Tuesday, February 22, 2005        Edition: #2975
Get a Load of This Sheet!

TONIGHT a “One Day at a Time Reunion Special” airs on CBS-TV, bringing back the cast of the sit-com that ran 1975-84 (Bonnie Franklin [now 61-years-old], Valerie Bertinelli [44], Mackenzie Phillips [45] & Pat Harrington [75]) . . . 25 years after collaborating on the quintuple-platinum album “Guilty”, Barbra Streisand & Barry Gibb are back in the studio working on another . . .  “Desperate Housewives” actress Nicollette Sheridan is about to appear on QVC to promote the ‘NuGLOW’ skincare line, which she says she’s used for 2 years (along with ample plastic surgery) . . . Among the celebrities whose private phone numbers and e-mail addresses were posted on the Internet after a hacker broke into Paris Hilton’s T-mobile Sidekick PDA – Eminem, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera, Anna Kournikova, Vin Diesel & Ashlee Simpson (think this whole episode is just another Paris publicity stunt?) . . . Word is Disney honchos have decided Lindsay Lohan’s bust will be digitally reduced after it proved too distracting during a weekend test screening of “Herbie: Fully Loaded” (wasn’t this bit used before – to try to sell a Colin Farrell bomb?) . . . And now outspoken actor Russell Crowe is weighing in on why the Aussie film “Eucalyptus” co-starring Nicole Kidman has been shelved – he claims it’s because he refused to show the, er, ‘full Russell’ if you know what we mean.

• Aerosmith – Steve Tyler has confirmed he’s split with his 2nd wife, fashion designer Teresa Barrick, after 17 years.
• Beyoncé – She’s replacing actress-turned-singer Minnie Driver in singing Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Oscar-nominated song “Learn To Be Lonely” at the Academy Awards. Driver is said to be ‘inconsolable’ after finding out she’s been dumped from performing the tune she sings on “The Phantom Of The Opera” soundtrack. Beyoncé is also singing 2 other nominated songs.
• Gwen Stefani – TODAY she’s on the “Oprah Winfrey Show”.
• Jamie O’Neal – TONIGHT she makes her 3rd appearance on “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno”, singing “Trying to Find Atlantis”, the first single from her upcoming album “Brave”.
• Jennifer Lopez – Her new single “Get Right” is her first #1 hit in the UK in 4 years.
• Los Lonely Boys – TODAY the Texas-based trio of brothers (Henry, Jojo & Ringo Garza) release the 12-track disc “Live at the Fillmore”, recorded at the fabled San Francisco venue. TONIGHT they appear on ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Mariah Carey – In her new video “We Belong Together”, she wears the Vera Wang wedding gown that she wore for her ill-fated 1993 marriage to record company boss Tommy Mottola.

• “I Heart Huckabees” (Comedy – DVD): Jason Schwartzman plays a man determined to solve the coincidence of seeing the same conspicuous stranger 3 times in a day. He hires a pair of ‘existentialist detectives’ (Dustin Hoffman & Lily Tomlin) who insist on spying on his everyday life while sharing their views on life and the nature of the universe.
• Other than that, there’s only some TV series compilations and a ‘Special Edition DVD’ release of “Get Shorty”, just as its sequel “Be Cool” is about to hit theaters (MARCH 4th).

Jong-Hwan Kim, director of the Intelligent Robot Research Center (ITRC) in South Korea, says the new generation of ‘feeling robots’ is only about 3 months away, when it will be possible to install software modeled on human DNA into their computer code. The new software will enable robots the ability to ‘feel’ happy, sad, angry, sleepy, hungry or afraid, meaning they will develop their own personalities and emotion. (Making them potentially better actors than say, Nicolas Cage.)
– “The Guardian”

