Thursday, December 13, 2012        Edition: #4889

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

Columbia Records will release an album of last night’s “12-12-12 Benefit Concert” at NYC’s Madison Square Garden, a 24-song set that will be available on iTunes ASAP (proceeds from the album also go to Hurricane Sandy relief) . . . The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame has announced that Rush, Public Enemy, Heart, Randy Newman, Donna Summer, and Albert King make up the class of 2013 (induction ceremony April 13th in LA) . . . Ravi Shankar, the sitar maestro who inspired the 1960s psychedelic sound through his collaboration with The Beatles, has died at age 92 in a San Diego hospital (his more recent claim to fame – fathering Norah Jones) . . . A former contestant on “Storage Wars” (A&E) is suing the reality TV show, alleging it’s rigged because producers sometimes plant valuable items amongst the junk found in storage lockers (dude, it’s show biz) . . . The actors from “Argo”, “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”, “Les Misérables”, “Lincoln”, and “Silver Linings Playbook” have been nominated for ‘Best Ensemble Cast’ for the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Awards (hardware’s handed out January 27th) . . . Actress Ashley Judd has emerged as Kentucky Democrats’ top choice to challenge Republican Mitch McConnell for the US Senate in 2014 (this is about as weird as Stephen Colbert running for office) . . . Actress Denise Richards is taking care of ex-husband Charlie Sheen’s 3-year-old twins Max & Bob for the holidays at the request of their mom, Brooke Mueller, while she remains in rehab (where the hell’s daddy?) . . . And Anne Hathaway has called Monday’s accidental flashing at the NYC premiere of “Les Misérables” devastating after paparazzi captured inadvertent views of her privates peeking through her sleek black Tom Ford dress (the Romans said it best, dear: semper ubi sub sububi – always wear underwear!).

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Jeff Tweedy (Wilco); Sean Lennon (“Alter Egos”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Ryan Adams (“Ashes & Fire”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Usher (“Looking 4 Myself”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Dan Deacon (“America”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Jezabels (“Prisoner”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – DIIV (“Oshin”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Colbie Caillat (“Christmas In the Sand”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Jakob Dylan (The Wallflowers).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – JD McPherson (“Signs & Signifiers”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Rickie Lee Jones w/Ben Harper (“The Devil You Know”).
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – Bruno Mars (“Unorthodox Jukebox”) performs; contestants face elimination.

• Depeche Mode – They have confirmed that their next album will be out in March.
• Eminem – He’s the fist headliner announced for next August’s “Reading & Leeds Festivals” in England. It will be his first time playing the UK’s big event since 2001.
• Foo Fighters – Frontman Dave Grohl tells “Rolling Stone” people should never be afraid the Foos will split up. Quote: “It’s like your grandparents getting divorced … it’s not gonna happen.”
• Jason Mraz – The singer-songwriter tells “Billboard” he will be on the road overseas in the Spring but will then hit the studio. He hopes to release a new album by the end of next year.
• Ne-Yo – He’s revealed to MTV News he will be heading into the studio with Beyoncé, working on material for her new album, due out early in 2013.
• Rolling Stones – Tonight they perform the first of two 50th anniversary concerts in Newark NJ. They’ll be joined by former band member Mick Taylor at both tonight’s and Saturday’s concerts at the Prudential Center.
• Spice Girls – A reviewer for UK’s “Daily Telegraph” call this week’s premiere of “Viva Forever”, the new musical based on their music ‘a ghastly mistake’. Charles Spencer says what he wanted, what he really, really wanted was this terrible show to stop. Ouch.
• Taylor Swift – Her album “Red” has been certified ‘Triple Platinum’ after only 1 month. It’s her fastest rise yet to the 3-million-unit sales status.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Anchorman: The Legend Continues” – “Bridesmaids” star/co-writer Kristen Wiig is in negotiations to join the cast as a love interest for ‘Brick Tamland’ (Steve Carell). The film is a sequel to the 2004 hit, “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” and is due to be released in October 2013. The script is still being written, and no cast beyond the principals has been set.
• “Focus” – Kristen Stewart (22) has confirmed she’ll star opposite Ben Affleck (40) in this comedy that starts shooting in April. She’ll play an inexperienced con artist who hooks up with a more seasoned pro, played by Affleck. The working arrangement gets complicated when their relationship heats up.
• “The Monuments Men” – George Clooney keeps collecting the cream of Hollywood to appear in his new World War II movie. The latest is old pal Matt Damon. Clooney has co-written the script for the pic, about a group of art historians and curators picked by the US government to retrieve masterpieces stolen from European museums by Nazi thieves. He’ll also direct.
• Untitled Amy Winehouse Biopic – Winehouse’s father, Mitch, vowed that her life story could never be turned into a film because he’d never release the rights to her music. But now Oscar-nominated writer Kirsten Sheridan has sold a bio-film to Lifetime. Sheridan says she tried to make the screenplay as much about humanity and dignity as the singer’s personal life which has been dragged through the media. Casting is yet to begin.
• “Walk of Shame” – “Community” actress Gillian Jacobs has joined this new comedy, playing the best friend of star Elizabeth Banks’ character. The story centers on a high-strung news anchor who, after a drunken one-night-stand, finds herself with no phone, money, ID or car as she tries to make her way across Los Angeles to the most important job interview of her life.

