Tuesday, December 4, 2012        Edition: #4882

Sheet Happens!

Former 98 Degrees boy-band singer Nick Lachey (“The Sing-Off”) is heading back to TV to host a new NBC talent show called “The Winner Is”, yet another singing competition featuring judges and contestants vying for a $1-million prize (auditions begin in January) . . . “Hunger Games” author Suzanne Collins is releasing “Year Of the Jungle”, an autobiographical kids’ picture book about her battle with loneliness and despair when her father was sent off to war (um, think we’ll stick with “The Cat In the Hat”) . . . TMZ.com reports IRS authorities have frozen Lindsay Lohan’s personal bank accounts until she settles outstanding taxes said to total close to $234,000 (time to hit up Charlie Sheen for another ‘gift’!) . . . A Canadian edition of CBS-TV’s “The Amazing Race” is being readied for the CTV network (hey, how to go for originality – cloning an 11-year-old show) . . . Worldwide box office for “Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 2” now stands at $702,393,000 after just 3 weeks (now you see why they split the finalé into 2) . . . The new movie “The Sapphires” seems set to dominate the upcoming “AACTA Awards” (Australian Academy Of Cinema & Television Arts) after scoring a massive 12 nominations (the hardware’s handed out in January) . . . France’s former First Lady Carla Bruni is looking to revive her singing career now that husband Nicolas Sarkozy is no longer president (they must be starving!) . . . Filmmaker George Lucas says his involvement in “Star Wars: Episode VII” will be limited and that he intends to leave it up to Disney’s chosen director and producers to carry on his iconic sci-fi story (‘cause he’s already got the money) . . . And in a new interview, former world heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson says he was ‘mad as hell’ in the late 1980s when he walked in on his estranged wife Robin Givens and then-unknown actor Brad Pitt enjoying themselves in her bed (we’re skeptical – if this story were really true, Brad Pitt would be dead).

• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Dwight Yoakam (“3 Pears”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Ke$ha (“Warrior”, out today, which features collaborations with Flaming Lips’ Wayne Coyne, Iggy Pop, Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney, Ben Folds, and will.i.am.)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Vampire Weekend (“Contra”). Rerun.
• “Katie” (syndicated) –  Brit singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran (“iTunes Festival: London 2012”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Family Of the Year (“Loma Vista”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Reba McEntire (“Malibu Country”); Richie Sambora (“Aftermath Of the Lowdown”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Bonnie Raitt (“Slipstream”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – JD McPherson (“Signs & Signifiers”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Ed Sheeran again.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Matisyahu (“Spark Seeker”).
• “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” (CBS) – The annual pre-taped lingerie show from NYC features performances by Bruno Mars, Justin Bieber, and Rihanna. Footage of model Karlie Kloss wearing a Native American-style headdress has been edited out due to protests.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Matchbox Twenty (“North”) performs; Ne-Yo (“R.E.D.”) performs; vocalists face elimination.

• Fleetwood Mac – The geezer rock band is expected to announce 2013 tour dates soon, which will likely begin in April. Lindsey Buckingham says they’ve also done some recording, though it’s unlikely it will result in a full album.
• Gotye – Online music provider Spotify has announced its ‘Top Streamed Songs of 2012’ and Gotye’s hit “Somebody I Use to Know” tops the list, followed by Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” and fun.’s “We Are Young”.
• Green Day – Billie Joe Armstrong, who checked into rehab for substance abuse in September, has put his Newport Beach, California beach home on the market for circa $1.9 million. He and wife Adrienne have owned the property since 2006.
• Johnny Cash – Today Columbia/Legacy releases a massive 63-disc box set entitled “Johnny Cash – The Complete Columbia Album Collection”. 35 of the albums are receiving their first-ever release on CD. Cash spent close to 3 decades on the Columbia label.
• Jonas Bros – Joe Jonas is dating a girl named Blanda Eggenschwiler. Really.
• Michael Bublé – He says his  Argentine actress-wife Luisana Lopilato is responsible for helping him lose weight with a strict diet and exercise regimen.
• One Direction – “Women’s Wear Daily” reports they’ve partnered with fragrance company Olivann Beauty to launch a new scent as well as ‘ancillary products’ in Fall of 2013. The name of the product won’t be revealed until early next year.
• PSY – He’s admitted at a Singapore press conference that he’s getting tired of his viral hit “Gangnam Style” and of showing people how to do the dance, a request he fulfills about 50 times in each city he visits. Quote: “I’m tired about it, but I got to do it … it’s my job.” He’s a pro.
• Smashing Pumpkins – Today their reissue campaign continues with the 1995 album “Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness”. The remastered album is being released in multiple physical and digital configurations, including an expanded ‘Deluxe Box Set’ priced at $127.99.
• 3OH!3 – Their 4th studio album “Omens” is out today. It was recorded in Nathaniel Motte’s basement studio in Boulder, Colorado without any set plan for what eventually came out.
• Wiz Khalifa – Today he releases his sophomore album, “O.N.I.F.C.”, which stands for ‘Only [N-word] In First Class’. (If a word is popularly deemed offensive, shouldn’t it be offensive for anyone to use? For example, should someone mentally deficient refer to themselves as a ‘retard’?)

