Wednesday, December 5, 2012        Edition: #4883

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

According to Yahoo!’s annual ‘Year in Review’, 2012’s most-searched-for musician was Whitney Houston, and the most-searched-for song and/or lyrics was Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” (PSY’s demanding a recount!) . . . A Turkish TV channel has been fined by that country’s broadcasting regulator for airing an ‘insulting’ episode of “The Simpsons” (if we’re talking insulting to intelligence – they all qualify!) . . . 44-year-old actor Hugh Jackman has given co-star Amanda Seyfried a 27th birthday to remember at a NYC screening of their new film “Les Misérables” by serenading her and giving her a lapdance (uh, kinda creepy, Hugh) . . . Kevin Costner’s 1995 movie flop “Waterworld” was once the brunt of punchlines but it’s become a cable TV hit of late, racking up 400,000 viewers per screening according to “Forbes” (you know there’s nothing on TV when …) . . . In the first major movie awards leading up to the Oscars, the New York Film Critics Circle has picked Kathryn Bigelow’s action thriller “Zero Dark Thirty” as 2012’s ‘Best Film’ and gave its top acting honors to Daniel Day-Lewis (“Lincoln”) and Rachel Weisz (“The Deep Blue Sea”) . . . Actress Eva Longoria was seemingly on a roll reinventing herself as a political activist, but then decided to appear in skimpy lingerie for the December cover of “GQ Mexico” (hey, a girl’s gotta use her assets) . . . For as little as $300, you can have actors Tom Hanks or William Shatner record your voicemail message (add this to yesterday’s “BS Signs Your Hollywood Career Is Over”) . . . 44-year-old cougar Kristin Chenoweth is dating 34-year-old former “Bachelor” star Jake Pavelka (you go, girl!) . . . And riot police had to resort to firing tear gas and stun grenades into an unruly crowd of protestors when Kim Kardashian showed up to promote her signature milkshake during the opening of a Millions of Milkshakes franchise at a mall in Bahrain (apparently her milkshake ISN’T better than yours).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Delta Spirit (“Delta Spirit”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Olivia Newton-John (w/John Travolta-“This Christmas”).
• “Grammy Nominations Concert Live! – Countdown to Music’s Biggest Night” (CBS) – LL Cool J & Taylor Swift host the annual 1-hour special live from Bridgestone Arena in Nashville. Appearances by Dierks Bentley, fun., Hunter Hayes, Luke Bryan, Maroon 5, Ne-Yo, and The Who. The 55th Grammys are handed out February 10th. (An unwieldy show title or what?)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Avett Bros w/ the Brooklyn Philharmonic (“The Carpenter”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Blitzen Trapper (“American Goldwing”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Richie Sambora (“Aftermath Of the Lowdown”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Bluesman Robert Cray (“Nothin But Love”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Diana Krall (“Glad Rag Doll”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Katherine Jenkins (“This is Christmas”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Canadian jazz singer Holly Cole performs.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Alicia Keys (“Girl on Fire”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Darius Rucker (“Country Christmas”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Bonnie Raitt (“Slipstream”).
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – The finalists perform.

• Arcade Fire – They played a secret show in Montréal under the alias Les Identiks, where they debuted new material from their next album. There’s no scheduled date, but it could be out as soon as late next year.
• Carrie Underwood – She’s taking her “Blown Away Tour” overseas in 2013, with shows planned in Britain and Ireland next March.
• “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” – Ryan Seacrest kicks off the annual ABC-TV December 31st countdown show in NYC with Carly Rae Jepsen, Neon Trees, and Taylor Swift in Times Square. After midnight, Fergie hosts LA performances by Brandy, Flo Rida, Karmin, OneRepublic, Pitbull and more.
• Fleetwood Mac – The dates for the 1st leg of a planned world tour in 2013 have been announced. The 34-city trek begins April 4th in Columbus, Ohio.
• Lady Antebellum – They’ve announced the new charity ‘LadyAID’, a philanthropic effort to generate support for children in need locally, nationally, and globally.
• Lady Gaga – She’s spent a fortune snapping up 55 items once owned by Michael Jackson at an auction, which she promises will be archived and expertly cared for. Amongst the loot: the jacket he wore on the “Bad” tour ($240,000).
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards tells “Esquire” that at times he ‘despises’ Mick Jagger but loves him like a brother at others. Quote: “You’ve got two very volatile guys who’ve been through a whole lot of stuff in their life and still somehow manage.”