In its annual year-end sum-up, search engine Google reports 1.2 trillion searches in 146 languages. And what did the world search for in 2012? A sampling …
✓ Most searched person … Whitney Houston.
✓ Most searched images … One Direction.
✓ Most searched athlete … Jeremy Lin (Houston Rockets).
✓ Most searched TV show … “Big Brother Brasil 12”.
✓ Most searched event … Hurricane Sandy.
✓ Most searched movie … “The Hunger Games”.
✓ Most searched electronics … iPad 3.
✓ Overall most-searched topic … Whitney Houston.

Johan Huibers of The Netherlands has finished his 20-year quest to build a full-scale, functioning model of Noah’s Ark. He used the dimensions listed in the Book of Genesis as his inspiration to create a vessel 130 meters long, 29 meters across, and 23 meters high. The main hold of “Johan’s Ark” is filled with an array of stuffed and plastic animals, such as buffalo, zebra, gorillas, lions, tigers, bears, you name it. Elsewhere, there’s a petting zoo with live animals, a restaurant, and a movie theater. (Perfect for the 2014 premiere of “Noah”, starring Russell Crowe.)
– AP

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … musicians who have a deep, intense relationship with their instrument and consider it an extension of themselves are more confident and feel less performance anxiety, according to new research from Finland. (This is the reason [co-host] sleeps with his tuba.)
• Scientists say … split-ups hit women harder than men. A British study finds that women’s mental health doesn’t seem to recover from their last partnership split, no matter how long it’s been. And it becomes worse as the number of splits increases. (In the shrink biz, this is technically known as ‘baggage’.)
• Scientists say … spending money is hard work. A University of Texas analysis of several studies finds that the more money you have, the more time you need to manage it and spend it, which means you have less time for other stuff. Bottom line – the richer you are, the more stress you feel about time. (Yeah, that’s the reason everyone’s so laid back in the unemployment line.)

An argument-starting list that your listeners may want to quibble with and/or add to …
✗ Mustache nonsense that’s popped up everywhere. Mustaches on champagne flutes, t-shirts, hats, tattoos. It’s just facial hair; get over it!
✗ Pop stars giving followers nicknames. Lady GaGa has ‘Little Monsters’; Nicki Minaj ‘Barbies & Kens’; Bieber has ‘Beliebers’; One Direction ‘Directioners’. Let’s just go back to ‘fans’, ‘k?
✗ Taking a picture with an iPad. Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look when you do this? If not, use your phone to take a picture of yourself taking a picture with an iPad.
✗ Pretending that being a nerd is a bad thing. Nerds are the most powerful people in the world now. Nerds are the new jocks.
✗ “Keep Calm and Carry On” posters. Know what this slogan was originally all about? It was to boost morale in England in case the Nazis invaded. And you’re hanging it in your living room?
✗ Instagramming pictures of food. Seems like every meal you have to wait to dig in because your obnoxious dining companion wants to snap a pic and immediately upload it.
✗ Talking about food. Quit claiming to be a ‘foodie’ (UGH!). Be aware that what you’re talking about becomes something you never want to talk about from the moment it passes your lips.
✗ Talking about bacon. Man, please, just shut the hell up about bacon. It’s meat … big deal.
✗ Skinny jeans. That trend is from 2007, people. Time for some new duds maybe?
✗ Always talking about Apple products. Great, you love a multibillion-dollar corporation. Isn’t it ironic Apple’s most famous ad was about releasing brain-dead zombies from the technology status quo?
– Adapted from

• Reports from owners of cats and dogs indicate that 21% of dogs and 7% of cats snore.
• Pollsters say that 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.
• People in France own more pets per person than any other country in the world.