Attorneys-General in 36 US states are now investigating whether video chain Blockbuster’s new ‘No Late Fees’ policy is deceiving to consumers. Under the terms of the new policy, you are charged no fee if you return a rental within a week after the due date. If you return it within 30 days after, you are charged a ‘Restocking Fee’ of $1.25. If the item is more than a month overdue – you own it. Your credit card is automatically charged the full retail price, minus the rental fee. (Isn’t the best deal one without any ‘fine print’?)
– Reuters

• Brendan Walker, a researcher at the Royal College of Art in London, is developing a ‘Thrill Measuring Device’. He’s already part-way there, by building a machine that detects the sensation of thrill by using ‘galvanic skin response’, changes in the electrical conductivity of skin caused by arousal of the nervous system. (Create your own ‘Thrill Meter’, a robotic-sounding recording of the numbers 1-10, then use it throughout your show to measure the ‘excitement level’ of various features.)
– “Wired”
• Swedish scientists at the University of Uppsala have developed a large, black ball of electronics that they say can provide hi-tech home security. The rolling gizmo can use either radar or infra-red sensors to detect a break-in, then can call for help, sound an alarm and even pursue the intruders, taking pictures. It’s capable of traveling 20 mph, fast enough to run down virtually any human. (If it flunks out as a home security device, it sounds like a great X-treme sport – ‘People Bowling!)
– “Daily Telegraph”

• Up to 15% of people in northern climes suffer from ‘Seasonal Affective Disorder’ (SAD), caused by reduced sunlight in Winter. The recommended treatment is exposure to high wattage doses of fluorescent light. (Or a week in Mexico.)
• You tend to eat 44% more on average when you dine with other people in restaurants than if you dine alone, according to a survey in the “American Journal of Clinical Nutrition”. (Although you eat less ice cream on a date than when you’re home alone … with the entire carton.)
• A new University of Pittsburgh study suggests that exposure to lead may be a contributor to violent crime in young people. Researchers say that when environmental lead finds its way into the developing brain, it disturbs the mechanism responsible for regulation of impulse, which can lead to antisocial and criminal behavior. (And, ironically, flying lead!)

• A separated Jordanian couple each turned to an Internet chat room seeking a new partner and both were successful. After months of cyber-flirting, they decided to finally meet their new loves and hopefully get married. Imagine their surprise when they showed up at the rendezvous only to discover they had been flirting online … with each other. The husband promptly ended the sordid affair by screaming, “You are divorced, divorced, divorced!” Her comeback: “You are a liar!” Then she fainted.
• A Norwegian real estate investor fed up with inaccurate exaggerations in housing ads has decided to go for brutal honesty in trying to sell one of his apartments. Arne Leo Soerlie is running an ad which reads, “Gruesome 2-room apartment with balcony. A very worn-out apartment.”
• Zookeepers at Germany’s Bremerhaven Zoo have just about given up trying to ‘convert’ 6 gay penguins that are refusing to breed. Even importing sexy Swedish penguins failed to spark their appetite for females as the 6 homosexual penguins remain faithful to each other and ignore their new roommates. The ‘gay-guins’ have even adopted rocks which they guard like eggs.
• The richest 20-year-old in the world, Athina Onassis Roussel, has become engaged to her longtime boyfriend, Brazilian equestrian star Alfonso de Miranda Neto. She has also learned that if she learns to speak her grandfather Aristotle Onasis’ native Greek, she’ll inherit an extra $2 billion of his fortune. (I know fraternity Greek – Tappa Kegga Beer – it that worth a buck or two?)

A British historian Graham Lawrence has recently discovered the tomb of a couple who were apparently married for 81 years, which is being accepted by the “Guinness Book of World Records” as likely the longest marriage ever. It seems Thomas & Elizabeth Morgan wed in Wales in May 1809 and their marriage lasted until her death in January 1891 when she had just turned 105 and he was 104 (their combined age of 209 years is also a record for a married couple). Thomas Morgan died in January 1893 at the age of 106, leaving behind 17 grandchildren and 30 great-grandchildren. (If your 50th Anniversary is ‘Golden’ and your 60th is ‘Diamond’, what the heck would your 81st be?)
– Agence France Presse

Allowing 2 cats and their offspring to breed for 10 years will produce a total of 80,399,780 cats, according to statistics from the American Humane Association. That’s based on 2 litters per year and 2.8 surviving kittens per litter.