Prince William & Kate Middleton are expecting their first child. Wanna bet on it? It’s a point of pride among British bookmakers that they’ll open a market on pretty much anything and bookies have wasted no time in offering some novelty wagers to do with the pending royal birth. A few of the betting options …
• The most popular bet will likely be on what name will be chosen. The current favorites are John and Robert at odds of 10-to-1; followed by Anne, Francis, George, and Charles at 12-to-1; with Louis and Mary following at 14-to-1.
• Odds of the baby being born with red hair are currently 8-to-1; while brown and blond are joint favorites at 2-to-1.
• As for the amount of time Kate will be in labor, 9-to-12 hours is the 5-to-4 favorite.
• A birth weight of 7lbs, 15 oz is the current odds leader at 5-to-2; a 10-lb baby will get you odds of 8-to-1.
• Pippa Middleton is the even-money favorite to be a godparent; but you can get a massive 22-to-1 payout on a wild card candidate … retiring soccer star David Beckham.

Ways to get through the holiday season without packing on the pounds …
✓ Shift Your Priorities – If your focus has been on food in the past, shift it to the people, the festivities, and the events going on at the parties.
✓ Add Incentive – Stage your own ‘Biggest Loser’ contest with friends or colleagues through the holiday season. It will provide another reason for you to eat healthy and avoid indulging.
✓ Sleep On It – Other aspects of a healthy lifestyle can support your restraint from food and drink. One defense against overindulging is to get an ample amount of sleep each night.
✓ Set Goals – If your priority is to wear a form-fitting outfit for New Year’s, then own what it will take to make that happen. Start now; don’t wait until December 26th.
✓ Pick & Choose – Decide which are your favorite one or two holiday treats, then thoroughly enjoy them. This will put an end to any feelings of deprivation.
✓ Deny Peer Pressure – There’s nothing worse than falling prey to others encouraging you to drink more when you’ve had enough or to eat more when you’re already full.
✓ Be Realistic – Keep telling yourself it’s just another meal. Focus on being grateful for what you have and you’ll see that family and friends are at the center of the holidays, not food.
– Extracted from

If you’re thinking of gifting someone with a good book, here are the most popular tomes of 2012 so far, according to …
5. “No Easy Day” by Mark Owen (firsthand account of the mission to kill Bin Laden).
4. “Catching Fire” by Suzanne Collins (“Hunger Games”, book 2).
3. “Strengths Finder 2.0” by Tom Rath (self-help book).
2. “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins (subject of the blockbuster movie).
1. “Fifty Shades of Grey: The Trilogy” (not for grandparents or aunts and uncles, etc).
– Condensed from

Here’s another sign we’re becoming even more enslaved to technology gadgets. More and more prospective parents are apparently going to the computer store for inspiration in choosing a name for their offspring. Names soaring in popularity recently include ‘Apple’, ‘Siri’, and ‘Mac’, according to a baby name website. There’s even word that a baby – it’s not clear where she was born – has been named ‘Hashtag’. (But that report may very well be an iHoax.)

New cutting-edge vocab …
✓ ‘Misteress’ – A man who has an extramarital affair with a woman. (“We were in the same restaurant but missed seeing the misteress and his mistress. How mysterious!”)
✓ ‘Recreativity’ – Re-purposing or re-mixing existing artistic works to create, in whole or in part, a new work. (Nicki Minaj is a master at this, turning 1 album into 3 different versions … so far.)
✓ ‘Rooftopping’ – Taking pics from the roof of a building, particularly one accessed illegally. (So long ‘planking’ and ‘horsemaning’, the new craze is getting onto roofs, going to the edge, looking down, and snapping a photo.)

Online rumors have been swirling for several weeks about a secret venture backed by private entrepreneurs that would return humans to the Moon’s surface. It seems that the veil will finally be lifted tomorrow (Thursday) during a press conference in Washington DC. An announcement of the media briefing reads: “The Golden Spike Company invites you to attend a game-changing announcement about the future of commercial human space travel to the Moon. Executives from the company will describe the team, the mission architecture, and the business model.” (Get ready for a timeshare condo pitch!)

