Monday, December 19, 2011        Edition: #4654
Can You Believe This Sheet?

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Forbes.com has released its 2011 list of the “Top-Earning Women in Music” and Lady Gaga towers over the competition, earning an estimated $90 million, double her nearest rival, Taylor Swift. Swift earned about $45 million, thanks to her album “Speak Now”, her perfume line, and other deals. Katy Perry came in at #3 with $44 million; Beyoncé is listed at 4th with $35 million; and Rihanna is #5 at $29 million. (In entertainment at least, Gaga is our pick for ‘Person Of the Year’.)
– FMQB.com
• Vanessa Bryant, Kobe Bryant’s wife of 10-and-a-half years, is filing for divorce from the LA Lakers superstar. The couple survived an alleged 2003 incident of sexual assault at a Colorado hotel, a case that was eventually dropped. But now Vanessa Bryant is claiming her hubby’s been unfaithful again. She’s asking for spousal support and joint custody of their 2 young daughters. Word has it there’s no pre-nup so she’s also entitled to 50% of what the NBA superstar has accrued during their decade-long marriage. (Wow, what comes after ‘trillion’?)
– TMZ.com
• “Dancing With the Stars” champ JR Martinez is set to become a first-time father. His girlfriend Diana Gonzalez-Jones is pregnant, expecting a baby girl in the Spring. Martinez says it’s ‘the biggest and best gift we could get’. The couple first met on the set of daytime drama “All My Children”. (Let’s hope their life doesn’t end up a soap opera.)
– People.com
• Movie star Scarlett Johansson has reportedly moved on from former husband Ryan Reynolds, and Sean Penn, and Bradley Cooper, and Justin Timberlake, and is now seeing rock guitarist Dan ‘Skywizard’ White of up-and-coming British band Tribes. They were apparently recently introduced at a club in London, where she’s shooting the film “Under the Skin”. Word has it they’re getting along like a ‘house on fire’. (If it runs true to form, that means about 2 weeks.)
– “Sunday Mirror”
• Whoopi Goldberg has confessed on “The View” (ABC) she used to make extra cash as … a phone sex operator. She started talking dirty when she first arrived in Hollywood in a bid to supplement her income while chasing her acting dreams. She insists the phone job helped her become a ‘better actress’. Plus, she admits, the money was great. (Kind of confirms everything you imagined about who’s on the other end of those numbers, no?)
– Contactmusic.com
• And soccer superstar David Beckham is reportedly on the brink of committing to either Paris Saint-Germain or a UK club and will make the announcement just after the New Year. That means he and his perpetually posturing wife Victoria Beckham are considering leaving Los Angeles. Insiders say that, if and when he ends up playing in Europe, it’s likely the entire family will relocate with him. (So, LA’s loss is Paris’ … loss.)
– “Mail on Sunday”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The Klezmatics (“Live at Town Hall”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Kelly Clarkson (“Stronger”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – T-Pain (“Revolver”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Mastodon (“Hunter”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Goo Goo Dolls (“Something For the Rest of Us”). The previously-recorded segment features a brand new, yet to be released song titled “All That You Are”.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Carole King (“A Holiday Carole”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Anthony Hamilton (“Woo”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Lady Antebellum (“Own the Night”).
• “The Rosie Show” (OWN) – Mariah Carey (“Merry Christmas II You”). Rerun.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Miranda Lambert (“Four the Record”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Pink Martini (“1969”).
• “VH1 Divas” (VH1) – This year’s edition of the long-running concert event salutes soul music, with performances by Florence & The Machine, Jennifer Hudson, Jessie J, Jill Scott, Kelly Clarkson, Mary J Blige, and others.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Florence & The Machine (“Ceremonials”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• The Black Keys – They’ve notched their biggest debut ever at #2 with the new album “El Camino”, according to Nielsen SoundScan. This marks both their highest chart position and best sales week ever.
• Britney Spears – She showed off her new engagement ring over the weekend as she treated her fiancé Jason Trawick to a 40th birthday party in Las Vegas. Spears’ agent proposed to her in front of her sons Sean Preston (6) and Jayden James (5) last week.
• Celine Dion – She confesses to VanityFair.com that she’s obsessive when it comes to shoes and estimates she owns ‘about 3,000’ pairs. Quote: “Some people do drugs; I buy shoes.”
• Darius Rucker – He tells CBS News he’s been working on his 3rd country album, the follow-up to 2010’s “Charleston SC 1966”. He’ll start recording in January and will release the album later in 2012.
• Kid Rock – He’s purchased 1,200 $25-gift cards from Michigan retailer Meijer that he plans to distribute throughout the city of Detroit as a Christmas gift to people in need in his hometown. (Love him or hate him … the guy does good stuff.)
• Madonna – She’s signed a 3-record deal with Interscope, after having spent her entire career under the Warner Bros umbrella. She inked a 10-year rights deal with Live Nation in 2007 but it was always expected a traditional major label would partner up for any album releases.
• Michael Bublé – He tells “Daily Telegraph” he’s convinced that Auto-Tune voice-enhancing technology is ruining music. He argues that a song doesn’t have to be flawless to be memorable. It’s the performance that matters, he contends. (Hear hear!)
• Zac Brown Band – They have themselves yet another #1 song. “Keep In Mind” is at the top of the “Billboard” magazine ‘Country Songs’ chart for this week (ending December 24th).

