Wednesday, December 6, 2017 – Edition: #6113

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ ‘House of Cards’ will officially resume filming its sixth season without Kevin Spacey beginning in early 2018, according to chief content officer Ted Sarandos. The sixth and final season of House of Cards will star Robin Wright and feature eight episodes. In October, actor Anthony Rapp accused Spacey of making a sexual advance on him when he was 14 and Spacey was 26.  Production on the original Netflix series was almost immediately suspended.
★  Jim Carrey’s sweet childhood letter to Carol Burnett finally paid off.  On The Carol Burnett 50th Anniversary Special, Jim Carrey joined the comedy legend to reminisce about the sweet letter that he sent to his hero Carol Burnett when he was only ten years old. In the letter, Carrey asked her if he could be a regular on the show like Tim Conway and Harvey Korman. He received a polite rejection letter telling him they weren’t hiring children but he should stay in school and study hard.  If Carrey was carrying a grudge over the last few decades from the rejection, all was forgiven when she finally ‘hired him’ at the end of the segment.
(Probably after her threatened to talk out of his butt…)
★ Rupert Grint admits he doesn’t enjoy watching the ‘Harry Potter’ movies.  Grint, who played boy wizard Ron Weasley in the films, says that  ”I think being in things ruins them for me… I can’t enjoy Harry Potter any more, not as a fan – it’s just not the same!”
(Dude’s got a point.  How many times can you watch YOUR childhood home videos?)
★ Danny Masterson has been booted from “The Ranch” because of multiple rape allegations, but the actor vehemently denies the claims. Netflix says his last day of filming was Monday. Four women claim Masterson raped them and the LAPD is currently investigating at least one incident. One woman filed a police report in 2004 saying Masterson raped her when she was unconscious. Three other women — all Scientologists — also claim they were raped but that the Church intimidated them out of coming forward.
★ The Screen Actors Guild Awards will have a host for the first time next year.  Actress Kristen Bell will preside over the 24th annual ceremony January 21. The SAG awards committee decided they wanted to “capture the cultural mood” of change by breaking with its own tradition and having a host for the gala show. Bell said in a statement that she’s “a little nervous” about being the show’s first host.  The SAG Awards recognize outstanding performances in TV and film as chosen by members of the actors’ union.
(Gotta say, it would take a lot of nerve to have your face on a billboard to promote something called the ‘SAG’ awards!)
★ Bryan Singer has been fired from the Queen biopic ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’.  The decision reflected an escalating clash between Singer and actor Rami Malek and was caused by the director being missing from the set, necessitating the Dec. 1 production shutdown of the film in which Malek stars as singer Freddie Mercury.  The pic has been shooting in London.  No official word yet about how this will affect the movie’s scheduled December 2018 release date.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Neil Patrick Harris, Vanessa Kirby, Jules Sylvester, Hanson
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): John Cena, Bridget Everett, Beck
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Ed Helms, Christopher Jackson, Bleachers
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Dax Shepard, Lily James, Max Brooks, Brooks Wackerman
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kristen Wiig, Morgan Freeman, Seth MacFarlane
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Denis Leary, Frankie Shaw, Khalid Rahmaan
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Ilana Glazer, Abbi Jacobson
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Ed Helms
• “The Talk” (CBS): Jeffrey Donovan, Jaymes Vaughan, Smokey Robinson
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Gwendoline Christie, Matt Smith, Seal
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Neil Patrick Harris, Padma Lakshmi, Chris Stapleton
• “Survivor” (CBS): The castaways receive a much-needed visit from their loved ones.
• “A Very Pentatonix Christmas Special” (NBC): Pentatonix celebrate the holiday season; and are joined by Jennifer Hudson, Jay Leno and “America’s Got Talent” winner Darci Lynne Farmer.
• “Christmas Incorporated” (HALLMARK): A woman gets a job as a wealthy man’s personal assistant through a case of mistaken identity, and she attempts to get her new boss not to shut down one of his factories right before Christmas.
• “Ozzy and Jack’s World Detour” (A&E): Jack and Ozzy take a trip down to Cajun country and visit an old family friend from Ozzy’s early touring days. Later: they stop by a French Quarter landmark and one of the most haunted houses in America before participating in a family crawfish.

