BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ How do you blow through $10 million in a couple of years? We’ll find out tonight on the E! Channel special “After Shock: Heidi & Spencer”.  Former “The Hills” stars Spencer Pratt (30) & Heidi Montag (27) are practically broke and have returned to TV to recoup some of their losses. Pratt admits they were immature and spent lavishly when they were the biggest stars on MTV. Quote: “Every time we’d go out to eat, we’d order $4,000 bottles of wine. Heidi was going to the mall and dropping $20,000-to-$30,000 a day. We thought we were Jay Z and Beyoncé.”
– “In Touch Magazine”
★ This week a “Downton Abbey” tea truck is circulating around NYC to hype the debut of the upcoming 4th season of the Brit show on PBS (January 5th). As well as snagging free tea and biscuits, fans of the upstairs-downstairs period drama can also get their photo taken in front of a backdrop of ‘Highclere Castle’. Retail chain Republic of Tea is also milking the show’s popularity by selling 2 Downton teas … the ‘Grantham Breakfast Blend’ and ‘English Rose Tea’.
– NYDailyNews.com
★ Kim Kardashian & Kanye West are a match made in marketing hell, say several PR experts. Kanye’s “Yeezus” show at Kansas City’ 19,000-seat Sprint Center last week drew only 4,500 fans. His Q score – the biz’s rating system for popularity – has dropped 66% over the last 18 months. One observer suggests that’s because the Kardashian brand is a sinking ship that anyone who jumps aboard will go down with. Another consultant suggests it’s tough for an empty ego to remain popular based on ‘superficiality’ and a ‘self-inflated image’. Ouch!
– RadarOnline.com
★ And OMG, she’s baaaack! Rebecca Black is over “Friday” and singing about a new day of the week. The pseudo-pop singer, who rose to online fame with her 2011 viral video “Friday” that was dubbed by some ‘the worst song ever’, is back with a follow-up single called – wait for it – “Saturday”. The sequel features a dancing hotdog, a random twerking scene, and the singer running on the beach with friends. It’s filled with call-backs to her previous ‘hit’.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/l2o54yr
– QMI

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Great Christmas Light Fight” (ABC) – Ah, the true meaning of the season! 4 families tackily deck their homes for the holidays in a 5-episode light-fight in hope of winning $50,000.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – “7 Days of Funk” (Snoopzilla and Dam Funk).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Kings of Leon (“Mechanical Bull”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Cage the Elephant (“Melophobia”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – French singer Soko (“I Thought I Was an Alien”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Demi Lovato (“Demi”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Jack Johnson (“From Here to Now to You”).
• “One Direction iHeartRadio Album Release Party” (CW) – At The Burbank Studios in LA,  Ryan Seacrest hosts the prerecorded launch of the British boy-band’s new album “Midnight Memories”, which has debuted at #1 on pop album charts worldwide.
• “The Sing-Off” (NBC) – Nick Lachey returns to host a 4th round of this a cappella singing competition. In tonight’s debut, the groups try to make a good first impression on returning judges Ben Folds and Shawn Stockman (Boyz II Men), as well as new panelist Jewel.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Garth Brooks (“The Limited Box Series”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – MS MR (“Secondhand Rapture”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Garth Brooks again; Johnny Mathis (“A 50th Anniversary Christmas Celebration”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The top artists perform.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alabama Shakes – Drummer Steve Johnson tells “Miami News Times” the band recently finished recording their upcoming 2nd album. He says the as-yet-untitled new project will still sound like Alabama Shakes, just experimenting with other sounds.
• Bob Dylan – The guitar he played at the Newport Folk Festival in 1965 has become the most expensive guitar ever sold at auction. The Fender Stratocaster sold for $965,000 at Christie’s in NYC on Friday. It was purchased by an anonymous absentee buyer.
• Colbie Caillat – She’s been writing new songs with Babyface and Ryan Tedder (OneRepublic) for her upcoming new solo album, due early next year. She tells “Rolling Stone” the new music is ‘louder’ and ‘more up-beat’ than some of her previous material.
• Florida Georgia Line – They’ve cruised to #1 again on the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart this week with “Stay”. It takes over top spot from Keith Urban & Miranda Lambert’s “We Were Us”, which has slipped to 2nd.
• Jay Z – He leads nominations for the 56th Grammy Awards with 9 nods, ahead of Justin Timberlake, Kendrick Lamar, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, and Pharrell Williams with 7 apiece. The hardware’s handed out January 26th in LA.
• Justin Bieber – The 19-year-old is reportedly growing increasingly ‘paranoid’ about crazed fans breaking into his hotel room and has employed a 24-hour ‘army of giants’ as security guards, who even watch over him while he sleeps.
• Kelly Clarkson – She tells Ellen DeGeneres that her pregnancy is ‘horrible’, revealing she vomits up to 12 times-a-day … and her hair is falling out.
• Miley Cyrus – “Wrecking Ball” has been named VEVO’s most-viewed music video of 2013, racking up over 371 million global views. She also has 2013’s 2nd-most-viewed video with “We Can’t Stop”.
• Nine Inch Nails – Trent Reznor has revealed there will be another NIN tour of North America in 2014. The new configuration of the band will consist of himself, Ilan Rubin, Alessandro Cortini, and Robin Finck.
• Phil Collins – The 7-time Grammy Award winner has announced he will be returning to music despite declaring his retirement in 2011. The 62-year-old former Genesis drummer says he’s already working on new material.
• Rod Stewart – The 68-year-old reveals he’s been talking with the Stones’ Ronnie Wood about getting together onstage with his old band The Faces (1969-75) in 2015. If the reunion goes ahead, it will be the first time he’s performed with the group since the 1993 Brit Awards.

