Wednesday, February 4, 2004        Edition: #2717
A Bull in Hand Is A Sheetload of Prep!

TODAY the HBO hit series “Sex & the City” shoots its final scenes in NYC, reportedly with 3 different endings so the FEBRUARY 22nd finale will remain a surprise . . . TODAY “Daily Show” host Jon Stewart & CNN anchor Paula Zahn emcee the grand opening of NYC’s new Time Warner Center, a massive $1.7 billion hotel-entertainment complex that includes 5 fancy-dancy restaurants . . . TONIGHT Celine Dion is scheduled to resume her daily Caesars Palace shows in Vegas after canceling weekend appearances due to a sinus infection (she was rushed to hospital after struggling to breathe during a performance) . . . “50 First Dates” actress Drew Barrymore caused mayhem by trying to sneak onto Democratic presidential candidate Wesley Clark’s campaign bus disguised as a journalist, her people afterward claiming she’s ‘working on a personal project exploring the voting process in America in a non-partisan way’ (translated from Hollywood-speak: she was drunk) . . . Barrymore’s ex-, 32-year-old wildman Tom Green, is now said to be the steady companion of just-turned-57 former “Charlie’s Angel” Farrah Fawcett . . . Preggers actress Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly planning to pay tribute to her beloved late father Bruce by naming her baby after him – even if it’s a girl . . . Word is Britney Spears has  a taken a meeting with producer Barbara Brocolli about the possibility of playing a ‘Bond girl’ in the next 007 movie, due in 2005 . . . Meantime, Beyoncé is in discussions about the role of ‘Lois Lane’ in “Superman: The Last Son Of Krypton”, to star relative British unknown Henry Cavill . . . Jackie Chan is doing his bit to keep a lid on hysteria over Asia’s latest outbreak, the so-called ‘Bird Flu’, by visiting Singapore and promising to order up the local delicacy, chicken rice . . . THIS WEEK Courtney Love is in negotiations with publishers to release her book “Love Diaries: My Life In Words & Pictures”, touted as ‘an emotional biography in scrapbook form’ (translated from Hollywood-speak: she couldn’t write a complete sentence even in crayon).

Here’s an odd side-effect of the Michael Jackson mess – Jackson impersonators are having trouble finding work! Professional look-alikes say many of their bookings were cancelled in the wake of his arrest and new bookings have slumped right off. Rob Garrett, founder of Las Vegas’ largest celebrity impersonator agency, RHRN Entertainment, says, “There are guys waiting by the phone … and it’s not ringing.” (Time to learn another impression – Pee-Wee Herman perhaps?)

• In Australia, a newspaper golf reporter calling himself ‘Rusty Gate’ has begun an attempt to break the world record for the most golf holes played in 7 days – 1,728 holes played in 2002 by another Australian, Jeff Garland. Gate began playing YESTERDAY and will continue duffing from 5am to 1am daily. He only gets 4 hours off to shower and rest each day. At least he gets to use a golf cart.
Source: “Tenterfield Star”
• A chilli-eating contest in Thailand got a little wild and wooly – after attempting to eat just 30 grams of red hot Thai chillies in 12 minutes, one woman fainted and was rushed to hospital and another contestant vomited on-the-spot. 12-time champ Prachuap Mungkratungklang (you’re on your own for that one) had no probs, wolfing down 230 grams of the fiery peppers (about half-a-pound) for which he was awarded the grand prize – a lousy $25.
Source: “Bangkok Post“

Couples who eat lots of fruit feel friskier in the bedroom. A survey by Cape fruit company finds both men and women are more ready for sex after eating strawberries, bananas or grapes. Of those polled, 54% say they feel sexier when they eat more fruit than usual, and a third say they have twice as much sex as a result. (Of course the fruit company had nothing at all to gain from this ‘scientific’ study.)
Source: “NY Post”

Thanks to the Super Bowl ‘Tempest in a C Cup’, companies that make ‘nipple shields’, like the one Janet Jackson showed the world at half-time, are experiencing an increase in interest. In case you’re thinking about getting one – silver nipple shields sell  for about $50, plus another $20 for the barbell, and another $20 for the piercing. Jewelry experts say Jackson’s appears to be a custom-made piece of pure silver that would cost a couple hundred dollars. By the way, ‘nipple shields’ have been around for at least a decade. (Who knew?)
Source: “USA Today”

Thousands of homes in Scotland could soon get high-speed internet access through – the sewer. THIS WEEK Scottish Water is launching a test of the system in the town of Rosyth. It’s thought that leasing sewage pipes to channel fiber optics from broadband providers could drive down Internet costs. It also avoids the problem of digging up streets to lay wire and could bring Web access to remote parts of Scotland. (Well most of the stuff on the Web is crap anyway.)
Source: BBC News

There’s a new trend being dubbed ‘Peterpandemonium’ whereby young adults (18-34) are uninterested in having children but refuse to grow up, and become obsessed with things that remind them of their own childhood. Eg: kids’ shows like “SpongeBob SquarePants”, ‘kidult’ literature like the “Harry Potter” books, retro games like ‘Twister’, and fuzzy pajamas with feet. “NY Times” calls these people ‘rejuveniles’. Here’s a back-to-babyhood shocking stat: The average age of video-game players is now 29!
• You’ve recently ordered a ‘Happy Meal’ … to get the toy.
• You own underwear or PJs with cute little cartoon characters on them.
• You know who the “Teletubbies” are … in fact, you can name them all.
• You’ve played the board game “Clue” with adult friends.
• You’ve recently attended a costume party.
• You’re wearing a cute little barrette you bought in the girls’ department, and on weekends your hair is in pigtails.
• You pay extra for the Band-Aids with pretty designs on them.
• You think Jell-O is really cool.
(Time to dig out some kitschy music from the ’70s and ’80s?)

