Wednesday, December 8, 2010        Edition: #4403
Deja Moo!

ABC-TV has announced this year’s performers for its annual “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” special: Avril Lavigne, Drake, Jennifer Hudson, and Train will join host Ryan Seacrest in NYC; plus Jason Derulo, La Roux, Mike Posner, and Natasha Bedingfield in Fergie-hosted LA segments (someone please tell 81-year-old Clark it’s time to avoid the camera) . . . 37-year-old actress Portia de Rossi (Mrs Ellen DeGeneres) has turned down an offer from “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) to be part of the show’s first same-sex dancing pair (how about Jack Black & John Travolta?) . . . Here’s some odd stunt-casting: Jane Lynch says “CBS Evening News” anchor Katie Couric will be performing on “Glee”, singing “Tea for Two” with Matthew Morrison (‘Mr Shuester’) . . . 55-year-old former TV star Kelsey Grammar (“Frasier”) is getting ready for his 4th trip down the aisle, this time with 29-year-old girlfriend Kayte Walsh (26-year difference – seems like another logical pairing) . . . Backup dancer Alex Welch is threatening to take Demi Lovato to court after allegedly suffering a black eye in a fight which prompted the Disney star to seek help in rehab (an official apology shortly afterward would have prevented all this) . . . Actor Russell Crowe has Twittered fans, asking them to push for a sequel to his 2003 movie “Master & Commander: The Far Side Of The World”, which was based on an extensive series of novels by Patrick O’Brian (somebody’s desperate for a hit!) . . . ABC-TV’s “Skating With the Stars” has become a dangerous endeavor, with celeb contestant Brandon Mychal Smith admitted to hospital due to difficulty breathing and pro skater Brooke Castile requiring stitches after Jonny Moseley slashed her finger with his skate causing her to ‘bleed all over’ (we’ve switched to watching hockey – less violent) . . . And it’s hard to believe but a production entitled “American Psycho – The Musical” is being developed for Broadway (this could make that “Spider Man” mess look downright sensible!).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Katy Perry (“Teenage Dream”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Little Big Town (“The Reason Why”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Florence & The Machine (“Lungs”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Natasha Bedingfield (“Strip Me”).
• “Mythbusters” (Discovery Channel) – President Barack Obama appears as part of a White House initiative to highlight the importance of science education.

• Black Eyed Peas – Head Pea will I am has revealed he suffers from tinnitus, a permanent ringing in the ear, which he can only ease by surrounding himself with other sound. That’s what’s turned him into a workaholic, since the pain is alleviated onstage and in the studio.
• Justin Timberlake – He’s suffered a muscle injury to his calf on the set of the new movie thriller “Now”, so the production is now on a brief hiatus while he recuperates.
• Kanye West – Reality TV star Kim Kardashian (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians”) is denying rumors she’s pregnant with the rapper’s baby. (Apparently it’s just too many burgers.)
• Slash – antiMUSIC reports he’ll use Alter Bridge’s Myles Kennedy as the only singer on his next album. They’ll also hit the road as opening act for Ozzy Osbourne in January and February.
• Taylor Swift – The first tickets for her “Speak Now” 2011 North American tour went on sale late last week, and all of the first 10 shows put on sale sold out within minutes. Additional concerts have subsequently been added for Boston and LA.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Birthplace Effect’  – The tendency for smaller cities to produce disproportionately more professional athletes than larger cities. (“And it’s caught for a touchdown by Dontel Erasmus from East Podunk, Arkansas!”)
• ‘Reluctant Landlord’ – A person forced to rent a house because it’s become impossible to sell it. (Not to be confused with a ‘Reluctant Tenant’, a person forced to rent a house because there’s no freakin’ way they can afford to buy one.)
• ‘Robo-signer’ – A person who signs a legal document without reading it or understanding the document’s contents. (“You’ve got a robo-signer sitting out there, Armtwister! So make sure you slip in a rust protection package before he finalizes the deal on this car.”)

