Wednesday, December 7, 2016 – Edition: #5867

Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

★ It’s come to light that Prince Harry has made a 1,700-mile detour to see his girlfriend Meghan Markle. The 32-year-old Brit royal has been kept busy the past two weeks visiting 7 islands in the Caribbean (rough job, eh?). But when the official tour finished, he reportedly swapped his scheduled flight from Barbados to London for one to Canada. He arrived Sunday evening and was spotted at Markle’s home in Toronto on Monday. However, he’s likely back in England today as he has an official commitment.
– “The Sun”
★ Comedian Chris Rock is heading out on his first major stand-up tour in 9 years in 2017. He’s announced the “Total Blackout World Tour” in a Facebook Live video. 28 North American tour dates have been announced so far. The trek is due to begin Valentines Day in Durham NC, with the schedule currently running to June 3rd in Atlantic City NJ. It was previously announced the 51-year-old has signed a $40-million deal with Netflix for 2 comedy specials, but it’s unclear which shows he’ll be taping for the video streaming service.
★ Cruz Beckham – 11-year-old son of fashion designer Victoria Beckham & her retired soccer player-husband David Beckham – has signed with Scooter Braun, the talent manager who discovered Justin Bieber in 2007. A new Instagram account for Cruz features videos of him singing covers of Anna Kendrick’s “Cups” from the movie “Pitch Perfect” and “Hopeful” by Twista & Faith Evans. If his Instagram following is anything to go by, the youngster is already set for success as he’s racked up 92,000 followers within his first 24 hours on social media.
★ And hit London play “Harry Potter & The Cursed Child” is getting a Broadway bump earlier than expected. Producers of the 2-part play, which has lit up London’s West End, are close to completing a deal to open at NYC’s refurbished Lyric Theatre in early 2018. Written by Jack Thorne from an original story by JK Rowling, the 2-part play, which has a combined running time of just over 5 hours, follows the challenges of Potter and company 19 years after the final ‘Hogwarts’ battle chronicled in “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows”.

• “AACTA Awards” (Channel 7) – The 6th annual Australian Academy of Cinema & Television Arts gala in Sydney honors talent in TV & film.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Robert Glasper Experiment (“Art/Science”).
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Miranda Lambert (“The Weight of These Wings”).
• “Hairspray Live!” (NBC) – This latest live TV adaptation features Ariana Grande, Jennifer Hudson, and Broadway veteran Harvey Fierstein. The story of an overweight teen who dreams of landing a spot on her favorite TV dance show first hit the bigscreen in 1988. It was subsequently developed into a Broadway show in 2002.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Pentatonix (“A Pentatonix Christmas”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Bob Mould (“Patch the Sky”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Kacey Musgraves (“A Very Kacey Christmas”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – DJ Khaled (“Major Key”).
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – John Legend (“Darkness & Light”).

• Bob Dylan – Patti Smith is set to honor him at Saturday’s Nobel Prize ceremony in Stockholm, Sweden by performing a cover of one of his famous songs, “A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall”. Dylan isn’t attending the event himself, but is sending along a speech to be read on his behalf.
• Desiigner (Sidney Selby III) – He’s been slapped with a lawsuit after reportedly crashing a Ferrari rented by 2 of his friends. The “Panda” hitmaker allegedly wrecked the vehicle in New Jersey back in June. The rental company wants $500,000+ to cover both the lost vehicle and its potential future earnings.
• Lady Gaga – The 30-year-old has revealed on NBC-TV’s “Today” that she’s been secretly suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ever since she was raped at age 19. She’s been candid about the sex assault since 2014 but hasn’t previously spoken about PTSD.
• One Direction – Simon Cowell has confirmed Louis Tomlinson has signed a solo recording deal with Simon’s Syco label. The 24-year-old is the latest of the (former?) boy-band members to launch a solo career.
• Shawn Mendes – The Toronto-born singer has signed to perform at next year’s Juno Awards. The 5-time Juno nominee is the first artist announced for Canada’s 2017 music awards, which air live on CTV April 2nd from Ottawa. Mendes was musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) over the weekend.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 82% of us say we’ll be buying cellophane (Scotch) tape this holiday season.
• 69% of us say that the worst part of the holiday season is wrapping presents.
• 66% of us admit we need to eat less sugar.
• 45% of us have re-gifted a present to a friend or co-worker.
• 40% of us regularly add salt to our food before we taste it.
• 30% of women say they have no desire to paint their toenails at this time of the year.