• “Beasts Of the Southern Wild ( PG-13 Drama Drama): Newcomer Quvenzhane Wallis plays ‘Hushpuppy’, a brave 6-year-old girl in an isolated bayou community who sets out on a journey to the outside world when her father succumbs to a mysterious malady. Co-stars Dwight Henry, Levy Easterly, Pamela Harper.
• “The Dark Knight Rises” ( PG-13 Superhero Action Adventure ): Set 8 years after the events of the previous film (2008), director Christopher Nolan’s final chapter pits ‘Batman’ (Christian Bale) against ‘Bane’ (Tom Hardy) and ‘Catwoman’ (Anne Hathaway). Co-stars Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Also available as part of the new combination release “The Dark Knight Trilogy”.
• “Hope Springs ( PG-13 Dramedy ): Meryl Streep & Tommy Lee Jones play a late-middle-aged couple who, after 30 years of marriage,  find themselves in more than a rut, post-post empty nest. So what to do? They attend an intense, week-long counseling session to work on their relationship. Co-stars Steve Carell, playing it straight as a marriage therapist.
• “The Odd Life of Timothy Green” ( PG Fantasy ): A childless couple bury a box in their backyard, containing all of their wishes for an infant. Soon, a child is born, though ‘Timothy Green’ is not all that he appears. A unique family story about adoption … with a sprinkle of Disney magic. Stars Jennifer Garner, Joel Edgerton, CJ Adams.
• Also released today: “The Adventures of Mark Twain” (Collector’s Edition); “Bob the Builder: Teamwork Time” (Animation); “The Dog Who Saved the Holidays” (Seasonal Comedy); “Eastbound & Down: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); “Elf Man” (Seasonal Comedy); “My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic: Adventures In the Crystal Empire” (Animation); “The Simpsons: The 15th Season” (TV Animation); and “Titanic: Blood & Steel” (TV Historical Drama).

A new study by Spectrem Group finds that when millionaires pick a pet, most choose dogs. Fully 58% of millionaire pet owners have a dog, compared to just 37% who own cats. The millionaire preference for pooches might be explained by the cost of pet ownership. Dogs are far more expensive to own when it comes to feeding, healthcare, and travel. So it might not only have to do with the ability to handle that extra expense, but the perceived prestige of being able to do so. (Hard to believe richies don’t go exotic … say tiger or – even more fitting – shark.)
– HuffingtonPost.com

Reps from 190-plus nations are in Dubai this week to discuss the global Internet’s future. The purpose of the World Conference on International Telecommunications is to update the International Telecommunications Regulations governed by the UN’s ITU Agency, which is responsible for global communication technologies. The outcome of the 2-week session isn’t likely to make much change as no proposal will be accepted if not agreed to by all nations. The last time this global treaty was reconsidered was in 1988. Things have changed somewhat. (If you could alter one thing about the Internet, what would it be?)
– Wired.com

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say …blowing off steam when you’re angry may actually make you angrier. For instance, if you take your anger out on a punching bag, you may experience an increase in your anger. (Especially if the punching bag knocks you down.)
– TheGlobeandMail.com
• Scientists say … more people are reporting that they are sending text messages while asleep, according to the UK’s Neurology Sleep Service. That may seem odd, but it’s actually very common for people to do things in their sleep that they do repeatedly during the day. (You know you’re using technology too much when …)
– BBC News
• Scientists say … the famous saying ‘sleep on it’ may actually be a good idea. Researchers at Lancaster University in Britain have found that sleeping works as a problem solver, but mostly only for difficult problems. (Should I go with the chocolate-dipped doughnut or the Boston cream?)
– HuffingtonPost.com

After tracking over 1,700 just-married individuals over the course of 15 years, researchers have come to the lamentable conclusion that the boost in emotional bonding that occurs just after marriage begins to fade quickly – after about 2 years. In time, romantic love generally morphs into companionate love, a less impassioned blend of deep affection and connection. The reason, experts say, is that human beings are prone to what’s called ‘hedonic adaptation’, an innate capacity to become habituated to most life changes. (BS translation: we get bored.)
– BigThink.com

