Monday, December 17, 2012        Edition: #4891

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

• The USA premiere of Tom Cruise’s new film “Jack Reacher” scheduled for Saturday in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania was put on hold for the time being as it was deemed inappropriate timing in light of Friday’s horrific school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. In his latest action film, Cruise plays a detective investigating a case involving a trained military sniper who shoots 5 random victims. (In the aftermath of yet another mass shooting, that storyline may be too thorny to screen in America for some time.)
• With one song, 34-year-old Park Jae-sang – better known as PSY – is set to become a multi-millionaire from YouTube ads, iTunes downloads, and TV commercials, underlining a shift in how money is being made in the music biz. From just those sources, PSY and his team will rake in at least $8.1 million this year, another great example of how artists can give away music and videos to build their reputations, then earn big money from the fame generated. (The true test of this method … let’s see him do it twice.)
– AP
• Graham Townsley’s new documentary “Landfill Harmonic” tells the story of a unique orchestra in South America whose instruments are made entirely from trash. The ‘Recycled Orchestra’ is the creation of 36-year-old Favio Chávez, an ecological technician and musician in the poverty-stricken town of Cateura, whose landfill is downloaded with 1,500 tons of refuse each day. Noting the lack of availability of musical instruments for local children, Chávez began using selected items of trash to create them. (“And on lead crapophone, Conchita will play Dvorak’s “New World Symphony …”)
• Actress Gillian Anderson is the newest – and arguably the most exciting – person to join Bryan Fuller’s upcoming NBC-TV drama “Hannibal”. She’ll have a multi-episode stint playing ‘Dr Bedelia Du Maurier’, therapist to Mads Mikkelsen’s ‘Hannibal Lecter’. Anderson hasn’t appeared on a broadcast TV series since “The X-Files” wrapped in 2002. Filming is already underway in Toronto, as the series is scheduled to premiere in January. (After 4 movies about the character, including Anthony Hopkins’ Oscar-winning definitive depiction, is this gonna fly?)
• And Matt Damon tells “Playboy” magazine that Michael Douglas is a ‘wonderful kisser’. Huh?  Damon plays the longterm partner of late Vegas entertainer Liberace in the upcoming Steven Soderbergh-directed HBO flick “Behind the Candelabra”. The role required onscreen nudity in several trysts between the twosome. Damon says they drew each of the scenes up ‘like a football plan’. (“OK, it’s a fake end around, then a pitch to the wide receiver …”)

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Cee-Lo Green (“Cee Lo’s Magic Moment”).
• “Gossip Girl” (CW) – Series finalé, an episode entitled “New York, I Love You XOXO”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – 2 Chainz (“Based On A TRU Story”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Dave Matthews Band (“Away From the World”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – MNDR (“Feed Me Diamonds”)
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Colbie Caillat (“Christmas In the Sand”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The final 2 vocalists perform.

• Adele – “21” has been named best-selling album of the year on iTunes. She’s also become the only act to be named both “Billboard” top artist and have the top album on “Billboard’s” year-end chart 2 years in-a-row.
• Carly Rae Jepsen – VEVO has announced that “Call Me Maybe” was the music service’s most viewed video of 2012, with over 360 million views through the site.
• Carole King – The 70-year-old singer/songwriter will be awarded the ‘Library of Congress Gershwin Prize for Popular Song’, the first female and overall 5th recipient of the prize.
• Florida Georgia Line – The duo has notched their first #1 single as “Cruise” tops the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart this week.
• Justin Bieber – An as-yet-untitled comedy show based on his life before he hit the bigtime is being planned for ABC-TV. The Biebs will exec produce with his manager, Scooter Braun.
• Kelly Clarkson – She became engaged over the weekend to talent manager Brandon Blackstock, the stepson of country singer Reba McEntire.
• The Killers – They’re planning to reschedule weekend shows in NYC and Toronto that had to be cancelled because singer Brandon Flowers is suffering from laryngitis.
• Lady Antebellum – They’ve received an early Christmas gift as the RIAA has issued Gold certification for “On This Winter’s Night”, their first holiday album, released in October.
• Lady Gaga – “Poker Face” tops a new ‘guilty pleasures’ listing, made up of tracks members of music social network would be embarrassed to have friends find on their playlist. (What tune’s on your device that you wouldn’t want anyone to see?)
• Radiohead – Guitarist Jonny Greenwood is in a luxury hotel outside Sao Paulo, Brazil to wait for the end of the world … at least according to the local press. The band’s management denies the claim, saying he’s not even in the country. (Or won’t be after 12/21/12.)
• Taylor Swift – Cops have arrested a 24-year-old fan after he allegedly scaled a fence at the singer’s property in Nashville on Friday. The man, who says he traveled from Wisconsin for Swift’s birthday, has been booked on suspicion of trespassing and held on $10,000 bond.
• Willie Nelson – The iconic country singer-songwriter’s entertaining new memoir has quickly reached the “New York Times” bestseller list. It’s called “Roll Me Up & Smoke Me When I Die”. (Eww, who’d want a long white hair in their doobie?)