1932 [73] Ted Kennedy, Brookline MA, US Senator (Massachusetts)

1962 [43] Steve Irwin, Victoria, Australia, TV personality (“The Crocodile Hunter”)/naturalist (Director of the Australia Zoo in Queensland)

1963 [42] Vijay Singhin, Lautoka, Fiji, PGA golfer (leading money winner 2003 & 2004)

1968 [37] Jeri Ryan (Zimmerman), Munich, Germany, TV actress (“Boston Public” 2001-04, “Star Trek: Voyager” 1997-2001)

1975 [30] Drew Barrymore, Culver City CA, movie actress (“50 First Dates”, “Charlie’s Angels”)

TODAY IS “Spay Day USA”, an annual nationwide campaign to end the tragedy of pet overpopulation by encouraging every pet owners to have their pets spayed or neutered. (Do NOT attempt this at home!)
NET: http://www.ddaf.org/spayday

TODAY is “Be Humble Day”. OK, but damn, it’s hard.

TODAY is “World Thinking Day”, an annual celebration of Boy Scouts/Girl Guides founders Lord & Lady Baden-Powell’s joint birthday. Scouts and Guides are encouraged to ‘think’ of good deeds. Many will wear their uniforms to school TODAY (if you remind them).

1949 [56] The debut of ‘Modern Professional Wrestling’ as Gorgeous George beats Ernie Dusek at NYC’s Madison Square Garden using faked moves and lots of show biz

1879 [126] 1st ‘Chain Store’, Woolworth’s, opens in Utica NY (chain closes in 1997)

1959 [46] 1st ‘Daytona 500′ auto race (won by Lee Petty, father of legendary racer Richard Petty)

[Wed] PM Paul Martin & Finance Minister Ralph Goodale deliver Federal Budget
[Wed] International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
[Wed] Chinese Lantern Festival
[Wed] Curling is Cool Day
[Thurs] Full ‘Snow’ Moon
[Thurs] Flag Day (Mexico)
[Sat] 25th Razzie Awards
[Sun] 77th Academy Awards
[Sun] International Polar Bear Day
This Week Is . . . International Friendship Week
This Month Is . . . World Understanding Month / Library Lover’s Month

THIS WEEK is “National Engineers Week”, so hurray for hard-hats and slide rules!
• You have calculated exactly how much you make … per second.
• You consider any non-science course ‘easy’.
• You’ve actually used every single function on your calculator.
• You used a CAD software package to design your son’s soapbox derby car.
• You get angry when people won’t let you fix things they’ve broken.
• You window shop at Radio Shack.
• You know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
• You always save the power cords from broken appliances.
• Your 2-year-old asks why the sky is blue and you explain atmospheric absorption theory.
• You have no life … and you can prove it mathematically!

Q: Do ants stretch when they wake up in the morning?
A: Yes, it’s absolutely true! (Then they go jogging.)

Q: Which squirts further – a bottle of Windex or your average skunk?
A: A skunk can reach about 15 feet, while Windex only squirts around 3 feet.

Q: How many noses does your average slug have?
A: Slugs have 4 noses. (Almost as many as Michael Jackson.)
– “Disney Adventures” / “Weird Yet True”

Sometimes the most ambiguous questions bring the most interesting answers. An Internet poll asking “What would you most like to be?” attracted hundreds of responses. The most popular – Rich (37%), Brilliant (23%), Anonymous (12%), Powerful (9%), Beautiful (9%), Famous (6%).

• And now today’s weather straight from our Ouija board …
• She suffers from kleptomania, but when it gets bad she just takes something for it.

Today’s Question: 85% of people who buy THIS will never use it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A piano.

When everything’s coming your way … you’re in the wrong lane.

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