Tuesday, December 18, 2012       Edition: #4892

100% Grade A Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
According to a new interview with an expert on the CIA’s operation to find Bin Laden, the CIA agent portrayed by the female character ‘Maya’ in the new “Zero Dark Thirty” (opening Wednesday in limited release) is actually a guy (the former CIA director tells “Charlie Rose” there was no individual, it was a team) . . . A representative for Morgan Freeman has denied the veteran actor released a statement slamming the media for sensationalizing the Connecticut school massacre (BS translation: He’s had second thoughts) . . . Actor Leonardo DiCaprio is the new co-owner of the piano used in movie classic “Casablanca”, which sold at auction for $600,000, and now plans to donate it to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (for a hefty tax receipt, thank-you) . . . The current projection for the total movie box office take in 2012 is $10.8 billion, according to an estimate from Hollywood.com, which would beat the $10.6 billion record in 2009 (most enjoyable movie of the year was?) . . . And a new novel by an anonymous author entitled “Elimination Night” tells the story of a ‘fictional’ TV talent show called “Project Icon”, which enlists a bombshell Latina pop diva and an aging rocker fresh out of rehab to buoy up ratings after a previous judge (‘Mr Horrible’) leaves to start a rival show (hmm, sound familiar?).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Bruno Mars (“Unorthodox Jukebox”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Ed Sheeran (“+”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Brandi Carlile (“Bear Creek”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Trans-Siberian Orchestra (“Dreams Of Fireflies On a Christmas Night”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Alicia Keys (“Girl On Fire”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Suzie McNeil (“This is Christmas”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Pentatonix (“PTXmas”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – LeAnn Rimes (“What a Wonderful World”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Alicia Keys again.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The 3rd season finalé features performances by Bruno Mars “Unorthodox Jukebox”), Kelly Clarkson (“Greatest Hits – Chapter 1”), The Killers (“Battle Born”), Rihanna (“Unapologetic”); the winner is announced.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Blink-182 – Today their new digital-only EP “dogs eating dogs” is out, featuring 5 new songs. It’s available in 3 different bundled packages via the trio’s website. It’s their first independent release, without any connections to a record company.
• Deadmau5 – The Canadian club DJ is engaged to tattoo artist-girlfriend Kat Von D. Both the proposal and acceptance occurred on Twitter.com. The development comes just weeks after the couple’s short break-up in November.
• “Django Unchained” – The soundtrack for Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming Western (opening December 25th) is out today. It contains an eclectic mix of both new and old songs, everything from James Brown and Tupac Shakur to John Legend and Rick Ross.
• The-Dream – Today he re-releases his 2011 digital album “1977” as a physical CD. The singer-producer-songwriter is also working on a new record, “Love IV”, due early next year.
• Frank Ocean – “Channel Orange” has been named ‘Best Album of 2012’ by an aggregated poll of critics conducted by music retailer HMV.
• John Lennon – Organizers of a Profiles in History auction today in Los Angeles expect a signed, handwritten letter from John Lennon to Eric Clapton to fetch as much as $30,000. In it, Lennon expresses his admiration for and desire to work with the guitarist. At the time it was written it seemed possible Clapton might replace George Harrison, who was considering leaving the Fab Four.
• “12-12-12: The Concert for Sandy Relief” – Before today’s digital release of the benefit album, it already had over 40,000 pre-orders. Among the musicians who performed at NYC’s Madison Square Garden to aid victims of Hurricane Sandy: Alicia Keys, Billy Joel, Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, Chris Martin, Dave Grohl, Eddie Vedder, Eric Clapton, Kanye West, Paul McCartney, Roger Waters, The Rolling Stones, and The Who.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “CMT Invitation Only: Blake Shelton” ( NR Music ): This 1-hour special was taped before a small studio audience in Nashville TN. It features Shelton performing his hit songs, plus an informal Q & A session with fans. It’s initially available exclusively through Target stores.
• “Diary Of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days” ( PG Family Comedy ): The 3rd film of this unexpected franchise combines the 3rd and 4th books of Jeff Kinney’s 6-novel series and brings back all the key players for ‘Greg’s bummer Summer when all his plans go wrong. Stars Zachary Gordon.
• “Pitch Perfect” ( PG-13 Musical Comedy ): Anna Kendrick plays a college freshie who leads an acoustic singing group to the top of the cutthroat world of college a cappella. Sort of a bigscreen version of “Glee”. Co-stars Anna Camp, Brittany Snow, Rebel Wilson, Skylar Astin, Ben Platt.
• “Total Recall” ( PG-13 Sci-fi Action Adventure ): Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1990 film re-imagined, with Colin Ferrell playing a factory worker whose weird dreams make him suspect he’s really a spy. Co-stars Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston.
• Also released today: “Army Wives: Season 6” (TV Drama); “Cuban Missile Crisis: Three Men Go to War” (Documentary); “Jason Becker: Not Dead Yet” (Musical Documentary); “Nova Sciencenow: Can Science Stop Crime?” (Documentary); “Quincy ME: Season 4” (Vintage TV); “The Sarah Silverman Program: Season 3” (TV Comedy); and “Shameless: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV Comedy).

