Tuesday, December 6, 2011        Edition: #4645
Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

29-year-old actress Jessica Biel tells a UK talk show she really, really loved playing pregnant in the new movie “New Year’s Eve”, opening this Friday (heads up, Justin Timberlake!) . . . Khloe Kardashian is being sued by a transgendered woman who claims the reality TV star ‘violently’ attacked her outside a nightclub in 2009 (which she conveniently just remembered while Khloe’s flogging a new book) . . . Kim Kardashian has been placed on the Australian Immigration Department watch list after breaching her visa applications 3 times (good reason to move Down Under – she could be banned!) . . . Meantime, jilted hubby Kris Humphries has cited fraud when filing for an annulment of his quickie marriage to Kim (seems he was the last to figure it out) . . . George Clooney tells “Hollywood Reporter” he’s sick of hearing other actors complain about how hard their jobs are (hear hear!) . . . RadarOnline reports actor Charlie Sheen stepped up to the plate and posted ex-wife Brooke Mueller’s $11,000 bail after her assault & drug possession bust on the weekend, because her own parents actually wanted to leave her in jail (aw, ain’t it romantic?) . . . 36-year-old E! Entertainment anchor Giuliana Rancic is preparing to undergo a double mastectomy next week in a bid to win her breast cancer battle (she’s a tough cookie – back at work within days after the last procedure) . . . The IRS has filed a lien against one of former supermodel Christie Brinkley’s estates, claiming she owes over $530,000 in back taxes (the 4-time divorcée has 4 Long Island properties – coincidence?) . . . And 19-of-30 ‘Oscarologists’ who follow the race for the Academy Awards for GoldDerby.com are now predicting that Michel Hazanavicius’ silent black & white movie “The Artist” will win ‘Best Picture’ next February (howz come it’s always some obscure film we’ve never heard of?).

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – The Black Keys (“Attack and Release”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – T-Pain (“RevolveЯ”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Black Dub (“Black Dub”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Willow Smith (debut album, “Willow”, coming in April).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Shelby Lynne (“Revelation Road”).
• “A Michael Bublé Christmas” (NBC/CTV) – This old-fashioned variety special features guest appearances by Ed Helms (“The Office”), Justin Bieber, Kellie Pickler, Oscar the Grouch (“The Muppets”), and Tracy Morgan (“30 Rock”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Andrea Bocelli (“Concerto, One Night in Central Park”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Taio Cruz (“Ty O”, out in early 2012).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Child prodigy Jackie Evancho (“Dream With Me”).


• Amy Winehouse – Today her posthumous album, “Lioness: Hidden Treasures”, is released. The 12-track collection includes previously unreleased songs, alternate versions of existing classics, and a few brand new tunes. The producers assure that this will be a one-off collection.
• Beyoncé – She says she’s laughed off ‘ridiculous’ reports suggesting she’s not really pregnant, but reveals her mom and sister are still mad about the stories.
• The Cure – Today they release the new double-disc live album, “Bestival Live 2011”, recorded at the Isle Of Wight’s “Bestival” in September. Proceeds go to the Isle Of Wight Youth Trust.
• Lady Gaga – She tells “Vanity Fair” she’s convinced she’s destined to a life of loneliness because her suitors quickly grow jealous of her mega-success. Quote: “I have an inability to know what happiness feels like with a man.”
• Madonna – The NFL has finally made official what we already reported long ago … she’s the halftime performer at Super Bowl 46 on February 5th in Indianapolis IN. Her performance will be ‘imagined’ by Cirque Du Soleil and choreographer Jamie King.
• Rihanna – It seems her non-stop touring and partying may have finally caught up with her. According to reports, her camp has placed her on around-the-clock surveillance and imposed a curfew.
• The Roots – Today their 11th studio album, “Undun”, is out. It’s their first-ever concept album, which focuses on a character named ‘Redford Stephens’, who was shot dead at age 25.


