Friday, December 3, 2010        Edition: #4400
Sheet For Brains!

The new edition of “Us Weekly” has the first photos of actor Jake Gyllenhaal & superstar singer Taylor Swift’s romantic Thanksgiving weekend (it’s starting to seem less off a PR stunt and more like the real deal – sorta) . . . That upcoming “X-Men” spin-off movie has a new title, simply “The Wolverine” (finally, Hollywood’s ended its love affair with excessive punctuation in sequels) . . . “National Enquirer” is reporting that 48-year-old Tom Cruise has been raiding wife Katie Holmes’ stash of beauty & makeup supplies in an attempt to remain youthful looking (or maybe he just likes to play dress-up?) . . . The ‘Kardashian MasterCard’ has been dropped, purportedly due to ‘unreasonable fees’ (BS translation: Few people wanted to flash a card with the Kardashian sisters plastered all over it) . . . Movie star Julia Roberts has reportedly been paid $1.5 million to appear in an Italian ad for a coffee-maker – and she doesn’t even have any lines (a lot of money for a smile & a wink!) . . . TMZ reports that 49-year-old actress Heather Locklear, who just returned to LA from shooting the TV movie “He Loves Me” in Vancouver, has been hospitalized for a ‘bacterial infection’ (oh oh, did somebody fall off the wagon?) . . . And today’s good news: 66-year-old actor Michael Douglas (“Wall Street” films) tells “Hollywood Reporter” he’s ready to go back to work, playing the title role in Steven Soderbergh’s “Liberace” bio-pic but first – he’ll take his family on a trip around-the-world (a January scan will determine if his stage 4 throat cancer tumor has been effectively eliminated).

• “CMT Artists Of the Year” (CMT) – Tonight Kevin Costner hosts a 90-minute pre-taped special saluting Carrie Underwood, Jason Aldean, Lady Antebellum, Taylor Swift, and Zac Brown Band. Performers include Kid Rock, Luke Bryan, Martina McBride, Randy Travis, and Reba McEntire.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Adele (“21”, coming in 2011).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight OK Go (“Of the Blue Colour Of the Sky”), whose unique videos have generated over 125 million views online.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Metric (“Fantasies”).
• “Kennedy Center Honors” (Washington DC) – Saturday the 2010 honorees of the Kennedy Center For the Performing Arts include country legend Merle Haggard, media mogul Oprah Winfrey, and singer/songwriter Paul McCartney. The taped gala will air December 28th on CBS.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Built To Spill (“There Is No Enemy”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Michael Franti (“The Sound of Sunshine”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight GWAR (“Bloody Pit of Horror”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tonight Bruno Mars (“Doo-Wops & Hooligans”); Cher (“Burlesque”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today 3OH!3 (“Streets Of Gold”).
• “NASCAR Sprint Series Awards Ceremony” (Speed) – Tonight in Las Vegas comedian Frank Caliendo (“Fox NFL Sunday”) hosts a salute to 2010 NASCAR Sprint Cup champ Jimmie Johnson & the top 12 drivers from the series’ final standings. Rascal Flatts performs.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host actor Robert DeNiro (“Little Fockers”); musical guest Diddy-Dirty Money (“Last Train to Paris”).
• “The Simpsons” (FOX/Global) – Sunday in a special Christmas-themed episode the animated characters are rendered as live-action puppets. Katy Perry plays bartender ‘Moe’s girlfriend.
• “VH1 Divas Salute The Troops” (VH1) – Sunday Katy Perry, Keri Hilson, Nicki Minaj, and Sugarland perform for the troops at Marine Corps Air Station Miramar in San Diego CA.
• “X Factor” (ITV) – Saturday Black Eyed Peas (“The Time [Dirty Bit]”) and the cast of “Glee” (FOX) perform on the semi-final of Simon Cowell’s UK talent show. (A US version of the show debuts in September 2011 on FOX.)

• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi says his band will likely take a hiatus after their extensive 2011 world tour that’s scheduled to wrap in Lisbon, Portugal next July 31st.
• Britney Spears – Her reps are adamantly denying claims from Jason Alexander (her ex-husband of 55 hours) that her agent-turned-boyfriend Jason Trawick physically abuses her.
• The Clash – A new biopic is in the works, to be exec-produced by Mick Jones & Paul Simonon themselves. The film will focus on the making of their classic 1979 album “London Calling”.
• Garth Brooks – Tonight he returns to perform more weekend solo dates at the Encore Theater at Wynn Las Vegas. And even more are scheduled in January & February.
• Johnny Cash – Sunday in Beverley Hills CA a huge Julien’s auction of his personal belongings
is expected to gross upwards of $600,000. Among the 1,000 lots: Instruments, handwritten lyrics, and stage outfits.
• Lady Gaga – She’s revealed that the first single from her next album, “Born This Way”, will drop in February.
• Montgomery Gentry – Saturday they wrap their touring for 2010 by performing a pre-game concert at the ACC championship football game in Charlotte NC. Eddie Montgomery will then undergo surgery for prostate cancer later this month. According to “The Boot”, Eddie’s wife is suing him for divorce, allegedly because she can’t deal with his cancer diagnosis.
• U2 – Bono tells MTV they may have a new album by the end of their “U2 360 Tour” next year.

