Wednesday, December 9, 2015       Edition: #5589

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

★ Today “TIME” magazine announces its ‘Person Of the Year’. In an associated poll the only person to garner a double-digit percentage of votes is Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. He’s followed by Pakistani women’s activist Malala Yousafzai, Pope Francis, and Barack Obama. “TIME” has already revealed the shortlist of contenders for the honor and Sanders is not among them. The only presidential candidate included is … Donald Trump.
★ Kristy Garett will be “Playboy” magazine’s final centerfold. The sexy model from Tbilisi, Georgia has been announced as ‘Miss February 2016′ in what will be the magazine’s final issue to feature nudes. Former centerfold Pamela Anderson will grace the cover. Garett becomes the 749th woman to be featured in the fold-out photo. The 25-year-old has previously appeared in “GQ Italy”, “Cosmopolitan Italy”, and on the cover of “Grazia France”. Quote: “I am proud of the woman I am and have always dreamed of being talked about because of that.”
★ Reports say that Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James has reached a lifetime deal with Nike. James has been with the shoemaker since he entered the NBA, starting with a 7-year, $93 million-deal. In 2010 he signed another deal for more money and a longer period. Nike sold $340 million-worth of James’ signature shoes in a 12-month period beginning February 2014, according to “Forbes” magazine. It’s estimated James had been earning $44 million-a-year from various endorsements in addition to the $20-million plus he makes from the Cavaliers. It is the first time Nike has reached a lifetime deal with an athlete in its 44-year history.
★ And “Walking Dead” star Norman Reedus (‘Daryl Dixon’) has experienced what it’s like to be bitten in real life. A woman who posed for a photo with Reedus and co-star Michael Rooker (‘Merle Dixon’) at a “Walking Dead” convention at NJ’s Meadowlands told Reedus she likes to pretend she’s married to him. The polite star bent over to hug the fan, at which point she bit him, prompting Rooker to exclaim, “What the f— was that?” She’s now been banned from ‘The Walker Stalker Con’ for life. She apologized afterward on Instagram, admitting she’d “lost her mind”.

• “AACTA Awards” (Channel Seven) – The 5th annual Australian Academy of Cinema & Television Arts Awards at the Star Event Centre in Sydney NSW. Kate Winslet’s new drama “The Dressmaker” leads nominations with 12, followed by “Mad Max: Fury Road” with 11. Actress Cate Blanchett is presented the Longford Lyell Award for lifetime achievement.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – “Dancing With the Stars Live”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Band of Merrymakers (“Welcome to Our Christmas Party”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Wild Child (“The Runaround”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Rick Ross (“Black Market”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Aretha Franklin (“Aretha Franklin Sings the Great Diva Classics”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – The War on Drugs’ Kurt Vile.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Chris Isaak (“First Comes the Night”).
• “Taraji & Terrence’s White Hot Holidays” (FOX) – “Empire” stars Taraji P Henson and Terrence Howard host a special featuring contemporary performances of seasonal songs by Mary J Blige, Jamie Foxx, and John Legend among others.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Lalah Hathaway (“Lalah Hathaway Live”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Babyface (“Return Of the Tender Lover”).
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – Babyface again.

• Chris Stapleton – The surprise run of his debut album, “Traveller”, continues as it’s been nominated for a Grammy Award for ‘Album of the Year’, just 1 of 4 nominations for Stapleton.
• Coldplay – Tonight they’re playing a special concert in Paris, France. The intimate show is free to fans who’ve reserved tickets via the band’s official Facebook page.
• Ed Sheeran – He’s scheduled to undergo ear surgery in January after bursting his eardrum during a recent boating excursion when he “stupidly jumped off a yacht really high up”. He’s planning to take a hiatus after he wraps his final world tour dates in New Zealand this weekend.
• Miranda Lambert – She admits that 2015 “kind of sucked” thanks to her divorce from Blake Shelton, but she tells “Cosmopolitan” magazine: “I had a great relationship and an amazing man. So I know what good is. I have a great launching pad for the future.”
• Rush – Their “R40 Live 40th Anniversary Tour” throughout Summer 2015 was thought to be their last major tour, and now drummer Neil Peart seems to have confirmed that. He admits in “Drumhead” magazine that his daughter now introduces him to friends as “a retired drummer”.