COMPUTERS TO BECOME TOUCHY-FEELY:
In its annual year-end predictions, IBM forecasts that by 2018, computers will not only be able to see, hear, taste, and smell, but also offer the sense of touch. It’s thought that vibrators within smartphones will be precise enough to mimic the vibrations experienced when your fingers touch a particular surface. This may allow you to feel the fabric of a garment by touching your screen, for instance. IBM’s researchers are already working on creating applications for the retail and healthcare sectors that use infrared or pressure-sensitive technologies to simulate touch. (Booty calls will never be the same.)
– CNN.com

DRIVEN TO DIGITAL DISTRACTION:
Office workers are interrupted – or self-interrupted – roughly every 3 minutes, according to University of California studies. Whether distractions come in digital or human form, it can take up to 23 minutes for a worker to return to the original task once thrown off track. But not all workplace distractions harm productivity. People tend to work faster when they anticipate interruptions, squeezing tasks into shorter intervals of time. That doesn’t seem to affect accuracy, but it does cause a significant increase in stress level. (So yes please, send another dumb Santa joke via office email … it won’t put us behind, just cause a freakin’ meltdown!)
– Adapted from “Wall Street Journal”

SMART SEAT:
Japanese bathrooms are about to become a little more interactive, thanks to a new smartphone-controlled toilet known as the ‘Satis’. Manufactured by Tokyo-based Lixil, this Bluetooth-enabled commode can be controlled with an Android app called ‘My Satis’, allowing users to raise the seat, flush, and activate a bidet jet stream with the touch of a button. The app also lets you stream music through the throne’s speakers and automatically monitor ‘Usage History’. The Lixil Satis will be available in 3 models beginning in February, with prices ranging from circa $2,400 to over $4,600. (Be sure to wash your hands after using this app!)
– TheVerge.com

FINALLY, A USEFUL NECKTIE:
A necktie that doubles as a cloth for cleaning your touch screens may sound like something out of a “Saturday Night Live” TV ad parody (‘it’s a floor wax AND a dessert topping!’). But if you think about it, these ties from Swipe Apparel are kind of clever. The idea is simple: It’s a silk necktie with a patch of micro-fiber fabric (the same stuff used for lens-cleaning cloths) embedded behind the tip of the tie, ready to wipe smudges and greasy fingerprints from the screen of a smartphone or tablet. Swipe also makes T-shirts with the same feature. (They can also be used as a Kleenex!)
– “Los Angeles Times”

BS AMAZING REINDEER FACTS:
✔ The average speed of a normal reindeer is 15 mph. However, Santa’s magical team is required to average 650 miles – per second – to complete his Christmas Eve trip around-the-world.
✔ Assuming ‘Rudolph’ was in front, there are 40,320 ways to arrange the other 8 reindeer.
✔ Reindeer milk has far more fat than cow milk.
✔ “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” was created in 1939 in Chicago for a Montgomery Ward department store Christmas promotion. The lyrics were written as a poem by Robert May, but weren’t set to music until 1947. Gene Autry recorded the hit song in 1949.

BS CHRONOMETER 12.18.12


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [69] Keith Richards, Dartford UK, classic rock guitarist (Rolling Stones-“Start Me Up”, “Satisfaction”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)/one-time movie actor (“Pirates Of the Caribbean: At Worlds End”)

1946 [66] Steven Spielberg, Cincinnati OH, movie director-producer (“Lincoln”, “Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull”)/3 Academy Awards: “Saving Private Ryan”, “Schindler’s List”, 1986 Irving G Thalberg Award)/estimated net-worth: $3.2 billion

1955 [57] Ray Liotta, Newark NJ, movie actor (“Killing Them Softly”, “Goodfellas”)

1963 [49] Brad Pitt, Shawnee OK, movie actor (“Moneyball”, “Inglorious Basterds”/Angelina Jolie’s partner since 2005/wed to Jennifer Aniston 2000-05

