Thursday, December 8, 2016 – Edition: #5868

Deja Moo!

★ Today Sarah Jessica Parker opens her first standalone SJP Collection store. The 51-year-old actress-turned-fashion designer is unveiling her debut shop located in the new MGM National Harbor in Washington DC, a luxury resort, retail, dining, entertainment, and gaming center on the banks of the Potomac River. The former “Sex & The City” star says the big opening is the culmination of many trips to DC on Amtrak for on-site construction visits, meetings on design, and curating a special collection for today’s launch.
– Bang Showbiz
★ Sofia Vergara is being sued … by her own embryos. An ongoing custody battle between the “Modern Family” actress (44) and her former fiancé Nick Loeb (41) has become even more complicated. The former couple had 2 embryos frozen as part of an IVF treatment in 2013. After their engagement ended in 2014, Loeb sued Sofia for custody of the eggs, a case that’s still ongoing. But this week another suit has been filed on behalf of the female embryos, named ‘Emma’ and ‘Isabella’ as plaintiffs in the case. This suit claims the potential daughters are being deprived of a trust that has been created for them. Ah, it’s all about the money.
– “Page Six”
★ Actress Scarlett Johansson says she wants to be a Disney princess, but she’s never been offered a role. The 32-year-old shares the same dream as her 2-year-old daughter. Quote: “I’ve been asking for that job for the past 20 years and nobody has booked me.” Her most recent movies include “Avengers: Age of Ultron”, “The Jungle Book”, and “Captain America: Civil War”. Now that Disney is committed to an ongoing series of live-action remakes, perhaps someday Scarlett’s princess will come.
– “New York Times”
★ And more than half of all video-viewing is now happening on mobiles, and most of those views are screened on phones, not tablets: That’s the gist of a new report this week from video platform provider Ooyala. During the 3rd quarter of this year, 52% of all video views came from mobile devices, according to Ooyala’s Global Video Index. Since Q3 of 2013, mobile video views have grown more than 233%. That’s a faster growth rate than the adoption of mobile devices across the world during the same time period. So it seems some films are being shot in IMAX only to be shown on … a 5.5-inch screen.

• “Chelsea” (Netflix) – Miley Cyrus (“Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Lemon Twigs (“Do Hollywood”).
• “Daily Show” (Comedy Central) – DJ Khaled (“Major Key”).
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Macklemore (“This Unruly Mess I’ve Made”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Frenship (“Truce”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Black Lips (“Underneath the Rainbow”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Lukas Graham (self-titled ‘Blue Album’).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Travis Scott (“AstroWorld”, coming in 2017).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Sarah McLachlan (“Wonderland”).
• “The Real” (syndicated) – Pitbull (“Climate Change”).
• “Taraji’s White Hot Holidays” (FOX) – “Empire” star Taraji P Henson hosts her 2nd annual 1-hour holiday season special with help from her castmates Jussie Smollett and Taye Diggs. Performances by Alicia Keys, Missy Elliott, Pharrell Williams, Snoop Dogg, and TLC.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Pharrell Williams (“Girl”).

• Cruz Beckham – David & Victoria Beckham’s 11-year-old son has released his first single. The wannabe pop star has previewed a festive track titled “If Every Day Was Christmas” on London’s Capital FM. He showed up Wednesday morning, on his way to school.
• Drake – His mega-hit album “Views” has gone quadruple platinum (sales of 4 million units) in just 7 months. He also picked up 8 Grammy nominations on Tuesday. Not a bad week, so far.
• Frank Ocean – The 28-year-old wasn’t nominated for a Grammy Award yesterday because … he didn’t do the paperwork. “Billboard” confirms that neither of his 2016 albums, “Endless” and “Blonde”, were submitted for consideration by his management or label reps.
• Rihanna – Today she launches new velvet ‘Creepers’. The singer and creative director of Puma first launched the footwear design earlier this year. She’s releasing the new incarnation of the popular trainer in 3 shades (grey, black, burgundy).

