Thursday, February 24, 2005        Edition: #2977
Another Sheetload of Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the FOX-TV special “Stars Without Makeup” promises to show scary footage of as-yet unnamed ‘Oscar-winners and TV favorites’ as they appear au naturel, including at least one person from “Desperate Housewives” . . . TONIGHT on ABC-TV’s “Primetime Live”, 34-year-old model Naomi Campbell admits her 10-year abuse of cocaine is to blame for her renowned violent temper (but what about her obnoxious personality?) . . . The first winner of “America’s Next Top Model”, Adrianne Curry, says she never received a modeling contract as promised by the show and blames host/exec producer Tyra Banks (Quote: “We trusted Tyra but we’ve all been screwed over!”) . . . 25-year-old Czech model Petra Nemcova is getting a 7-figure deal to write a book about surviving the tsunami disaster, in which she lost her boyfriend (TV interviews, now a book – this hasn’t exactly hurt her career) . . . That wacky, singing English teacher, Wanda Shirk, who was booted off “Survivor: Palau” in the very first episode, claims that 7 of the remaining contestants are actually professional models who were cast through agencies . . . Will Smith has made the “Guinness Book of World Records” by using a private jet to appear at 3 movie premieres of “Hitch” in 1 day (Manchester, Birmingham & London UK) . . . Amidst the kerfuffle over who’ll next play ‘James Bond’ comes the news that Pierce Brosnan was actually 2nd choice last time around – Liam Neeson says he turned down the role in 1995′s “Goldeneye” . . . Actor Tom Cruise is said to be secretly dating 32-year-old Colombian model/actress Sofia Vergara, a former girlfriend of singer Enrique Iglesias (hey, he had to do something with all those Spanish lessons Penelope Cruz talked him into) . . . PETA is investigating the use of cold-weather penguins as ‘props’ at a poolside party hosted by P Diddy – in sticky-hot South Beach Miami FL . . . And, in keeping with his final wishes, the ashes of suicidal ‘gonzo journalist’ Hunter S Thompson will be fired across his Colorado estate – by a cannon (his brain has already pretty much been scattered).

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Robin Williams will again play a radio personality (as he did in “Good Morning Vietnam”) in “The Night Listener”, this time a guy with a bad relationship who falls into a phone affair with an admiring fan (like that would ever happen) . . . A bigscreen version of “Wonder Woman” will reportedly star 51-year-old Kim Basinger if the superhero character is older in the final script, and Jessica Biehl (“Blade”) if the character is younger (and Sandra Dee if the character is dead) . . . Will Smith is also set to play a superhero in “Tonight He Comes”, but a flawed superhero who drinks, smokes, and has one-night stands because he is so bored with his life (wow, it’s ‘Radioman’!) . . . 39-year-old Brit actress Elizabeth Hurley is being pursued to play evil witch ‘Bellatrix Lestrange’ in “Harry Potter & The Order Of The Phoenix” (this would be the sequel after the next one – not due until 2007) . . . Hot off-screen couple  Matthew McConaughey & Penelope Cruz, who met on the set of “Sahara”, are planning to make a 2nd film together – “The Loop”, a love story involving a highway patrolman and a librarian (ever seen a librarian that looks like Cruz?) . . . And Madonna is reportedly offering to play transvestite ‘Candy Darling’ (inspiration for Lou Reed’s hit “Walk on the Wild Side”) for free in a new film about artist Andy Warhol (with her movie track record – she should pay to be in the film!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Blink 182 – After more than a decade together, they’ve announced they’re taking an indefinite hiatus to spend time enjoying the fruits of their labors with their loved ones. At this time, they say they have no definite plan to work together again.
• Christina Aguilera – In a new “FHM” magazine poll, she’s picked as the celebrity babe women say would be most likely to tempt them to sleep with another woman.
• Foo Fighters – Their upcoming double album (expected THIS SUMMER) will feature a disc of rock tracks and another of acoustic songs. Led Zeppelin’s John Paul Jones & singer/songwriter Norah Jones will make guest contributions.
• Jessica Simpson – THIS WEEK she was briefly hospitalized for a stomach virus while in Chicago IL to shoot a segment for the “Oprah Winfrey Show”.
• Korn – Guitarist Brian ‘Head’ Welch has announced he’s leaving the band after recently becoming a born-again Christian.
• Sting – His UNICEF ambassador wife Trudie Styler says he was so moved during their tour of tsunami-devastated areas of Sri Lanka that it will deeply influence his future work.
• Sum 41 – TONIGHT they’re on CBS-TV’s “Late Late Show”.
• White Stripes – THIS WEEK they’re recording a new album and it may not take long. Their last one, “Elephant”, was recorded in London in just 10 days.