MARY JANE’S BOOBS:
Beware, guys! Smoking doobies could give you boobies. Detroit MI plastic surgeon Dr Anthony Youn suggests that men who smoke marijuana may develop ‘man breasts’ because puffing on pot can lead to an imbalance in testosterone and estrogen levels. When the scales tip to the estrogen side, it can cause men to grow a pair where they don’t necessarily want them. It’s estimated that up to 60% of teens and those over-50 develop ‘moobs’, as well as a third or more of guys aged 25-to-44. Youn says pot could be one factor in developing the condition formally known as gynecomastia. (It can lead to snarky comments like, “Nice rack, stoner!”)
– CNN.com

HOLIDAY SHOPPING TIPS:
A few expert tips for getting your holiday shopping done stress-free …
✓ Navigate the Net – The best thing about Internet shopping is there’s no traffic, fights for parking, grumpy sales assistants, or other shoppers.
✓ It’s All About the List – Before you wage war at the mall, it’s imperative to have a detailed shopping list. Prepare contingency gifts just in case.
✓ Be the Early Bird – You’ll be amazed how much more shopping gets done when you arrive first thing in the morning. No lengthy lineups and store clerks are fresh and eager to help.
✓ Go Solo – Kids can make the shortest shopping trip an epic journey, and going with a friend often means too much time spent in stores you don’t need.
✓ Keep Perspective – Remember that it’s only shopping. Take a deep breath, try to enjoy the experience … and be thankful that Christmas only comes once a year.
– “Canadian Living Magazine”

THE WORD ON FOOD:
Does food taste better when we think it’s organic? A new Swedish study has found that when coffee is marketed as organic, with eco-friendly messaging, most people think it tastes better than an identical cup they’re told is not organic. The University of Gavle researchers say an increasingly large number of products are marked with morally-loaded labels such as ‘Fair Trade’ and ‘Organically Produced’ – labels associated with social or environmental responsibility that speak to our conscience. These eco-labels also promote a willingness to pay more for the product. (Just check out the number of labels that are now green in color … if not in practice.)
– AFP

FOR THE RECORD:
The ‘World’s Most Expensive Christmas Wreath’ is adorned with over 40 glittering diamonds and rubies. Designed by Finnish florist Pasi Jokinen-Carter, the wreath is made from some of the most luxurious plant-life on Earth, including Hedera berries, Nobilis, lingonberry & blueberry stems, and hand-curled eucalyptus leaves. These are highlighted by a 17-and-a-half carat centerpiece ruby, offset by a 3-carat yellow diamond. The cost? $4,645,800. Best to order ahead though – it takes almost a week to create one. Get yours here …
NET: http://VeryFirstTo.com
– RelaxNews.com

DID YOU KNOW?
German word of the week: ‘Morgenmuffel’. Meaning: Someone who is always grumpy first thing in the morning.
– PopBitch.com

BS CHRONOMETER 12.09.13

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [79] (Dame) Judi Dench, York UK, movie actress (“Skyfall”, Oscar-“Shakespeare in Love”)

1953 [60] John Malkovich, Christopher IL, movie actor (“RED” movies, “Dangerous Liaisons”)

1957 [56] Donny Osmond, Ogden UT, pop singer/Vegas entertainer (“Donny & Marie” at the Flamingo since 2008)

1968 [45] Brian Bell, Knoxville TN, rock guitarist (Weezer-“Pork & Beans”, “Beverly Hills”)

1972 [41] Tre Cool (Frank Edwin Wright III), Frankfurt, Germany, rock drummer (Green Day-“Know Your Enemy”, “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams”)

1980 [33] Simon Helberg, LA CA, TV actor (‘Howard Wolowitz’ on “The Big Bang Theory” since 2007)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Christmas Card Day”, commemorating the 1st commercial Christmas card, commissioned by Sir Henry Cole in London, England in 1843, which featured an illustration by John Callcott Horsley. His cheery little card depicting a family with glasses raised in a Christmas toast was widely denounced at the time as promoting drunkenness.