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Atlantic Wall” – 41-year-old Bradley Cooper (“American Sniper”) is set to appear in this new World War II drama, playing an American paratrooper who finds himself stranded behind enemy lines hours before D-Day. He is tasked with delivering intelligence that is critical to the outcome of the war, while he also tries to protect the son of a murdered ally.
• “Barbie” – Amy Schumer has launched a counterattack against fat-shaming online trolls who are criticizing her recent casting as ‘Barbie’ doll. The “Trainwreck” star recently landed the role of the iconic Mattel doll in a live-action film, and soon after cynical fans began trashing her as – quote – “overweight” and “not attractive enough to portray Barbie”.
• “The Circle” – Emma Watson stars in this sci-fi thriller as a recent grad who lands her dream job at a tech company that makes a tiny glass camera that allows users to share their thoughts and lives with the world. Before long, the young woman uses the gizmo to document her life full-time, making her a worldwide celebrity. The film opens next April.
• “Coco” – Pixar’s next original movie takes place in Mexico on the annual holiday Dia de los Muertos (Day Of the Dead). It centers around a 12-year-old aspiring musician who ends up in the ‘Land Of the Dead’. The movie features an all-Latino voice cast, including newcomer Anthony Gonzalez, plus Benjamin Bratt, Gael García Bernal, and Renée Victor.
• “The Green Hornet” – Director Gavin O’Connor (“The Accountant”) is giving the superhero a movie revamp for a brand new franchise. The vigilante, based on a 1930s radio serial and 1940s comic book series, was last rebooted in 2011 in an action-comedy starring Seth Rogen.
O’Connor says his ‘Green Hornet’ will be edgier than ever before. No word on casting.

Do you love a burrito? How about a delicious burger? How would you feel if you could eat both of these tasty treats in one meal? Well, you don’t have to guess anymore, because a burger-burrito mashup is going to be the specialty at a new restaurant called Burgrito’s. It’s opening in Brooklyn NY in 2017. A ‘burgrito’ is an order of burger & fries wrapped in a flour tortilla. It’s being touted as ‘the best of both worlds’ with its own unique flavor. For New Yorkers – who seemingly adore mashups like ‘cronuts’ – this is likely to be a big deal. The only problem we can see with this creation is that it’s missing beans and guacamole. (What other food mashups would you like to see? Fish & dogs?)

Most followed celebrities of 2016 …
1. Katy Perry
2. Justin Bieber
3. Taylor Swift
4. Rihanna
5. Lady Gaga

Now here’s a gift that will turn any gathering into a rip-roaring good time. Forget boxed wine … you can now get Fireball in a box. All the things you love about boxed wine – easy to pour, easy to transport, massive quantities – now apply to the spicy cinnamon liquor. Your fellow party people can emerge from the cold and enjoy a glass of delicious, warming Fireball. And your host or hostess will be eternally grateful to you for adding some heat to the party. ‘The Firebox’, as it’s being called, contains two 1.75 liter pouches, so the party can go on … and on. In fact, that might be enough to last you to the new year. (But oh the headache!)

Most British tourists in the resort town of Magaluf on the Spanish island of Majorca are on their first holiday without their families. (18? Party time!)
– “Vice”


1964 [52] Teri Hatcher, Sunnyvale CA, TV actress (“The Odd Couple” 2016, “Desperate Housewives” 2004-12)/movie actress (“Tomorrow Never Dies”).

1966 [50] Sinead O’Connor, Glenageary, Ireland, oft-troubled singer-songwriter (“Band Aid 30-“Do They Know It’s Christmas?”, “Nothing Compares 2 U”)

1974 [42] Nick Zinner, Sharon MA, indie rock guitarist (Yeah Yeah Yeahs-“Heads Will Roll”, “Gold Lion”)

1976 [40] Dominic Monaghan, Berlin, Germany, TV actor (“Wild Things with Dominic Monaghan” since 2012, “Lost” 2004-10)/movie actor (“Wolverine”, “Lord Of the Rings” trilogy)

1978 [38] Ian Somerhalder, Covington LA, TV actor (‘Damon Salvatore’ on “The Vampire Diaries” since 2009, “Lost” 2004-10)

1981 [35] Philip Rivers, Decatur AL, NFL quarterback (San Diego Chargers since 2004)

1982 [34] Nicki Minaj, Saint James, Trinidad & Tobago, hip hop artist (“Anaconda”, w/Jessie J & Ariana Grande-“Bang Bang”)

1984 [32] Sam Hunt, Cedartown GA, country singer (“Make You Miss Me”, “House Party”)

• “Bodhi Day”, the Buddhist holiday in Japan commemorating ‘Buddha’s Enlightenment’.