● No, in fact, a lotto winner from Alberta didn’t recently die after he gold-plated his testicles. The story that made the rounds on several legitimate news sites last week originated from a fake news site. The fictitious lottery winner – whom “World News Daily Report” identified as 27-year-old Justin Reiter – apparently celebrated his $598,556 jackpot with a dip in solid gold. According to the story, he used an automotive-grade gold-plater for the cosmetic touch-up down there, then died 12 hours later. A doctor from the Alberta Community Hospital (there’s no such place) is then quoted as warning others not to try the ‘growing trend’.
● A Chinese man who was apparently trying to raise money for rent took a bet he could swallow a 5-inch saw blade and a 5-inch nail. 27-year-old Xiao Gong of Ninbgo in eastern China was reportedly offered 6,000 yuan ($1,200) to swallow both pieces of metal and keep them down. He admits he felt some pain in his esophagus at first, but then it subsided. He collected his money and waited for the hardware to pass through his system. That didn’t happen. Suffering intense pain after a few days, he got himself to hospital. Gong is expected to live, but his winnings won’t cover the cost of emergency surgery.
– “The People’s Daily”

New terms entering the lingo …
• ‘Legacyquel’ – A movie that continues a long-running franchise, but with a younger actor taking over the lead role, ie: “Creed”.
• ‘Offline’ – Now being used as a verb meaning to disconnect, temporarily or permanently, from all online activities. (“This week is so very busy, maybe I will offline for awhile.”)
• ‘Oystertecture’ – An oyster reef built to reduce wave intensity and to filter impurities from seawater. Some claim the eco-friendly technique could save NYC from the next big hurricane.

• Crackling Candles ($18) – For the person who’d like the smell and sound of a fire but has no fireplace. These soy candles, available in scents like ‘Sweater Weather’, ‘Mulled Cider’, and ‘Snow Day’, have wood wicks which crackle gently as the candles burn.
• Darth Vader & Stormtrooper Boxers ($15) – There’s nothing like ‘Darth Vader’ underpants to say, “I’m worried that your crotch has gone over to the Dark Side.” There’s also a Stormtrooper option, for friends who are more clone-like followers than leaders.
• Seedles ($9 and up) – Give a gift that keeps on giving. Each package of Seedles seed bombs is a self-growing garden of bee-friendly wildflowers. The recipient can simply throw the seed bombs in the backyard and let the wind, sun, and rain do the rest.

Little pick-me-ups that can really help change your mood …
✓ Get a drink of water.
✓ Make your bed.
✓ Take a shower.
✓ Have a snack … not junk food!
✓ Take a walk. Get some exercise.
✓ Change your clothes. Change your environment.
✓ Talk to someone … not on the Internet. It can be about anything.
✓ Dance to an upbeat guilty pleasure song.
✓ Accomplish something … even if it’s something tiny.
✓ Hug an animal.
✓ Make a ‘done’ list instead of a ‘to-do’ list.
✓ Give yourself permission to feel crappy.

Do you have doubts about the attractiveness of your body? Then it may be helpful for you to attend a life drawing class and sketch a nude art model. That’s the conclusion of a new study from the UK’s Anglia Ruskin University. After trying out the theory, 100-plus men and women found that happiness with their appearance rose by more than 25%. Researchers think that’s because seeing actual human bodies may set a more realistic point of comparison than the ‘idealized’ bodies presented in the media. Amongst women, greater attendance at life drawing classes also seems to result in lower regard for thinness and decreased social physique anxiety. For men, it results in significantly higher body appreciation. (Of the models.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 45% of people polled say they aren’t even interested in kissing under the mistletoe.
• 40% of us have eaten ice cream in order to help get over a bout of anger.
• 20% of us will go caroling sometime during the holiday season.
• 14% of women have shown up at a company party wearing the same dress as someone else.
• 11% of us have embarrassed ourselves by talking with something stuck in our teeth.
• 10% of women have received a plastic ice scraper as a Christmas gift.