Occasional BS contributor Robyn Bentley, the ‘Feng Shui Diva’, has come up with a list of dos and don’ts for holiday gifting. Failing to follow these guidelines could be bad for your karma (or damage your feng or something) …
• Don’t give sharp objects like a knife, scissors, or letter opener. It sends harsh energy to the receiver and is said to sever the friendship.
• Don’t give watches and clocks. They’re popular gifts in North America but in Eastern culture they suggest a limited lifespan.
• Don’t give empty wallets and purses. Always include a small amount of money.
• Don’t give handkerchiefs. They suggest that you expect the recipient to be doing a lot of crying in the future or to be wiping away sweat from frustration.
• Don’t give long-stemmed red roses with thorns because they are said to cause the relationship to suffer. Yellow, cream, or pink roses with no thorns would be a better choice.
• Sweets are a great gift. They symbolize that you wish the person to have a sweet life, so they mean good fortune.
• Never recycle gifts. When you re-gift, it symbolizes that you are giving away your friendship with the person who gave you the gift.

A recent poll by the National Sleep Foundation reveals that fully half of drivers say they have driven drowsy at least once in the past year, and 1-in-5 drivers admits to falling asleep at the wheel. Drowsy driving is estimated to cause about 20% of accidents, more than drugs and alcohol combined. And the problem is said to be getting worse as more and more us become sleep-deprived due to our 24/7 culture. (Another reason they should have a limo take you to the station each morning.)

Serbian tennis champ Novak Djokovic has bought up the world’s entire supply of … donkey cheese. He needs a steady supply for his new chain of restaurants. ‘Pule’ is a Serbian delicacy made with donkey’s milk, and at over $1,200 a kilo it’s said to be the world’s most expensive cheese. That’s likely because it has just one producer, a farm west of Belgrade that’s home to 130 Balkan donkeys. The jennies (females) in the herd are milked 3 times a day, as making a single kilo of the crumbly, white cheese requires 25 liters of donkey milk. (Mmm, now you can have a burro burrito!)

• According to a recent Maritz Poll, 72% of women send holiday season cards, but just 60% of men. (And we’re so thankful for Aunt Harriet’s ‘family letter’ with a chronological list of her health problems through 2012.)
• Psychologists say 1-in-4 of us has a bout with holiday depression this time of year. (Why d’ya think they invented egg nog?)
• A holiday season survey finds our favorite Christmas tunes are “Silent Night”, “Jingle Bells”, “White Christmas”, “Oh Holy Night” and “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer”. (No mention of Burl Ives anywhere here.)

Contrary to what you might believe, the holiday season may be the best time of the year to look for a job, according to consulting firm Erdlen Bograd Group. Why? There’s far less competition because most people postpone their job searches until the new year. (And the odds are better the interviewer may be too sauced on nog to read your pitiful résumé.)
– PA News

Whether this Winter turns out to be warm or cold, scientists say that climate change means the long-term outlook for skiers everywhere is bleak.


1946 [66] Eugene Levy, Hamilton ON, movie actor (“American Pie” films, “Best in Show”)/former TV actor (“SCTV”)

1958 [54] Mike Mills, Orange County CA, rock bassist (REM-“Drive”, “Losing My Religion”)

1966 [46] Tracy Byrd, Vidor TX, country singer (“Drinkin’ Bone”, “Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo”)

1966 [46] Duane Propes, Arlington TX, country bassist (Little Texas-“Life Goes On”, “My Love”)

1973 [39] Eddie Fisher, Colorado Springs CO, rock drummer (OneRepublic-“Stop & Stare”, “Apologize”)

1974 [38] Giovanni Ribisi, LA CA, movie actor (“Avatar”, “Flight Of the Phoenix”)

1975 [37] Milla Jovovich, Kiev, Ukraine, movie actress (“Resident Evil” films, “Zoolander”)

1978 [34] Neil Sanderson, Peterborough ON, rock drummer (Three Days Grace-“Break”, “Just Like You”)

1989 [23] Taylor York, Nashville TN, rock bassist (Paramore-“Decode”, “Crushcrushcrush”)  BS FACTOID: Paramore’s self-titled 4th studio album is due out April 9th.