• “Brownie Day”, celebrating the chewy chocolate in a pan that you just can’t quit eating.

• “Pretend to Be a Time Traveller Day”, an annual event created in 2007 by the Koala Wallop online community that combines performance art, humor, and plain old fun. The basic premise is to pretend to be someone from the past or future who’s somehow ended up in the present.

• “Take It In the Ear Day”, a day to learn how to accept criticism graciously.

1959 [57] For the first time, a movie features ‘Aromarama’, in which smells are piped in through ceiling vents to accompany the onscreen action of “Behind the Great Wall”
– “Finding Dory”
– “The Secret Life of Pets”
– “Zootopia”

2003 [13] Rocker Ozzy Osbourne fractures 8 ribs, a collarbone, and a vertebra in his neck in an all-terrain vehicle accident on his estate in Buckinghamshire, England

2011 [05] Sinead O’Connor marries drug counselor Barry Herridge on her 45th birthday in Las Vegas, then the couple splits a few weeks later, then announces they’re back together again

2010 [06] SpaceX becomes the 1st private company to successfully launch, orbit, and recover a spacecraft

2010 [06] Paris, France closes the Eiffel Tower …. due to snow

2012 [04] Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel becomes the 1st freshman to receive the Heisman Trophy as the most valuable NCAA college football player (later goes on to an NFL career that lasts … about 6 minutes)

2013 [03] Metallica plays a gig inside a dome at the Argentine Antarctic Base Carlini, thus becoming the only band to ever perform on all 7 continents

[Fri] “La La Land”; “Office Christmas Party” open in movie theaters
[Fri] 11th Women in Music Event (NYC)
[Sat] Dewey Decimal System Day
[Sat] Nobel Prize Day
[Sun] 23rd Nobel Peace Prize Concert (Oslo, Norway)
This Week Is … Computer Science Education Week
This Month Is … Worldwide Food Service Safety Month


Name the carol described in each riddle …
• Decorate the entryways. [“Deck the Halls”]
• Cup-shaped instruments fashioned of a whitish metallic element. [“Silver Bells”]
• Boulder of the tinkling metal spheres. [“Jingle Bell Rock”]
• Wanted in December: top forward incisors. [“All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”]
• The apartment of two psychiatrists. [“The Nutcracker Suite”]
• The lad is a diminutive percussionist. [“Little Drummer Boy”]
• I beheld a trio of nautical vessels moving in this direction. [“I Saw Three Ships”]
• Do you perceive the same vibrations which stimulate my auditory sense organ? [“Do You Hear What I Hear?”]
• My parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster. [“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”]

☎ If you could choose your last meal, what would it be?

• Which runs on about 20 watts of power, about the same as the lightbulb in your fridge?
a. Your phone.
b. Your string of Christmas lights.
c. Your brain. [CORRECT]

• Out of all the fruits, which has the most calories?
a. Avocado. [CORRECT]
b. Banana.
c. Cumquat.

• If you add together all the numbers on a roulette wheel, what do you get?
a. Zero.
b. 666. [CORRECT]
c. Really dizzy.

We use these expressions all the time, even though the 2 words are at loggerheads …
• Alone Together
• Butt Head
• Clearly Misunderstood
• Government Organization
• Resident Alien
• Sanitary Landfill
• Small Crowd
• Recorded Live
• Working Vacation

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.

Question: Every year at least 8,800 people do THIS with a toothpick.
Answer: Injure themselves.

Always be sincere, even when you don’t mean it.

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