Tuesday, December 5, 2017 – Edition: #6112

Why Not Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning?

★ It seems that Caitlyn Jenner is off the market.  Jenner is reportedly dating 21-year-old college student, Sophia Hutchins. Their romance comes more than two years after Caitlyn Jenner divorced her ex-wife, Kris Jenner.  Sophia is also transgender and she was inspired to transition after watching Caitlyn’s 2015 ‘20/20′ interview, in which she broke down her life-long struggle with gender identity.
★ “Long Island Medium” star Theresa Caputo and her husband Larry have announced that they are separating.  In a statement they said that “After 28 years of marriage, we have decided to legally separate.  We will always love each other and our two wonderful children. We are united in supporting each other and our family.”  The couple has two adult children together: Victoria and Larry Jr.
(Wow.  I never saw that coming.  I wonder if SHE did…)
★ Jodie Foster says she needs a year off after each acting role she takes on.  Foster said that she finds it much easier to recover after completing a directing job than she does when she’s been working on- screen.  Quote: ”The thing with directing is that it’s hard, it’s difficult and taxing, but once I’ve had a good sleep for about five days, I’m ready to get on the boat again. As an actor? I have to go on vacation for a year – a year minimum – before I’m ready to come back.”
(Good work if you can get it!)
★ Sarah Jessica Parker has collaborated with GAP on a childrenswear range.  They will launch a limited edition kids line for sale both online and in stores in America, Canada, UK, France, Italy, China, Hong Kong, and Japan next year.
★ Hank Azaria has some big news for ‘Simpsons’ fans.  ‘Apu’, one of the characters he voices, could be going away on the heels of a documentary accusing the show of racism.  In the doc, comedian Hari Kondabolu takes a hard look at Apu — the Indian owner of the Kwik-E-Mart — and says the character exploits stereotypes of Indian immigrants.  Azaria offered a heartfelt apology to anyone who’s been offended and says the show’s producers are “thinking” about what to do next with the character.
★ Mister Rogers will soon be back onscreen.  The big screen.  The upcoming movie ‘Won’t You Be My Neighbor?’ is an intimate portrait of Fred Rogers, the creative genius who inspired generations of children with compassion and limitless imagination. His show ‘Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood’ was one of the longest-running series on PBS. It wrapped production in 2000 after 31 seasons.  Rogers died in 2003 at age 74.  The film is set to be released June 8, 2018.
(Soundtrack by The Cardigans?)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Tracee Ellis Ross, Amanda de Cadenet
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Kate McKinnon, Patton Oswalt, Wiz Khalifa featuring Ty Dolla $ign
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Saoirse Ronan, Van Jones, Morrissey
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Michael Shannon, Ilana Glazer, Abbi Jacobson, Hiss Golden Messenger, Brooks Wackerman
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Matthew Broderick, Gina Rodriguez, Christopher Meloni
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Jean-Claude Van Damme, Barkhad Abdi, Dina Hashem
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Sam Smith, Patti LaBelle
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Corey Lewandowski, Keegan-Michael Key
• “The Talk” (CBS): Ana Gasteyer, Keltie Knight, guest co-host Hilary Duff
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): James Franco, Lily James, Brett Young
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, the National
• “The Voice” (NBC): Seven artists are revealed to be safe; the bottom three artists compete; two are eliminated.
• “Christmas Under Wraps” (HALLMARK): A doctor relocates to Alaska after losing her boyfriend and a coveted position at work. However, just as she begins embracing her new, simpler life, the original job she longed for becomes available.

• Ed Sheeran –released his duet with Beyonce, ‘Perfect’ last week.  He says he struggled to get in touch with her as they worked on it.  According to Sheeran, Beyonce’s email address “actually changes every week.”
• Kesha – is said to be “delighted” to have been nominated for two Grammies.  She received her first ever nods for the prestigious ceremony, in the ‘Best Pop Vocal Performance’ category for her single ‘Praying’ and ‘Best Pop Vocal Album’ for ‘Rainbow’.
• Kelly Clarkson – has shared details of the recent robbery at her Los Angeles home.  She explained that her and the family were fine after someone entered the house when no one was home.  The only casualties of the robbery were some “materialistic things we didn’t care about, the guy was in our kid’s room’ so it was a little weird, other than that everyone is safe and good.”
• Madonna – Friday, for World AIDS Day, she shared an acoustic cover of Britney Spears’ ‘Toxic’ on Instagram.  She tagged it “Silence =Death! Song For World AIDS Day!”  Madonna also wished Spears, who turned 36 on Saturday, a happy birthday.
• Elton John — Tweeted on Monday that his mother, Sheila Farebrother, had died at 92. “So sad to say that my mother passed away this morning. I only saw her last Monday and I am in shock,” he tweeted. “Travel safe Mum. Thank you for everything. I will miss you so much. Love, Elton.”
• Prince – will be the subject of a UK TV documentary in 2018 that chronicles his ‘Piano & A Microphone’ tour, the only solo tour he ever played.  It will also cover his secret gig at the White House in 2015, when he and Stevie Wonder performed.
• Blake Shelton – Gwen Stefani has revealed how their holiday duet ‘You Make it Feel Like Christmas’ came to be:  “He was sitting on his bus, I guess, and he began writing (the song),  which he sends to me in a voice text…and when I listened to the song, it was incredible. I was like, ‘You just wrote a hit, like this song, what do you do, you just sit around on your bus, writing hits? What a jerk! I was jealous, you know what I mean? I want to do that.”
• Luke Combs – covered  Ed Sheeran’s ‘Dive’ in concert in Atlanta Thursday night, naturally giving the song a country flavor.  A fan posted video, with the comment:  “All I can say is WOW! Absolutely speechless.”