✓ Next time you want to clean away the grime in your shower or bathtub just cut a grapefruit in half and sprinkle some salt on it. Scrub using the grapefruit halves and then rinse.
✓ To clean your dishwasher, leave a bowl filled with white vinegar in the top rack and run it on the hottest possible cycle.
✓ To clean a coffee grinder, grind up some uncooked white rice (to remove odors). Afterward, grind up 1 tablespoon of baking soda and then wipe it clean.
✓ You can create an automatic oven cleaner by leaving a bowl with ½ cup of ammonia in the oven overnight (don’t turn it on!). In the morning you can just wipe away the grime.
✓ Vomit on your carpet quite literally stinks. Mix baking soda with water into a paste, spread the mixture on the upchuck and let it sit overnight. You’ll be able to vacuum it up in the morning.
✓ Leather furniture looking a bit tired? Use some shoe polish on that leather sofa or La-Z-Boy and the markings will be no more.
✓ It doesn’t matter where the grease stain is (walls, clothes, etc). Just cover it with chalk, then after a few minutes wipe the chalk away with a moist towel. Bam, it’s grease-free!
✓ The most annoying household task can be unclogging a sink. No more! Put 4 Alka-Seltzer tablets and 1 cup of vinegar down the drain. After 10 minutes rinse with boiling water.
– Condensed from

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Blood Spa’ – Not as hideous as it sounds, this is a place where blood is analyzed and special beauty treatments are given according to the results. While blood is the heart of the treatment, your plasma and platelets won’t actually be used for your facial or massage … hopefully.
• ‘Brass Ceiling’ – A point after which someone, usually a woman, cannot reach a higher position in the military. At least, that’s the ‘general’ rule.
• ‘Nutricosmetics’ – Beauty products intended to improve your appearance which you ingest rather than apply, often in the form of a liquid or a pill.

✗ As a pin-up calendar, this one is sure to lure in red-blooded men. It’s the 2017 “Carponizer” calendar that features 12 barely-clothed women holding one of the planet’s ugliest creatures … the carp. The weird fish calendar is the brainchild of one Hendrik Pohler and it’s getting a 5-star rating on Amazon. Pohler promises that no carp were harmed during the waterlogged photoshoot.
– Postmedia Network
✗ A Japanese pet owner has discovered an unusual feature of her iPhone’s Touch ID … it can be unlocked with her hedgehog’s paw print. In a posted video the woman shows how the phone allows the hedgehog’s paw print to be registered. It isn’t the first time the system’s been proven to register other things. An Oregon tech blogger has unlocked the first generation of Touch ID on his iPhone 5 using the print … from his genitals.
✗ Some people just don’t appreciate classic rock. An Oregon woman recently called the cops to complain that a nearby man wouldn’t stop whistling … Semisonic’s 1998 hit “Closing Time”. A verbal altercation apparently occurred near her driveway when the woman told the man to “shut up”. Police responded to the called-in complaint but the whistler was long gone by the time they arrived. It’s unclear if the woman was upset over the choice of material or a lack of talent.

• Industrial spills may be more dangerous in cold weather.
– “New York Times”
• Scorpion manicures are now a thing in Mexico.
– “AJ+”
• An average-sized condom should be able to hold 18 liters of air.
– “New Scientist”


1949 [67] Tom Waits, Pomona CA, Grammy-nominated contemporary folk singer-songwriter (“Bad as Me”)

1965 [51] Jeffrey Wright, Washington DC, TV actor (‘Bernard Lowe’ on “Westworld” 2016)

1977 [39] Dominic Howard, Stockport UK, rock drummer (Muse-“Uprising”, “Supermassive Black Hole”)

1979 [37] Sara Bareilles, Eureka CA, pop singer (“King of Anything”, “Love Song”)

1988 [28] Winston Marshall, London UK, folk-rock banjoist (Mumford & Sons-“Believe”, “I Will Wait”)

• “Cotton Candy Day”, celebrating the sweet, sugary taste-treat that melts in your mouth. It was invented in 1897 as ‘Fairy Floss’, then renamed in 1920. In Greece, Israel, and India it is often referred to as ‘Old Woman’s Hair’. Yuck.

