Friday, February 10, 2006        Edition: #3216
Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘N Fresh!

TONIGHT FOX-TV’s struggling “Arrested Development” ends its run with a 2-hour series finalé featuring Judge Reinhold & Justine Bateman (thanks to the Olympics, no one will watch this episode either) . . . CBS-TV has canceled “Love Monkey” after just 4 episodes due to horrific ratings (maybe because the dumb name implied it was sit-com and it wasn’t?) . . . NBA star Tony Parker has turned a replica of his San Antonio Spurs championship rings into a diamond-encrusted pendant for “Desperate Housewives” girlfriend Eva Longoria, complete with the French inscription ‘Pour Mon Ange’ (For My Angel) . . . 64-year-old Martha Reeves has kicked off her new gig on Detroit MI city council with a campaign to erect public statues of Motown’s biggest recording stars, including the Supremes, Temptations, Aretha Franklin – and herself (from her days as Martha Reeves & The Vandellas”) . . . Despite the fact that the movie “Memoirs of a Geisha” has been banned in China, bootleg DVDs are readily available on the street – for under a buck . . . Angelina Jolie has reportedly signed up to star in the sequel to “Sin City”, tentatively entitled “A Dame To Kill For”, which would see her take on the role of ‘The Dame’ . . . Actress Jessica Alba has been selected by “Playboy” magazine readers as the ‘Sexiest Star of the Year’, beating out Halle Berry, Eva Longoria, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Garner & Scarlett Johansson . . . Movie actor/director Mel Gibson is having an entire 8-lane bowling alley shipped to his private getaway in northern Fiji, Mago Island, which he bought from a Japanese corporation in 2004 for a reported $15 million . . . After doing play-by-play on “Monday Night Football”’ since 1986, Al Michaels is headed to NBC-TV to join booth partner John Madden on the new high-profile Sunday night NFL telecasts beginning THIS FALL (“Monday Night Football”’ is being relegated to ESPN).

• Daddy Yankee – TONIGHT the reggaeton singer does ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Dierks Bentley – TONIGHT he kicks off his 5-week “Platinum & Porcelain” tour in Corinth MS.
• Faith Hill – TODAY she’s on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Fiona Apple – TONIGHT she appears on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• INXS – They’ll kick off a 12-city Canadian arena tour starting MAY 7th in Moncton NB.
• Ludacris – He’s set to guest star on TV’s “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”, playing Ice T’s nephew in an episode that airs MARCH 28th.
• Michael Bublé – TONIGHT he performs on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
•  Willie Nelson – THIS WEEK he introduced ‘BioWillie’, his brand of clean-burning fuel made from soybeans, to California. It’s now on sale at an alternative fuel station in San Diego.
• “Curious George” ( G-Rated Animated Family ): A bigscreen adaptation of the popular children’s book series about ‘The Man in the Yellow Hat’ & his inquisitive pet monkey whose enthusiasm often gets the best of him. Voices supplied by Will Ferrell, Drew Barrymore, Eugene Levy & Dick Van Dyke. Curiously, Alan Shalleck, who collaborated on the book series and TV cartoons, was found dead outside his Boynton Beach FL home THIS WEEK, a likely homicide. Now there’s a movie plot!
• “Final Destination 3″ ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): A high school girl has a premonition of a disaster at her local amusement park and – guess what? – it happens! After the accident claims the lives of some of her friends, she and a schoolmate try to save the survivors from death. The no-name actors were cast just 5 days before filming began. A sequel to “Final Destination 2″ (2003) & “Final Destination” (2000) … which apparently weren’t so ‘final’. Partially shot in Vancouver at the PNE.
• “Firewall” ( PG-13 Thriller ): Harrison Ford plays a security specialist who is forced into robbing the bank he works for in a bid to pay off the ransom for his kidnapped family. Pale-eyed Paul Bettany co-stars as the bad guy. When female lead Virginia Madsen first received a phone message from Ford offering her the part, she thought it was a practical joke. Shot in Vancouver & Kamloops BC.
• “The Pink Panther” ( PG Comedy ): Steve Martin stars in this prequel to the 1964 Peter Sellers original film, in which the bumbling French detective must solve the murder of a famous soccer coach & find out who stole the infamous ‘Pink Panther’ diamond. Kevin Kline co-stars as ‘Chief Inspector Dreyfus’; wonderful French actor Jean Reno slums as a gendarme; and Beyoncé Knowles plays the babe. The opening was moved from August, in the high-profile summer season, to the doldrums of February – a sure sign of a dud.

