December 13 2019

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Friday, December 13, 2019 – Edition: #6594

Sheet Happens!

★ The “Home Alone” reboot has officially been cast. Macaulay Culkin’s old role as ‘Kevin McCallister’ will be played by Archie Yates, who appeared in the recent film “Jojo Rabbit”. His parents will be played by “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” star Ellie Kemper and Rob Delaney of “Catastrophe”. There is no word yet whether Macaulay Culkin or Donald Trump will be making appearances. The fourth reimagining of Home Alone is set to begin shooting in Canada early next year. The plot is still a mystery, but Disney’s Bob Iger says that it will be fit “for a new generation.”
★ The tennis racket Serena Williams destroyed during a fit of rage has sold for $20 thousand dollars at auction. The racket became famous after Williams broke it following a heated confrontation with the chair umpire during the final of the US Open in 2018 against Naomi Osaka. During the match, Williams was warned after the chair umpire claimed her coach was giving hand signals, which is strictly forbidden. Williams did not take the accusation lightly and launched into a tirade directed at the umpire. She later smashed her racket in frustration and was given another penalty. The racket was given to a ball boy, who soon sold it for $500.
★ Turns out, you don’t have to be a member of Bachelor Nation to have Chris Harrison at your wedding. Fans can now request to have the host of “The Bachelor” officiate their nuptials, according to his new website. The site states: “Since 2012 Chris Harrison is an ordained minister with Universal Life Church. He customizes each of his weddings to the couple.” In order to say “I do” in front of Harrison, couples must provide their wedding date, location and additional details for consideration. The website does not list a price.
(Would he accept a rose?)
★ Jim Carrey’s hit movie “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” is reportedly set for a new sequel, more than two decades after its last instalment. Officials at production firm Morgan Creek, the company behind the original movies, have not directly addressed the claims, but they have indicated the news is true by posting a link to the article on Twitter, alongside eye emojis and the hashtag “#AceVentura3”.
( All-righty then!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Tom Holland, Ana Gasteyer, Adam Levine, Angel Olsen (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Mark Harmon, Caitlin Weierhauser
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Dolly Parton, Tobias Menzies, Rep. Ro Khanna, Jon Theodore (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Paul Rudd, Hasan Minhaj, Anthony Ramos (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Annette Bening
• “The Talk” (CBS): Danny DeVito, guest co-host Vanessa Williams
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Jon Hamm, Gone West, Brit Morin
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Blake Shelton, Ayesha Curry
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Kevin Hart, Ian Cauble
• “American Housewife” (ABC): Mid-season finale
• “Fresh Off the Boat” (ABC): Mid-season finale
• “The 88th Annual Hollywood Christmas Parade” (CW): Hosted by Erik Estrada, Laura McKenzie, Dean Cain, Montel Williams, Elizabeth Stanton and Mario Lopez. Performers include Brett Michaels and Dionne Warwick.

• “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (CBS): The reindeer with the incandescent nose guides Santa’s sleigh through a bad storm on Christmas Eve. Based on the song by Johnny Marks.
• “Frosty the Snowman” (CBS): Animated adaptation of Romeo Muller’s story. Narrated by Jimmy Durante.
• “Holiday Date” (HALLMARK): Joel poses as Brooke’s former boyfriend when she goes home for the holidays.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Scarlett Johansson, with musical guest Niall Horan

• “The 42nd Annual Kennedy Center Honors” (CBS): This year’s honorees are Earth, Wind & Fire, Sally Field, Linda Ronstadt, Sesame Street and conductor Michael Tilson Thomas; LL Cool J hosts.
• “The Christmas Caroler Challenge” (CW): Hosted by Dean Cain and Laura McKenzie, featuring 12 extraordinary Christmas carol groups performing for three celebrity judges.

