Friday, December 9, 2016 – Edition: #5869

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

★ Today Kylie Jenner officially launches ‘The Kylie Shop’ online, featuring a limited-edition merchandise items, hoodies, socks, underwear, and pins. For instance, it retails Kylie Cosmetics-themed phone cases, T-shirts that say “I’m The Kylie You’re The Kendall”, sweatshirts with photos of Kylie wearing only a bra … and other classy items. The 19-year-old “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”‘ star says she is ”very excited”. Be still our hearts.
★ Johnny Depp holds the ignominious title of Hollywood’s most overpaid actor for the 2nd year in-a-row. The 53-year-old had a handful of big-budget box office disappointments this year.
The rankings are based on the money the movies made compared to the salary the actor earned. Depp’s movies have brought in just $2.80 for every $1 he’s been paid. Will Smith is in 2nd spot, followed by Channing Tatum, Will Ferrell, and George Clooney. Julia Roberts the only female in the top ten, ranking 9th.
★ And in the wake of Kanye West’s hospitalization for exhaustion and sleep deprivation last month, all kinds of extreme and troubling rumors have reared their ugly heads, including some claiming Kim Kardashian and her husband are headed for divorce. But don’t fret! According to reliable sources, that’s all just hearsay. The couple apparently has no plans to separate and are reportedly closer since his time in the hospital. Kanye is said to be able to start working again but is not taking on any big, demanding projects.

• Billboard Women in Music Event (NYC) – Tonight Hailee Steinfeld hosts and performs at this 11th annual salute. Madonna is named ‘Woman Of the Year’; Kesha receives the ‘Trailblazer Award’; Alessia Cara is honored as this year’s ‘Rule Breaker’; Maren Morris is gets ‘Breakthrough Artist’; and Meghan Trainor collects the ‘Chart Topper Award’. Highlights air Monday night on Lifetime.
• “Chelsea” (Netflix) – Today Fetty Wap (“Zoovier”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight A Tribe Called Quest (“We Got it from Here … Thank You 4 Your Service”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Bear Hands (“You’ll Pay for This”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Tonight Niall Horan (“This Town”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Tonight K Flay (“Crush Me”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Brett Eldredge (“Glow”).
• “Madonna: Rebel Heart Tour” (Showtime/TMN2/Crave) – Tonight this special features behind-the-scenes footage and performances from the final leg of Madonna’s recent world tour. The 55-city tour began in Montréal QC back in September 2015 and made its last stop this past March. Her 82 shows grossed over $100 million. The TV special was shot in Australia.
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Today guest co-host Jann Arden (“A Jann Arden Christmas”).
• “MLS Soccer” (FOX/TSN) – Saturday night Toronto FC hosts the Seattle Sounders in the 21st MLS Cup Final.
• Nobel Prize Ceremony – Saturday Bob Dylan is providing a speech to be read on his behalf at the banquet in Stockholm, Sweden where he’s being honored with the 2016 Nobel Prize in Literature. Patti Smith is performing Dylan’s “A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall”. Sunday’s 23rd annual Nobel Peace Prize Concert in Oslo, Norway has performances by Halsey, Icona Pop, Juanes, and Sting. This year’s Peace Prize honoree is Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos. The event is being live-streamed on YouTube.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Hosted by actor/WWE star John Cena (“Trainwreck”); musical guest Maren Morris (“Hero”).
• “The Simpsons” (FOX/Global) – Sunday NHL legend Wayne Gretzky becomes the 1st hockey player to lend his voice to the long-running animated series. The cartoon version of Gretzky has 4 fingers on each hand and yellow skin, just like the other characters.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Gary Clark Jr (“The Story of Sonny Boy Slim”).

• Bob Dylan – He’s announced a UK stadium tour for 2017. The 75-year-old music legend is performing a short run of dates, kicking off in Cardiff, Wales next May 3rd and concluding in London on May 9.
• Boy George – He’s returning as a coach on “The Voice Australia”. The 55-year-old is returning to join Seal and Delta Goodrem on the panel, with the Nine Network still to confirm the identity of the 4th celebrity for the next season.
• Elle King – She says she was stunned to be named ‘worst dressed’ on E!’s fashion diss of the CMA Awards last month. She donned a gold & red-fringed pant and bustier with tassels, making her look like a matador. However, she did pick up ‘Musical Event Of the Year’ for her performance with Dierks Bentley of “Different for Girls”.
• Granger Smith – He’s announced on Facebook that he’s been released from a NJ hospital and is back home in Texas after taking a concert fall that resulted in 2 broken ribs and a punctured lung. Quote: “Starting to regain movements.” Ouch!
• J Cole – “4 Your Eyez”, the follow-up album to 2014’s “Forest Hills Drive”, is rumored to be coming out today though no official announcement has been made about the possibility.
• Neil Young – Today his 38th studio album, “Peace Trail”, arrives. The recording is described as primarily acoustic.
• Sia – She & filmmaker-husband Erik Anders Lang have separated. They wed in August 2014. Even though they’ve split, they say they’re “dedicated to remaining friends.” (Word has it he got tired of her wearing her hair backwards.)
• Spice Girls – They’ve dropped out of performing at Saturday’s first night of the 2-part finalé of “The X Factor UK”. Geri Halliwell, Emma Bunton, and Melanie Brown (unofficially known as GEM) have reneged at the last minute due to “hectic schedules”. (BS translation: We still can’t sing live.)

