Monday, December 3, 2012        Edition: #4881

Sheet For Brains!

• Now this is surprising – after a long court battle and ugly fistfight outside her house, Halle Berry and her ex Gabriel Aubry have settled their differences over custody of 4-year-old daughter Nahla. Her attorney has announced ‘the parties have reached an amicable agreement’ and that ‘there will be no further statements regarding this matter’. Just exactly what was agreed to has not been made public. (Wow, who negotiated this miracle? Have them contact the NHL!)
• The long-awaited screen adaptation of the hit musical “Les Misérables” isn’t scheduled to arrive until Christmas Day, but members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences have been treated to an early presentation hosted by the movie’s director, Tom Hooper, and many are saying the flick is the new frontrunner for the ‘Best Picture’ Oscar. Other movies thought to be in contention are “Argo”, “Life of Pi”, “Lincoln”, and “The Silver Linings Playbook”. (Funny, no mention of Adam Sandler’s “That’s My Boy”.)
– QMI Agency
• Model-turned-TV personality Heidi Klum has finally celebrated Halloween in December as she hosted her annual costume party in NYC on Saturday. The bash was due to be held October 31st but Klum postponed it because she ‘didn’t think it was right to dress up’ just days after Superstorm Sandy. Famous for her elaborate costumes at the annual event, Klum had hundreds of crystals glued to her face and donned a cleavage-baring dress with elaborate gold headpiece and to transform into Egyptian queen Cleopatra. (After Lindsay Lohan’s gawd-awful “Liz & Dick” movie, you’d think she would have opted for a different get-up.)
• Actress Eva Longoria walked down the aisle on Saturday … but only as a bridesmaid at TV personality Mario Lopez’s romantic beach wedding. Lopez wed fiancée Courtney Mazza at Joe Francis’ Casa Aramara villa in Punta Mita, Mexico. The couple’s 2-year-old daughter Gia was the flower girl, donning a dress to match her mom’s wedding gown. The ceremony was taped for the TV special “Mario & Courtney’s Wedding Fiesta” which will air December 8th. (Which is tackier, selling out your wedding to TV or holding it at a resort funded by “Girls Gone Wild”?)
• David Beckham has left the Los Angeles Galaxy on a winning note as the team won the Major League Soccer Cup a 2nd time, defeating Houston Dynamo 3-1 on Saturday at the Home Depot Center in Carson, California. He failed to score during the match but was given a standing ‘O’ from fans anyway. His sons Brooklyn, Romeo, and Cruz helped him celebrate the victory by joining him on the winners’ podium, each wearing a T-shirt with his #23 and the name ‘DADDY’ on the back. (The cheering was overwhelmed by the sound of his private jet revving up with wife Victoria aboard, chomping at the bit for their bolt back to Britain.)
• And this is just dumb – “Playboy” founder Hugh Hefner (86) is apparently engaged to former ‘Playmate Of the Month’ Crystal Harris (26) … again. The pair, who are separated by a sizeable 60 years, are reportedly set to walk down the aisle at the Playboy Mansion on New Year’s Eve. They were set to marry in 2011 but Harris bailed just 5 days before the planned June 14th ceremony, thereby publicly humiliating the aging magazine mogul. Sources claim Harris needed time apart to ‘find her own two feet and develop some independence’, something she apparently feels she has now achieved. (BS translation: He’s doubled her ‘fee’.)

• “Blake Shelton’s Not So Family Christmas” (NBC) – Following his appearance on “The Voice” tonight the country star’s new holiday season special airs, featuring a slew of guests including Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson, Jay Leno, Larry the Cable Guy, Reba McEntire, and, of course, wife Miranda Lambert.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Punch Brothers (“Ahoy!”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (“Soul Time”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Titus Andronicus (“Local Business”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Richie Sambora (“Aftermath Of the Lowdown”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Dave Matthews (“Away From the World”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Led Zeppelin’s Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones (“Celebration Day”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Polyphonic Spree (“Holidaydream: Sounds Of the Holidays Vol One).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The top 6 artists perform.

