “National Fruitcake Day”, fruitcakes have long been tied to the holiday season, whether as a treat, or as target of jokes and ridicule. The earliest recipes date to Roman times, where pomegranates, pine nuts, and raisins mixed with barley hash were used. (They are perfect for Christmastime, because just like your family members, some are nutty, some are sweet, and some are soaked in alcohol…)
• “Visit the Zoo Day”, takes place between Christmas and New Year’s Day, when children are off from school, and there are often family members visiting. Visit the Zoo Day is a great way for families to bond during the holidays.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1990  Tom Cruise weds Nicole Kidman, his “Days of Thunder” co-star (it lasts 11 years)
2009  A private funeral is held at Forest Lawn Cemetery in the Hollywood Hills for 32-year-old Brittany Murphy, who’d passed away 4 days earlier from cardiac arrest
2014  Sony finally releases the movie “The Interview”, after shelving it due to hacking attacks (the so-called ‘comedy’ about an attempted assassination of North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un, proves to be more lame than controversial)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1818  A church choir in Austria introduces a new Christmas song for their Midnight Mass: ‘Stille Nacht!’, better known as ‘Silent Night’
1978  Björn Ulvaeus and Agnetha Fältskog of ABBA announce they are separating and getting a divorce
BS WHACK CHRISTMAS FACTS:
✓ Early illustrations of St. Nicholas make him out to be a stern symbol of discipline rather than the jolly, overweight elf that children know today.
✓ Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was invented in 1938 as a marketing gimmick to get kids to buy holiday coloring books.
✓ An artificial Christmas tree would have to be reused for more than 20 years to be “greener” than buying a fresh-cut tree annually. (The dog likes a real one better, too.)
✓ Many parts of the Christmas tree can be eaten. Needles are a good source of Vitamin C.
✓ A large part of Sweden’s population watches Donald Duck cartoons every Christmas Eve. (Which sounds weird, but not as weird as watching whatever it is that MY family does on Christmas Eve….)
✓ ‘Silver Bells’ was called ‘Tinkle Bells’ until co-composer Jay Livingston’s wife told him “tinkle” had another meaning.
Best of BS . . .
BS SIGNS SANTA DOESN’T LIKE YOUR KID:
• Letter to North Pole comes back stamped, “Dream on, pipsqueak!”
• Kid asks for a new bike, gets a pack of smokes.
• Giant box under the Christmas tree contains styrofoam peanuts only.
• Instead of ‘naughty’ or ‘nice’, Santa has him on his ‘dork list’.
• Labels on all your kid’s toys read ‘Straight Outta Craptown’.
• Santa’s first words when your kid meets him in the mall … “Off my lap, Tubby!”
-First published in BS in 2015
(***Caution***) BS THINGS SAID BOTH AT CHRISTMAS AND DURING SEX:
• “Are you going to wrap that?”
• “Let me pinch those cheeks.”
• “Larry down the street got the same thing and he was happy.”
• “It needs batteries.”
• “I don’t think I can do this sober.”
• “Oh my God! You came!”
• “You’ve been a naughty girl…”
• “This is the only time I ever think about Mariah Carey.”
• “You want WHAT??”
• “It’s Christmas and we are having sex.”
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2020
TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ A report found that doing Yoga may not be physical enough to count toward the recommended amount of exercise. (Unless you count all the exercise people get from moving their jaw and talking about how awesome yoga is…)
➠ It’s that special time of the year. Gingerbread, fruitcake, candy canes, eggnog… (And those are just the things Santa found in his BEARD!)
➠ A report claims that single people are more sociable than married ones. (And as a married person, I just have to say, “GOD, I HATE SINGLE PEOPLE!”)
➠ A report claims we only have a limited amount of self-control in our lifetimes, and we can actually run out. (Scientists came to this conclusion by going to TMZ.com and searching for “Charlie Sheen”.)
➠ It’s Ryan Seacrest’s birthday today. (And his age IS . . . going to be revealed AFTER these messages . . .)
BS WEB GOODIE:
We Will, We Will…Wish You A Merry Christmas (sound up, of course): https://tinyurl.com/2p826b2t
BS RANDOM JOKES:
Nothing is quite as mean as mean as giving a child something useful for Christmas.
What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What is your family’s unique, unusual, or truly weird Christmas Eve ritual?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 33% of adults admit they will do THIS by noon on Christmas Day. What is it?
Answer: Have a drink!!!
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.