1929 [83] Christopher Plummer, Toronto ON, stage actor (1997 Tony Award -“Barrymore”)/movie actor (2012 Academy Award-“Beginners”, “Sound of Music”)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (1999)

1957 [55] Steve Buscemi, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (‘Nucky Thompson’ on “Boardwalk Empire” since 2010, “The Sopranos” 2004-05)/movie actor (“Monster House”, “Fargo”)

1967 [45] Jamie Foxx, Terrell TX, movie actor (“Dreamgirls”, “Ray”)/R&B singer (f/T-Pain-“Blame It”, f/Ludacris-“Unpredictable”)  COMING UP: “Django Unchained”, opening December 25th.

1974 [38] Nicholas McCarthy, Blackpool UK, rock guitarist (Franz Ferdinand-“No You Girls”, “Take Me Out”)

1975 [37] Tom DeLonge, Poway CA, rock singer (Blink 182-“I Miss You”, Angels & Airwaves-“Everything’s Magic”)

1981 [31] Amy Lee, Riverside CA, rock singer (Evanescence-“Call Me When You’re Sober”, “My Immortal”)

1989 [23] Taylor Swift, Reading PA, country/pop singer (“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, “You Belong With Me”)/CMA ‘2011 Entertainer Of the Year’/”Billboard’s” ‘2011 Woman Of the Year’

• Count the La-s in ‘Deck the Halls’ Day” (as in ‘fa-la-a-la-la-la’) so you can tell everybody you know how many la-s there are. Be careful not to count any fa-s!

• “Hot Cocoa Day”, because there’s nothing like a steaming mug of the stuff on a bitter cold December day. (Ouch! Burned my freakin’ tongue!)

• “New Calendar Day”, a reminder to pick up the 2013 model. (Regular charity contributors likely already have way too many of them.)

• “Peace Day” in Korea, marking the date in 1991 when North & South Korea signed a treaty of reconciliation non-aggression, formally ending the Korean War 38 years after fighting had stopped in 1953. (Well, that seemed to work out well!)

• “St Lucy’s Day”, honoring her 304 AD birth. Legend has it that, in order to follow a life of religious devotion, she cut out her eyes and sent them on a plate to a persistent lover who was haunted by them (especially afterward!). Today, hotels in Sweden feature their own ‘Lucia’, a young blond girl in white gown who serves guests coffee & ‘lussekatter’ (saffron buns).

• “Violins Day”, for some unknown reason. (Don’t forget your G-string! Ah, violin humor.)

2004 [08] It’s announced that Dick Clark is forced to bow out from hosting his annual ABC-TV event, “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” due to complications from a recent stroke (he dies in April 2012)

2007 [05] At Buckingham Palace, classic rocker Joe Cocker receives the OBE (Order Of the British Empire) honor from Queen Elizabeth II (afterward he was “Feelin’ Alright”)

1843 [169] “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens is 1st published

1983 [29] Highest-scoring basketball game in NBA history as Detroit Pistons defeat Denver Nuggets 186-184 … in triple-overtime

[Fri] “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Monkey Day
[Fri] Salesperson Day
[Sat] Cat Herders Day
[Sun] “VH1 Divas Special” (VH1)
[Sun] Chocolate-Covered Anything Day
[Mon] Free Shipping Day
This Week Is … Drunk Drivers Awareness Week
This Month Is … Hi Neighbor Month


• Judge Doom framed Roger Rabbit.
• Yes, they shoot horses to put them out of their misery.
• Your brother art in 1937 rural Mississippi during the Great Depression.
• OK, let’s dance.
• Love has a fair amount to do with it.
• Fine, bring Bob.
• No, we’re not there yet.
• Your car’s behind that mail truck, dude.
• Baby Jane grew up and became an alcoholic.
• I’m afraid of Virginia Woolf.
– Thanks to Ethan Ryan.

If it ain’t broke yet, let me have a crack at it!

Which buy more Christmas gifts for their pets?
a. Cat owners.
b. Dog owners. [CORRECT. 69% of them.]
c. Fish owners.

☎ The best gift you ever received that wasn’t purchased from a store was …

Question: Waitresses who wear THIS earn tips that are 26% higher.
Answer: The color red.
– “TIME”

If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

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