• Big & Rich – Tonight at the 4th annual African Children’s Choir Benefit Gala in NYC, Big Kenny Alphin receives the ‘Malaika Award’ in recognition of his work in the Sudan.
• Carrie Underwood – She’s set to play ‘Maria von Trapp’ in NBC-TV’s upcoming version of “The Sound of Music”, based on the original Broadway musical. The 3-hour live event will air sometime around the holiday season in 2013.
• Christina Perri – She’s working her new album with Atlantic Records for which she has ‘25 ideas’ that she needs to whittle down to 15 tracks by the end of January.
• Jennifer Lopez – Now on her world tour, she’s picked up a sizable stipend for appearing at the grand opening of the world’s largest Audi showroom in Dubai UAE.
• Lady Antebellum – Tonight they perform a special holiday concert at Nashville’s Schermerhorn Symphony Center titled “On This Winter’s Night”. The show includes holiday tunes accompanied by a full orchestra as well as their biggest hits backed by their live band.
• Metallica – They’ve just launched their own record label, Blackened Recordings, which they say offers them the ‘ultimate in independence’.
• Mumford & Sons – Winston Marshall says they’re in the very early stages of writing songs for a follow-up to their highly successful album “Babel”. He says they find rehearsals the most productive time for creating new music.
• Muse – They’ve just cancelled a string of European shows because frontman Matt Bellamy has broken 2 bones in his foot and doesn’t feel performing on crutches would be fair to fans.
• One Direction –  According to “Daily Star Sunday” they’re in advanced talks with MTV about appearing on a new reality series following the day-to-day doings of the Brit boy-band. Tonight they play a much-hyped one-off show at NYC’s Madison Square Garden.
• Rihanna – She’s Instagrammed a cuddly photo of her with Chris Brown, captioned with the lyrics to “Nobody’s Business”. Wonder why she keeps trying to make it our business?
• The Wanted – Max George says Lindsay Lohan’s NYC nightclub fight last Thursday has been blown out of proportion. He also denies he was the center of the altercation, after some reports suggested Lohan got ticked when psychic Tiffany Mitchell began flirting with him. George’s bandmate Jay McGuiness later wore a ‘Free Lindsay’ T-shirt during their NYC concert.

Highlights of the ‘Fantasy Gifts & Experiences’ available in the 86th edition of the “Christmas Book” catalogue from luxury retailer Neiman Marcus …
• Annie: The Musical Walk-On Role – The buyer of this exclusive gift will be taking the stage in one of theater’s most beloved plays … $30,000.
• “Snowy Owl” by Robert Wilson – A video portrait ‘painting’ that catches the viewer off guard when the subject unexpectedly breathes, blinks, and shifts position … $70,000.
• Pinel & Pinel Arcade PS Trunk – A luxurious calfskin trunk chock full of oodles of videogames and all the paraphernalia to play them, including sound system, microphones, etc … $90,000.
• Jetlev R200 – A water-propelled jetpack that will send you soaring. Comes with 2 helmet radios, a remote throttle-control and, most importantly, a Pilot Certification Training & Safety Course … $99,500.
• Heritage Hen Mini Farm – The poshest henhouse ever imagined! The custom-made multilevel dwelling features a nesting area, a ‘living room’ for nighttime roosting, a broody room, and a library filled with chicken and gardening books for visitors of the human kind … $100,000.
• Bulleit Frontier Whiskey Woody-Tailgate Trailer – Everything needed for a top-notch tailgate party in one tow-along trailer, including a hi-tech entertainment system, flat-screen TV, plus a 1-year supply of Bulleit Bourbon and Bulleit Rye Whiskey … $150,000.
• Private Dinner for 10 – A private feast in your home prepared by 4 of the culinary world’s most notable chefs, kicked off with a Casa Dragones tequila-tasting session … $250,000.
• 2013 Neiman Marcus Edition McLaren 12C Spider – 1-of-just-12 made, this technologically advanced supercar features automatic butterfly-wing doors, a 616 HP V8 twin turbo engine, and a stunning 0-to-60 mph elapsed time of just 3.2 seconds. Includes a trip to McLaren HQ in England … $354,000.
• Van Cleef & Arpels ‘Poetic Wish’ his & hers timepieces and a trip to the luxury watchmaker’s Paris boutique and Geneva workshop … $1.09 million.

Are you an optimist? Congratulations, you’ll probably die younger than pessimists. Researchers started off studying 1,500 children, following them through their adult lives, and eventually concluded that the most cheerful kids had shorter lives overall than those who were less cheerful. A likely explanation is that cheerful people are more likely to take potentially
life-shortening risks. (Isn’t that great news. We not only have to put up with grumps … we have to do it longer!)
– “Longevity Project”

According to pre-tax earnings from all sources …
5. Reunited Brit band Take That … $69 million, mainly from an 8-date stand at London’s Wembley Stadium, the highest-grossing single stadium engagement ever.
4. U2 … $78 million.
3. Elton John … $80 million.
2. Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters … $88 million.
1. Dr Dre … $100 million, thanks mostly to sales of his Beats by Dre headphones.