• Ed Sheeran — has been crowned the UK’s Official Number 1 Artist of the Decade. He’s been honored with the Official Chart Record Breaker Award to recognize his achievement as the star with the most number ones (12, including the Albums Chart and Singles Chart), and for spending 79 weeks at the top.
• Drake — took the stage for a surprise cameo at Dababy’s gig in Toronto on Tuesday. After a rendition of ‘Money in the Grave’, he teased that new music is on the way, saying: “I’mma go back to the crib and try to finish this album up so we can turn up in 2020.”
• Paul McCartney – An animated film based on his children’s book “High In The Clouds” is coming to Netflix. The screenplay is written by Jon Croker, who was behind the “Paddington” movies.
• Prince – His 1984 film “Purple Rain” has been added to the US Library of Congress’ National Film Registry. The musical movie, which spawned the soundtrack album and title song of the same name, is now protected under the National Film Preservation Act.
• Brad Paisley — If you missed his recent TV show, “Brad Paisley Thinks He’s Special”, you’re in luck. It will air again on Saturday, Dec. 28, at 8 p.m. ET. The original airing attracted more than six million viewers. Guests included: Tim McGraw, Peyton Manning, Kelsea Ballerini, the Jonas Brothers, Hootie & the Blowfish, Carrie Underwood and Chris Harrison from “The Bachelor.”
• Faith Hill – In a new interview, Taylor Swift says she considers her a mentor for her help when Swift started her career as a country artist. Quote: “Faith Hill was wonderful. She would reach out to me and invite me over and take me on tour, and I knew that I could talk to her.”
• Jason Aldean – has earned his seventh No. 1 album on Billboard’s Top Country Albums chart with his latest release, “9”. It also debuted at #2 on Billboard’s all-genre 200 chart.

• “Jumanji: The Next Level” (PG-13, Action/Comedy):  The gang is back but the game has changed. As they return to rescue one of their own, the players will have to brave parts unknown from arid deserts to snowy mountains, to escape the world’s most dangerous game. (Dwayne Johnson, Jack Black, Kevin Hart)
• “Black Christmas” (PG-13, Horror):  A group of female students are stalked by a stranger during their Christmas break. That is until the young sorority pledges discover that the killer is part of an underground college conspiracy. (Imogen Poots, Aleyse Shannon)
• “Richard Jewell” (R-Rated, Drama):  Security guard Richard Jewell saves thousands of lives from an exploding bomb at the 1996 Olympics, but is vilified by journalists and the press who falsely report that he was a terrorist. (Paul Walter Hauser, Sam Rockwell)
• “Uncut Gems” (R-Rated, Drama):  A charismatic New York City jeweler, always on the lookout for the next big score, makes a series of high-stakes bets that could lead to the windfall of a lifetime. (Adam Sandler, Julia Fox)

➢ An Arizona man’s emotional support animal is creating quite a buzz. Prescott Valley, AZ resident David Keller thinks the application process to register an emotional support animal is too easy — so he tried registering a swarm of bees as his service pet. It worked. He went on the website ‘’ and successfully uploaded a random photo of a beehive as a service animal “to bring awareness to the issue that anyone could do this.” He says he was inspired to go through with the registration after seeing a “service dog” that was visibly untrained pulling its owner toward traffic. (This is just not right. Obviously, the bees need to be registered as service petS!)

Now that the phrase “OK boomer” to disparage older generations is trending, a Delaware brewery is jumping on the bandwagon. Dogfish Head Brewery revealed their new beer, simply called “OK Boomer,” on their Twitter page last Friday. They describe “OK Boomer” as “more than just a phrase, it’s our latest brewpub exclusive! This winter warmer is brewed with cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, star anise, house-toasted walnut flour & kiln coffee malt for an earthy sipper with notes of spice & toffee.” (Definitely not something that any self-respecting, beer-loving [OK] boomer would ever enjoy!)
For when you just can’t decide between the healthful, hydrating benefits of water, or the perk-me-up jolt of a cup of coffee, Nestle has announced the most obvious “Why didn’t I think of that” drink of all time: caffeinated water. The new Nestle Pure Life Plus brand of caffeinated water is slated to hit store shelves early next year. Unlike other sports drinks, it will come without sugar and artificial sweeteners. (When you think about it, isn’t coffee really just caffeinated water?)
-NYPost, Forkly

