Thursday, December 20, 2012        Edition: #4894

Sheet For Brains!

“BS” is on holiday hiatus from December 24th through January 2nd inclusive. Subscribers will receive credits for missed service days. If you’ve received an expiry notice, be sure to get your renewal in to ensure service in the new year.

Lindsay Lohan has reportedly caused more mayhem on the set of “Scary Movie 5”, trashing her trailer, leaving the shower running, and clogging the toilet which blocked every other bathroom on the lot for nearly 2 days (her career managed to go down the drain long ago) . . . The publisher of “Life & Style” and “In Touch Weekly” has fired back at actor Tom Cruise’s lawsuit, saying the magazines’ reports that he’s abandoned daughter Suri following his divorce are ‘substantially true’ (the world ‘substantially’ certainly modifies things) . . . Despite suffering morning sickness so bad it required her to be hospitalized, Kate Middleton has vowed to show up for the annual royal family Christmas dinner because she feels it’s her duty (as long as there are pickles & ice cream) . . . Donald Trump’s “Miss Universe” organization has been awarded a whopping $5 million in a lawsuit against former ‘Miss Pennsylvania’, Sheena Monnin, who claimed the pageant was fixed back in June (okay, so legally not ‘fixed’, but still archaic and demeaning to women) . . . Actress Kristen Stewart tells “Newsweek” she’s truly sorry for the cheating scandal that damaged her reputation but couldn’t care less whether people love her or hate her as it doesn’t keep her from doing her ‘sh–‘ (well-phrased!) .  . . Though “Argo”, “Les Misérables”, “Lincoln”, and “Zero Dark Thirty” appear to the leaders for the ‘Best Picture’ Oscar, some critics say “Amour”, a French-language drama directed by Michael Haneke, should also receive consideration (French silent film “The Artist” came out of nowhere last time) . . . And word has it Rosie O’Donnell is in talks to replace Sharon Osbourne on NBC-TV talent show “America’s Got Talent”, now that Ozzy’s wife has quit over the network’s treatment of her son Jack (Rosie, Howie, and Howard – would that not be most obnoxious panel of all-time?).

• “CCMA Holiday Special, I’ll Be Home” (CBC) – Country music stars sing holiday songs, including The Band Perry, Billy Ray Cyrus, Dean Brody, Johnny Reid, Lady Antebellum, Paul Brandt, and Terri Clark.
• “CMA Country Christmas Special” (ABC) – Jennifer Nettles (Sugarland) hosts as country stars share favorite holiday traditions and memories. Performers include The Band Perry, Dierks Bentley, Keith Urban, Lady Antebellum, Little Big Town, Martina McBride, and Scotty McCreery.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Michael Stipe (REM). Rerun.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Benjamin Gibbard (“Former Lives”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – One Direction (“Take Me Home”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Game f/Tyga & Wiz Khalifa (“The R.E.D. Album”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Features (“Wilderness”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Cee Lo Green (“Cee Lo’s Magic Moment”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Jon Bon Jovi (“Slippery When Wet”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Guest co-host Carnie Wilson (Wilson Phillips).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Johnny Mathis (“Johnny Mathis: A 50th Anniversary Christmas Celebration”).
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – One Direction (“Take Me Home”) performs; Pitbull (“Global Warming”) performs; the winner is announced.

• Foster the People – Their hit “Pumped Up Kicks” is being yanked by some radio stations in the wake of the Connecticut shootings. Frontman Mark Foster has said in the past it was written about a psychotic, homicidal youth to help create awareness about gun violence in schools. It was partly inspired by the 1999 Columbine tragedy.
• Justin Bieber – LAPD has arrested a minor on suspicion of placing hoax calls that claimed gunshots had been fired at Bieber’s home and at actor Ashton Kutcher’s house in October. The instances of so-called ‘swatting’ resulted in dozens of emergency responders being dispatched.
• Ke$ha – She’s tweeted that she completely understands why radio stations have banned her latest single “Die Young” following the Newtown school massacre. She says she’s in agreement that the track is now ‘inappropriate’.
• Mumford & Sons – Keyboard player Ben Lovett says hopefully one day people will be able to look at them and say, ‘that’s a career band’. Quote: “It’s all about time instead of sales.” One more reason to like these guys.
• Rihanna – She’s just purchased a $12-million, 11,000-sq-ft, 7-bedroom mansion in LA’s Pacific Palisades neighborhood. She was forced to sell her Beverly Hills home at a loss last year after serious defects due to water-damage were discovered. A lawsuit has been filed.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Hacker Is Watching” – Mark Wahlberg is set to produce a film based on the true story of a computer hacker who targeted high school students by surreptitiously setting up webcams on their laptops as well as sending malware and various other rogue files to their machines.
• “Kojak” – Vin Diesel is set to bring the legendary TV detective played by late actor Telly Savalas (1973-78) to the bigscreen in a new film adaptation. According to, Diesel will also produce the project and a pair of the writers from “Skyfall” will help pen the script.
• “Reagan” – For this upcoming film about the 40th US president, Oscar-winning actor Jon Voight is in talks to play the Soviet KGB agent whose job is tracking the president. The movie is based on Paul Kengor’s books “The Crusader” and “God & Ronald Reagan”.
• “Tintin 2” – Despite being busy working on “The Hobbit” franchise, Peter Jackson plans to film this motion-capture sequel next year with an eye to a 2015 release. “The Adventures of Tintin: Prisoners Of the Sun” will be the followup to last year’s story, “The Secret Of the Unicorn”.
• “Unbroken” – Angelina Jolie is in talks to direct this World War II drama about a plane crash victim who survives on a raft for 47 days only to be captured by the Japanese and sentenced to a POW camp. The film is an adaptation of the 2010 best-selling book by Laura Hillenbrand.