• “Despicable Me 3” (PG, Animation/Kids):  Gru meets his long-lost charming, cheerful, and more successful twin brother Dru who wants to team up with him for one last criminal heist. (Steve Carell, Kristen Wiig, Trey Parker)
• “American Assassin” (R-Rated, Action/Adventure):  After the death of his girlfriend at the hands of terrorists, Mitch Rapp is drawn into the world of counterterrorism, mentored by tough-as-nails former U.S. Navy S.E.A.L. Stan Hurley. (Dylan O’Brien, Michael Keaton)
• “Conor McGregor: Notorious” (R-Rated, Documentary):  A look at the rise of UFC star Conor McGregor over the course of four years, charting his path to success from living with his parents to winning multiple championships.
• “On Wings of Eagles” (PG-13, Drama):  Joseph Fiennes stars in this epic drama based on the true story of gold medal runner Eric Liddell and his time as a POW during World War II.
• “Better Watch Out” (R-Rated, Drama/Horror):  On a quiet suburban street, a babysitter must defend a twelve-year-old boy from intruders, only to discover it’s far from a normal home invasion. (Olivia DeJonge, Levi Miller, Ed Oxenbould)
• “The Osiris Child: Science Fiction Volume One” (Not Rated, Drama/Science Fiction):  Set in the future in a time of interplanetary colonization, an unlikely pair race against an impending global crisis and are confronted by the monsters that live inside us all. (Kellan Lutz, Daniel MacPherson, Isabel Lucas)

A Norwegian study says that if you drag a natural Christmas through your front door every December, you could be inviting as many at 25,000 insects over for the holiday season.  According to the study conducted by the University Museum of Bergen, once the tree is indoors, thousands of lice, moths, spiders and mites who have gone into a dormant hibernation state in the tree, begin to feel the heat of the indoors and become awakened by the light.  The bugs believe that springtime has arrived and come back to life.  As a result, it is likely that many homeowners will experience increased allergy symptoms.  What can you do about it?  Not much.  Buy a fake tree, maybe?
(Maybe use flypaper as decorations?)
(No mention of the Griswold’s Christmas tree squirrel?)
(Maybe we just decorate a tree in the front yard from now on?)

It appears that royal-to-be Meghan Markle has dethroned Kim Kardashian and Kylie Jenner when it comes to people asking for copycat plastic surgery.  And what part of Ms. Markle do ladies most want to emulate?  Her nose.  Cosmetic surgeon Dr Stephen Greenberg reports that people first started requesting Meghan Markle’s nose about six months ago, and as things between her and Prince Harry heated up, attention definitely followed.  Interestingly the 36 year-old’s nose isn’t perfect.  But it is cute.  The surgeon says that the beauty of it is that it isn’t perfect.  “From the profile you can see that she has a very slight dorsal hump of the nose that is almost undetectable when looking at her straight on.”  He has seen a further spike in Markle nose requests since the engagement announcement.  A similar trend occurred in 2011 when Kate Middleton married Prince William.  It wasn’t the Duchess who caused a flurry of cosmetic surgery interest.  It was her younger sister, Pippa Middleton.  A ton of people wanted what became known as the ‘Pippa Butt Lift’.
(Surely we can’t allow her to eventually have a ‘commoner’s nose’…)
(Who knew?  The royal family is influential?)
(Notice we haven’t had a lot of men try to copy Prince William’s hairdo?)

1. Google, Mountain View, CA
2. HubSpot, Cambridge, MA
3. Facebook, Menlo Park, CA
4. Salesforce, San Francisco, CA
5. Cornerstone OnDemand, Santa Monica, CA
6. Indeed, Austin, TX
7. LinkedIn, Mountain View, CA
8. Intuit, Mountain View, CA
9. Netflix, Los Gatos, CA
10. Zillow, Seattle, WA
(I would work at Netflix, but I don’t like to mix business with pleasure!)
(Why is it that sometimes I feel like I already work about 40 hours a week for Facebook?)
(By the way…#11: Amazon…which is probably a great place to work…except at Christmastime!)


