Wednesday, February 25, 2009          Edition: #3962
Bully For You!

Kelly Rowland (ex-Destiny’s Child) is teaming with fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi & fashionista Fern Mallis to co-host the new upcoming reality series, “The Fashion Show” (Bravo), in which clothing designers compete in challenges (if this sounds like a replacement for “Project Runway” – it is) . . . Ticketmaster Entertainment has reached a settlement with the NJ Attorney General in which it has agreed to stop automatically shunting customers to its ticket reseller TicketsNow, basically a legal scalping site, and will also pay $350,000 to cover fees associated with the investigation . . . Why would the company suddenly become so agreeable? This week the US Senate Judiciary Committee’s hearings on the proposed merger between Ticketmaster and Live Nation have begun . . . Swiftcover, the UK car insurance company endorsed by geezer rocker Iggy Pop in a massive ad campaign is ironically refusing to insure musicians – due to their classification as ‘entertainers’ (the lepers of the insurance biz) . . . Actress Jennifer Aniston says she’s moving to NYC ‘for work’ (is that how she’s referring to John Mayer now?) . . . It seems host Hugh Jackman had a positive effect on TV ratings for the “Academy Awards”; they were up by 4 million viewers over last year’s all-time lowest tally of 32 million . . . “Gossip Girl” actress Taylor Momsen (‘Jenny Humphrey’) is set to fulfil her rock chick dreams by hitting the road with her band this Spring, a group called The Reckless . . . And “The Wrestler” actor Mickey Rourke says he’s looking to get a new dog following the death of his beloved Chihuahua ‘Loki’ and he plans to name it in honor of his Oscar nomination (so he’ll call it ‘Loser’?) .

• “Gershwin Prize“ (PBS) – Stevie Wonder is honored at the White House as this year’s recipient of the “Library of Congress Gershwin Prize for Popular Song”. Diana Krall, Martina McBride, Tony Bennett, and others perform at the event. Wonder’s “Signed, Sealed, Delivered I’m Yours” became a theme during the Obama presidential campaign. The taped show airs on public TV tomorrow night.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Scots alt-rockers Glasvegas are featured.
• “NME Awards” (London) – With 7 nominations, Oasis leads all others for the annual UK music awards from “New Music Express” magazine. Barack Obama is favored to win ‘Hero Of the Year’; while George Bush is thought likely to claim a 5th successive ‘Villain of the Year’ nod.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC/A Channel) – Country singer Jamey Johnson (“High Cost Of Living”) performs.


• Beyonce – Her website is hosting a “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” dance video contest which invites fans to create a video of their own dance routine for the hit. The winner gets $250,000 and has the video shown during Beyonce’s 2009 “I Am …” world tour.
• Jonas Bros – They’re planning a 3-day multi-city trek during which they’ll surprise fans by showing up in local theaters to watch their new movie “Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience”, opening Friday. (Oh squeal!)
• Pussycat Dolls – They’ve recorded a cover version of the Oscar-winning song “Jai Ho” from “Slumdog Millionaire”. (Seems it was a good thing Bruce Springsteen wasn’t nominated after all.)
• Spice Girls – Mel C says she’s ‘putting her career on hold’ while she focuses on being a mom to her new baby daughter, Scarlett Starr. (Uh, what career?)


• In Romania, a 71-year-old has become sort of a fashion extremist. Not only does she make her own clothes, she makes them out of … her own hair! Ioana Cioanca from Bistrita Nasaud grew her hair from the age of 16 until it was 40-inches-long so she could weave it. Among her many creations: a hat, shawl, skirt, blouse, raincoat, handbag, and a pair of gloves. ([Co-host has a complete hairy wardrobe too … he just doesn’t wax.)
– Ananova News Service
• In Washington state, if the US Navy has its way, Puget Sound in the Pacific Northwest will soon be patrolled by … dolphins & sea lions. The trained marine mammals would work at night in co-operation with handlers in small boats. The dolphins would alert the handler if they noticed an intruder. Sea lions would carry special cuffs in their mouths attached to a long rope and clamp the cuff around the leg of any suspicious swimmers, who could then be reeled in for questioning. (The Seattle Seahawks defense should check into these guys!)
– “Discover Magazine”
• In Montenegro, a depressed man who went to a funeral home last week and paid cash for a coffin then climbed inside and tried to kill himself. Unfortunately for him, the 52-year-old wasn’t successful and merely blew off chunks of his chin and nose while traumatizing the staff at the mortuary. To add insult to injury, the funeral director says the client will not be receiving a refund for the casket. (“Slightly used coffin for sale … nostrils included.”)


