Tuesday, December 20, 2011        Edition: #4655
Sheet For Brains!

“The Bull Sheet” will be shutting down for the holidays from December 24-January 1 inclusive. Subscribers will receive account credits for missed service days.


43-year-old actor Daniel Craig, who’s so far signed on to three ‘007’ movies, is being courted to commit to 5 more, which would make him the longest-running ‘James Bond’ of all-time (overtaking Roger Moore) . . . The National League of Junior Cotillions has released its annual list of outstanding role models, naming Justin Bieber, Paula Abdul, and Taylor Swift among the ‘Best Mannered People of 2011’ (on the other end of the scale – anyone whose name begins with a ‘K’) . . . “Us Magazine” reports actor Brad Pitt has sold his Malibu, California mansion to TV personality Ellen DeGeneres & partner Portia De Rossi for $12 million (a steal for private beachfront on the Pacific) . . . The experiment of opening “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” on IMAX and other large screens before it debuts on another 3,000 screens Wednesday seems to have succeeded as it set a record for December IMAX openings ($81.2 million worldwide) . . . Despite concerns over a premature leak, Lindsay Lohan’s spread has the January edition of “Playboy” on course to become its biggest-selling issue in years (but then, no one’s been buying skin mags for years) . . . Former professor José Angel Santana has filed a lawsuit against New York University, claiming he was unfairly dismissed after handing actor James Franco a ‘D’ grade (not for his horrific Oscar hosting, but for allegedly missing classes) . . . Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay has created a one-of-a-kind Christmas cookbook for his good friends David & Victoria Beckham (as if they’ll be in the kitchen slaving over a hot stove) . . . Actress Scarlett Johansson tells “USA Today” her biggest Christmas wish is that people would stop referring to her as ‘Scar-Jo’ (just ahead of ‘peace for all mankind’) . . . Britain’s Prince Harry and actress Gwyneth Paltrow have been spotted clubbing at the same location in London (something she’ll no doubt casually name-drop on her ‘GOOP’ blog) . . . And actor Zac Efron has a new tattoo that reads ‘YOLO’, which apparently stands for ‘You Only Live Once’ (perhaps a self-reminder that life’s too short to waste time on lame movies like “New Year’s Eve”?).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Luke Bryan (“Tailgates & Tanlines”). Rerun.
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – ‘Artie’ finds out that ‘Brittany’ still believes in Santa in “A Very Glee Christmas”. Rerun (2010).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – The Kooks (“Inside In/Inside Out”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Joy Formidable (“The Big Roar”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Rufus Wainright (“All Days Are Nights: Songs for Lulu”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Harry Connick Jr (“On A Clear Day You Can See Forever”); Mariachi El Bronx (“Mariachi El Bronx II”).
• “Saturday Night Live Presents: A Very Gilly Christmas” (NBC/Global) – Holiday sketches from past years; ‘Gilly’ (Kristen Wiig) appears in new sketches.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Carole King (“A Holiday Carole”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Country music legend Merle Haggard.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Amber Riley (“Glee”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Sean Paul (“Tomahawk Technique”).


• Beyoncé – Her parents are finally divorced, a year after their case was tossed out of court because both parties failed to show up. Tina Knowles originally filed for divorce from manager Mathew in 2009 after he was accused of fathering a love child with another woman. A final decree of divorce has now been issued.
• Jay-Z – An insider tells “OK!” magazine he’s looking to buy a new home for his (soon-to-be) family in Florida and has told Beyoncé money is no object. Word has it he’s also looking at acquiring an armored vehicle to transport their new baby in safety, on the advice of Tom Cruise.
• Justin Bieber – Two suburban Chicago students have been repeatedly playing “Baby” over their high school’s PA system at the end of each class period, announcing the torture would only stop when they reached their fundraising goal of $1,000. It only took 3 days.
• Michael Jackson – Final stats show that weekend auction of items from the rental home where he last lived brought in a total of $1.6 million. (As usual, everyone makes money off him except him.)
• Taylor Swift – On top of everything else she’s won this year, she’s set to receive the Nashville Symphony’s ‘Harmony Award’ for her contributions to the local community.


