Monday, December 6, 2010        Edition: #4401
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

• 66-year-old actor Michael Douglas has shown the strain of his recent cancer battle while visiting Orlando, Florida with his family. While appearing the picture of health when posing for pictures at Walt Disney World, behind-the-scenes snaps show him looking worn out and using a mobility scooter to tour the Wizarding World of Harry Potter afterward. (Two theme parks in one day? We’d need a wheelchair as well!)
• Actor Johnny Depp says he has no plans to marry his 12-year partner, French singer-actress Vanessa Paradis, because he’s never found himself ‘needing that piece of paper’. Marriage, he says, is ‘from soul-to-soul, heart-to-heart’. Besides, he says, he doesn’t want to ruin her exotic last name by becoming Mr & Mrs Depp. (Uh dude, women often keep their last names now.)
• Roman Polanski’s thriller “The Ghost Writer” swept the board at the European Film Awards on Saturday in Tallinn, Estonia, taking home 6 honors. The 77-year-old director was shooting the movie when he was arrested in Zurich, Switzerland in September 2009 over a 33-year-old underage sex charge, but managed to avoid extradition to the US. Not wishing to run the risk of being arrested again, he accepted his weekend awards via online videophone. (Chicken!)
• A lawyer for actor Charlie Sheen’s estranged wife Brooke Mueller confirms she’s returned to an LA sober living house in order to ‘maintain her health’. Insiders say Mueller made the decision herself and had socialite-friend Kathy Hilton take her to the rehab center. (After raising her daughter Paris, she’s knows how to get there.)
• 45-year-old original supermodel Linda Evangelista is back together with her billionaire partner Peter Morton after a short split. The Canadian stunner split with the Hard Rock Café founder last Summer after a 4-year relationship. But they’ve apparently now reconciled after Morton jetted from Malibu CA to NYC to work things out. (And she reflected on her drop in income now that she’s a 45-year-old former supermodel.)
• And the estate of a Miami, Florida playboy is auctioning off a pair of underwear that purportedly once belonged to … Queen Elizabeth II. For 40 years, Baron Joseph de Bicske Dobronyi (aka ‘Sepy’) claimed he obtained the unusual memorabilia from a friend who found them aboard the Queen’s private plane during a 1968 visit to Chile. We’re told the estate will offer them up via the same auction house that sold Queen Victoria’s undies back in 2008, and they hope to get the same price … circa $9,000. (Answering the impertinent question, what’s it cost to get into a queen’s pants.)

• “American Country Awards” (FOX) – Trace Adkins hosts the inaugural edition of this 2-hour, fan-voted gala at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. A few highlights …
– Easton Corbin and Lady Antebellum lead nominations with 7 apiece, followed by Carrie Underwood with 6.
– Performers include: Blake Shelton, Josh Turner, Rascal Flatts, Reba McIntire, and Toby Keith.
– Carrie Underwood, Lady Antebellum, Miranda Lambert, Taylor Swift, and Zac Brown Band are up for ‘Artist Of the Year’.
– Alan Jackson receives the ‘Greatest Hits Award’ for career achievement.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Miranda Lambert (“Revolution”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Social Distortion (“Hard Times & Nursery Rhymes”, due January 18th).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Fanfarlo (“Reservoir”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – R Kelly does back-to-back performances tonight and tomorrow night. His 11th studio album, “Love Letter”, is due December 15th.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – John Mellencamp (“No Better Than This”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Nicki Minaj (“Pink Friday”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Jonny Lang with Chris Layton, Brad Whitford & Billy Cox (“Live At the Ryman”).