Turkish plastic surgeon Selahattin Tulunay says the number of ‘mustache implants’ he performs has boomed in the past few years. He now performs 50-to-60 of the procedures per month on patients who hail mostly from the Middle East and travel to Turkey as medical tourists. He says his patients generally want thick mustaches as they feel they will make them look more mature and dignified. (Now that ‘Movember’ is over, there’s likely lots of shaved ‘stache’ that could be exported to Turkey.)
– CNN.com

• Ernest Vincent Wright’s 1939 novel “Gadsby” has 50,110 words, none of which contains the letter ‘e’.
• Picasso could draw before he could walk and his first word was the Spanish word for ‘pencil’.
• The shortest stage play is Samuel Beckett’s “Breath” … 35 seconds of screams and heavy breathing.
– DidYouKnow.org


1949 [63] Jeff Bridges, LA CA, movie actor (“The Big Lebowski”, “Seabiscuit”)/brother of actor Beau Bridges

1955 [57] Brian Prout, Troy NY, country musician (Diamond Rio-“I Believe”, “Beautiful Mess”)

1964 [48] Marisa Tomei, Brooklyn NY, film actress (“The Wrestler”, Oscar-“My Cousin Vinny”)

1969 [43] Jay-Z (Shawn Carter), Brooklyn NY, rap artist-producer (f/Alicia Keys-“Empire State of Mind”, “Show Me What You Got”)/wed to singer Beyoncé (2008)/40-40 Club owner (NYC)/Brooklyn Nets part-owner (NBA)

1970 [42] Kevin Sussman, NYC, TV actor (“The Big Bang Theory” since 2009, “Ugly Betty” 2006-07)

1973 [39] Tyra Banks, Inglewood CA, TV personality (“America’s Next Top Model” since 2003, “The Tyra Banks Show” 2005-10)/former fashion model (“Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show”)

• “Cookie Day”, celebrating the yummiest treat of all. As poet Edgar Guest once wrote: “I’m sorry for people, whoever they are, who live in a house where there’s no cookie jar.” What’s the best kind? Chocolate chip? Oatmeal and raisin? Peanut butter with macadamia nuts?

• “St Barbara’s Day”, patron saint of firemen, architects, mathematicians, fireworks, miners, sailors, and against lightning, fire, explosions, and sudden death (whew!). Tradition has it that girls should place a cherry tree twig in a glass of water on this day. According to the old custom, if it blooms by Christmas Eve, they’ll marry in the next year.

• “Santa’s List Day”, the day the big guy purportedly decides who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.

• “Wear Brown Shoes Day”, for some unknown reason. To get the full effect, make sure you wear ‘em with something black.

1980 [32] Rock supergroup Led Zeppelin disbands (reunite for a one-off concert in 2007)

1992 [20] In an effort to prevent hearing loss among its fans, heavy metal group Megadeth distributes 13,000 pairs of earplugs at a concert in San Francisco, California

1909 [103] 1st “Grey Cup” game (University of Toronto 26, Parkdale Canoe Club 6)  BS FACTOID: Due to years missed during wars this year’s was the 100th edition, but not the 100th anniversary.

1982 [30] 1st human killed by a bowling ball (Hernia? Swallowing? Were other victims ‘spared’?)

[Wed] “Grammy Nominations Concert Live! – Countdown to Music’s Biggest Night” (CBS)
[Wed] Bathtub Party Day
[Wed] International Ninja Day
[Thurs] Miners Day
[Thurs] Pawnbrokers Day
[Thurs] St Nicholas Day
This Week Is … Cookie Cutter Week
This Month Is … Choose a Summer Camp Month


● At your age, your butt is too big to fit on the casting couch.
● ‘Direct to DVD’? Your last movie shipped ‘Direct to Landfill’.
● In the middle of an audition the director shouts, “Who is this has-been, get me Meg Ryan!” (Pauly Shore?)
● ‘Snooki’ now has your private table at Spago.
● You show up for a ‘Celebrity Tennis Tournament’ that also includes Stephen Baldwin, Nick Lachey, and Richard Simmons.
● Your screen credit is no longer ‘over the title’, but under the caterer.
● Even Jay Leno has stopped kissing your ass.

Which breed of domestic cat is the largest?
a. Manx
b. Maine Coon
c. Ragdoll [CORRECT. Adult males average 22-to-25 lbs.)
– “Weird Fact Of the Day”

☎ What’s the worst-ever recipe somebody passed along to you? (Recipes sent in for Mike D Nelson’s “World’s Worst Cookbook” include ‘Spam with Butter Sauce’, ‘Liver Cheesecake’, ‘Wiener Water Soup’, and – erp – ‘Tuna-Marshmallow Supreme’.)

He’ll regret it till his dying day … if he lives that long.

Question: The majority of women on Internet dating sites work in THIS profession.
Answer: Teaching.

An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

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