Thursday, February 19, 2009        Edition: #3958
Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription or You’ll Be Sheet Outta Luck!


Thanks to the recession, those infamous “Academy Awards” gift bags handed out in ‘swag suites’ will reportedly feature far less bling and more ‘affordable luxury’ this year, including a high-end vacuum cleaner, a $200-handbag, a $30-toothbrush sanitizing gadget, handmade jewelry, and a year’s worth of Botox (not included this year – the $5,000 toilet!) . . . Jonas Bros’ Nick Jonas tells CBS-TV’s “The Early Show” that wearing a purity ring can be ‘tough sometimes’ (in fact, it can be really hard!) . . . A new rock band called Tinted Windows has formed, made up of former Smashing Pumpkins guitarist James Iha, Cheap Trick drummer Bun E Carlos, Hanson’s Taylor Hanson, and Fountains Of Wayne bassist Adam Schlesinger (should be called the ‘Has-Beens’ or maybe ‘Never-Weres’?) . . . 27-year-old actors Rachel Bilson (ex-“The OC”) & Hayden Christensen (ex-“Star Wars”) may be planning to wed a year after meeting on the set of “Jumper”, she being spotted sporting a ring she admits is engagement bling . . . “High School Musical” star Zac Efron has bought himself a $1-million new home in LA but admits he sleeps on an air mattress because he has no furniture . . . Actress Sandra Bullock’s latest film “All About Steve” is having its March release pushed back to later in the year, purportedly ‘because there are so many female-lead romantic-comedies competing for a slice of box office’ (BS translation: This thing’s a total mess – we need months to re-edit) . . . And the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has ruled that if late actor Heath Ledger is named ‘Best Supporting Actor’ at Sunday’s “Academy Awards” for “The Dark Knight”, his statuette will be held in held trust for his 3-year-old daughter Matilda Rose by her mother, actress Michelle Williams, until her 18th birthday in 2023 – and even then, only if she signs a contract.

• J Geils Band – The 1980s pop rockers (“Centerfold”, “Freeze-Frame”) reunite to perform throughout the opening week of the new House of Blues in Boston MA.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Former *NSYNC singer Joey Fatone is the guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – 1960s “Soul Man” Sam Moore performs.
• Leonard Cohen – The veteran 74-year-old Canadian folk singer, forced back on the road after his business manager lost his retirement savings, plays his first US concert in more than 15 years, at NYC’s Beacon Theater.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – New Kids On the Block are featured.

• Aerosmith – Frontman Steven Tyler is hard at work on his memoir … or at least one David Dalton is. He’s apparently the scribe who’s ghost-writing the book. HarperCollins bid more than $2 million for the rights.
• Black Eyed Peas – They’ll release their first studio album in 4 years, “The E.N.D.”, on June 9.
• Christina Aguilera – Her steamy 2002 video for “Dirrty” tops a new MSN Music poll on the ‘Sexiest Female Music Videos Ever’, edging out Britney Spears’ “I’m a Slave 4 U”.
• Coldplay – Chris Martin says they’re looking at recording a live album during shows this Summer, then giving it away for free as a gift to fans during the worldwide economic downturn.
• Elton John – His Rocket Pictures studio is set to make “Pride & Predator”, a sci-fi horror film that features aliens landing in the middle of a costume drama. Longtime partner David Furnish will act as producer while Elton himself will supervise music and serve as executive producer.
• M.I.A. – Despite having a baby last week, she’s hoping to perform at the Oscars on Sunday. One of her songs is on the “Slumdog Millionaire” soundtrack, which is nominated for several awards. One idea is for her to appear as a hologram.
• Nine Inch Nails – Former drummer Josh Freese is offering to join your band for $75,000. Or, for the same price, he’ll work as your personal assistant. For $20,000 he’ll give you a signed drum set. And for 5-grand he’ll write a song about you and get drunk with you too! All of these offers and more are tied in to the release of “Since 1972”, his new solo album coming in April.
• Van Halen – Plans for a new album have been put on hold so the band’s youngest member, Wolfgang Van Halen, can finish high school.