1978 [34] Katie Holmes, Toledo OH, Broadway actress (“Dead Accounts”, “All My Sons”)/movie actress (“Batman Begins”, “First Daughter”)/TV actress (“The Kennedys” 2011, “Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)/Mrs Tom Cruise 2006-12

1980 [32] Christina Aguilera, Staten Island NY, TV personality (“The Voice” since 2011)/pop singer (“Beautiful”, “Genie In a Bottle”)/5 Grammy Awards/30 million+ albums sold worldwide

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Answer the Telephone Like Buddy the Elf Day”. Who’s that? If you’ve seen the 2003 movie “Elf”, you don’t have to ask. The idea is to pick up the phone and answer: “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?”, a quote that comes straight from the movie.

• “Bake Cookies Day”. What’s the best kind of homemade cookie: Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal-Raisin, or Peanut Butter?
NET: http://tinyurl.com/cpebzjx

• “International Migrants Day”, a day of solidarity for migrant workers, on the anniversary of the UN’s 1990 adoption of the International Convention On the Protection Of the Rights of All Migrants Workers & Members of Their Families.

• “Roast Suckling Pig Day”. Here [co-host], put this apple in your mouth!”
NET: http://tinyurl.com/3no9em

• “Wear a Plunger On Your Head Day” for some unknown reason. Something to do with your potty mouth maybe?
NET: http://tinyurl.com/c4vk4p3

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [15] Comedian Chris Farley (“SNL”) is found dead in his Chicago apartment at age 33

2002 [10] “Lord Of the Rings: The Two Towers” opens in theaters (grosses over $926 million worldwide)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1892 [120] 1st performance of Tchaikovsky’s seasonal favorite, “The Nutcracker Suite”, in St Petersburg, Russia

1982 [30] As their latest single “Maneater” hits #1, Hall & Oates officially surpass the Everly Bros as the most successful singing duo of all-time

1999 [13] Christina Aguilera releases her hit single “What a Girl Wants” on her 19th birthday

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2010 [02] Governmental protests begin in Tunisia, beginning the ‘Arab Spring’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993 [19] ‘World’s Largest Hotel’ opens, the 5,000-room MGM Grand in Las Vegas (The Venetian/Palazzo in Las Vegas now claims to be largest with 8,108 rooms)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] “The Guilt Trip”; “Monsters Inc 3-D”, “Zero Dark Thirty” open in movie theaters
[Thurs] International Human Solidarity Day
[Thurs] Re-Gifting Day
[Fri] End Of the World (Mayan Calendar)
[Fri] Humbug Day
[Fri] Homeless Persons’ Remembrance Day
[Fri] Winter Solstice
This Week Is … Tell Someone They’re Doing a Good Job Week
This Month Is … Closed Caption TV Month

BULL’S BITS


BS SIGNS KEITH RICHARDS IS TURNING 69:
• Only looks 99.
• Wears white socks with sandals on vacation.
• Has wrinkles that are turning 59.
• Charlie Watts calls him ‘kid’.
• “Can’t Get No Satisfaction”.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I pointed to 2 old drunks across the bar from us and told my buddy, “That’ll be us in 10 years.” He said, “That’s a mirror, dickhead.”

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Why do they call it a ‘hot water heater’? Shouldn’t it be a ‘cold water heater’?
• How come no matter what color the soap is, the suds are always white?
• Why do they call it ‘lipstick’ if you can still move your lips?
• Why is the third hand on a watch called the ‘second hand’?
• How come the probability of someone watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action?

BS WEB GOODIE:
Bald cat? Not a problem, thanks to ‘Kitty Wigs’. Huh?
NET: http://kittywigs.com/wigindex.html

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Which country uses the most perfume?
a. France.
b. Russia. [CORRECT]
c. India.
– “Land O’ Useless Facts”

• The jólasveinar, or ‘yule lads’, are a traditional part of an Icelandic Christmas. What are they?
a. A band of 13 gift-giving goblins. [CORRECT]
b. The farmhands in charge of Santa’s reindeer.
c. The best male singers from each village.
– TriviaPark.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Women do THIS the most between the ages of 19-and-22.
Answer: Wear mini-skirts.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Most of us hate to see a poor loser … or a rich winner.

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” is on holiday hiatus from December 24th through January 2nd inclusive. Subscribers will receive credits for missed service days. If you’ve received an expiry notice, be sure to get your renewal in to ensure “BS” service in the new year.


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