• Adam Lambert – Today he releases his new unplugged EP, “Acoustic Live!”, featuring a cover of the Tears For Fears tune “Mad World”.
• Aretha Franklin – The 68-year-old ‘Queen of Soul’ has released a statement saying that her surgery last week was ‘highly successful’ but it does not reveal what type of surgery it was.
• Billy Joel – The 61-year-old is back on his feet less than 2 weeks after undergoing a double hip replacement to fix a congenital hip ailment. He’s recently returned home where he’s being nursed back to health by his 28-year-old girlfriend Alexis Roderick.
• Black Eyed Peas – Fergie says she makes business decisions during conference calls with her ‘support team’, which includes her parents, accountant, lawyer, and sometimes her therapist.
• Bob Marley – In the new biography, “The Natural Mystics: Marley, Tosh & Wailer”, author Colin Grant quotes Marley’s 64-year-old widow Rita as saying the reggae legend had insecurities about his mixed heritage and used shoe polish to darken his hair in a bid to appear ‘more African’.
• Britney Spears – She’s revealed via Twitter that her next album will come out in March of 2011. The world holds its breath.
• Drake – He’s hosting the “Junos”, Canada’s music awards, coming up March 27th in Toronto.
• Kenny Chesney – He’s scheduled his first-ever stadium show in the New York-New Jersey area for next August 13th at the New Meadowlands Stadium, home of the NY Jets and NY Giants.
• Taylor Swift – “Entertainment Weekly” has named her its ‘Entertainer Of the Year’, the youngest-ever at just 20-year-old. She appears on the cover of the magazine’s new issue.
• Willie Nelson – The 77-year-old has escaped a possible jail term following his arrest for marijuana possession in Texas last month. He’ll only face a fine since it was determined the drug stash found on his tour bus wasn’t large enough for a felony charge.

Start-up company BlueCava Inc is on a mission to collect the digital footprint of every computer, cellphone, and TV set-top box in the world. So far it’s identified 200 million devices and it expects to have catalogued a billion of the world’s estimated 10 billion devices by the end of next year. Why? Nowadays advertisers want to buy access to specific clientele. So BlueCava is aiming to build a record of every devices’ ‘reputation’, based on its user’s online behavior, shopping habits, and demographics. The plan is to then sell this info to advertisers for top-dollar. (Do the words ‘invasion of privacy’ enter your mind?)
– “Wall Street Journal”

The most-played seasonal songs so far this holiday season …
10.”I’ll Be Home For Christmas”, Amy Grant.
9.”The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting …)”, Nat King Cole.
8.”Frosty the Snowman”, The Ronettes.
7.”Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”, The Carpenters.
6.”It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas”, Bing Crosby.
5.”White Christmas”, Bing Crosby.
4.”Jingle Bell Rock”, Bobby Helms.
3.”It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”, Andy Williams.
2.”Winter Wonderland”, Eurythmics.
1.”Sleigh Ride”, Leroy Anderson.

While the Swedish have a reputation of being reserved, a recent study shows that they’ll hug just about anyone … except their boss. According to research by the Swedish Red Cross, 90% of Swedes embrace somebody at least once a week, with women aged 30-44 being the most active huggers. (It’s -30 degrees … they’re just trying to get warm!)
– AP

• Set your water heater no higher than 120 F/49 C. Replace it if it’s more than 10-years-old.
• Turn off lights when not in use.
• Keep your fireplace damper closed when not in use.
• Check your dryer vent cap to be sure it closes tightly when not in use.
• Replace or clean your furnace filter ever 1-to-3 months.
• Choose ‘Energy Star’-designated appliances and products.
• Install and use a programmable thermostat.
• Add insulation to the attic.
• Replace your refrigerator if it’s more than 10-years-old.
• Replace your heating & cooling system if it’s old and inefficient.
– “Better Homes & Gardens”

Based on the latest crime stats, traffic accidents, work-related mishaps, etc …
5. Omaha, Nebraska
4. San Jose, California
3. Honolulu, Hawaii
2. Portland, Oregon
1. Plano, Texas

Left-handed people often perform better than right-handers at fast or difficult tasks that involve lots of information or stimuli, according to recent research. For instance, left-handers might be better at playing fast-paced computer games, talking while driving in heavy traffic, or piloting a jet fighter, all of them activities that need both hemispheres of the brain to process information. (Yeah, but ask them to use a corkscrew and they’re all thumbs.)
– ANI Science & Health

• Most people move about 40 times in their sleep during the night.
– “Christian Science Monitor”
• According to NYC’s Metropolitan Museum, the average time spent looking at a work of art is 10 seconds.