• “The Adventures of Jonny Quest” – Based on the vintage 1960s TV cartoon series, Zac Efron is in talks to play the lead role, a boy who accompanies his scientist-father on amazing adventures. Dwayne Johnson (‘The Rock’) is set to play ‘Race Bannon’, the tough-guy special agent hired to tutor and guard the lad. If 21-year-old Efron gets the role, the storyline will need to be altered … the original ‘Jonny Quest’ was just 11.
• “The Expendables” – 62-year-old actor/director Sylvester Stallone’s next effort is about a team of mercenaries hired to head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator. The cast includes Ben Kingsley (“Gandhi”), Eric Roberts (“The Dark Knight”), and Mickey Rourke (“The Wrestler”). Sly has reportedly even convinced California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to return to the bigscreen, in a cameo playing himself. Filming is scheduled to start next month.
• “Iron Man 2“ –  Scarlett Johansson is said to be close to agreeing to a deal to replace British actress Emily Blunt as femme-fatale ‘Black Widow’ in the upcoming follow-up to the 2008 blockbuster. Blunt had to bow out due to a scheduling conflict after signing to act alongside Jack Black in a new version of “Gulliver’s Travels”. The “Iron Man” sequel is due in May 2010.
• “Life of Pi” – Oscar-winning director Ang Lee (“Brokeback Mountain”) is in discussions to direct an adaptation of Canadian author Yann Martel’s acclaimed 2001 novel. The Booker Prize-winning tome tells of an Indian boy who spends 227 days on a lifeboat after a shipwreck in the Pacific, accompanied by a tiger, a hyena, a zebra, and an injured orangutan.
• “Who Is Doris Payne?” – Halle Berry has signed on to star in this heist movie based on the life of now 75-year-old international jewel thief, Doris Payne, whose career spanned 5 decades. Payne became famous for strolling into high-end stores dressed to the nines, distracting shop assistants, and then simply walk away with the loot. The movie’s slated for release in 2010.


• ‘Cellphone Watch’ – LG has unveiled a ‘James Bond’-style cellphone watch with touchscreen operation at the “Mobile World Congress” in Barcelona. It comes complete with a Bluetooth headset and built-in speakers. The watch, whose face measures just 1.5 inches, also features a music/video player plus high-speed Internet access. It’s expected to sell for around $150.
– “GQ”
• ‘Meter-Mail’ – San Francisco is one of a few cities to try to handle the dreaded parking drought by designing hi-tech parking spots that alert you when they’re empty. The city has set up a $23-million pilot program covering 6,000 spaces (a quarter of its metered spots) which can send emails or text messages to wannabe parkers when they become vacant.
– “Social Studies”
• ‘TransitTracker’ – This new Internet application allows commuters to keep tabs on buses and/or trains either online or via cellphone. The system follows the target transport’s actual location, not its estimated schedule, so the time-challenged commuter knows exactly when it will arrive. It’s currently being used in Portland OR in connection with the city’s TriMet transit system.


A new ranking of the ‘chick-flicks’ guys will actually admit that they like …
5. “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” (1961).
4. “Pretty Woman” (1990).
3. “Titanic” (1997).
2. “Four Weddings & A Funeral” (1994).
1. “Love Actually” (2003).

Stressed at work? Career expert Cath Janes says that’s a good thing because without some pressure, a job just is not worth doing. She offers the following signs that you’re NOT, in fact, overstressed, just challenged …
• Work leaves you tired but satisfied with your progress.
• You only feel stressed when outside your comfort zone.
• You don’t feel constantly under pressure and have time to relax.
• You feel as if you have some control over your situation.
• You have confidence in your ability to cope.
• You’re a high achiever who seeks out challenges.
– “The Guardian”


A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 76% of employees, both male and female, say they prefer working for a male boss.
• 50% of women got a nickname as a girl and most of them still have the same one today.
• 37% of working dads say the only way they would leave their job is if their spouse could support them.
• 18% of us have dated a co-worker at least 2 or more times during our careers.
• 17% of guys say their favorite place to hang out is their garage.
• 8% of single men in relationships say they are going to put proposing to their girlfriend on hold because of the recession.

• Elvis Presley’s Hip Shuffle.
• Pete Townshend’s Windmill (The Who).
• The Axl Rose Snake Dance (Guns ‘N Roses).
• The Michael Jackson Moonwalk.
• The Slayer Headbang.
• The Kurt Cobain Gear & Body Smash (Nirvana).
• Bruce Springsteen’s Dance In The Dark.
• Madonna’s Vogue.
• Chuck Berry’s Duck Walk.
• Billy Gibbons’ Guitar Twirls (ZZ Top).

Will Smith has received a perfect 10 in the latest ranking of movie star bankability. The top ranking comes as a result of “Seven Pounds”, even though it received mixed critical response, and the superhero film “Hancock”, which was widely panned by reviewers. The 2 films raked in close to $780 million worldwide. Experts say Smith’s success is due to his versatility to adapt to any movie genre. Sharing 2nd spot are Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, and ‘Brangelina’ with a bankability rating of 9.89 out of 10.