MOST SHOPLIFTED ITEMS:

• Quality Cuts of Meat
• High-End Booze
• Electric Tools / Electronic Gadgets
• Gillette Razor Blades
• Clothing (Like the Minnesota woman recently caught stealing a mink coat by hiding it in her underwear … for 3 days.)
– Excerpted from TheToiletPaper.com

HOW TO OPEN CLAMSHELL PACKAGING:

The gift-giving season is upon us, and that means there may be an upcoming battle between you and the stubborn plastic clamshell packaging that stands between you and your new gadget. Regular home scissors aren’t up to cutting the thick plastic, and it’s almost impossible to rip the stuff with your hands. There is such a thing as a ‘dual-blade package opener’, specifically designed for the task, but have you got one of those lying around? So try this … a can opener. The old-fashioned, hand-operated, rotary kind. It’ll hack right through the plastic casing. (Irony … to gain access to a hi-tech new electronic gizmo, you need a low-tech implement invented in 1855.)
– Lifehacker.com

1990s KID’S WISH LIST:

A BS reminder of what kids wanted for Christmas back in the ‘90s …
• Beanie Babies
• Moon Shoes
• My Little Pony
• Stretch Armstrong
• Super Nintendo
• Super Soaker
• Tamagotchi
• Pogs
• Power Wheels
• Tickle Me Elmo
– Buzzfeed.com

TEXTURE ON YOUR TOUCHSCREEN:

Soon you’ll not only be able to control a tablet with your fingertips, but you’ll actually be able to feel various textures like fabric, sand, and water on your touchscreen. Though it may seem far-fetched, several companies are already designing prototypes that feature ‘Feel Screen’ technology. One method, called ‘electrovibration’, uses vibrations to create the sensation of touch. Unfortunately, that can also create noise. To rectify that, Microsoft is now developing light-sensitive, cell-constructed plastic screens that promise to eliminate the noise derived from the technology. (That $700-tablet you bought as a gift … piece of junk a year from now.)
– TheCreatorsProject.com

GUILT-FREE HOLIDAY TREATS:

• Candy Canes – It’s well known that peppermint calms an upset stomach, and while peppermint tea works best, strong mints and candy canes can be a sweet substitute.
• Chocolate – One or two servings of dark chocolate a week has been proven to lower your risk of heart failure.
• Cinnamon – It can help reduce blood glucose, which may stave off diabetes. It’s also a carminative, which helps prevent bloating; plus it’s packed with antioxidants.
• Cranberries – This traditional holiday berry can prevent urinary tract infections. An Italian study among women found that those who consume cranberry have far less bacteria in their urine.
• Nuts – Eating nuts daily can help lower blood cholesterol. Plus, nuts are very good sources of protein, unsaturated fats, fiber, minerals, vitamins, and antioxidants. Munch on!
– Condensed from “Best Health Magazine”

DID YOU KNOW?