1932 [85] Little Richard (Richard Wayne Penniman), Macon GA, rock singer ‘Good Golly Miss Molly’, ‘Tutti Frutti’)

1965 [52] John Rzeznik, Buffalo NY, rock singer-guitarist (Goo Goo Dolls-‘Iris’, ‘Slide’)

1967 [50] Gary Allan (Herzberg), La Mirada CA, country singer (‘Every Storm Runs Out of Rain’, ‘Nothing On But the Radio’)

1975 [42] Paula Patton, Los Angeles CA, movie actress (“Mission: Impossible, Ghost Protocol”, “Precious”, ex wife of Robin Thicke

1981 [36] Adan Canto, Acuña, Mexico, TV actor (‘Aaron Shore’ on “Designated Survivor” 2016)

1982 [35] Keri Hilson, Decatur GA, R&B singer-songwriter (‘Pretty Girl Rock’, f/Kanye West & Ne-Yo–‘Knock You Down’)

1985 [32] Frankie Muniz, Wood Ridge NJ, TV actor, (“Malcolm in the Middle” 2000-2006, movie actor/”Agent Cody Banks”)

1986 [31] James Hinchcliffe, Oakville, ON Canada, IndyCar racer (winner of 5 IndyCar races over seven years/finished second in season 23 of  “Dancing With The Stars”)

• “Bathtub Party Day”, encouraging a luxurious long, hot bath to develop inner peace. Almost everyone nowadays takes showers, so here’s a chance to recall a luxury from days gone by.

• “Communicate With Your Kids Day”, to promote open and ongoing communication between parents and children with a special emphasis on early childhood communication.

• “International Day Of the Ninja”, when you’re encouraged to dress like a ninja and run wild in the streets.
NET: http://www.dayoftheninja.com

• “World Soil Day”, first declared in 2013 to raise awareness of the importance of soils for food security, agriculture, as well as in mitigation of climate change, poverty alleviation, and sustainable development.

• “International Volunteer Day”,  honoring the selfless people who make many of the good things in life happen by volunteering their time.

[Wed] Microwave Oven Day
[Wed] Gazpacho Day
[Thurs] Letter Writing Day
[Thurs] National Cotton Candy Day

2006 [11] The little black dress worn by Audrey Hepburn in the 1961 film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” is sold at auction in London for $800,000, 7 times the pre-auction estimate

2010 [07] The cast of TV show “Glee” perform on reality TV competition “The X Factor”

2013 [04] Spotify responds to critics by revealing how much acts can expect to earn from the music streaming site … an average of $0.007 per play

2008 [09] iTunes Music Store signs up its 300-millionth user

2012 [05] Alicia Keys scores her 5th #1 album on the ‘Billboard 200  with ‘Girl on Fire’

2013 [04] Mexican singer-songwriter Thalia receives a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame


✓ According to the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council, hot dogs are not sandwiches.
✓ The bang that accompanies a balloon that pops when it becomes too full of air is four decibels louder than a 12-gauge shotgun.
✓ People who drink black coffee consume about 69 fewer total calories per day, on average, than those who add sweeteners or cream.
✓ People who drink black tea consume about 43 fewer total calories, on average, than those who add cream and sweeteners.
✓ Elephants’ brains respond to people the same way that humans’ brains respond to puppies – They think we’re cute.

A highlight bit culled from 24 years of  “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Wears a goatee.
• Your kid asks why he smells like daddy after poker night.
• His elves are all over 6 feet tall.
• Tells kids to leave out a fifth of gin Christmas Eve.
• He’s dyslexic and keeps saying “Oh, oh oh!”
– First published in “BS” 1994.

• “There’s still nothing in here, same as when you looked 10 minutes ago.”
• “It’s just you, me and your feelings.  Let’s do this!”
• “Hey girl, you wanna see my six pack?”
• “Walk away, Larry. You don’t need the rest of the fried chicken.”
• “Oh, look.  You’re having another beer.  Shocker.”
• “Hey! That’s been in here for weeks!! Don’t do… oh, too late.. never mind… tell the toilet I said hello!”
• “Hello, darkness, my old friend…”
• “Close your robe, dude.”
• “Don’t bother, the peanut butter is in the cabinet.”
• (***Whisper***)  “Your kid’s artwork sucks”


Which member of your family do you spend the most on at Christmas? (A survey found that husbands spend the most on their wives, but wives spend the most on their sons.)

Name the TV show title based on its antonym:
EXAMPLE: Found (Answer: Lost)
1. The Terrible Husband (The Good Wife)
2. Exaggerate My Apathy (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
3. Ugly Large Honest People (Pretty Little Liars)
4. The Small Pop Certainty (The Big Bang Theory)
5. So I Know I Can’t Stay Still (So You Think You Can Dance)
6. Villains (Heroes)

The problem with sex in the movies is that the popcorn usually spills.

Question:  According to a survey, women can do THIS for about 32 minutes and 45 seconds. What is it?
Answer:  Keep a secret.

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

Printer Friendly Version