BS COMMUTER NEWS:
• The new Mass Rapid Transit system in Bangkok, Thailand was completely shut down recently when a spring from a ballpoint pen blew into a subway tunnel, landed atop a signal box on the tracks, and triggered an alarm that stopped all trains.
– CNEWS
• Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority has announced it will soon have the first subway cars in North America equipped with TV. By Spring, about a third of the system’s 300 cars will each have 5 TVs for passengers to watch. However, all TVs will be tuned to a local news channel and passengers will need a radio with headphones to pick up the audio feed, which will be ‘narrow-cast’ on an FM radio frequency.
– AP

NEW BS PRODUCTS:
• THIS YEAR will see several new treats for dogs, including a bacon-flavored popcorn snack and the new ‘Talking Bone Dog Toy’, which records the owner’s voice and then replays it whenever the mutt chews on it.
– “Sunday Mail”
• Large-print books are nothing new but now several publishing houses, led by Penguin, are adopting a new ‘Super-Sized Paperback Format’ because the bulging population over the age of 40 is beginning to have trouble reading.
– “Social Studies”
• Within 3 months, the Malaysian state of Kelantan will open a string of ‘Happy & Healthy Toilets’ that are said to be ‘guaranteed to make users happy’. The public facilities will include piped-in music, up-to-date newspapers – even special slippers provided to ensure hygiene.
– Bernama News

TRUE BS CRIME:
• A Latvian burglar who escaped from prison 5 years ago has returned – begging to be locked up again! The prisoner, identified only as Sergei M, says life on the outside is just too hard and he looks forward to the comforts of jail.
– “NY Post”
• Police in Edmonton AB are looking for a limping thief after he was clipped – by his own getaway vehicle! After the knife-wielding suspect grabbed cash and beer from a liquor store, he was running toward a van when it ran over his leg. The unlucky loser somehow managed to pull himself out from underneath the vehicle to climb inside.
– CP
• After boozing with buddies, a prosecutor in Key West FL thought it would be funny to strip down and run naked across a parking lot to a friend’s car. Unfortunately, he hopped into the wrong car, much to the distress of the woman inside. She called her boyfriend, who in turn called the cops. In his next court appearance, this prosecutor will be the defendant!
– “AP”

THE MARTIAN SEA:
A team of European scientists has announced that a huge, frozen sea lies just below the surface of Mars. Their assessment is based on pictures of the planet’s near-equatorial Elysium region that show plated and rutted features across a large area about 500-miles-square. The researchers think a catastrophic event flooded the landscape some 5 million years ago, then froze over. (Creating the largest hockey pond in the universe!)
– “The News”

GUM TAX:
THIS WEEK at a meeting in London UK, delegates from municipalities across Britain discussed the introduction of a new ‘Chewing Gum Tax’ to fund cleaning up used wads of the stuff that are regularly expectorated onto streets, sidewalks and other public areas. The proposal involves a surcharge of about 2 cents per pack of gum to help defray clean-up costs. The annual cost of removing gum in London alone is estimated at $7.6 million.
– “Daily News”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Every day, 868 Americans join the US military.