• “La La Land” ( Limited Release PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Ryan Gosling plays a jazz pianist who falls for an aspiring actress (Emma Stone) in Los Angeles. Some critics are saying their work on this film will go down as some of the finest of their respective careers. Co-stars Rosemarie DeWitt, JK Simmons. Directed by Damien Chazelle (“Whiplash”).
• “Office Christmas Party” ( R-Rated Comedy ): When his uptight CEO threatens to shut down his branch, the manager throws an epic Christmas party in order to land a big client and save the day. But – as so often happens at these things – the party gets waaaaaay out of hand. Stars Jason Bateman, Olivia Munn, TJ Miller, Jennifer Aniston.
• Also opening in limited release: “Befikre” (Bollywood Romantic Comedy); and “Harry Benson: Shoot First” (Documentary).

A new vintage collection from Bachelor Wines is intended to help get you ready for the new season of reality TV show “The Bachelor”. It includes 3 varieties: ‘The Fantasy Suite’, ‘One on One’, and … ‘The Final Rosé’ (oh please). The new season of “The Bachelor premieres Monday, January 2nd on ABC-TV. Before Nick Viall starts his journey to find love, you can pre-order any (or all) of the wines, priced at $15.95 per bottle. If you’re looking for a way to spice up your next “Bachelor” viewing party, now’s your chance to take a hint from the show itself and add some booze. (You never know, maybe someone will jump in the pool.)
– “Entertainment Weekly”

Baby Boomers are seeing a swell in sexually transmitted diseases. Britain’s Chief Medical Officer Sally Davies is warning that STD infections among 60-somethings have soared by almost 40% in just the past 4 years. The reason? Rising divorce rates and unsafe sex. It seems that older women with no fear of pregnancy and senior men who’ve had vasectomies are increasingly putting themselves at risk. Society’s prevailing view is that older people are not particularly interested in intimate relationships. Apparently that’s not true. Official figures show that 66% of those in the 50-to-70 age group remain sexually active. (You’re gonna need to take a sniff of ammonia to get that graphic image out of your mind.)

Putting an image of a flat screen TV on a box that actually contains a bicycle reduces the chance of damage during delivery by up to 80%.
– “The Independent”


1916 [100] Kirk Douglas (Issur Danielovitch), Amsterdam NY, movie actor (“Spartacus”, “Gunfight At the OK Corral”)/father of actor Michael Douglas

1934 [82] (Dame) Judi Dench, York UK, movie actress (“Skyfall”, “Shakespeare in Love”)

1953 [63] John Malkovich, Christopher IL, movie actor (“Deepwater Horizon”, “RED” movies)

1968 [48] Brian Bell, Knoxville TN, rock guitarist (Weezer-“Pork & Beans”, “Beverly Hills”)

1972 [44] Tre Cool (Frank Edwin Wright III), Frankfurt, Germany, rock drummer (Green Day-“Know Your Enemy”, “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams”)

1980 [36] Simon Helberg, LA CA, TV actor (‘Howard Wolowitz’ on “The Big Bang Theory” since 2007)

Movie director-actor Kenneth Branagh (“Thor”) is 56; TV chef Bobby Flay (Food Network) is 52; Former rock drummer Meg White (The White Stripes) is 42; Rock bassist Noah Harmon (Airborne Toxic Event) is 35; TV personality Raven-Symone (“The View”) is 31.

Rock bassist Nikki Sixx (Mötley Crüe) is 58; Movie actress Mo’Nique (“Almost Christmas”) is 49; Metal rock guitarist-vocalist Zacky Vengeance (Avenged Sevenfold) is 35; TV actress Xosha Roquemore (“The Mindy Project”) is 32; TV actress Karla Souza (“How to Get Away With Murder”) is 30; Movie actress-singer Hailee Steinfeld (“Pitch Perfect 2”) is 20.