• “Colombiana” ( PG-13 Action ): Zoe Saldana (“Avatar”) plays a young women raised in the US by her uncle to be a top-notch assassin. Now she’s looking to settle up with the Colombian drug lord who executed her parents when she was just 10-years-old. Co-stars Michael Vartan.
• “Dolphin Tale 3-D” ( PG Family ): A boy befriends a dolphin whose tail was torn off in a crab trap. The ensuing effort to create a prosthetic appendage for the dolphin becomes an inspiration to people with special needs. Co-stars Ashley Judd, Harry Connick Jr, Morgan Freeman.
• “Glee: The 3-D Concert Movie” ( PG Music Documentary ): A concert documentary shot during the “Glee Live! In Concert!” summer 2011 tour. A bouncy, high-energy film that’s a reminder of what the TV show does best. Stars Cory Monteith, Dianna Agron, Lea Michele et al.
• “Margin Call” ( R-Rated Thriller ): A thriller that revolves around the key people at an investment bank during the early stages of the financial crisis. Ensemble cast includes Demi Moore, Jeremy Irons, Kevin Spacey, Penn Badgley, Simon Baker, Zachary Quinto.
• “Midnight in Paris” (PG-13 Fantasy Comedy ): In director Woody Allen’s latest, Owen Wilson plays a blocked writer who is drawn into a mysterious adventure in Paris after leaving his fiancée (Rachel McAdams). Co-stars Marion Cotillard, Adrien Brody, and Kathy Bates.
• “Straw Dogs” ( R-Rated Thriller ): Remake of a 1971 Sam Peckinpah film about a screenwriter (James Marsden) who relocates with his wife (Kate Bosworth) to her hometown in the South where they’re threatened by an escalating conflict with locals. Co-stars Alexander Skarsgard.
• “Warrior” ( PG-13 Sports Drama ): Tom Hardy (“Inception”) plays an ex-Marine who returns to his hometown to train for a mixed martial arts tournament with a major prize. Nick Nolte co-stars as his father, an alcoholic former coach; Joel Edgerton plays his older brother/potential rival.
• Also released today: “Futurama: Volume 6” (TV Animation); “One Tree Hill: The Complete 8th Season” (TV).


An Australian veterinarian is offering one-on-one obedience classes for cats. Nicole Hoskin of Prahran Veterinary Hospital claims she can train kittens to sit, stay, and fetch. Originally, she offered a service similar to puppy obedience classes but that project failed. Why? If you get more than one cat in a room, she says, the claws come out. And what’s the difference between training dogs and cats? Hoskin suggests that dogs will learn just to please their owners, but cats will only pay attention for food rewards. (What’s the best thing you’ve ever taught your cat to do … besides hitting the litter box?)
– Orange.co.uk


A research team at Britain’s University of Bristol has come up with a ‘Hit Potential Equation’ that it claims can predict a top 5 hit song with 60% accuracy by using computerized algorithms. The formula brings together musical features such as tempo, timing, duration, and loudness, as well as more detailed data such as chord and harmonic complexity. It’s based on analysis of 50 years of top 40 hits. In general, songs that are louder experience more chart success. (We say if you’re hooked half-way through, then want to replay it several times after it ends … it’s a hit!)
– ScienceDaily.com


A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 76% of parents feel guilty about saying ‘no’ to their kids.
• 70% of pet owners sign their critter’s name on holiday greeting cards.
• 60% of women say their man can’t tell when they’re lying.
• 56% of us think that weather seems to be getting worse overall.
• 33% of women struggle with frizzy hair on a daily basis.
• 7% of women are natural blondes.


It seems philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche was right – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Although traumatic experiences such as losing a loved one can be psychologically damaging, scientists have found that small amounts of trauma actually make us more resilient. University of Buffalo psychologist Mark Seery says we might think the best way to go through life is having nothing traumatic ever happen but that’s not only unrealistic, it’s not necessarily healthy. He suggests we need to go through difficult experiences in order to develop an ability to cope with tough situations in the future. (Yeah, that 4th time getting fired was really educational.)
– DailyMail.co.uk


If you’re feeling like holiday decorations have been lacking something over the past couple of years, you’re not alone. Many are saying the new LED (Light-Emitting Diode) Christmas lights exude all the coziness of an operating room. Some are even switching back to regular lights. Lighting manufacturers say such criticism stems from older or cheaper LED decorations that radiate a purplish hue. Engineers at Sylvania claims that newer varieties actually twinkle, faithfully reproducing the softer, whiter light that many consumers grew up with. (But there’s nothing like those retro ‘bubble lights’, right?)
– “Wall Street Journal”