Stanford University psychologist Clifford Nass notes that these days we often feel disproportionate anger toward hi-tech devices, hitting or shouting at our computers when they freeze for example. He speculates that this irrational anger arises because we feel we’ve established a partnership with our machines and that they should be on our side. So when they malfunction … we perceive it as a betrayal of our trust. (“You @$%**! idiot, how could you do this to me!”)

Which part of a gingerbread man do you eat first? A new survey finds a significant majority of us start with the head and work our way down. Alan Hirsch, director of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, claims that where we begin eating a human-shaped cookie is an indicator of our personalities. Those who bite the head first are achievement-oriented individuals, natural leaders who won’t take no for an answer. Hirsch says skeptics usually go for the right hand; creative people opt for the left arm; and sensitive people go for the legs. (Sheesh, what kind of cannibals are we?)

• Look for a fresh tree with bright green needles.
• Crush a few needles in your hand. A strong evergreen fragrance is a sign of freshness.
• Bend back a few needles. If they snap or break in temperatures above 25 F (-4 C), the tree’s not fresh.
• Use a tree stand that holds at least a gallon of water.
• Don’t leave the decorated tree near radiators, fireplaces, or any sources of heat or drafts.
• Always turn off the tree lights before going to bed.

Jalapeno peppers rate about 2,500-to-5,000 on the Scoville scale of pepper hotness. The new ‘Naga Viper’, however, measures 1.359 million Scoville units. It was developed by Gerald Fowler, a British chili farmer & pub owner who crossed 3 of the hottest peppers in the world. Fowler claims his hybrid creation is hot enough to strip paint, so hot that it’s actually dangerous to eat. Defense researchers are already investigating the pepper’s potential uses as a weapon. But Fowler – who makes pub customers sign a waiver before trying his Naga Viper-based curry – insists that consuming the fiery chili does the body good. (Until the next morning when you’re dealing with what feels like molten lead.)

In the USA there are 8 places named Santa Clause, as well as 89 Christmases, 29 Noels, 110 Holidays, 8 Icicles and a Poinssettia Park. There are also 48 Comets, 42 Donners, 33 Rudolphs, 13 Vixens, 8 Blitzens, 8 Dashers, 6 Dancers, and 1 Cupid … Cupid Lake MN. (Sorry Prancer … no takers!)


1947 [63] Gregg Allman, Nashville TN, rock & blues singer/songwriter/guitarist/keyboardist (Allman Bros Band-“Good Clean Fun”, “Ramblin’ Man”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1995)

1953 [57] Kim Basinger, Athens GA, movie actress (Academy Award-“LA Confidential”, “Nine-and-a-Half Weeks”)/ex-Mrs Alec Baldwin (1993-2002)

1957 [53] Phil Collen, Hackney UK, rock guitarist (Def Leppard-“Promises”, “Pour Some Suger on Me”)

1964 [46] Teri Hatcher, Sunnyvale CA, TV actress (‘Susan Mayer’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

1976 [34] Dominic Monaghan, Berlin, Germany, TV actor (“Lost” 2004-10)/movie actor (“Lord Of the Rings” trilogy)

1978 [32] Ian Somerhalder. Covington LA, TV actor (‘Damon Salvatore’ on “The Vampire Diaries” since 2009, ‘Boone Carlyle’ on “Lost” 2004-10)

1978 [32] Vernon Wells, Shreveport LA, MLB baseball player (Toronto Blue Jays)

1981 [29] Philip Rivers, Athens AL, NFL QB (San Diego Chargers since 2004)

1984 [26] Nicki Minaj, NYC, hip-hop artist (w/Trey Songz-“Bottoms Up”, “Your Love”)

• “Bodhi Day”, the Buddhist holiday commemorating ‘Buddha’s Enlightenment’.

• “Brownie Day”, celebrating the chewy chocolate in a pan that you can’t quit eating.

• “Inane Voicemail Message Day”. What’s yours say? Time to spice it up?

• “Take It In the Ear Day”, a day to learn how to accept criticism graciously.

1959 [51] For the first time, a movie features ‘Aromarama’, in which smells are piped in through ceiling vents to accompany the on-screen action of “Behind the Great Wall” (critics were right when they said, “This movie really stinks!”).