Researchers at Princeton University have scanned the brains of men while they looked at a photo of a woman dressed in a bikini and discovered that the parts of the brain which usually react to objects lit up. Professor Susan Fiske concludes from the study that men see sexualized women as ‘not fully human’, thanks to the bombardment of sexualized images of scantily clad females in advertising, on TV and in movies. She contends the this has a huge impact in the workplace, as men treat women they find sexually attractive differently. (To verify that, let’s check in with our traffic babe …)
– “The Telegraph”


• The first televised sporting event was a Japanese elementary school baseball game in 1931.
• The first daily TV broadcasts were begun by Britain’s BBC in 1936.
• The first TV commercial was an ad for Bulova clocks, broadcast by WNBT New York in 1941.
• The first regular TV soap was DuMont network’s “A Woman to Remember”, begun in 1947.
• The world’s first TV news helicopter was introduced by KTLA Los Angeles in 1958.


1940 [69] Smokey Robinson, Detroit MI, legendary Motown singer (“Cruisin’”, “I Second That Emotion”)/songwriter (“My Guy”, “My Girl”)/recording producer/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1987)/Kennedy Center Honors (2006)

1955 [54] Jeff Daniels, Athens GA, movie actor (“Good Night, and Good Luck”, “Dumb & Dumber”)

1960 [49] Prince Andrew (Andrew Albert Christian Edward Windsor), London UK, Britain’s Duke of York/son of Queen Elizabeth II/Fergie’s ex-/Prince Charles’ little brother/single-digit handicap golfer

1963 [46] Seal (Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adelo Samuel), London UK, pop singer (“Kiss From a Rose”, “Crazy”)/married to model Heidi Klum since 2005

1967 [42] Benicio Del Toro, Santurce, Puerto Rico, movie actor (“Sin City”, Oscar-“Traffic”)

1975 [34] Daniel Adair, Vancouver BC, rock drummer (Nickelback-“Rockstar”, “Photograph”)/formerly with 3 Doors Down (“Here Without You”, “When I’m Gone”)

• “Chocolate Mint Day”, a celebration of one of the all-time great flavor pairings.

• “Pisces” astrology sign begins. People born under the sign are said to be compassionate, adaptable, accepting, devoted, and imaginative. On the downside, they can also be oversensitive, indecisive, self-pitying, lazy, and escapist. Bottom line: they need other people to keep them grounded and on the right track.

1960 [49] 1st edition of “The Family Circus” comic strip by Bil Keane (they’re middle-aged now, so how come ‘Billy’, ‘Dolly’, ‘Jeffy’ and ‘PJ’ still look the same?)


1974 [35] Producer/music impresario Dick Clark launches the annual “American Music Awards”

1995 [14] Clad in a white bikini, Pamela Anderson weds Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee in Cancun, Mexico (they divorce in 1998)


1981 [28] 1st scientific report about atmospheric warming caused by pollution, dubbed the ‘Greenhouse Effect’ or ‘Global Warming’ (thereby giving Al Gore a hobby)

1996 [13] Canada’s new $2-coin is officially released (and ‘toonie busting’, separating the two metals that make up the coin, briefly becomes a national pastime)

[Fri] Hoodie Hoo Day
[Fri] Carnival begins (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
[Sat] 9th Hockey Day in Canada (CBC)
[Sat] 2009 Razzie Awards
[Sat] Spirit Awards (Los Angeles)
[Sun] 81st Academy Awards
[Mon] Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
[Mon] Curling is Cool Day
This Week Is … Pay Your Bills Week
This Month Is … Marijuana Awareness Month


• New employee orientation includes waterboarding.
• They screen résumés by font type.
• Highest allowed performance evaluation rating is ‘Sucks Below Average’.
• Sexual harassment seminar includes hands-on demonstration.
• Complaints are taped and posted on YouTube.
• The vacation schedule is a dartboard and the only date on it is February 30th.
• You’ve seen them put carbon paper under a keyboard in an attempt to CC an email.
• ‘Firearms Friday’ is scheduled on the same day as massive layoffs.


Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.


Today’s Question: You eat 20% more if you’re thinking about THIS while eating.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Your own mortality, according to a study in “Women’s Health”.


You never ‘find’ time, but you can always ‘make’ it.

Printer Friendly Version