• “Anna’s Day” in Sweden and Finland, when it’s time to start the preparation process of the lutefisk to be consumed on Christmas Eve, as well as a Swedish name day celebrating all people named ‘Anna’.
• “Christmas Card Day”, commemorating the 1st commercial Christmas card, commissioned by Sir Henry Cole in London, England in 1843, which featured an illustration by John Callcott Horsley. His cheery little card depicting a family with glasses raised in a Christmas toast was widely denounced at the time as promoting drunkenness.
• “Cremation Day”, a day to consider doing the environment a favor by eventually making an ash of yourself.
• “Homemade Gift Day”. If you plan to give homemade gifts this year you need to get started. Almost everyone is happy to get homemade cookies or candy. Vest sweaters, not so much.
• “International Anti-Corruption Day”, to raise awareness of corruption and the role of the UN Convention Against Corruption in combating and preventing it.
• “Lost & Found Day”, the 5th annual on the 2nd Friday of December that encourages us to give one last effort to find whatever it is we have lost. (Our minds?)
• “Pastry Day”, a fun day created to encourage you to make, and of course eat, your favorite pastries. Initiated by the ‘Danish’?

• “Day Of the Horse”, the 12th annual observance on the 2nd Saturday of December.
• “Dewey Decimal Day”, honoring Melville Dewey who was born December 10, 1851 in Adams Center NY. When he was just 21, he invented the ‘Dewey Decimal Classification (DDC) System’ while working as a student assistant in the Amherst College library. For creating this revolutionary new filing system, he’s known as the ‘Father of Modern Librarianship’.
• “International Human Rights Day”, honoring the UN Declaration of Human Rights in 1948.

• “International Mountain Day”, first declared by the UN in 2002 to draw attention to the important role that mountainous regions play in our water and food supply.
• “Knitters Day”, honoring those who have a passion for needlework. Right about now knitters are working to finish up a special gift for a lucky loved one. (Homemade longjohns … wow!)
• “Tango Day” in Argentina, particularly in Buenos Aires, where the classic dance was invented in the 19th century. (Everybody now! Dum, dum dum, dum, da-dadda dum dum, dum dum …)
• “Worldwide Candle Lighting Day”, the 20th annual when we’re encouraged to light candles at 7 pm local time to honor children worldwide who have died at any age from any cause.
• “World Choral Day”, celebrated on the 2nd Sunday in December for the past 25 years, when thousands of choirs join in the celebration at concerts, festivals, sing-alongs, and other events.

2005 [11] The film adaptation of CS Lewis’ classic fantasy tale “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe” opens in movie theaters

2006 [10] Mariah Carey threatens legal action against porn star Mary Carey in an attempt to stop her from trademarking the similar-sounding stage name

2010 [06] Eric Clapton announces he’s selling off part of his extensive guitar collection to raise money for his Crossroads Rehab Centre in Antigua

2011 [05] Yeah Yeah Yeahs singer Karen O marries her longtime boyfriend, director Barnaby Clay

2014 [02] Sting joins the Broadway cast of his musical “The Last Ship”, in an attempt to rescue it from plummeting ticket sales (doesn’t work)

1979 [37] ‘World’s Largest Turkey’ (77 lbs/35 kg) is auctioned for $4,000 in London, England

[Mon] Gingerbread House Day
[Mon] Fresh Breath Day
[Mon] Poinsettia Day
[Tues] St Lucy’s Day
[Tues] Cocoa Day
This Week Is … Human Rights Week
This Month Is … Write a Business Plan Month


✓ A quick and easy way to look like you aren’t wearing makeup … wash your face.
✓ If you don’t want to say hi to someone, run very far away from them.
✓ Want the perfect pizza but don’t know how to cook? Order one from a nearby pizzeria.
✓ Don’t have a fork at the office? Tape 3 pens together. You can’t even tell the difference.
✓ Don’t want to embarrass yourself by sneezing in public? Disguise it with a very loud laugh.
✓ Want to seem more aloof to a guy? Wear earplugs so you can’t hear anything he’s saying.
✓ Trying to quit late-night snacking? Don’t buy Herb Garden Triscuits; they get you every time.
✓ Want DIY curls? Wrap your hair around warm boiled hotdogs and fall asleep.
✓ Pain from a stubbed toe? Punch yourself in the face and your toe will feel better instantly!
✓ Need to get motivated for your morning run? Throw a rock at a beehive.
– Thanks to Charlotte Wilson & Rachael Burke

☎ If a human organ were not available, and technology assured that it would be successful, would you accept an animal’s heart?

“Lived here all your life?”
“Not yet.”

Question: This holiday season guys plan to spend about $39 on THIS.
Answer: Lingerie.

To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.

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