• Ed Sheeran – When he was injured falling off his bicycle two months ago, he apparently didn’t realize how badly he was hurt…and went to the pub with his girlfriend. It turned out that he had broken his wrist, elbow and his rib. (***See ‘Genetic Superpowers of Redheads’, below***)
• Pink –  says she and her husband are raising their kids to be gender neutral.  Her 6-year-old daughter, Willow, even thinks of herself as a boy, and Pink couldn’t be more pleased.
• Meek Mill – his request for bail has been denied. Judge Genece Brinkley says Mill is a “flight risk” and “a danger to the community.” In denying him bail, she questioned the validity of his clean drug tests … suggesting he might have used something called “Fast Flush” to cleanse his system.
• Madonna – will appear on Friday’s ‘Live with Kelly and Ryan’.  According to the show, she is expected to “update the hosts about the latest in her life, career, philanthropy, artistry and most recent projects, including her MDNA Skin care line.” (Oh. An infomercial.)
• Queen – In his new book ‘Queen in 3D’, Brian May says he thought the band was done until he saw Adam Lambert’s rendition of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ on American Idol.  He refers to Lambert as “A gift from God?!”.
• Rush – guitarist Alex Lifeson’s Signature ES-Les Paul has been ranked #1 in Music Radar’s list of “the best top-end guitars over $2,700″.
• Stone Temple Pilots – will embark on their first tour with new singer Jeff Gutt this spring.  The tour starts with a March 2nd show in Santa Clarita, California and concludes two weeks later with a Billings, Montana show on March 17th.  They have also booked festival gigs at Columbus, Ohio’s Rock on the Range and Jacksonville, Florida’s Welcome to Rockville.
• Montgomery Gentry – Eddie Montgomery is taking the band’s latest studio album, ‘Here’s To You’, on the road this winter.  The January 19 show in Sioux Falls, SD will mark Montgomery’s first stage appearance since Troy Gentry was killed in a helicopter accident earlier this year.
• Kelsea Ballerini – is excited to stop singing about her “19-year-old self”.  Speaking of her new album ‘Unapologetically’, she said that, “it’s going to be a really great thing for me to be able to sing about actually where I’ve been and stop singing about my 19-year-old self and sing about my 20, 21, 22, 23, 24-year-old self”.

Fruitcake.  Hate it or hate it, you have to admit: That stuff lasts forever.  An Ohio family has kept the same fruitcake uneaten (except for periodic taste tests) since it was baked in 1878. In Antarctica, a fruitcake discovered in artifacts left by explorer Robert Falcon Scott’s 1910 expedition remains “almost edible,” according to the researchers who found it. So what is it that makes that stuff last so long?  Well, for one thing, fruitcake is notoriously dense. It’s packed full of already-preserved foods, like dried and candied nuts and fruit.  That keeps bacteria from developing.  Oh, and just like dealing with your relatives at Christmas, booze helps.  A good fruitcake involves plenty of alcohol. Immediately after a fruitcake cools, most bakers wrap it in a cheesecloth soaked in liquor and store it in an airtight container. This keeps mold and yeast away and keeps the cake deliciously moist.  In fact, many say that like fine wine, fruitcake tastes better as it ages.  The catch is that you should ‘feed’ it once a week.  With what?  More booze, obviously.  If it is not frozen, brush it with whatever alcohol you’ve chosen (brandy and rum are popular choices) every few days.
(That’s all I need.  Another freeloader hanging around the house at Christmas, drinking all my booze!)
(You know what they say…Good things never last!)
(It lasts forever because nobody will eat it!)

A survey by online dating app Zoosk shows that using the word ‘foodie’ in your dating profile significantly increases the number of incoming messages you will receive from prospective mates.  By 82%.  Other food-related words that scored an even-better uptick in responses included ‘guacamole’ (144%), ‘potatoes’ (101%) and chocolate (100%).  Bad food-related words to use: ‘yams’ (70% decrease) and ‘fried chicken’ (15% fewer).
(Don’t try to use all of them.  You’ll sound like a buffet!)
(See? Sex isn’t all that guys are interested in.  We also want food.)
(And just like food…the more you have, the more you want…)
(I’ve gotta know.  What’s attractive about potatoes?)

☺ They don’t need as much vitamin D:  Because of their origins in cloudy European environments, redheads produce more vitamin D in a shorter amount of time when exposed to sunlight.  (Good thing…or they’d burn to a crisp!)
☺ Red-headed women handle pain better:  Red-headed women can tolerate up to 25 per cent more pain than people with other hair colors.  (Guys?  Not so much….think Rupert Grint!)
☺ They know when it is getting cold:  Redheads feel hot and cold temperatures more severely than anyone else. The theory is that the redhead gene, ‘MC1R’, may cause the human temperature-detecting gene to become overactivated.  (It’s funny because they often seem a little ‘hot under the collar’ to me!)
☺ Redheads are popular in commercials:  An analysis found that 30% of the TV commercials in prime time prominently feature a redhead.  That’s a lot of red when you consider they’re just 2 per cent of the world’s population. (Does that include “fake” red hair?)
☺ Redheads are seen as funnier:  We first began to see the circus clown as we know it — complete with face paint and brightly colored wigs — in the early 19th century. The wigs needed to be bright to be seen from the backs of large theaters, so red was an obvious choice.
(Yeah, they’re funny…until somebody calls then a ginger!)