English is India’s only lingua franca, the working language that makes communication possible for all citizens despite their mother tongue. India now claims to be the world’s 2nd-largest English-speaking country. The most reliable estimate is that around 10% of its population, or 125 million people, now speaks English. That total is 2nd only to the USA and it’s expected to quadruple in the next decade. (Meaning India will have almost 10-times the number of English speakers as England … where the language originated.)
– BBC News

• About 7% of the average adult’s weight is made up of blood.
• The lifespan of an eyelash is approximately 150 days.
• There are approximately 60 muscles in the face.
• The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps to squirt blood 30 feet.
• There are approximately 100,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body.


1948 [64] Ozzy (John) Osbourne, Birmingham UK, rock singer (“Let Me Hear You Scream”, Black Sabbath-“Paranoid”)/former reality TV star (“The Osbournes” 2002-05)

1960 [52] Julianne Moore, Fayetteville NC, movie actress (“The Kids Are All Right”, “The Hours”)  UP NEXT: The horror film remake “Carrie”, March 2013.

1968 [44] Brendan Fraser, Indianapolis IN, movie actor (“The Mummy” films, “Crash”)  COMING UP: “Gimme Shelter”, 2013.

1983 [29] Andy Grammer, LA CA, pop singer-songwriter (“Miss Me”, “Keep Your Head Up”)

1985 [27] Amanda Seyfried, Allentown PA, movie actress (“Dear John”, “Mamma Mia!”)  UP NEXT: “Les Misérables”, opening December 25th.

• “International Day of Disabled Persons”, sponsored by the United Nations.

• “Roof Over Your Head Day”, an annual observance to draw attention to the plight of the homeless.

1964 [48] 1st broadcast of the “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” TV special (wow, that claymation looks almost real, doesn’t it?)

1980 [32] Photographer Annie Leibovitz takes the last known photos of John Lennon & Yoko Ono together at their apartment in NYC’s Dakota building

1967 [45] Surgeon Dr Christiaan Barnard performs the 1st-ever heart transplant on 53-year-old Lewis Washkansky at Groote Schuur Hospital in Cape Town, South Africa

1984 [28] Oldest-known bridegroom (103-year-old Harry Stevens of Wisconsin)

1999 [13] Tori Murden becomes 1st woman to row across the Atlantic Ocean solo (Canary Islands to Guadeloupe in 81 days)

[Tues] “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” (CBS)
[Tues] Cookie Day
[Tues] Dice Day
[Wed] “Grammy Nominations Concert Live! – Countdown to Music’s Biggest Night” (CBS)
[Wed] AFL-CIO Day
[Wed] Bathtub Party Day
[Wed] International Ninja Day

Aplastic Anemia Awareness Week / Cookie Cutter Week / Handwashing Awareness Week / Recipe Greetings For the Holidays Week / Tolerance Week


A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
● Price Gougers
● Toys ‘R Defective
● Every Item 7,500 Bucks
● Denture Hut
● Gap for Losers
● Crap Mart
● Hefty Lefties: The Store for Left-Handed Fat Guys
– First published in “BS” 1998.

Never drink black coffee at lunch. It will keep you awake all afternoon.

Where would you find the largest volcano?
a. Alaska.
b. Peru.
c. Mars. [CORRECT. The largest known volcano in the solar system is Olympus Mons on Mars, which towers an amazing 26 km (16 mi) or 3 times the height of Mt Everest.

☎ What’s the worst breakup line someone’s ever used on you?

Question: It’s estimated 1-in-6 of us has attempted THIS holiday tradition at least once.
Answer: Cutting down our own Christmas tree.

The trouble with resisting temptation is that it may never come again.

Big Michael Kaufman @ KIX 104 [KKIX] Fayetteville, Arkansas; Eric Proksch @ 89X [CIMX] Windsor, Ontario; Tom Unwin @ The Platypus [CCKC] Nova Scotia Community College, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia; and Sue Filer @ Bob 105.9 [WQBB] Biloxi-Gulfport, Mississippi.

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