• A cow’s flatulence can fill a 55-gallon (250-liter) bag with methane in one day.
• Elephants can use their trunks to blow food to within their reach.
– “Discover Magazine”


1916 [99] Kirk Douglas (Issur Danielovitch), Amsterdam NY, movie actor (“Spartacus”, “Gunfight At the OK Corral”)/father of actor Michael Douglas

1934 [81] (Dame) Judi Dench, York UK, movie actress (“Skyfall”, Oscar-“Shakespeare in Love”)

1953 [62] John Malkovich, Christopher IL, movie actor (“RED” movies, “Dangerous Liaisons”)

1968 [47] Brian Bell, Knoxville TN, rock guitarist (Weezer-“Pork & Beans”, “Beverly Hills”)

1972 [43] Tre Cool (Frank Edwin Wright III), Frankfurt, Germany, rock drummer (Green Day-“Know Your Enemy”, “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams”)

1980 [35] Simon Helberg, LA CA, TV actor (‘Howard Wolowitz’ on “The Big Bang Theory” since 2007)

• “Anna’s Day” in Sweden and Finland, when it’s time to start the preparation process of the lutefisk to be consumed on Christmas Eve, as well as a Swedish name day celebrating all people named ‘Anna’.

• “Christmas Card Day”, commemorating the 1st commercial Christmas card, commissioned by Sir Henry Cole in London, England in 1843, which featured an illustration by John Callcott Horsley. His cheery little card depicting a family with glasses raised in a Christmas toast was widely denounced at the time as promoting drunkenness.

• “Homemade Gift Day”. If you plan to give homemade gifts this year you need to get started. Almost everyone is happy to get homemade cookies or candy; vest sweaters, not so much.

• “International Anti-Corruption Day”, to raise awareness of corruption and the role of the UN Convention Against Corruption in combating and preventing it.

• “Pastry Day”, a fun day created to encourage you to make, and of course eat, your favorite pastries. Initiated by the ‘Danish’?

2005 [10] The film adaptation of CS Lewis’ classic fantasy tale “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe” opens in movie theaters

1992 [23] After some 30 years, Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman quits the band

1979 [36] ‘World’s Largest Turkey’ (77 lbs/35 kg) is auctioned for $4,000 in London, England

[Thurs] “Dolly Parton’s Coat of Many Colors” (NBC)
[Thurs] Rihanna’s Diamond Ball (Santa Monica CA)
[Fri] “In the Heart Of the Sea” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] 2015 Billboard Women In Music Celebration (NYC)
[Fri] Nobel Peace Prize Concert (Oslo, Norway)
[Mon] “Adele Live in New York City” (NBC)
This Week Is … Human Rights Week
This Month Is … Write a Business Plan Month


• A woman is born with all the exclamation points she will use in her lifetime.
• When cornered by a predator, a woman can swell to 3 times her normal size but will not because it is unladylike.
• Behind men’s backs, all women speak French.
• The ‘period’ is a myth devised by the 1810 Ladies’ Secret Conclave. Tampons actually serve to prevent the genie from escaping.
• Large numbers of women can be caught by baiting a trap with a crying infant. Though only one woman may fall into the trap, hundreds of others will gather to criticize everything she does with the child.
• If you stare at a woman for over a minute without protective lenses, you will go insane.
• You may think the woman is invincible. Not so. If you steal a woman’s earrings, she becomes as helpless as a man.
• Contrary to urban legend, the woman is not interested in hearing about your day.
• Once women who lived unconventional lives were seized as witches and burned. Now people just say to them, “You look tired.”
• When it is time for the woman to lay her egg, she makes her way across hundreds of miles of forbidding territory until she finally comes to the ocean, where she digs a hole at the water’s edge. Here she burns all the photographs of the lying prick who made her pregnant.
– Thanks to Sandra Newman

☎ Which member of your family do you spend the most on at Christmas?

What kind of paper was originally made from sails, canvas, and rope?
a. Newspaper.
b. Manila paper. [CORRECT. It was first patented in December 1843.]
c. Gift wrap.

I’m so happy that I live in a time where Kanye West and Pete Wentz both have a son named ‘Saint’.

Question: A poll finds that women spend about $115 on average on THIS during the holidays.
Answer: A dress for a party.

Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.

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