• Poland – A traffic cop who spent circa $8,000 on breast implants for his 24-year-old ex-girlfriend has taken her to court, suing for compensation after she dumped him. His attorney justifies the legal action by claiming the plaintiff has suffered … ‘loss of use’ of the 32-double-Ds.
• England – Carol singers, a choir, and Santa all showed up on time but the official lighting of the town of Dovercourt’s holiday season display had to be cancelled because … no one could find the ‘on’ switch. More than 200 locals who’d braved cold conditions for the ceremony were sent home disappointed. The light switch was located the next day.
• Germany – After cops in the city of Coburg recently pulled over a suspected drunk driver, they asked him to blow into a Breathalyzer. But the malfunctioning man mistakenly thought the machine was a cellphone and awkwardly attempted to use it … to call his lawyer. One of the arresting officers says that after that bit of lunacy, “We didn’t really need the reading.”

If you drive yourself nuts by constantly losing things, help is on the way! The new product ‘StickNFind’ is a Bluetooth-activated location sticker the diameter of a quarter (but a little thicker) which you can attach to car keys, TV remotes, wallets, pets, children, or anything else that you need to locate. The gizmo has a smartphone app that helps you find your missing items and/or life-forms. It can also be used as a kind of early warning system: stick one on your wife’s car, for instance, and once she pulls in the driveway you get a notification to clean up your mess. (Or sneak the girlfriend out the back door.)

According to new figures, the world’s nations combined pumped nearly 38.2 billion tons of carbon dioxide into the air from the burning of fossil fuels such as coal and oil last year. That’s about a billion tons more than the previous year. (Get out the handcart!)
– AP


1946 [66] Jose Carreras, Barcelona, Spain, operatic singer (The Three Tenors)

1965 [47] John Rzeznik, Buffalo NY, rock singer-guitarist (Goo Goo Dolls-“Give A Little Bit”, “Iris”)

1967 [45] Gary Allan (Herzberg), La Mirada CA, country singer (“Every Storm Runs Out of Rain”, “Nothing On But the Radio”)

1982 [30] Keri Hilson, Decatur GA, R&B singer-songwriter (“Pretty Girl Rock”, f/Kanye West & Ne-Yo–“Knock You Down”)

• “AFL-CIO Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1955 merger of the American Federation of Labor and the Congress of Industrial Organizations to form the largest federation of unions in the USA & Canada.

• “Bathtub Party Day”, encouraging a luxurious long, hot bath to develop inner peace. Almost everyone nowadays takes showers, so here’s a day to recall some of the luxury of days gone by.

• “International Day Of the Ninja”, when you’re encouraged to dress like a ninja and run wild in the streets.

• “International Volunteer Day for Economic & Social Development”, honoring the selfless people who make many of the good things in life happen by volunteering their time.

• “Tinsel Day”, in honor of your cat’s favorite gagging toy, your 2-year-old’s favorite poisonous snack, your vacuum cleaner’s favorite clogging device, and your home’s greatest holiday fire hazard. Looks festive though, doesn’t it?

• “Swap a Christmas Cookie Recipe Day”. We like that sugar cookie you make with the silver balls. (“Silver balls, silver balls. It’s Christmas time in the …”)

2000 [12] Several weeks ahead of the movie opening, the “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” soundtrack is released, and eventually sells upwards of 7 million copies

1929 [83] 1st ‘Nudist Organization’ (‘American League For Physical Culture’, NYC)

1983 [29] NFL licenses the 1st official ‘Football Videogame’

[Thurs] Miners Day
[Thurs] Pawnbrokers Day
[Thurs] St Nicholas Day
[Fri] “Playing for Keeps” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Faux Fur Friday
[Sat] Rolling Stones play Barclays Center in Brooklyn NY
[Sat] Day Of the Horse
This Week Is … Handwashing Awareness Week
This Month Is … Safe Toys & Gifts Month


✗ You walked into your supervisor’s office in September with your hand out yelling, “Grease time!”
✗ Last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial.
✗ Your employer’s new boat has just been christened “Employee Bonuses ‘12”.
✗ The CEO catches you licking a photo of his wife.
✗ Co-workers refer to you as ‘The Ghost of Unemployment Future’.
✗ On your office door you find a lovely wreath made out of pink slips.
✗ Your boss’ Christmas card reads: “Seasons Greetings … and don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”
✗ You work at [your call letters].
– Adapted from

☎ What cliché would you prefer to never, ever hear again? (‘At the end of the day’ has just been voted the most hated cliché.)

I escaped from a political correction facility …

Question: If it takes you longer than 8 minutes to do THIS, you’re taking too long.
Answer: Fall asleep.

No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.

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