• “Cowboys & Aliens” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Thriller ): Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde, Adam Beach, and Sam Rockwell star in this story set in 19th-century Arizona, where Apaches and settlers must unite to battle extraterrestrial invaders.
• “The Debt” ( R-Rated Thriller ) – The story of Rachel Singer (Helen Mirren), a former Mossad agent who, along with 2 other agents (Ciaran Hinds, Tom Wilkinson), endeavors to capture and bring to trial a notorious Nazi war criminal known as the ‘Surgeon of Birkenau’ in 1966.
• “The Hangover Part II” ( R-Rated Comedy ): ‘The Wolf Pack’ (Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Justin Bartha, Zach Galifianakis) travels to Thailand where a pre-wedding brunch goes off the rails. Co-stars former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson and Ken Jeong (“Community”).
• “The Help” ( PG-13 Drama ): Emma Stone, Viola Davis, and Octavia Spencer star as an aspiring writer and 2 African-American maids who become unlikely friends in 1960s Mississippi. Based on the Kathryn Stockett bestseller. Allison Janney, Sissy Spacek, Cicely Tyson co-star.
• “Mr Popper’s Penguins” ( PG Family Comedy ): Jim Carrey stars as ‘Thomas Popper’, a flinty Manhattan businessman whose life is upended when he inherits a half-dozen unruly but lovable penguins. A contemporary retelling of the 1938 classic kids storybook of the same name.
• Also released today: “Care Bears: Super Cuddly Collection” (Animation); “Curious George Gets a New Toy” (Animation); “Dragon Tattoo Trilogy: Extended Edition” (original Swedish versions of the “Millennium Trilogy”); “Law & Order: The 9th Year” (TV); “The Love We Make” (Music Documentary); “The Lucy Show: The Official 5th Season” (Classic TV); “Mission: Impossible Trilogy” (Compilation); “The Simpsons: The Complete 14th Season” (TV); and “Talking Heads: Chronology” (Music).


Why are 74.1% of Americans overweight or obese? Check the following facts …
• Each day, 25% of Americans eat fast food.
• More than 1 million animals are eaten every hour in the USA.
• 40% of American meals are eaten outside the home.
• French fries are the most-eaten form of vegetable in America.
• 90% of all American children visit a McDonald’s at least once a month.
– Excerpted from TheToiletPaper.com


You may have a warm and fuzzy picture of the North Pole as a winter wonderland populated by a right jolly old elf but according to the new BBC-TV series, “Frozen Planet: A World Beyond Imagination”, standing at the actual North Pole can be an unnerving experience. The ground beneath you is actually sea ice, and just a few meters of it separate you from the freezing Arctic Ocean, which is more than 4 km (2.5 miles) deep at this point. Driven by wind and ocean currents, the ice is also constantly on the move, drifting up to 40 km (25 miles) a day. (Brrr … sounds like a night in Winterpeg.)
– Adapted from TheGlobeandMail.com

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 82% of us will buy adhesive tape during the holiday season.
• 80% of curvy women (size 16 or larger) describe themselves as ‘adventurous in the sack’.
• 36% of households now own gaming consoles.
• 33% of us  can’t name a single Christmas gift we received last year.
• 25% of us ‘friend’ a new love interest on Facebook right after the first meeting.
• 6% of people will end up in the hospital this holiday season because of peanuts.


Seems it’s possible to be just too darn jolly! A new Oxford University study has discovered that too much seasonal festivity can drive a lot of consumers out of stores empty-handed. With stress levels running high amid the pressure of getting everything prepared for the holiday season, overly exuberant retail staff, bright decorations, and cheesy seasonal music can prove a giant turn-off for many shoppers. (Hey busy people, let’s cut right to the ‘peace’ on Earth part.)
– Telegraph.co.uk


Hard to believe, but these are real products currently available online …
• ‘Pooping Reindeer Holiday Sweater’ – You say you’re looking for a ‘tacky Christmas sweater’? How about downright objectionable? $28.99 (scoop and baggie extra).
• ‘Giant Christmas Tree Hat’ – When an ugly Christmas sweater just isn’t tacky enough, you can always accessorize with this towering pinnacle of tinsel, lights, and decorations. $12.99 (extension cord extra)
• ‘Bacon Ornament’ – You’ve always wanted to decorate your tree with red glittery meat featuring gold glistening fatty portions, right? Nothing says festive like smoked-hog. $15.99 (spray-on scent extra).
• ‘Grow Snow’ – Create a blizzard on a table-top! Just fill a small dish with water, add a bit of the special powder to instantly make white, powdery imitation snow. $4.99 (mini-shovel extra).
• ‘Mistletoe-To-Go’ – An attractive arrangement of faux mistletoe attached to a suction cup. Slap it on your forehead and get ready to pucker! $11.99 (breath mints extra).
• ‘Inflatable Mooning Santa’ – Be the talk of your neighborhood with this 40-inch-tall Santa dropping his ruby-red drawers. Perfect lawn ornament or window decoration! $17.49 (imitation hair extra).
– BS Original