This isn’t the greatest news for those who’ve participated in what’s being called the ‘Year Of the Protestor’. Defense contractor Raytheon is developing a new riot shield for law enforcement officers that offers more than just protection. The device looks like a standard riot shield but has a built-in acoustic horn that generates a pressure pulse. The shield produces a low-frequency sound that attacks the respiratory tract, making it hard for those targeted to breathe. It can be adjusted from ‘minor discomfort’ all the way up to the point where targets become ‘temporarily incapacitated’. (We’re guessing they’ll never be set on ‘low’.)
– TheGlobeandMail.com


Rooney Mara, star of “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” (opening tomorrow), has the NFL running in her veins. She’s the great-granddaughter of both Pittsburgh Steelers founder Art Rooney Sr and New York Giants founder Tim Mara. (Hence the name.)
– Wikipedia.org


1966 [45] Chris Robinson, Atlanta GA, rock singer (Black Crowes-“She Talks to Angels”, “Hard to Handle”)/married to actress Kate Hudson 2000-06

1982 [29] David Cook, Houston TX, pop singer (“Light On”, “The Time of My Life”)/”American Idol” 7 winner (2008)

1983 [28] Jonah Hill, Mill Valley CA, movie actor (“Moneyball”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)

1990 [21] JoJo (Joanna Noelle Levesque), Foxborough MA, pop singer (“Too Little Too Late”, “Leave [Get Out]”)/movie actress (“RV”, “Shark Tale”)


• “Hanukkah”, the 8-day Jewish “Feast of Lights” or “Feast of Dedication”, begins at sundown. The menorah, holding 8 candles, has become a symbol of the holiday. Traditional foods include latkes and jelly doughnuts.
– No roof damage from reindeer.
– Never a ‘Silent Night’ when you’re amongst your Jewish loved ones.
– No awkward explanations of virgin birth.
– More elephants in the Hanukkah story.
– Burl Ives doesn’t sing Hanukkah songs.
– 8 days of presents (well … in theory, anyway).

• “International Human Solidarity Day”, a UN observance since 2005 to remind us of the importance of solidarity and the spirit of sharing in combatting poverty worldwide.


1946 [65] Frank Capra’s classic film “It’s A Wonderful Life”, starring Jimmy Stewart, premieres in NYC (does an angel get its wings at the end of every boxing round?)

2009 [02] 32-year-old movie actress Brittany Murphy (“8 Mile”, “Clueless”) collapses & dies in her Hollywood Hills, California home after cardiac arrest  BS FACTOID: Her mother claims that toxic mold killed her daughter (and son-in-law shortly afterward). She’s just launched a lawsuit against her former attorneys for advising her to give up her right to sue the homebuilder.


1986 [25] “Walk Like An Egyptian” by the Bangles reaches #1 on pop singles charts


1911 [100] 1st ‘Artificial Ice Skating Rink’ (created by Frank Patrick in Vancouver BC)

1991 [20] NHL grants a new franchise to the Ottawa Senators


2007 [04] Queen Elizabeth II becomes Britain’s oldest-ever monarch, surpassing Queen Victoria’s lifespan of 81 years, 7 months, 29 days


[Wed] “The Adventures of Tintin”; “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”; “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” open in movie theaters
[Wed] “A Home For the Holidays With Martina McBride” (CBS)
[Thurs] Winter begins
[Fri] “We Bought a Zoo” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Christmas Eve
[Sun] “The Darkest Hour”; “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close”; “War Horse” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … International Language Week
This Month Is … Safe Toys & Gifts Month


Have listeners try to identify the seasonal song represented by the twisted title. For example, “Bleached Yule” would be “White Christmas”.
• “Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors” (“All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth”)
• “Arrival Time 2400 Hours, Weather Cloudless” (“It Came Upon a Midnight Clear”)
• “Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers” (“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”)
• “Frozen Precipitation Commence!” (“Let It Snow!)
• “The Quadruped With the Vermillion Proboscis” (“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”)
• “Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration” (“Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”)
• “Loyal Followers Advance” (“O Come All Ye Faithful”)
• “Array the Corridors” (“Deck the Halls”)
• “Bantam Male Percussionist” (“Little Drummer Boy”)
• “Red Man En Route to Borough” (“Santa Claus is Coming to Town”)


If you could create the ideal workspace for yourself, what would it include?


When composing, Beethoven would do what to excite his brain?
a. Repeatedly bang his head against his harpsichord.
b. Pour ice water over his head. [CORRECT]
c. Snort a pinch of black pepper up each nostril.
– Halife.com


If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.


Question: It may seem counter-intuitive but most of us do not dream about THIS.
Answer: A ‘white Christmas’. 66% would prefer a sunny, warm Christmas. (“Money Magazine”)


Think twice before you speak. Or, better still, just keep on thinking.

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