The impetus behind Brooklyn NY-based entrepreneur Cesar Kuriyama’s ‘One Second Everyday’ project is straightforward: The essence of every person’s day can be boiled down to a single memorable second, so why not hold on to that second, every day, for the rest of your life? Kuriyama notes that when he turns 40 he’ll have a 1-hour video that encapsulates his 30s and if he lives to see 80, he’ll have a 5-hour video summarizing 50 years of his life. His ‘One Second Everyday’ smartphone app aims to make it easier for us to record our own 1-second time capsules. It’s still in development, but has plenty of backers on Kickstarter. (What’s your 1-second memory of yesterday?)

The longevity Olympians enjoy is within the reach of everyone, experts say. Research published by the “British Medical Journal” suggests that athletes live 2.8 years longer than the average lifespan. Those who take part in non-contact sports such as cycling, rowing, and tennis enjoy the longest lives. But the general population could have a similar ‘survival advantage’ by doing a little more exercise. Researchers have found that even those who play lower-intensity sports such as golf enjoy a boost. (Does Yahtzee count?)
– BBC News

Coffee not doing it for you anymore? There are lots of other ways to get a caffeine kick these days. Some of the new foods containing caffeine collected by the Center for Science In the Public Interest include mints, gum, and coffee-flavored Cracker Jack’d snacks. Yup, good old fashioned Cracker Jack, only with a jolt of java. Given that some people are sensitive to even small shifts in caffeine consumption, researchers say it would be helpful to consumers if manufacturers had to list amounts on product labels. (“1 can of Red Bull: 18 lbs of caffeine …”)

✗ Instagram – Why? A new privacy policy that appeared to give it a royalty-free, worldwide license on images posted through it ticked off many, even though the company is backing off.
✗ Spotify – Why? Requiring you to use Facebook, thereby showing all your Facebook friends that you listen to Taylor Swift.
✗ Facebook – Why? The new ‘Timeline layout’, confusing privacy controls, the IPO that made bankers rich at the expense of regular people. But mostly … all that wasted time.
✗ Google – Why? Google knows everything about you, Google has too many ads, Google reads your email, and Google Street View caught you passed out in a snowbank last New Year’s Day.
✗ Apple – Why? It manufactures things in China, doesn’t upgrade iPhone hardware enough, put out a new iPad right after the previous iPad. And Apple users are sheep and you’re not.
✗ All games ending in ‘3’ – Why? Required Internet connections, crap endings to storylines even though the game is basically you shooting at stuff. And the 3rd version is just never as good.
✗ Netflix – Why? The streaming content selection is crap, and having both the DVD and streaming plans is so expensive you might as well start smoking again.
✗ Twitter – Why? Twitter censors people; Twitter doesn’t censor people you want censored; Twitter goes down sometimes; people overuse hashtags; and … most tweets are boring.
– Condensed from

A Scottish farm is running an ‘Adopt-a-Turkey Plan’ so people can visit the birds and give them names … before eating them on Christmas Day. Heather Anderson, who co-owns Whitmuir Farm, near Edinburgh, says they’ve had turkeys named ‘Horace’, ‘Ethel’, even ‘Christmas Dinner’. She also notes that quite a few women who’ve come in wanted to name their turkeys after their husbands. (If an animal has a name, doesn’t that make it a pet?)