✓ There’s a Norse legend that has 12 gods sitting down to a banquet when the 13th (uninvited) god, Loki, shows up. He sets off a chain of events that leads to a slew of natural disasters.
✓ Many Christians believe that the Cain & Abel debacle took place on Friday the 13th and that Jesus was crucified on a Friday.
✓ There were 13 people at the Last Supper. It’s said that Judas Iscariot was the 13th to take his place at the table.
✓ Traditionally there used to be 13 steps leading up to a hangman’s gallows. There’s also a legend that a hangman’s noose traditionally contained 13 turns.
✓ There was a mass arrest and execution of the Knights Templar on Friday, October 13, 1307.
✓ Although any group of witches is now considered a ‘coven’, it was once believed to be made up of exactly 13 members.
✓ There’s an old superstition that says if you have 13 letters in your name, you’re bound to have the devil’s luck.
✓ Kids officially become teenagers at the age of 13 … and we all know that’s a scary phase.
– Adapted from

• The 13th of the month falls on Friday more than any other day of the week.
• Any month’s 13th day will fall on a Friday if the month starts on a Sunday.
• Friday the 13th is seen as a lucky day in France and many play the lottery on this day.


1925 [94] Dick Van Dyke, West Plains MO, TV actor (“The Dick Van Dyke Show” 1961-1966)/movie actor (“Mary Poppins”, “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”)

1929 [90] Christopher Plummer, Toronto ON, TV, stage and movie actor (“The Sound of Music”)/oldest actor to win an Oscar (“Beginners”). COMING UP…“The Last Measure” 2020

1948 [71] Ted Nugent, Redford MI, rock singer/guitarist (‘Cat Scratch Fever’, w/Damn Yankees-‘High Enough’)

1957 [62] Steve Buscemi, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (“Boardwalk Empire” 2010-15, “The Sopranos” 2004-05)/movie actor (“Reservoir Dogs”, “Fargo”)

1967 [52] Jamie Foxx, Terrell TX, movie actor (“Ray”, “Django Unchained”)/R&B singer (f/T-Pain-‘Blame It’, f/Ludacris-‘Unpredictable’)

1975 [44] Tom DeLonge, Poway CA, rock singer (ex-Blink 182-‘All the Small Things’, ‘I Miss You’, Angels & Airwaves-‘Everything’s Magic’)

1981 [38] Amy Lee, Riverside CA, rock singer (Evanescence-‘Call Me When You’re Sober’, ‘Bring Me To Life’)

1989 [30] Taylor Swift, Reading PA, pop singer (‘You Need to Calm Down’, ‘Shake It Off’)

SATURDAY- Cliff Williams (AC/DC) is 70; Jackson Rathbone (“Twilight”) is 35; Vanessa Hudgens (“High School Musical”) is 31; Tori Kelly (‘Should’ve Been Us’) is 27

SUNDAY- Don Johnson (“Miami Vice”) is 70; Adam Brody (“The OC”) is 40; Michelle Dockery (“Downton Abbey”) is 38; Camilla Luddington (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 36; Alana Haim (Haim) is 28

• “Friday the 13th”, a bad day for those who suffer ‘triskaidekaphobia’ – fear of number 13, or ‘paraskevidekatriaphobia’ — fear of Friday the 13th. Every year has at least 1, but never more than 3.

• “Geminid Meteor Shower”, this annual event peaks tonight and into tomorrow morning.  As Earth crosses the debris field of asteroid 3200 Phaethon, we will enjoy a predicted rate of 120 meteors seen per hour. Tiny particles will enter our atmosphere at 35km/second, producing long, slow and very bright streaks vaporizing about 80 km high. Some consider this the best meteor shower of the year.

• “Hot Cocoa Day”, because there’s nothing like a steaming mug of the stuff on a bitter cold December day. (Ouch! Burned my freaking tongue!)

• “Violin Day”, so pick up your Stradivarius and let’s make some sweet music together.

• “St Lucy’s Day”, honoring her 304 AD birth.  Legend has it that, in order to follow a life of religious devotion, she cut out her eyes and sent them on a plate to a persistent lover who was haunted by them (especially afterward!). Today, hotels in Sweden feature their own ‘Lucia’, a young blond girl in white gown who serves guests coffee & ‘lussekatter’ (saffron buns).

• “National Day of the Horse”,  encourages people to be mindful of the contribution of horses to history, the economy and to the character of the places they inhabit.