• “The Warrior’s Way” ( R-Rated Western Fantasy ): A warrior-assassin (Jang Dong-gun) is forced to hide out in a small town in the American Badlands after refusing a mission. Co-stars Kate Bosworth, Geoffrey Rush. Shot in Auckland, New Zealand.
• Opening in limited release: “All Good Things”, starring Ryan Gosling & Kirsten Dunst; “Black Swan”, starring Natalie Portman & Mila Kunis.

“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” ( PG-13 Romantic Fantasy ): In the series’ 3rd chapter, the battle for Kristen Stewart’s ‘Bella’ character grows more intense between her vampire beau ‘Edward’ (Robert Pattinson) and her lycanthropic pal ‘Jacob’ (Taylor Lautner). “Eclipse” cleaned up a whopping $693 million in worldwide box office after its June 30th theater release.

Many make mistakes at their annual holiday season office party, from over-imbibing to blurting out something embarrassing. A bit of advice for the regretful …
• Keep in mind that you are not the only person who has made a mistake or said something inappropriate at some point. Time does seem to heal embarrassing situations.
• It’s important that you forgive yourself and learn from the incident. Over the next several months it would be wise to stay on the conservative side of behavior and be extra cautious about what you say.
• Once you have apologized for the incident, you may want to send a heartfelt note of regret. After that, let it go and refrain from apologizing repeatedly. The more you verbalize your regret, the longer the incident stays fresh.
– “San Francisco Chronicle”

• Four British tourists have been arrested in Latvia after being found naked astride a life-sized wooden horse in temperatures of -15 C (5 F). Police say the men were posing for pictures at the time of their arrest in Riga and were clearly under the influence of alcohol. (They base that assumption on the fact that … they were found sitting naked astride a life-sized wooden horse.)
• Washington State Potato Commission chief Chris Voigt claims he’s lost 20 lbs by adhering to …. an all potato diet. During the 60-day experiment the former 200-pounder consumed a total of 400 lbs of spuds. He did it to protest a government advisory calling for the replacement of potatoes on school lunch menus to create more diversity. (Hey Chris, you want fries with that?)
– “Daily Telegraph”
• An Australian woman is in serious but stable condition after she was run over by her own car … twice. The 37-year-old failed to use the handbrake after pulling into her steep driveway. The runaway car knocked her to the ground, running over her abdomen and legs. Then, as she lay there injured, the car hit a fence and rolled back toward her, running her over again. Paramedics say she was ‘incredibly lucky’. (Sheesh … imagine if she was unlucky!)
– “Melbourne Age”

Tips to try at your next holiday season get-together to keep a hangover away the next day …
• Eat Before You Drink – Food slows down the absorption of alcohol. Plus, you’ll feel fuller, and may drink at a slower pace.
• Slow Down – Don’t have more than 1 drink per hour. This is the maximum rate at which most people’s bodies can process alcohol.
• Switch It Up – Alternate between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks (or water). You will stay hydrated and slow the pace at which the alcohol gets absorbed into your bloodstream.
• Stick With Light-Colored Drinks – Think vodka, gin, or white wine. Dark-colored drinks such as rum, whisky, and red wine contain chemicals called congeners, which are more likely to produce hangover symptoms.
– Condensed from “Best Health”

A Chinese woman has given up her job, her home, and her car to adopt … over 1,500 stray dogs. Ha Wenjin sold her house, vehicle, and jewelry to set up her unofficial dog rescue center in Nanjing. She has taken on 10 workers to help look after the dogs and another 2 to help care for 200 adopted cats. But her project has grown so unwieldy – and noisy – she’s being forced to move to a more rural site. She’s hoping that lots of volunteers show up today to help her move her animals on 4 buses, as well as clean the vehicles afterwards. (Oh, please … pick me!)
– Orange News

• A record 690,923 international students attended American colleges and universities last year, according to a recent report from the Institute of International Education.
– “China Daily”
• In 1985, it took 16-plus hours to download 1 GB. Today? Just a little more than a minute. My, how times have changed!