• ‘Not Worth His Salt.’ In Roman times, salt was a highly valued commodity used for trading. To say a soldier was not worth his salt was the same as saying he wasn’t worth his salary.
• ‘Pie in the Sky’ is actually only half of the phrase ‘there’ll be pie in the sky when you die’, a sarcastic remark that means heaven is a silly notion.
• ‘Egg on Your Face’ may come from Victorian theater. While we’re most familiar with the fall guy getting a pie in the face, in Victorian times he often had raw eggs cracked over his head.
• ‘Cool as a Cucumber’ exists because the high water content of a cucumber keeps them pretty cold. Lettuce and celery also have high water content but ‘cool as a lettuce’ doesn’t have the same ring to it.
• ‘Cream of the Crop’ is because in a pail of freshly-squeezed milk, the cream rises to the top due to high fat content. Since cream is so rich and delicious, it’s considered the best.
• ‘Top Banana’ and ‘Second Banana’ probably come from the same place – early 1900s vaudeville days, specifically from comedian Frank Lebowitz, who used bananas in his act.
• ‘The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread’ is pretty self-explanatory. Hard to believe but pre-sliced bread wasn’t invented until 1928 and wasn’t marketed until 1930 by Wonder Bread.
• ‘Dollars to Doughnuts’ comes from the fact that if you’re willing to bet dollars against something that’s comparatively worthless, you must be pretty sure that you’re right. Variations include ‘dollars to buttons’, ‘dollars to cobwebs’ and ‘dollars to dumplings’.
– Condensed from

While other college students deliver pizza to help pay for tuition, University of Colorado graduate student Eric Osowski has started a business delivering … hookahs! Launched last year, ‘Deliver-a-Bowl’ rents hookahs (Indian water pipes used for smoking tobacco and/or other stuff) for $15 apiece. They come with tobacco flavored with peach, grape, chocolate mint, or Irish cream. But don’t dare to smoke something other than tobacco … the company will report you to the cops if it’s suspected their hookahs are used for illegal substances. (Do these sadists also rent beer bottles filled with ginger ale?)
– “Colorado Daily”

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Chiconomics’ – The drive to remain chic, even during tough economic times. (“I’ve started ransacking vintage stores for new outfits as part of my new policy of chiconomics.”)
• ‘Homedulgence’ – During a recession, the tendency for consumers to prefer home-based indulgences, such as cocktail parties or lavish at-home dinners. (“We’re saving big-time by not buying show tickets and entertaining ourselves. Tonight we’re doing “A Chorus Line” in the family room.”)
• ‘Netbook’ – An undersized, simplified laptop computer whose main capability is web surfing. (A step down from a notebook; a step up from a Blackberry.)

• The Indian man who set the world record for longest ear hair back in 2003 is knocking on the “Guinness Records” door again now that his hair has grown almost twice as long and currently measures in at the unofficial length of 25 cm (10 inches). Radhakant Baijpai says his wife has allowed him to keep it because it’s such a source of pride to him. (And means their household never runs out of dental floss.)
– “The Sun”
• John Allwood of Australia has set a new world record by smashing 47 watermelons against his forehead in 60 seconds. This eclipses his old record of 40 melons in a minute. To make a living, Allwood is a professional melon picker. (But not for long if he keeps busting up the profits!)
– “Globe & Mail”

An elephant produces about 50 lbs of poop … every day. (Whoa, bad house pet!)
– “Uncle John’s Triumphant 20th Anniversary Bathroom Reader”


1965 [44] Carrot Top (Scott Thompson), Cocoa Beach FL, clown-haired comedian who relies on wacky props/sometime film actor (“The Aristocrats”)/bad cosmetic surgery victim

1966 [43] Tea Léoni, NYC, movie actress (“Spanglish”, “Jurassic Park III”)/long-suffering estranged wife of actor David Duchovny

1971 [38] Daniel Powter, Vernon BC, one-hit-wonder pop singer (“Bad Day”)

1971 [38] Sean Astin, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (“Lord of the Rings” trilogy, “50 First Dates”)

1976 [33] Rashida Jones, LA CA, TV actress (‘Karen Filippelli’ on “The Office” 2006-09)  COMING UP: “Parks & Recreation”, the “Office” spin-off starring “SNL” alum Amy Poehler, set to premiere April 9.

1986 [23] James & Oliver Phelps, Birmingham UK, twin actors (‘Fred & George Weasley’ in the “Harry Potter” films)

1987 [22] Eva Avila, Gatineau QC, pop singer (“Damned”, “I Owe It All to You”)/”Canadian Idol 4” winner (2006)

• “Ash Wednesday”, the first day of “Lent” which occurs 46 days before the moveable Christian feast of “Easter”. It can occur as early as February 4 or as late as March 10. “Ash Wednesday” gets its name from the practice of placing ashes on the foreheads of the faithful as a sign of repentance. (So what unusual thing will you be ‘giving up for Lent’?)