• “International Civil Aviation Day”, an observance by the International Civil Aviation Organization since 1994. The day is celebrated worldwide by the aviation community, including ATC (Air Traffic Control), airport management, and airlines.

• “Letter Writing Day”, when we’re encouraged to take a few minutes to send someone a handwritten letter. Letter-writing has almost become a lost art. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone, either printed or in cursive?

• “Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day”, observed on the anniversary of one of the defining moments in American history, the 1941 Japanese raid on Pearl Harbor, Hawaii which caused the US to enter WW2. It’s the 75th anniversary of the ‘date which will live in infamy’.

• “Special Kids Day”, started in 1990 as a seasonal event for children with special needs and their families to visit Santa Claus in environments designed to accommodate them.

2001 [15] The caper movie remake, “Ocean’s Eleven”, featuring an all-star ensemble cast (George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Julia Roberts) opens in theaters (spawns sequels “Ocean’s Twelve” 2004, “Ocean’s Thirteen” 2007, and soon the all-female “Ocean’s 8” 2018)

2011 [05] Triple Grammy-winners The Black Keys appear on “The Colbert Report” to perform “Lonely Boy” and “Gold On the Ceiling”

1991 [25] Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” reaches #1 on the singles chart; U2’s “Achtung Baby” debuts at #1 on the album chart

2014 [02] Pink Floyd’s classic album “The Dark Side Of the Moon” makes a surprise return to the ‘Billboard 200’ (#13), thanks to ultra-cheap special pricing at 99¢ in the Google Play store

1969 [47] 1st broadcast of holiday TV special “Frosty the Snowman”

2010 [06] At auction, John James Audubon’s illustrated book “Birds of America” sells for a record price of $10.3 million

2011 [05] 30 Seconds to Mars breaks the record for most shows performed during a single album cycle as they play their 300th concert in support of the album “This Is War” in NYC

[Thurs] Grammy Awards nominees announced
[Thurs] Pretend to Be a Time Traveler Day
[Fri] Cremation Day
[Fri] International Anti-Corruption Day
[Sat] Day Of the Horse
[Sat] Gingerbread Decorating Day
This Week Is … Recipe Greetings For the Holidays Week
This Month Is … Safe Toys & Gifts Month


✓ Charles Bukowski: The Weeknd – “Can’t Feel My Face”
✓ George Orwell: Rockwell – “Somebody’s Watching Me”
✓ William S Burroughs – The Lemonheads – “My Drug Buddy”
✓ James Joyce: Flogging Molly – “Drunken Lullabies”
✓ F Scott Fitzgerald: LCD Soundsystem – “New York, I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down”
✓ Ernest Hemingway: Beyoncé – “Drunk in Love”
✓ Jane Austen: Mott the Hoople – “All The Young Dudes”
✓ Agatha Christie: Eminem – “Murder, Murder”
✓ Mary Shelley: Kanye West – “Monster”
✓ Kurt Vonnegut: REM – “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”
– Thanks to Brady Gerber

Most people live and learn. Apparently you just live.

For the ancient Celts, which special occasion did New Year’s Eve coincide with?
a. Halloween [CORRECT]
b. Mardi Gras
c. Spouse Swapping Night

☎ What’s the funniest thing that ever happened at your office party … in 10 words or less?

Two of the following are actual (bad) seasonal movies; one is totally made up. Which?
• “One Starry Christmas” – An aspiring astronomy professor finds unexpected Christmas romance when she meets a charming cowboy. [Real Movie]
• “Christmas Dog” – It’s Christmas Eve and Santa’s having a nervous breakdown. But who will deliver the toys? Now the fate of Christmas is in the paws of one brave dog. [BS]
• “A Cookie Cutter Christmas” – Two rival elementary school teachers duke it out during the holidays in a Christmas cookie bake-off, but their real feud ignites over a shared interest in a handsome single dad. [Real Movie]
– Adapted from

Question: According to a workplace survey, money is the greatest reward an employer can give, followed by THIS.
Answer: Free lunch.

If you’re not part of the solution, be part of the problem.

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