Researchers at the UK’s University of Leeds have discovered that massive bursts of ultrasound are generated during the first second of biting into crunchy food, so that the food is simultaneously analyzed by both the mouth – and ears. Food physicist Malcolm Povey claims that food is, in effect, ‘talking’ to us and we innately understand what it’s saying about texture by interpreting the sensations. The research suggests that the sound and feel of food in the mouth are as important as taste, look and smell in deciding whether we like something or not. (Yeah, that’s why kids just love vegetables … hey, what a sec …)
– “Medical News Today”

Highlights of a new  international survey of 2,000 people in 16 countries conducted by Canadian romance publisher Harlequin Enterprises …
• 41% of people have been so nervous trying to make a good impression on a first date that they did something embarrassing.
• 26% of men & 15% of women admit they’ve had too much to drink on a first date.
• 23% of men & 11% of women admit to sleeping with someone on a first date.
• 22% of guys but only 6% of women admit to making out with someone without even knowing their name.
• 10% of the time men will lie about their on-going love relationships, jobs or personal finances.
• When it comes to making a first impression, a majority of men say beauty is more important than intelligence. Women, on the other hand, are more impressed by someone with a sense of humor.
– “New York Post”

High-definition ‘Blu-ray’ discs will soon be on the market, and the new technology will require new players, new software, and new recordings of movies. THIS WEEK Sony Pictures announced that upcoming home-video releases in the new format will cost about 15% more than conventional DVDs. Classic movie titles will wholesale for about $18; newer releases for just over $23. (Your present DVD player is about to become a high-priced doorstop.)
– “Home Media Retailing”

In Britain, chocolate bars and candies have health messages printed on the back of their packaging in a style similar to the warnings printed on cigarette packages. A typical health message to chocolate consumers – ‘Be active for 30 minutes a day’. (Accompanied by a photo of a really fat gut?)
– “The Guardian”

According to a new Harris Poll, nearly 1 in 3 adults aged 25-to-55 who is in a committed relationship has lied to his or her partner about – spending habits.
– “Redbook”


1955 [51] Greg Norman, Mount Isa, Australia, pro golfer (‘The Great White Shark’) who holds the record for lowest 72-hole total (267 in 1993)

1967 [39] Laura Dern, Los Angeles CA, movie actress (“Jurassic Park”)

Movie actor Leslie Nielsen (“Naked Gun”) is 80; Former TV actress Tina Louise (“Gilligan’s Island”) is 72; Movie actor Burt Reynolds (“Dukes of Hazzard”) is 70; Pop singer Sheryl Crow (“Always On Your Side”) is 44; Movie actress Jennifer Aniston (“Rumor Has It”) is 37; Rock singer Mike Shinoda (Linkin Park) is 29; Pop singer-actress Brandy (“Have You Ever?”) is 27; Pop singer Kelly Rowland (Destiny’s Child) is 25.

Classic rock musician Ray Manzarek (The Doors) is 67; Pop singer Michael McDonald (Doobie Brothers) is 54; Bassist Jim Creeggan (Barenaked Ladies) is 36; Movie actress Christina Ricci (“Monster”) is 26.

• “Calgary Winterfest”, a celebration of the season through FEBRUARY 20th whose highlight just has to be the ‘Human Curling Championships’, in which people are used as rocks.
• “Festival du Voyageur 2006″, Western Canada’s largest annual winter festival, celebrating the joie de vivre of the fur traders over 10 days in Winnipeg.
• “For the Birds Day”, a highlight of “Wild Bird Feeding Month”. (So check your cookbook for some yummy wild game recipes.)
• “Rejection Awareness Week”, to draw attention to people who’ve taken a chance on love and had their hearts stomped on.
• “XX Olympic Winter Games” through FEBRUARY 26th, as more than 2,500 athletes gather in Torino, Italy to compete. An estimated 2 billion TV viewers worldwide are expected to watch TONIGHT’s opening ceremonies with the theme ‘Sparks of Passion’.