1980 [30] John Lennon is shot and killed by Mark David Chapman on the sidewalk outside his NYC home at 11:23 pm. A few of the memorials planned for today’s 30th anniversary …
• New York – Throngs are expected at the Strawberry Fields Memorial in Central Park, across the street from The Dakota building, where he lived and died.
• Hollywood CA – Candlelight vigils will center around his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, near the circular Capitol Records building.
• Puebla, Mexico – The Beatles Fan Club Puebla gathers at the John Lennon memorial plaque in Plaza John Lennon.
• Havana, Cuba – In 2000 a life-like statue of Lennon was unveiled in the new Parque Lennon. Musicians and fans meet there today to pay tribute and sing his songs.
• Liverpool UK – Since his birthday on October 9th, his hometown has been celebrating “John Lennon Tribute Season”. Today there’s a ‘Bed-In’ planned, as well as a tribute concert.
• Tokyo, Japan – Yoko Ono appears at the annual fundraising concert “Dream Power John Lennon Super Live” at Nippon Budokan stadium.
• Reykjavik, Iceland – When Ono lit up the “Imagine Peace Tower” on October 9th, she asked fans to tweet a million messages of peace. Today the tower’s light will be extinguished.
– Condensed from

1915 [95] Canadian MD John McCrae’s poem “In Flanders Fields” is 1st published, in “Punch” magazine.

1996 [14] 1st time a 2nd-year expansion team makes the NFL playoffs as Carolina Panthers beat San Francisco 30-24 (Jacksonville later becomes 2nd team to accomplish this feat)

1940 [70] Record ‘Lopsided Professional Football Game’ as Chicago Bears slaughter NY Giants 73-0 in NFL championship game.

1990 [20] ‘World’s Largest Pizza’ measures 122 feet, 8 inches in diameter, a total of 11,816 square feet (Norwood, South Africa).

[Thurs] Pastry Day
[Thurs] Christmas Card Day
[Thurs] Homemade Gift Day
[Thurs] International Anti-Corruption Day
[Fri] Australian Film Institute Awards (Melbourne)
[Fri] Nobel Prize Day
[Fri] “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage Of the Dawn Treader”; “The Tempest”; “The Tourist” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Handwashing Awareness Week
This Month Is … Drunk & Drugged Driving Prevention Month


• “iCarta iPod Bath Tissue Holder” – Yup, now you can plug your iPod right into the toilet paper dispenser. Perfect for those worried about others hearing them. Yet to be priced. (Priceless?)
• ‘Fart Extinguisher’ – Air freshener shaped like a mini-can of fire extinguisher. In case of emergency you may need one! $8.95
• ‘Merry Christmas Funny Doo’ – Nothing says “I don’t give a crap about you” like a present that spells out “Merry Christmas” in plastic poop. $13.98
• ‘Archie McPhee Instant Underpants’ – Just open the tin and add water for a nice fresh pair of clean – not to mention wet – underwear. $4.95
• ‘Minor Miracle Mug’ – Who wouldn’t be thrilled sipping their latte down to discover the miraculous face of the Virgin Mary on the bottom of the mug every morning? $14.95
• ‘Sweeper Slippers’ – Comfy indoor footwear with a built-in mop on the sole so floors get cleaned as you walk. Perfect gift for the lazy teenager who refuses to do any housework. $15.98
• ‘Civet Crap Choice Coffee’ – High-end Kopi Luwak coffee, created from undigested coffee beans in civet cat feces, has become all trendy. This version cuts the crap and tells it lie it is … out the butt and into your cup!

What did you really, really want for Christmas when you were a kid but never got?

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it!

Your Christmas shopping joy is being ruined because price tags always seem to leave an embarrassing sticky residue on your gifts. Which might help?
a. Squirt hairspray on the residue. [CORRECT. It helps remove dissolve it.]
b. Spread peanut butter over the affected area and leave for 24 hours.
c. Attack the problem with coarse-grade steel wool and industrial strength bleach.

Today’s Question: Those who do THIS in their spare time tend to be more satisfied with their lives.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sing in a choir (or a glee club for that matter).

Some people are educated beyond their intelligence.

Printer Friendly Version