1955 [55] Steven Wright, NYC, droll stand-up comedian

1956 [54] Peter Buck, Oakland CA, classic rock guitarist (REM-“Losing My Religion”, “Everybody Hurts”)

1967 [43] Judd Apatow, Flushing NY, movie producer/director (“Pineapple Express”, “Knocked Up”)

• “Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women”, established by Parliament in 1991 to recognize and denounce violence against women in our society. The day coincides with the anniversary of the 1989 ‘Montréal Massacre’ when 14 young women were tragically killed at l’École Polytechnique.

• “Gazpacho Day”, in celebration of the spicy but cold Spanish soup. To look like a real rube, order some in a restaurant and then blow on it to cool it down.

• “International Bad Hair Day”, a day to flaunt it if you’ve got it!

• “Miners Day”, saluting the ‘men of the deeps’ who toil away daily underground. They’ve certainly made news this year, both good (Chile) and bad (New Zealand).

• “Muharram”, the first month of the Islamic calendar when the Islamic New Year is observed by Muslims, begins at sundown. The month of Muharram is also the time for several other annual events and is one of 4 sacred months in which fighting is prohibited.

• “Pawnbrokers Day”, celebrated on “St Nicholas Day”, the saint who, among other things, is the patron saint of pawnbroking.

• “St Nicholas Day”, commemorating the 4th-century bishop who died December 6, 342 AD and from whom the traditions of ‘Santa Claus’ and exchanging gifts were derived. No wonder he’s the patron saint of both children and merchants! Many European kids awake today to find candy and oranges in their shoes, or if they’ve been bad … a piece of coal.

1971 [39] “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” is released by John & Yoko Lennon with The Plastic Ono Band and the Harlem Community Choir

1988 [22] Legendary singer Roy Orbison dies of a massive heart attack at age 52

1960 [50] 1st ‘Domino’s Pizza’ opens (Detroit, Michigan)

1983 [27] World record for ‘Continuous Whistling’ set at 45 hours, 20 minutes (stop it … stop that annoying whistling … shut-up!!!!!)

[Tues] Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
[Tues] International Civil Aviation Day
[Wed] International Anti-Corruption Day
[Wed] Salesperson Day
This Week Is … Handwashing Awareness Week
This Month Is … Safe Toys & Gifts Month


A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Schizophrenia – “Do you Hear What I Hear?”
• Dementia – “I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas”
• Narcissistic – “Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me”
• Paranoid – “Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me”
• Personality Disorder – “Thoughts of Roasting On an Open Fire”
• Depression – “I’ll Have a Blue Christmas for Certain”
• Multiple Personality Disorder – “We Three Queens Disoriented Are”

A website that compiles lists of ‘mondegreens’ (misheard song lyrics) has put together a list of often butchered seasonal songs. Among them …
• “Chipmunks roasting on an open fire …”
• “Joy to the world! The Lord has gum …”
• “We 3 kings of porridge and tar …”
• “Get dressed ye married gentlemen, let nothing through this May.”
• “Later on we’ll perspire as we dream by the fire …”
• “Good King Wences’ car backed out, on the feet of heathens …”
• “Fleas naughty dog, fleas naughty dog …”

Booze should come with a warning: ‘Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not!’

What’s the best Christmas gift you received as a kid? Do you still have it?

Today’s Question: More than half of all spouses can’t remember THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: What their spouse gave them for Christmas last year.

Those who have a right to boast don’t need to.

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