• “Don’t Utter a Word Day”, because the world is made up of talkers and listeners … and the listeners need a rest.

• “Lumberjack Day”, honoring a tough job that’s become a popular sport … logging games.

• “Thorrablot” is underway in communities across Iceland. Called by some the ‘feast from hell’, the annual mid-Winter, month-long banquet includes local delicacies like ‘sheep’s blood pudding rolled in lard’, ‘broiled puffin birds’, ‘rotten shark’ that’s been buried for 4 months, and the always delectable dish, ‘pickled ram’s testicles’. All of this is washed down with ‘black death’, a potato & caraway seed schnapps. If you can survive this feast, the rest of Winter will be no prob!

1991 [18] Financial speculator Bruce McNall, hockey star Wayne Gretzky and movie actor John Candy jointly buy CFL’s Toronto Argonauts (Gretzky & Candy are later financially embarrassed by the bankruptcy of McNall)

1940 [69] 1st ‘Televised Hockey Game’ (NY Rangers vs Montréal Canadiens on W2XBS-TV in NYC)

1896 [113] ‘Largest Chicken Egg’ on record laid by a Black Minorca hen in England (the 5-yolk egg weighs nearly 12 ounces and measures 12.25 inches around the long axis and 9 inches around the short axis)

1981 [28] ‘Most-Penalized NHL Hockey Game’ as Boston Bruins & Minnesota North Stars amass 84 penalties for a total of 392 minutes

[Thurs] For Pete’s Sake Day
[Fri] International Polar Bear Day
[Sat] International Floral Design Day
[Sat] Tooth Fairy Day
[Sat] International Repetitive Strain Injuries Awareness Day
[Sun] East Coast Music Awards (Cornerbrook NL)
[Mon] Jimmy Fallon replaces Conan O’Brien on “Late Night” (NBC)

This Week Is … Eating Disorders Awareness Week

This Month Is … Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – You’ll feel like you can’t do anything right today. Unfortunately, it turns out you’re right.
• Taurus – Excellent day to go ‘half-barefoot’ … one shoe only.
• Gemini – Today you will ignore the warning label on the mouthwash bottle and attempt to yodel while gargling. That will be a mistake.
• Cancer – Nothing especially remarkable will happen today. You will get a strange urge to talk like Bob Marley … but it will pass.
• Leo – Turns out you have no discernible talent for gardening and your ‘green thumb’ is just a ghastly bacterial infection.
• Virgo – Good day to take up rap music as a career. Either that or plumbing.
• Libra – Unbeknownst to thee, thou art over-fond of archaic terms. Prithee, wouldst thou kindly desist?
• Scorpio – Good day to focus on SIMPLICITY and ORDER. For a SIMPLE dinner, for example, ORDER pizza. See how easy it is?
• Sagittarius – They say you have the kind of a face only a mother could love … but that’s mainly because she feels guilty about all the drinking.
• Capricorn – Beware! The Celestial Jade Emperor may banish you to the Big Grumpy Place if you don’t start paying more attention to the Four Winds.
• Aquarius – The shoe will be on the other foot this week, leading to severe discomfort, unflagging embarrassment, and a sudden spill down the basement stairs.
• Pisces – You will wrestle with your conscience today but will be disqualified for using an illegal hold.

Nowadays when we say teacher’s pet, we’re talking about groping.


• ‘How to Smooth-Talk the Hottest Women’ – “Men’s Health”
• ‘Girls You Won’t Date’ –
• ‘Conan Remembers 16 Years of Crap Gone Wrong’ – “Maxim”
• ‘Kanye West: The Ego Has Landed’ – “Details”
• ‘What’s the Best Haircut to Make Your Head Look Smaller?’ – “Esquire”

• ‘30 Things To Do With a Naked Man’ – “Cosmopolitan”
• ‘How to Ice Beautiful Cupcakes’ – “Chatelaine”
• ‘Smoky Eye How-To‘ – “Ladies’ Home Journal”
• ‘6 Cute Cold-Weather Outfits’ – “Glamour”
• ‘Post-Baby Sex Survival Guide’ – “Redbook”


Tell us things that are either overrated or underrated based on what they cost. Satellite TV with its hundreds of channels, for instance, is extremely expensive considering most of us only watch a total of 7 channels on average. On the other hand, deodorant likely only sets you back $20-$30 a year. But imagine how your life would change without it … you’d become a total outcast!

Today’s Question: Just 3% of all mammals have THIS trait.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Monogamy. (Discovery TV)

Middle age is when you smile at things that used to make you laugh.

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