1. “Damn” – Kendrick Lamar
2.  “Melodrama” – Lorde
3.  “Songs of Experience” – U2
4.  “Rainbow” – Kesha
5.  “American Dream” – LCD Soundsystem
6.  “American Teen” – Khalid
7.  “Reputation” – Taylor Swift
8.  “Villains” – Queens of the Stone Age
9.  “Culture” – Migos
10.  “The Thrill of it All” – Sam Smith


1955 [62] Steven Wright, Cambridge MA, comedian (known for his lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of one-liners)/actor (“Desperately Seeking Susan”, “Babe: Pig in the City”)
Here are 5 of Steven Wright’s best lines:
• It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
• I’ve written several children’s books …not on purpose.
• I’ve been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious.
• I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
• A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn’t first place.

1956 [61] Peter Buck, Oakland CA, rock guitarist (REM-‘Losing My Religion’, ‘Everybody Hurts’)

1958 [59] Debbie Rowe, Spokane WA, family member (Nurse who became an international subject after marrying pop icon Michael Jackson)

1967 [50] Judd Apatow, Syosset NY, movie producer (“Bridesmaids”, “Pineapple Express”)/movie director (“Knocked Up”, “The 40 Year Old Virgin”)

• “Gazpacho Day”, in celebration of the spicy but cold Spanish soup. To look like a real rube, order some in a restaurant, then blow on it to cool it down.

• “Miners Day”, saluting the ‘men of the deeps’ who toil away daily underground.

• “Put on Your Own Shoes Day”, This is it, boys and girls. Time to prove you’re a big kid now.

• “Pawnbrokers Day”, celebrated on “St. Nicholas Day”, the saint who, among other things, is the patron saint of pawnbrokers .  (Buuut…shouldn’t St. Nicholas Day be Dec. 25?)

• “St Nicholas Day”, commemorating the 4th-century bishop who died December 6, 342 AD and from whom the traditions of ‘Santa Claus’ and exchanging gifts were derived. No wonder he’s the patron saint of both children and merchants! Many European kids awaken today to find candy and oranges in their shoes, or if they’ve been bad … a piece of coal.

• “Microwave Oven Day”, Percy Spencer discovered microwave cooking in 1945 when he came too close to a magnetron tube and a chocolate bar in his pocket began to melt.  (Fun Fact: The first commercially available microwave oven in 1947 was called the ‘Radarange’)

[Thurs] Cotton Candy Day
[Thurs] National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
[Fri] Brownie Day
[Fri] National Salesperson’s Day

2005 [12] Director Ang Lee’s “Brokeback Mountain”, starring Heath Ledger & Jake Gyllenhaal, premieres in NYC (goes on to win 3 Academy Awards)

2008 [09] Beyoncé’s 3rd album “I Am Sasha Fierce” debuts at #1 (as had her first 2)

1877 [140] 1st recording made of the human voice: Thomas Edison reciting ‘Mary had a Little Lamb”

2003 [14] Army becomes the 1st team in NCAA major college football history to finish its season 0-13, by losing to Navy 34-6

2013 [04] The Fender Stratocaster electric guitar played by Bob Dylan at the 1965 Newport Folk Festival is sold at auction in NYC for a record $965,000 (had been in the possession of a NJ family for 48 years after Dylan left it on a private plane)


✓ Cats can learn how to bark from listening to dogs.
✓ The word “selfie” has been officially accepted for use in the word game Scrabble.
✓ According to a new study, companies sell their products at the same prices in stores and online nearly three-quarters of the time.
✓ Heading a soccer ball causes mild concussions, and players that head the ball often have low cognitive performance.
✓ Many new cars play fake engine noise through their speakers so car enthusiasts will buy them.
✓ ‘Elf’ star Will Ferrell was a mall Santa before he became famous.
-UberFacts, WhattheFFacts

• Co-workers refer to you as “the ghost of unemployment future”.
• The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial.
• On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips.
• What you call your new office, everybody else calls “the supply closet”.
• Boss’s Christmas card says, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out”.
• You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants.
• When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under avalanche of stolen office supplies.
• Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw.
• In your most recent performance evaluation, the word “inexcusable” appeared 78 times.
• You’re the starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns.

I just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one’, so when I see stupid posts I can click ‘like’ and it will say ‘No one likes this’.

• Which is a compulsory school subject in Armenia?
a. Armenian.
b. Chess. [CORRECT]
c. Girls’ Facial Hair Grooming.

• Which is NOT another name for ‘Santa Claus’ somewhere in the world?
a. ‘Papa Noel’.
b. ‘Father North’. [CORRECT. He’s known as ‘Papa Noel’ in Peru and Brazil while Russians refer to the big guy as ‘Grandfather Frost’, but there’s no ‘Father North’.]
c. ‘Grandfather Frost’.

• Which animal has the largest heart in proportion to its body size?
a. Blue whale.
b. Giraffe. [CORRECT]
c. The boss at Christmas bonus time.

☎ What weird thing do you do to stay warm during Winter?

Question:  The average adult starts doing this at the age of 41.  What is it?
Answer: Taking vitamins

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

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