• A Brazilian soccer referee is red-faced after he attempted to pull a red card from his pocket to penalize a player during a match and ended up yanking out a pair of – lacy red panties. The ref was so embarrassed he ended the game with 20 minutes still to go. But that wasn’t the end of it – his wife saw the whole schnozzle and has reportedly filed for divorce.
• The Gymbox fitness center in London UK has launched a new fitness program called – ‘The Shag Workout’ – that it guarantees will increase the frequency, intensity and quality of orgasms. Apparently it’s working. The gym claims 25% of female participants in the test classes have experienced the elusive and much sought after multiple orgasm for the first time.
• A Swedish chef has lost his job because his cooking was – too good. Huh? The poor slob worked for the ABE engineering company, which says it will not renew his contract because he attracts too many people to the company cafeteria and there’s simply not enough room. (I can sympathize. That’s why I got fired at the last station – too many listeners.)

New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’ – A term that could not be found in the 3.3 billion Web pages searched by Google until Justin Timberlake used it to explain Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl unveiling. (You can bet JT never thought it up.)
• ‘Cozies’ – A new genre of mystery books in which oddball characters abound but are seldom frightening, no one swears, and violence only happens off-the-page. And oh, the amateur sleuth always solves the murder.
• ‘Timeboxing’ – A new on-the-job time management tool that encourages you to do the best possible job in a fixed amount of time, rather than the best possible job no matter how long it takes. (We’ve been adhering to that principle on this show for years.)

At least 10% of workers are incompetent at their jobs, according to a recent survey of over 72,000 employers.


1962 [42] Clint Black, Long Branch NJ, country singer (“Spend My Time”, “Something That We Do”)

1973 [31] Oscar de la Hoya, Montebello CA, boxing champ (Olympic gold medalist [1992], IBF lightweight title [1995], Super Lightweight title [1996], WBC Welterweight title [1997])/part-time singer whose 2001 album “Oscar De La Hoya” was unbelievably nominated for a Grammy Award

1975 [29] Natalie Imbruglia, Sydney AUS, pop singer (“Wrong Impression”, “Torn”)/sometime movie actress (“Johnny English”)/wed Silverchair lead singer Daniel Johns December 31, 2003

1975 [29] Rick Burch, Mesa AZ, rock bassist (Jimmy Eat World-“The Middle”)

TODAY marks the “Halfway Point of Winter”. 45 days of winter have passed and the equivalent remain before the beginning of Spring. (Did we hear a giant sigh?)

TODAY is ”Thank a Letter Carrier Day”. (Yeah, thanks for the bills, dude.)

TODAY is the UN’s annual “Torture Abolition Day”. (In observance, tonight’s episode of “The Apprentice” has been cancelled.)

1994 [10] “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” opens in movie theaters, making Jim Carrey a star

1824 [180] 1st ‘rubber galoshes’ (giving mothers something to remind you as you go out the door)

1920 [84] 1st ‘Snickers’ candy bars go on sale

1957 [47] 1st ‘portable electric typewriter’ weighs in at 19 lbs (ask grandpa what this is)

1982 [22] ‘Indoor distance record for a paper airplane’ set at 47 meters/154 feet (Tacoma WA)

[Thurs] Weatherman’s Day
[Thurs] Pay a Compliment Day
[Thurs] Dump Your Significant Jerk Day
[Fri] Full ‘Snow’ Moon
[Sat] Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
[Sun] 46th Grammy Awards
[Mon] National Develop Alternative Vices Day
This Week Is . . . Dietary Managers’ Pride in Food Service Week / New Idea Week
This Month Is . . . Black History Month / Canned Food Month


The week’s most requested music files on the Web …
1. Kelis – “Milkshake”
2. OutKast – “Hey Ya”
3. OutKast – “The Way You Move”
4. 3 Doors Down – “Here Without You”
5. Linkin Park – “Numb”
Source: “Big Champagne”

Here’s a timely James Brown parody song called “Papa’s Got a Punchin’ Bag”, thanks to “The Johnny Dare & Murphy Show” @ 98.9 The Rock, Kansas City.

• Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
• I used to be indecisive … now I’m not sure.
• All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
• Did you know that smoking cures weight problems? Eventually.

Today’s Question: According to a University of Georgia study, almost all people over 100-years-old do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Start their day with a good breakfast.

Any jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build one.


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