• “Ice Cream Day”, it’s so good that there are multiple holidays dedicated to it. Most of them take place during the summer, but one is in December! A few fun facts …
– Perhaps surprisingly, the most popular flavor is vanilla, snagging about 26% of total sales. Chocolate comes in a distant 2nd, with about 13% of the market.
– One of the major ingredients in ice cream is air. Without it, the stuff would be as hard as a rock.
– Among the most unusual flavors ever concocted are avocado, garlic, azuki bean, jalapeno, and pumpkin. Perhaps the weirdest of all – dill pickle ice cream – was once targeted at expectant mothers. Sales were disappointing.
– 1 out of every 5 ice cream eaters has shared their treat with a pet dog or cat.
– The largest ice cream sundae in history was made by Palm Dairies in Edmonton AB on July 24, 1988. It weighed in at over 24 tons.
– It takes an average of 50 licks to polish off a typical single-scoop ice cream cone.

• “Bouillabaisse Day”, a day to throw some shellfish in a pot with some finely-chopped onion, celery, and tomato; a little white wine, a little more white wine; and a whole mess of garlic. Nummers, instant heaven!
• “International Monkey Day”, to raise awareness about monkey issues, monkeys in the news, and ways you can help monkeys . . . apes and other primates included.
• “Roast Chestnuts Day”, a day when we’re encouraged to actually do what we all sing about at this time of year: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”. They go great with a cup of hot chocolate!

• “Cat Herders Day”, a day of sympathy for anyone who feels their job, or even their life, is like trying to herd cats.
• “International Tea Day”, observed annually since 2005 in tea producing countries like Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Nepal, Vietnam, Indonesia, Kenya, Malawi, Malaysia, Uganda, India, and Tanzania.
• “Cupcake Day”, saluting those fabulous little cakes that don’t count as cheating on your diet ’cause they’re just small … right?

2004 [15] It’s announced that Dick Clark is forced to bow out from hosting his annual ABC-TV event, “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” due to complications from a recent stroke (he dies in April 2012) Regis Philbin is named as stand-in

2016 [03] Alan Thicke suffers a heart attack while playing hockey and dies shortly after at age 69

2012 [07] Police bust a bizarre murder plot by a team of 3 hitmen in Albuquerque NM targeting Justin Bieber

2012 [07] A collection of 1969 love letters from Mick Jagger to American singer Marsha Hunt sell at auction for £187,000-plus, about $237,000 (Hunt is believed to be the inspiration for the hit ‘Brown Sugar’)

2013 [06] Beyoncé’s self-titled album is released with no advance notice, sending radio stations scrambling to get its songs on-air (the album sells over 600,000 digital copies in 3 days)

2010 [09] In China, a 2,400-year-old pot of soup is discovered near the ancient capital of Xi’an (“It’s almost ready…”)


✓ Prior to 1900, prize fights lasted up to 100 rounds.
✓ Contrary to popular belief, lightning travels from the ground upward, not from the sky downward.
✓ A rat can fall from a five story building without injury.
✓ The sting from a killer bee contains less venom than the sting from a regular bee.
✓ Heineken beer is designed to ‘foam’ for exactly five minutes.
✓ Pageant Models often smear Vaseline on their teeth so their lips won’t stick when smiling.

Best of BS . . .

• “We Tweet You a Merry Christmas”
• “Pimp the Hallz”
• “Angels We Have Heard While High”
• “Joy To the World Wide Web”
• “I Saw Mommy Kissing Mrs. Claus”
• “Groot King Wenceslas”
• “Deck the Halls With Boughs of Pre-lit Holly Made From Durable Poly-carbon Fiber and Powered by 3 Lithium Batteries, Also Comes With an Alternate USB Plug for Power – fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la”
• “We Three Queens”
• “Have Yourself a Merry Little Holiday”
• “Silent Meh”
• “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.  Too Bad You Gotta Go Before I Get Accused of Something”
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018

• It’s extremely unlucky to try to light 3 firecrackers on a match.
• It’s unlucky to attempt to walk under a black cat.
• You should always wait until Thursday to drink any wine made on Wednesday.
• If you break a mirror, you’ll have 7 years of really bad shaves.
• While a rabbit’s foot is lucky, an entire rabbit is luckier … though it makes your keychain heavy.
• It’s truly unlucky to be superstitious.

Brazen porch pirate:

I’m not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far, it’s not twenty-seven.

What did you really want for Christmas when you were a kid but never got?

Question:  66% of women say doing THIS relaxes them. What is it?
Answer:  Eating chocolate

If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re too small.


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