• “Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day”, a day to forgive yourself for past screw-ups and get on with your life. (Loser.)
• “Inventors Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of the birth of Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931), considered one of the most prolific inventors in history with 1,093 patents to his name.
• “Make a New Friend Day” because you can just never have enough. Remember, a friend in need is … a pain-in-the-ass.
• “National Foundation Day” (Kenkoku Kinenbi) in Japan, commemorating the date in 660 BC when the first Japanese emperor was crowned.
• “Pro Sports Wives Day”, recognizing the wives of all active and retired pro athletes, coaches & sports execs for their support in the $200-billion-plus sports entertainment industry. (Janet Gretzky is celebrating by laying a C-note on the Cavs.)
• “Satisfied Staying Single Day”, recognizing the single lifestyle as being a valid choice. With Valentine’s Day coming up, think of the money you’ll save on flowers and candy! (Loser.)
• “Vatican City Independence Day” (1929)

• “Chinese Lantern Festival” (Yuan Xiao Festival), the end of 2-week-long Chinese New Year celebrations when colorful lanterns are hung out for people to appreciate.
• “Lincoln’s Birthday” (1809)
• “Lost Penny Day”, a day to collect all of those wasted pennies stashed in jars and drawers around the house and put them back into circulation.
• “World Marriage Day”, celebrated each year on the 2nd Sunday in February to honor the husband & wife as head of the family, the basic unit of society. (Some of them actually live in the same household!)

1990 [16] Paula Abdul becomes first female artist to have an album in the top 10 for over 50 weeks (“Forever Your Girl”)

1870 [136] 1st ‘YWCA’ (NYC)

1957 [49] 1st ‘Styrofoam Cooler’ (next day, the 1st ‘road trip’!)

1996 [10] IBM’s Deep Blue notches 1st ‘Tournament Victory by a Computer‘ under classic chess rules, beating world chess champion Garry Kasparov

1982 [24] 28 skiers perform a simultaneous back-flip while holding hands (Bromont QC)

[Sun] NFL Pro Bowl (Honolulu HI)
[Mon] Get A Different Name Day
[Mon] Read to Your Child Day
[Mon] Tu B’Shevat (Jewish)
[Tues] Valentines Day
[Wed] “Juno Awards” nominations announced
[Wed] 2006 “Brit Awards”
This Week Is . . . International Friendship Week
This Month Is . . . Fiber Focus Month


• Do sick days include when you’re sick of work?
• If health food stores are for our health, what are the other food stores for?
• Do gorillas run a higher risk of slipping on banana peels?
• If laws were written in English, would lawyers still make $300-per-hour?
• Why do we put shoes on babies that can’t walk?
• Do other birds speak pidgin pigeon?

• Which country has hosted the “Winter Olympic Games” the most times?
a. USA. [CORRECT. 4 times: Lake Placid 1932 & 1980, Squaw Valley 1960, Salt Lake City 2002.]
b. France.
c. Libya.

• At the “Sarajevo Winter Games” in 1984, figure skaters Jayne Torvill & Christopher Dean were awarded 12 perfect scores of 6.0 out of 18 marks, including across-the-board perfect scores for artistic impression. What country did they represent?
a. USA
b. Great Britain [CORRECT]
c. Canada

• Which 3 events were added to the Olympic program at the “Nagano Winter Games” in 1998?
a. Blindfolded biathlon, bare-assed luge & 4-man Zamboni.
b. Synchronized hockey, really drunk downhill & pantsless ski jump.
c. Curling, snowboarding & women’s hockey. [CORRECT]

• Y’know, driving would be a lot of fun if it weren’t for all those lines on the road.
• I don’t know what the meaning of life is but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with sports.
• If you can’t get the Visine into your eyes, it’s probably time to put away the bong.

Today’s Question: According to a recent poll, there are 3 things you should never ask a woman: her age, her weight, and THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: If she’s had plastic surgery.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.


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