• Ravens are the only species other than apes who can ‘point’ and share objects like humans.
– “Daily Mail”
• This year buying all the items in “The 12 Days of Christmas” would cost: $101,119, the most expensive item being 7 swans a-swimming, which would cost $6,300.
– “The Consumerist”
• Swearing really can relieve pain.
– “Daily Telegraph”


1956 [55] Peter Buck, Oakland CA, retired rock guitarist (REM-“Losing My Religion”, “Everybody Hurts”)

1967 [44] Judd Apatow, Syosset NY, movie producer (“Bridesmaids”, “Pineapple Express”)/movie director (“Knocked Up”, “The 40 Year Old Virgin”)

• “Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women”, established by Parliament in 1991 to recognize and denounce violence against women in our society. The day coincides with the anniversary of the 1989 ‘Montréal Massacre’ when 14 young women were tragically killed at l’École Polytechnique.

• “Gazpacho Day”, in celebration of the spicy but cold Spanish soup. To look like a real rube, order some in a restaurant and then blow on it to cool it down.

• “International Bad Hair Day”, a day to flaunt it if you’ve got it!

• “Miners Day”, saluting the ‘men of the deeps’ who toil away daily underground.

• “Pawnbrokers Day”, celebrated on “St Nicholas Day”, the saint who, among other things, is the patron saint of pawnbroking.

• “St Nicholas Day”, commemorating the 4th-century bishop who died December 6, 342 AD and from whom the traditions of ‘Santa Claus’ and exchanging gifts were derived. No wonder he’s the patron saint of both children and merchants! Many European kids awake today to find candy and oranges in their shoes, or if they’ve been bad … a piece of coal.

1971 [40] “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” is released by John & Yoko Lennon with The Plastic Ono Band and the Harlem Community Choir

2002 [09] Movie actress Winona Ryder is sentenced to community service for stealing more than $5,500 in merchandise from Saks Fifth Ave in Beverly Hills CA (pretty much a career killer)

2005 [06] Director Ang Lee’s “Brokeback Mountain”, starring Heath Ledger & Jake Gyllenhaal, premieres in NYC (goes on to win 3 Academy Awards)

2010 [01] CityTV news anchor-announcer Mark Dailey dies of cancer in Toronto at age 57 (“This is CityTV … everywhere”)


1960 [51] 1st ‘Domino’s Pizza’ opens (Detroit, Michigan)

1983 [28] World record for ‘Continuous Whistling’ set at 45 hours, 20 minutes (stop it … stop that annoying whistling … shut-up!)

[Wed] Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
[Wed] International Civil Aviation Day
[Wed] Cotton Candy Day
[Thurs] Brownie Day
[Fri] “I Melt With You”; “New Year’s Eve”; “The Sitter”; “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Salesperson Day
This Week Is … Handwashing Awareness Week
This Month Is … Safe Toys & Gifts Month


• If it rings, put it on hold.
• If it clunks, call the repairman.
• If it whistles, ignore it.
• If it’s the Boss, look busy.
• If it’s a friend, stop work and chat.
• If it talks, take notes.
• If it’s handwritten, type it.
• If it’s typed, copy it.
• If it’s copied, file it.
• If it’s Friday, FORGET IT!!!


Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.

• THIS has been ranked the ‘most requested gift’ for 5 years in-a-row now.
a. Prepaid gift card. [CORRECT]
b. Widescreen TV.
c. iPhone.
– National Retail Federation

• THIS is cited as one of the biggest frustrations of the holiday season.
a. Having to buy batteries separately.
b. Plastic clamshell packaging. [CORRECT]
c. Receiving an unwanted prepaid gift card.
– “Business Week”

Which member of your family do you spend the most on at Christmas? (A MasterCard survey finds that husbands spend the most on their wives, but wives spend the most on their sons.)

Question: You are more likely to do THIS on a Tuesday than any other day of the week.
Answer: Work through lunch.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

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