• “Audubon Christmas Bird Count” through January 3rd, when more than 40,000 North American bird watchers will conduct the annual numbering of our feathered friends.

• “First Flight Anniversary Celebration” at Kill Devil Hills NC. A tradition since 1928, it honors the Wright Bros’ flight at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina on December 17th, 1903.

• “International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers”, the 9th annual when organizers ask sex workers and their customers around-the-world to gather at 5 pm local time to honor those who’ve been killed while on-the-job.

• “Maple Syrup Day”, the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate this delicious North American treat. Canada makes more than 80% of the world’s supply, most of it coming from the province of Québec. The state of Vermont is the biggest producer in the USA.

• “Saturnalia” began, the week-long festival in ancient Rome honoring Saturn the planter god, which initiated the lasting traditions of exchanging gifts, illuminating lights, and closing businesses. Early Christian church leaders scheduled “Christmas” at this time of year partly to counteract this extremely popular pagan celebration.

2003 [09] “Lord Of the Rings: The Return Of the King” opens in movie theaters (#6 movie all-time with $1.2 billion in worldwide box office)

1982 [30] The Who play what is supposed to be their ‘Farewell Concert’ at Toronto’s Maple Leaf Gardens, a show that is recorded for an HBO special and the album “Who’s Last” (3 decades later and they’re still shuffling onto the stage)

1994 [18] Pop diva Celine Dion (then 26) marries her manager Rene Angelil (then 52) at the Notre-Dame Basilica in Montréal

1989 [23] Matt Groening’s satirical animated cartoon “The Simpsons” debuts on FOX-TV as a regular TV series

1992 [20] Canadian prime minister Brian Mulroney, Mexican president Carlos Salinas de Gortari, and US president George HW Bush sign ‘NAFTA’, the controversial North American Free Trade Agreement (and all the manufacturing jobs immediately go south)

2000 [12] During a 17-0 victory by the San Francisco 49ers over the Chicago Bears, Niners wide receiver Terrell Owens sets a new NFL record of 20 catches in a single game

[Tues] Answer the Telephone Like Buddy the Elf Day
[Tues] International Migrants Day
[Wed] “The Guilt Trip”; “Monsters Inc 3-D”, “Zero Dark Thirty” open in movie theaters
[Wed] “WWE Tribute To the Troops” (USA Network)
[Thurs] International Human Solidarity Day
[Thurs] Re-Gifting Day

Christmas Bird Count Week / Gluten-Free Baking Week / Posadas


A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Ask a kid, any kid …
• “How does Santa’s huge body fit through those tiny chimneys?”
• “What does Santa do at a house with no chimney?”
• “What exactly are ‘reindeer games’?”
• “Who brings Santa his Christmas gifts?”
• “Why does Santa only work one night a year?”
• “What does Santa do when he’s not delivering presents?”
– First published in “BS” 2001.

What’s the 12th and final tie-breaker used by the NFL to decide who makes the playoffs when 2 teams in a division have the same record?
a. Longest Wait.
b. Best Uniforms.
c. Coin Toss. [CORRECT]

There’s no middle ground with [co-host]. You either hate him or detest him.

☎ Which aspect of the holidays would you get rid of if you could?

Question: Most women say they’ll shell out about 50 bucks on THIS during the holiday season.
Answer: Charity.

You cannot lead any further than you have gone yourself.

Nick Molnar @ Magic FM Newcastle upon Tyne, England; The Big Show @ 104.9 The Horn [KTXX] Austin, Texas; Elvis Mainace @ Cool FM Port Harcourt, Nigeria; Big Sauce @, Boston, Massachusetts; and Shaun Glazier @ 89.5 The Hawk [CHWK] Chilliwack, British Columbia.

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