1948 [62] Ozzy (John) Osbourne, Birmingham UK, rock singer (“Let Me Hear You Scream”, ex-Black Sabbath-“Paranoid”)/reality TV star (“The Osbournes” 2002-05)/husband of Sharon/father of Kelly, Jack, and Aimee

1955 [55] Steven Culp, La Jolla CA, TV actor (‘Rex Van De Kamp’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

1960 [50] Julianne Moore, Fayetteville NC, movie actress (“The Kids Are All Right”, “The Hours”)

1968 [42] Brendan Fraser, Indianapolis IN, movie actor (“The Mummy” films, “Crash”)

1985 [25] Amanda Seyfried, Allentown PA, movie actress (“Letters to Juliet”, “Mean Girls”)

Movie actor Jeff Bridges (“Crazy Heart”) is 61; Country musician Brian Prout (Diamond Rio) is 55; Movie actress Marisa Tomei (“The Wrestler”) is 46; Comedian Fred Armisen (“Saturday Night Live”) is 44; Rapper Jay-Z (“Empire State of Mind”) is 41; Model/TV personality Tyra Banks (“America’s Next Top Model”) is 37.

Rock singer-guitarist John Rzeznik (Goo Goo Dolls) is 45; Country singer Gary Allan (“Watching Airplanes”) is 43; R&B singer-songwriter Keri Hilson (“Knock You Down”) is 28.

• “Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day”, a day for the boss to pass out ‘attaboys’. (Because it’s far cheaper than year-end bonuses.)
• “International Day of Disabled Persons”, sponsored by the United Nations.
• “Roof Over Your Head Day”, to draw attention to the plight of the homeless.

• “Cookie Day”, celebrating the yummiest treat of all. What’s the best kind? Chocolate chip? Oatmeal and raisin? Peanut butter with macadamia nuts?
• “St Barbara’s Day”, patron saint of firemen, architects, mathematicians, fireworks, miners, sailors, and against lightning, fire, explosions, and sudden death. Tradition has it that girls should place a cherry tree twig in a glass of water on this day. According to the old custom, if it blooms by Christmas Eve, they’ll marry in the next year.
• “Wear Brown Shoes Day” for some unknown reason. To get the full effect, make sure you wear ‘em with something black.

• “AFL-CIO Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1955 merger of the American Federation of Labor and the Congress of Industrial Organizations to form the largest federation of unions in the USA & Canada.
• “Bathtub Party Day”, encouraging a luxurious long, hot bath to develop inner peace. Almost everyone nowadays takes showers, so here’s a day to recall some of the luxury of days gone by.
• “International Day Of the Ninja”, when you’re encouraged to dress like a ninja and run wild in the streets.
• “International Volunteer Day”, initiated by the UN to heighten public and government awareness of voluntary contributions, and to focus on encouraging people to become volunteers, both at home and abroad.
• “Tinsel Day”, in honor of your cat’s favorite gagging toy, your 2-year-old’s favorite poisonous snack, your vacuum cleaner’s favorite clogging device, and your home’s greatest holiday fire hazard. Looks festive though, doesn’t it?

1964 [46] 1st broadcast of the “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” TV special (wow, that claymation looks almost real, doesn’t it?)

1621 [389] 1st ‘Telescope’ invented by Galileo (next day his neighbors get mini-blinds)

1984 [26] Oldest-known bridegroom (103-year-old Harry Stevens of Wisconsin)

[Mon] “American Country Awards” (FOX)
[Mon] Miners Day
[Mon] Pawnbrokers Day
[Mon] St Nicholas Day
[Tues] International Civil Aviation Day
[Wed] International Anti-Corruption Day
[Wed] Salesperson Day
This Week Is … Aplastic Anemia Awareness Week
This Month Is … Universal Human Rights Month


Hard to believe, but these are real products currently available online …
• ‘12 Shots of Christmas Shot Glass Wreath’ – A shot-a-day keeps Winter blues away! $14.95
• ‘Santa’s Coal Bubblegum’ – Yum! Black gum for someone who has been naughty. $1.95
• ‘Do You Hear What I Hear Farting Santa’ – A thoughtful gift for your mother-in-law? $24.95
• ‘Blitzed’n The Drunken Singing Reindeer’ – As if your lush uncle isn’t bad enough. $16.95
• ‘Foiled Chocolate Holiday Lights’ – And you taught your kids not to eat the ornaments. $5.95
• ‘Pooping Reindeer Candy Dispenser’ – His nose is red because he grunts too hard! $4.95

So what’s the deal with gift cards? How have we been persuaded that they’re a more ‘thoughtful’ gift alternative to simply writing a cheque? Gift cards can be a rip-off: Some are worth less than face value due to an ‘activation fee’; some diminish in value the longer they’re held onto; some have an expiry date. On top of all that, many recipients simply don’t want them. It’s estimated that more than 10% of the gift cards bought this year won’t ever get used. So why not just give the gift of money? It’s redeemable at most retail outlets!

A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.

You are spending entirely too much on brooms. How can you make your new broom last longer?
a. Spray it evenly all over with hairspray.
b. Soak the broom in hot, heavily salted water. [CORRECT]
c. Rub Vaseline into the broomcorn.

Which profession that doesn’t receive tips should?

Today’s Question: After ‘leaving the toilet seat up’, THIS is the most annoying habit that peeves women about their husbands according to a recent survey.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: ‘Leaving wet towels on the bed’.

No one can see their reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see.

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