• “Homemade Gift Day”. If you plan to give homemade gifts this year you need to start right away. Almost everyone is happy to get homemade breads, cookies, or candy. Vest sweaters, not so much.

• “International Anti-Corruption Day”, to raise awareness of corruption and of the role of the UN Convention Against Corruption in combating and preventing it.

• “Pastry Day”, a fun day created to encourage you to make, and of course eat, your favorite pastries. Initiated by the ‘Danish’?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1983 [30] “Scarface” opens in movie theaters, starring Al Pacino as a Cuban refugee who becomes a Miami crime boss

2008 [05] NBC-TV announces “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno is moving to primetime (as it turns out … ever so briefly)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1978 [35] Chic’s “Le Freak” hits #1 on pop charts

1991 [22] A long legal battle over the Bob Marley estate ends when the nearly $12-million legacy is awarded to his widow Rita and her children

1992 [21] After more than 30 years, Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman quits the band

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [34] ‘World’s Largest Turkey’ (77 lbs/35 kg) is auctioned for $4,000 in London, England

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] “Victoria’s Secret fashion Show 2013″ (CBS)
[Tues] 2013 Billboard Women in Music Event (NYC)
[Tues] Human Rights Day
[Tues] Nobel Prize Day
[Wed] Nobel Peace Prize Concert (Oslo, Norway)
[Wed] International Mountain Day
This Week Is … Human Rights Week
This Month Is … Write a Business Plan Month

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS SANTA HAS GOTTEN GRUMPY:
• Under the tree is the smartphone you asked for, with a stored photo of a mooning Santa ‘posing’ … with your toothbrush.
• He’s assigned numbers to all the countries on Earth and is doing the odd ones this year, even ones next.
• Kids’ emails to the North Pole receive automated reply: “I’m out of the office forever, you tubby little punks!”
• Over the Summer he opened a sandwich shop called ‘Blitzen Burgers’.
• Instead of ‘Naughty’ and ‘Nice’, this year’s lists are titled ‘Who gives a crap?’ and ‘Not me!’.
• Hey kid, those lumps in your stocking ain’t coal!
– First published in “BS” 2008.

THE BS GOOFY GIFT GUIDE:
Some real – but really dumb – products that have actually been on the market …
• ‘Bachelor Mop Slippers’ – Slippers with soles made of washable mop fabric, so you can clean your floors while you go to the fridge for a beer. It’s the pinnacle of multi-tasking!
• ‘Bedroom Mood-Meter’ – Simply set the hands to the appropriate message to let your
partner know what you have in mind. Settings include “If I’m not back in 10, start without me.”
• ‘Breast Molds’ – Yep, realistic synthetic resin breasts made from a plaster cast of your body by German sculptor Verena Waber. Perfect for your significant other, no? Painted to suit.
• ‘Hot Air Speakers’ – Inflatable speakers made of plastic that blow up like a beach ball to connect to a flat-panel sound system. When you deflate them, they fold up in a backpack.
• ‘Personalized Thong’ – A gift that keeps your lover and/or spouse honest, this is thong underwear … with your picture on it.
• ‘Rejection Business Cards’ – Bogus business cards for women to hand out to overly aggressive men. The listed phone number connects to a brush-off recording … ya creep.
– First published in “BS” 2003.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the most bizarre food you’ve ever eaten? When the gendarmes raided an ‘exotic food shop’ in Paris last week, they found it stuffed with gazelles, bats, caterpillars, and 5 frozen porcupines … all destined for the dining table. The animals had been illegally imported from Africa, reports “Le Parisien” newspaper. (When you dine on porcupine, toothpicks are included.)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

BS WEB GOODIE:
Australia is looking to getting its own version of “Jersey Shore”. After filming last week, the pilot will be pitched to major TV nets Down Under. Cheerleaders, musicians, and Bondi oh my!
NET: http://bit.ly/IKK5BR

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: The average woman spends 16 months of her life doing THIS.
Answer: Crying.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Tweet or it didn’t happen.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Welcome aboard to Deelee @ IntellectualRadio.com, Broadview IL; Charles Springer @ C-93 [WAAC] Valdosta GA; Jason Beaumont @ Sun-FM Kopeopeo NZ; Terri Stacy @ 93 WIBC Indianapolis IN; and Trish Henneberry @ 88.9 The Platypus [CCKC] Nova Scotia Community College, Dartmouth NS.