• Men are at their most competitive between the ages of 45 and 54.
– “The Guardian”
• Alcohol tastes sweeter (and therefore better) when loud music is playing.
– “Daily Mail”

BS CHRONOMETER 12.19.11


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1963 [48] Jennifer Beals, Chicago IL, TV actress (“Lie to Me” 2009-11, “The L Word” 2004-09)/movie actress (“The Grudge 2”, “Flashdance”)

1967 [44] Criss Angel (Christopher Sarantakos), NYC, Las Vegas illusionist (“Criss Angel Believe”)

1972 [39] Alyssa Milano, Brooklyn NY, movie actress (“New Year’s Eve”, “Alvin & The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked”)/TV actress (“My Name is Earl” 2007-08, “Charmed” 1998-2006)

1980 [31] Jake Gyllenhaal, LA CA, movie actor (“Source Code”, “Brokeback Mountain”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “I’ve Got My Big Fat Guy Pants On Day”, a day to wear anything you want as long as it’s comfortable and roomy. (Wouldn’t this be more useful a week from now?)

• “Look For an Evergreen Day”, a day saluting people for whom only a fresh-cut real tree will do for Christmas. For them, the scent of fresh pine helps to capture the feeling of the holidays.

• “Oatmeal Muffin Day”, the homemade kind full of good stuff not the fast-food cake-masquerading-as-a-muffin kind. It’s like a bowl of oatmeal you don’t need to eat with a spoon!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .

1997 [14] “Titanic”, starring Leonardo Dicaprio & Kate Winslet, opens in movie theaters (eventually grosses over $1.8 billion worldwide, now ranking it #2 all-time)

2001 [10] “Lord Of the Rings: The Fellowship Of the Ring” opens in movie theaters ($872 million in worldwide box office, #25 all-time)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .

1996 [15] Buddy Holly’s hometown of Lubbock, Texas renames Avenue H as ‘Buddy Holly Avenue’

2005 [06] Elton John turns down a proposed offer near $6 million to secure TV rights to his civil union to David Furnish

TODAY’S FIRST . . .

1917 [94] 1st ‘National Hockey League’ games played (5,500 fans watch Montréal Canadiens beat Ottawa Senators 7-4, while 700 soldiers get in free to see Montréal Wanderers defeat Toronto Arenas 10-9)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .

1922 [89] 24-year-old Theresa Vaughn is tried for bigamy in England after it’s found she has accumulated 62 husbands … in just 5 years!

AND REMEMBER . . .

[Tues] Hanukkah begins (Jewish)
[Tues] International Human Solidarity Day
[Wed] “The Adventures of Tintin”; “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”; “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” open in movie theaters
[Wed] “A Home For the Holidays With Martina McBride” (CBS)
[Wed] Crossword Puzzle Day
[Wed] Forefathers Day
[Wed] Humbug Day
[Wed] Homeless Persons Remembrance Day
This Week Is … Gluten-Free Baking Week
This Month Is … Winter Squash Month

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS WAYS SANTA CLAUS RELAXES:
• Gets a bowling ball and 10 elves …
• Showing Rudolph the REAL red-light district.
• Jacuzzi full of eggnog.
• Stuffs Mrs Claus’ stockings.
• Doing tequila slammers with the reindeer.
• Walks around naked singing ‘don we now our gay apparel’.
– First published in “BS” 1996.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What do you still have that you’ve saved from childhood?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Which do most people consider critical to their self-esteem?
a. Good hair. [24%]
b. Overall body appearance [CORRECT. 36%]
c. A nice smile. [22%]
– Opinion Research

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Good news for insomniacs … only 2 more sleeps until Christmas!

BS WEB GOODIE:

Surely this is what the Internet was invented for? Research about … er, size. Wonder what’s in the water over in the Democratic Republic Of the Congo?
NET: http://everyoneweb.com/worldpenissize/

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: THIS is the only body secretion that’s not considered disgusting by most people.
Answer: Tears. (“New Woman”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Thanks to Chris Kuchar @ EZ Rock [CJAT] Trail, British Columbia, who’s just re-upped for more “BS”; and we welcome samplers this week who include Jay Mood @ 96.9 Radio Humber [CKHC] Humber College, Toronto, Ontario; Shirl Smith @ Classic Rock 104.5 [KPUS] Corpus Christi, Texas; and Lester Beausham @ WEAZ Three Lakes, Wisconsin. Welcome, all!

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:

“The Bull Sheet” will be on hiatus for the holidays from December 24th-January 1st inclusive. All subscribers will receive account credits for missed days of service.


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