AND WE QUOTE:
• “Forty’s old. The only time 40 is young is if you die at 40 and if you’re sleeping with Cher.”
– Comedian and this SUNDAY’s “Academy Awards” host Chris Rock.
• “I sort of live in a glass box. Everything happens in front of other people. When I break up with my girlfriend, everybody has to know about it.”
– Usher, whining about how tough it is to be rich and famous.

THE BULL SHEET 02.24.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [74] Dominic Chianese, Bronx NY, TV actor (‘Uncle Junior’ on “The Sopranos” since 1999)

1951 [54] Helen Shaver, St Thomas ON, movie actress (“The Craft”, “The Color of Money”)

1951 [54] Debra Jo Rupp, Glendale CA, TV actress (‘Kitty Forman’ on “That ’70s Show” since 1998)

1955 [50] Steve Jobs, San Francisco CA, CEO of Pixar Animation Studios (“Finding Nemo”, “Toy Story”)/Apple Computer CEO & co-founder with Steve Wozniak (1977)

1956 [49] Paula Zahn, Omaha NE, CNN TV anchor (“Paula Zahn Now” since 2003)

1958 [47] Sammy Kershaw, Kaplan LA, country singer (“Third Rate Romance”, “Cadillac Style”)

1965 [40] Kristin Davis, Boulder CO, TV actress (‘Charlotte York’ on “Sex and The City” 1998-2004)

1974 [31] Bonnie Somerville, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (‘Detective Laura Murphy’ on “NYPD Blue”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Mexico] “Flag Day”

TODAY through Sunday, the 41st annual “Yukon Sourdough Rendezvous Festival” in Whitehorse YT celebrates the anniversary of the 1897-98 Klondike Gold Rush. Highlights include dog sled races, an air show and a snow sculpture challenge.
PHONER: 867.393.4467
NET: http://www.yukonrendezvous.com

TODAY is “National Tortilla Chip Day”. Well, that certainly makes planning tonight’s dinner a lot easier, doesn’t it?

TONIGHT we’ll see the Full Moon variously known as the ‘Snow Moon’, ‘Storm Moon’, ‘Fasting Moon’, and ‘Weaning Moon’.

THIS WEEK is “National Read Me Week”, a week to wear readable clothing. What’s the best T-shirt slogan you’ve seen lately? How about …
• “They Can Send Me to College But They Can’t Make Me Think!”
• “This Body Is a Temple … Chocolate Worshiped Daily!”
• “My Dog Can Lick Anyone!”
• “Real Men Don’t Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair!”
• “I Have the Body of a God … Unfortunately, It’s Buddha!”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [07] Sir Elton John is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1914 [91] Clarence Crane invents “Life Savers”, what he calls ‘a hole encased in candy’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1988 [17] Luciano Pavarotti receives 165 curtain calls lasting a total of 1 hour, 7 minutes after an opera performance in Berlin, Germany

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] 25th Razzie Awards
[Sat] National For Pete’s Sake Day
[Sun] 77th Academy Awards
[Sun] International Polar Bear Day
[Mon] International Floral Design Day
[Mon] Public Sleeping Day
This Week Is . . . Eating Disorders Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Canned Food Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS USES FOR VODKA
• To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate it with vodka. The solvent dissolves the adhesive.
• To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a spray bottle with vodka. The alcohol kills mold and mildew.
• To clean eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka.
• Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak
in it after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
• Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
• Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse skin and tighten
pores.
• Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
• Fill a spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
• Pour a half-cup of vodka and a half-cup of water into a Ziploc freezer bag, then freeze it for a slushy, refreezable ice pack for headaches and other pains.
• To treat dandruff, mix 1 cup of vodka with 2 teaspoons of crushed rosemary, let sit for 2 days, then strain through a coffee filter and massage into your scalp and let it dry.
• To treat an earache, put a few drops of vodka in your ear. Let set for a few minutes, then drain.
• To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
• To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
• Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
• Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol
to numb the pain.
• And finally – if there’s nothing else available – some people actually drink the stuff!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Typically we do THIS for an average of 8 minutes.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Talk on the phone.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.

 


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