Wednesday, December 21, 2011       Edition: #4656
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” will be shutting down for the holidays from December 24-January 1 inclusive. All subscribers will receive account credits for missed service days.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Actor Gerard Butler (“300”) has been briefly hospitalized after a surfing stunt for the upcoming movie “Of Men & Mavericks” went wrong and he took 4 or 5 waves to the head, then was dragged through giant rocks (he’s fine – physically) . . . Director James Cameron has been hit with a $2.5-billion lawsuit over allegations he stole the idea for his 2009 sci-fi epic “Avatar”, screenwriter Bryant Moore claiming numerous similarities to his scripts for “Aquatica” and “Descendants: The Pollination” (which he just remembered some 2-plus years later) . . . The final figures are in and last week’s auctions of memorabilia from late screen legend Elizabeth Taylor (jewels, gowns, art, etc) scored a massive take of over $156.6 million (more than 3 times expectations) . . . GLBT activist and recent “Dancing With The Stars” contestant Chaz Bono’s official status is ‘single’ again after calling off his engagement to Jennifer Elias (reason not yet revealed, but you can bet gossip sites are working on it!) . . . Actor Terrence Howard (“Iron Man”, “Crash”) has stepped up his ugly divorce battle, asking a court for a restraining order against his estranged wife Michelle Ghent, whom he accuses of transforming from a ‘loving, gentle person into a monster’ (ain’t divorce grand?) . . . Actress-director Angelina Jolie says she’s learning French in order to keep up with her 6 kids who are already fluent (Jolie’s late mother Marcheline Bertrand had French-Canadian ancestry) . . . New Yorker Gilberto Sanchez, who uploaded a rough copy of “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” to the Internet a month before it opened in theaters in 2009, has just been sentenced to a year in federal prison (that’s harsh – what about the street vendor that sold it to him?) . . . And  34-year-old Steve Jones has reportedly not had his contract renewed to host “The X Factor” (FOX) for a 2nd season, thanks in part to less-than-stellar reviews (this is shocking – there’s going to be another season?).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Common (“The Dreamer, The Believer”).
• “A Home For the Holidays With Martina McBride” (CBS) – The annual special that celebrates child adoption features appearances by adoptive moms Denise Richards and Katherine Heigl; performances by Christina Perri, Gavin DeGraw, Justin Bieber, Mary J Blige, and OneRepublic.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Jack’s Mannequin (“People & Things”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Kylesa (“Spiral Shadow”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Black Dub (“Black Dub”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – J Cole (“Cole World: The Sideline Story”).
• “A Michael Bublé Christmas” (NBC) – The crooner performs songs from his latest holiday album, “Christmas”. Guests include Justin Bieber, Kellie Pickler, Thalia. First aired on December 6th.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Legendary crooner Johnny Mathis.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV) – The remaining finalists perform.

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Bon Jovi – The Internet has been rife with rumors that Jon Bon Jovi died of a heart attack on Monday. ‘Bon Jovi Dead’ then quickly became a top trending topic on Twitter. So is it true? No.
• Evanescence – Amy Lee says she’s still adjusting to being back onstage after a 5-year hiatus from performing. Among the challenges: “How to say stuff in between songs that doesn’t sound stupid.”
• 50 Cent – He’s teaming with legendary soul singer Chaka Khan in the recording studio and says he’s optimistic the outcome will be a big success. Quote: “We’re working on a project … hit music.”
• Lady Gaga – Her duet with Elton John, “Hello Hello” from the movie “Gnomeo & Juliet”, has been included on the long-list of 39 songs in consideration for the upcoming Academy Awards. The list will be whittled down to 5 contenders, to be revealed January 24th.
• Paul McCartney – He’s announced his first studio release in 5 years is coming in February, featuring a mix of covers and original compositions.
• Rihanna – “Us Weekly” reports she takes her beauty regimen very seriously. Case in point … she recently had her people line up an ‘emergency bikini wax’ at 2 am after she arrived at a hotel late and had a video to shoot the next morning.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:

• “The Adventures of Tintin” ( PG Animated Adventure ): The Belgian globetrotter is beloved in Europe where this film’s already a huge hit. In this first installment of what will likely be a series, ‘Tintin’ and ‘Captain Haddock’ set off on a hunt for a sunken ship. Directed by Steven Spielberg; voice cast includes Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost.
NET: http://www.tintin.com
• “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” ( R-Rated Thriller ): Daniel Craig stars as journalist ‘Mikael Blomkvist’, who’s aided in his search for a missing woman by quirky computer hacker ‘Lisbeth Salander’ (Rooney Mara). An English-language adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s best-seller that will have to be awfully good to top the Swedish film. Co-stars Stellan Skarsgard, Robin Wright.
NET: http://www.dragontattoo.net
• “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” (PG-13 Action Adventure opens wide ): Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, and Paula Patton star in this 4th instalment in the franchise in which the ‘IMF’ is shut down after being implicated in a bombing of the Kremlin. That causes ‘Ethan Hunt’ and his new team to go rogue in order to clear their organization’s name.
NET: http://www.missionimpossible.com

WEIRD CHRISTMAS SUPERSTITIONS:
• Place shoes side-by-side on Christmas Eve to prevent a quarreling family. (Or get a turkey with 6 drumsticks.)
• On Christmas Eve all animals can speak, but it is bad luck to hear them. (Especially if its your lecherous uncle Hans.)
• Wearing new shoes on Christmas Day will bring bad luck. (As well as aching feet.)
• Snow on Christmas means Easter will be green. (Duh, like when wasn’t it?)
• If you don’t eat any plum pudding, you will lose a friend before the next Christmas. (Probably the one who made the pudding.)
• If you refuse mince pie at Christmas dinner you will have bad luck for a year. (But you’ll save the embarrassment of upchucking on the dinner table.)
• A blowing wind on Christmas Day brings good luck. (But not right after dinner.)
• It’s bad luck to let any fire go out in your house during the Christmas season. (So let the whole shebang burn to the ground.)
– Santas.net

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Christmas Tree Syndrome’ – An illness discovered by scientists at New York’s Upstate Medical University that’s caused by mold growing on Christmas trees. The spores of conifers can lead to problems when breathed in. (Artificial tree owners are gloating … yet again.)
• ‘Hopium’ – The irrational belief that, despite all evidence to the contrary, things will turn out for the best. (If Obama’s to win another term as US president, he needs to start dealing another hit of hopium … fast!)
• ‘Shrinkage’ – A term within the retail industry for shoplifting. (Thanks to the continuing tough economy, stores are expecting even more ‘shrinkage’ than usual this holiday season.)

FORGET ABOUT FEEDING FESTIVE FOOD TO FIDO:
A little indulgence with fruitcake and stuffed turkey is fine for human beings during the holidays but can be life-threatening for household pets. Australian veterinarian Mark Lawrie warns that pet owners could find themselves with an emergency on their hands over the holidays if they feed their animals human treats. He warns that feeding fatty meats to cats and dogs can induce painful pancreatitis; chocolate can be toxic; and onions can cause red blood cells to burst. (In humans, all this excess just induces slumping on the sofa.)
– ANI

HOW TO HAVE AN OLD-FASHIONED CHRISTMAS:
• Make all the gifts yourself. (Knit each of your children a pair of long-johns … and an orange.)
• Cut your own tree, if you have time tromp through the woods. (If you don’t have time, tromp through the mall and cut an artificial tree.)
• String popcorn and cranberries on the tree. (If you stick yourself with the needle, try to bleed on the cranberries, not the popcorn.)
• Have a skating party on your swimming pool. (If it’s not frozen over, use skates with pontoons. If you don’t have a swimming pool, cover your patio with ice cubes.)
• Buy a goose. (Then relax and try to spend the holidays as loose as your goose.)
• Roast the goose slowly in a wood burning stove until the house is filled with a mouth-watering aroma and eye-watering smoke. (Then, chances are, your goose is cooked.)
– HaLife.com

HOTTEST WOMEN OF ALL-TIME:
Here’s a new ranking that makes for a good argument-starter. Are these the all-time top femme fatales?
5. Madonna
4. Britney Spears
3. Marilyn Monroe
2. Raquel Welch
1. Jennifer Aniston
– MensHealth.com

HOW TO GET RID OF CAROLERS:

If carolers knocking on your door drive you crackers, here are a couple ways to turf them out …
– Answer the door in a robe or towel. Embarrassed, the carolers may simply leave. Nudity (even partial) may offend them and make them unable to sing. To add to the effect, call to another  person inside the house (real or imaginary), “I’ll be right back!”
– “Send them to someone else. Smile and point to the house of a stranger or a neighbor you dislike, and say, “My friend over there really loves carols!” A house that is lavishly decorated for the season will prove irresistible to them.
– “The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays”

DID YOU KNOW?
Each year some 45 million animals are killed worldwide for their fur.
– TTP

BS CHRONOMETER 12.21.11


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [63] Samuel L Jackson, Washington DC, movie actor (“Iron Man” movies, “Pulp Fiction”)

1957 [54] Ray Romano, Queens NY, movie actor (“Ice Age” movies)/TV actor (“Men Of a Certain Age” 2009-11, “Everybody Loves Raymond” 1996-2005)

1966 [45] Kiefer Sutherland, London UK, TV actor (“24” 2001-10)/movie actor (“The Wild”, “A Few Good Men”)  BS FACTOID: His new FOX-TV drama “Touch” previews on January 25th; the season debut is March 19th. He plays a father who discovers his autistic, mute son can actually predict events before they happen.

1982 [29] Anna Bulbrook, LA CA, alt-rock musician (Airborne Toxic Event-“Changing”, “Sometime Around Midnight”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Crossword Puzzle Day”, celebrating the date in 1913 when the first ‘Crossword Puzzle’ was published in the “New York World”. Arthur Wynne devised what he called a ‘Word-Cross’ for the Christmas edition, having no idea he would be starting a worldwide craze.

• “Global Orgasm for World Peace”, the 6th annual attempt to join the world’s citizens in a simultaneous orgasm combined with thoughts of peace and love for all humanity. This solstice synchronized celebration was initiated by a pair of peace activists wishing to ‘effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy’.
NET: http://globalorgasm.org

• “Homeless Persons Memorial Day”, observed since 1990 to bring attention to the tragedy of homelessness and to remember those who have paid the ultimate price for living on the street.
NET: http://www.nationalhomeless.org/projects/memorial/index.html

• “Humbug Day”, when 12 ‘humbugs’ are allowed to be uttered in order to vent the frustrations of preparing for the holidays.

• “Winter Solstice” happens overnight tonight with Winter officially arriving December 22 at 12:30 am EST. That makes today and tomorrow the shortest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. The solstice is celebrated in many ways …
– “National Flashlight Day”, a tongue-in-cheek commemoration of the year’s longest night.
– “Mumping Day” in England, traditionally when the poor go house-to-house begging for food.
– In the Wicca religion it’s “Yule”, marking the death of the Sun-God and his rebirth from the Earth Goddess. (Source of ‘Yule log’.)
– Iranians celebrate with “Yalda”, when fires and lights are lit and families stay up all night to help the Sun battle against darkness.
– The annual “Yukon International Storytellers Festival” features all-night music and stories in Whitehorse, Yukon.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .

2001 [10] “A Beautiful Mind”, starring Russell Crowe, opens in movie theaters (eventually wins 4 Academy Awards)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1937 [74] 1st full-length animated movie opens in theaters, Disney’s “Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs”

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Haiku Poetry Day
[Fri] “We Bought a Zoo” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Christmas Eve
[Sun] Christmas
[Sun] “The Darkest Hour”; “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close”; “War Horse” open in movie theaters
[Mon] Boxing Day
This Week Is … Halcyon Days
This Month Is … Colorectal Cancer Education & Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS


BS WAYS TO HAVE A MERRIER CHRISTMAS:
• Hide all your toys before Christmas Eve so Santa won’t think you already have too many.
• Do NOT teach your cat to meow “Jingle Bells.”
• While printing your own Christmas cards on your inkjet, do NOT give yourself a green thumb.
• When caroling, if a homeowner throws hot cocoa on you, avoid giving an encore.
• Never tell a Salvation Army volunteer she has a cute pot.
• Never EVER stand under a pear tree.
– Thanks to Joe Hickman

BS PHONE STARTER:
What unusual food do you think everyone should try a bite of before they die?

BS RANDOM JOKE:

A friend is someone who likes you … even after they know you.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: New research shows that THIS is more contagious amongst family and friends.
Answer: Yawning,

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

Nothing’s impossible for those who don’t have to do it.


Printer Friendly Version