Chronic sleep-loss has many downsides, among them weight-gain, depression, and irritability. But now scientists have found a new one: It also apparently weakens your tolerance for pain. It’s not clear why, but one theory is that sleep-loss increases inflammation throughout the body. Scientists believe this could have implications for people with chronic pain. It could also have an impact on the effects of painkillers, which appear to be blunted after chronic sleep loss. (This is why when you wake up 3 hours after a party, not even nuclear-strength Tylenol will kill your headache.)

According to a new poll …
5. The Middletons (Duchess Catherine, aka Kate, sister Pippa, etc)
4. The Carters (Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and Blue Ivy)
3. The Jolie-Pitts (Brangelina and brood)
2. The Kardashians (all the ‘K’ girls and their dysfunctional parents)
1. The Beckhams (David, Victoria, new model Romeo, Brooklyn, Cruz)

A Chinese kindergarten has reportedly begun charging parents about $13-a-month for their kids to receive daily hugs from teachers. The alleged ‘hug fee’ of 80 yuan covers one hug in the morning and one hug at the end of the day. A Chinese blogger first wrote about the fee after discovering a friend’s child had been charged for hugs. According to “Digital Journal”, parents have no idea they’re paying for hugs as schools disguise the charge as a ‘quality education fee’. (Around here, we fire teachers for showing some love.)

• After a minute on the floor, food has 10 times more bacteria than after 5 seconds. (Seems the ‘5 Second Rule’ is actually true!)
– “The Atlantic”
• 15 of the 25 worst mass shootings in the last 50 years took place in the United States. (Time to stop confusing the sacrosanct Second Amendment with common sense.)


1966 [46] Chris Robinson, Atlanta GA, rock singer (Black Crowes-“She Talks to Angels”, “Hard to Handle”)/married to actress Kate Hudson 2000-06

1982 [30] David Cook, Houston TX, pop singer (“Light On”, “The Time of My Life”)/”American Idol” 7 winner (2008)

1983 [29] Jonah Hill, Mill Valley CA, movie actor (“Moneyball”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)

1990 [22] JoJo (Joanna Levesque), Foxborough MA, pop singer (“Too Little Too Late”, “Leave [Get Out]”)/movie actress (“RV”, “Shark Tale”)

• “International Human Solidarity Day”, a UN observance since 2005 to remind us of the importance of solidarity and the spirit of sharing in combatting poverty worldwide.

• “Re-Gifting Day”, an annual observance on the Thursday before Christmas week. Passing something onward that you’ve been given is becoming increasingly acceptable. Research shows that 40% of office party gifts, for instance, are re-gifted.

1989 [23] Michael Moore’s “Roger & Me” opens, the first of his ambush-style documentaries (later followed by “Bowling for Columbine”, “Fahrenheit 9/11”, “Sicko”, etc)

2009 [03] 32-year-old movie actress Brittany Murphy (“8 Mile”, “Clueless”) collapses and dies in her Hollywood Hills, California home after cardiac arrest

1952 [60] Jimmy Boyd’s “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” hits #1 on pop charts

1980 [32] 1st (and only) NFL telecast with NO announcers (as a stunt, NBC-TV uses only sounds and graphics for meaningless NY Jets-Miami Dolphins game … sort of like being there)

2007 [05] Queen Elizabeth II becomes Britain’s oldest-ever monarch, surpassing Queen Victoria’s lifespan of 81 years, 7 months, 29 days

[Fri] End Of the World (Mayan Calendar)
[Fri] “Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away 3-D”; “Jack Reacher”; “This Is 40” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Crossword Puzzle Day
[Fri] Humbug Day
[Fri] Homeless Persons’ Remembrance Day
[Fri] Underdog Day
[Fri] Winter Solstice
This Week Is … International Language Week
This Month Is … Safe Toys & Gifts Month


• By leaving Santa a glass of milk and a mutilated squirrel.
• Decorating the tree with slobber-soaked tennis balls.
• Laying by the fire with a nice brandy, licking themselves.
• Gingerbread-flavored worm pills.
• Attending candlelight vigil to remember neutered brothers.
• Praying for peace on Earth and a slightly larger hole in the fence to the collie’s yard.
• Drinking eggnog out of the toilet bowl.

☎ If tomorrow really IS the end of the world, what do you need to get done today?

In Victorian times, most Londoners would have been familiar with the ‘goose club’. What was it?
a. A pantomime troupe specializing in slapstick.
b. A stout stick used for slaughtering geese.
c. A method of saving to buy a Christmas goose. [CORRECT. Goose clubs were popular with working-class Londoners, who paid a few pence a week towards the cost.]

I have an irregular heartbeat pa-rum-pum-pum-pum … rum-pum-pum-pum …

Question: Last Christmas THIS was the most re-gifted item over the holidays.
Answer: A picture frame.

If it’s not worth doing, it’s not worth doing well.

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