Tuesday, February 3, 2004        Edition: #2716
Here’s More Bull Roar!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Hunky 27-year-old actor Orlando Bloom (“The Lord Of The Rings“, “Pirates of the Caribbean”) is reportedly set to propose to his 21-year-old actress girlfriend Kate Bosworth (“Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!”, “Blue Crush“) when they get together for NEXT WEEK’S “Empire Film Awards” in London (14-year-old girlies will weep!) . . . FOX-TV’s latest strange reality-TV idea – “The Littlest Groom”, which will attempt to find a wife for a 4-ft, 5-in guy named ‘Glen’, whether she’s little, big or regular-sized (hey pal, life’s too short to get married) . . . Following the success of his hip eatery ‘Dolce’, 25-year-old actor Ashton Kutcher plans to open a 2nd restaurant in Hollywood, a new sushi place called ‘The Geisha House’ which is expected to open later THIS YEAR (maybe he’s in the wrong biz – his restaurants are doing far better than his films) . . . The actual chair used by William Shatner when he played ‘Captain Kirk’ on the original “Star Trek” TV show is being auctioned on the Web, with a reserved bid of $80,000 (geez, for about $80 you could get William Shatner to come to your house) . . . Even though she lost big bucks on the bomb “Taboo”, it seems Rosie O’Donnell isn’t giving up on Broadway yet – she’s now looking to bring her memoir “Find Me” to the stage and has reportedly talked to ‘80s pop singer Cyndi Lauper about doing the score (yeah that’ll sell – but only if the theater has ‘walker access’) . . . Word is actress Angelina Jolie is back together with ex-husband Jonny Lee Miller, the twosome spotted snuggling – where else? – in an LA tattoo parlor . . . Also said to be patching things up – 24-year-old pop singer Pink & 28-year-old motocross rider Carey Hart, SHE reportedly flying HE to London ‘cause she missed him (maybe now they won’t have to get their matching ‘Tru Luv’ tattoos painfully removed from their wrists) . . . And plans to erect a statue in Augusta, Georgia of 70-year-old James Brown (the hardest hitting man in show business) have – not surprisingly – been put on hold (wow, seen his scary-lookin’ arrest picture?).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Under the Tuscan Sun” (Romantic Comedy – DVD/VHS):  Diane Lane plays an American divorcée who impulsively buys a dilapidated old villa in the Tuscan countryside and sets about rebuilding her life and her new home. Based on Frances Mayes’ bestseller.
• “Lost in Translation” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): Sofia Coppola’s Golden Globe-winning film about the relationship that develops between a has-been movie star who’s in Japan to shoot an ad campaign (Bill Murray) and the bored married woman he befriends (Scarlett Johansson). It’s up for 4 Academy Awards: ‘Best Picture’, ‘Best Actor’, ‘Best Director’, ‘Best Original Screenplay’.
• “American Splendor” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): In this pseudo-biography, Paul Giamatti plays underground comic book legend Harvey Pekar, author of his own autobiographical comic book series. An Oscar nominee for ‘Best Adapted Screenplay’.
• “The Fighting Temptations (Comedy – DVD/VHS):  Cuba Gooding Jr plays a scheming NYC ad-man who heads back home to a small Southern town to collect an inheritance. There’s one string attached – to get the money, he has to take the local church choir to a statewide gospel contest. Not so tough when the choir’s filled with the likes of Beyoncé, Melba Moore, and the O’Jays!
• “Secondhand Lions” (Family – DVD/VHS): A 14-year old boy (Haley Joel Osment) is dumped off at his great uncles’ farm in rural Texas for the summer. Uncles ‘Hub’ & ‘Garth’ (Robert Duvall & Michael Caine) are wacky old guys rumored to have been bank robbers, mafia hit-men and/or war criminals in their younger days. Their constant story-telling not only gives the boy a new outlook, but the geezer uncles as well.
• “My Boss’s Daughter” (Romantic Comedy – DVD): Ashton Kutcher plays a publishing flunky who hopes to impress both his boss (Terence Stamp) and the boss’s hot daughter (Tara Reid) by house-sitting their mansion. Of course, one disaster after another sabotages his effort. The studio’s added some of the raunchier scenes back into the video release, spiking it up from PG-13 to an R rating.
• For DVD collectors there’s “The Office: The Complete 1st Series” (the Golden Globe -winning BBC comedy starring Ricky Gervais), “My Fair Lady: Special Edition”, and “Planet of the Apes: 35th Anniversary Edition”.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:
Here’s a Valentine’s gift idea for the man whose lost his sex drive – a sex manual based on the Kama Sutra – complete with explicit technical drawings – is being launched by Haynes Publishing, a company that usually specializes in automotive manuals. (Will there be chapters on ‘cleaning your carburetor’ and ‘how to replace a head gasket’?)
Source: “Daily Telegraph”

THE UPGRADE IS COMING NEXT YEAR:
Computer techie Jon Blake Cusack has managed to talk his wife Jamie into naming their newborn son ‘Jon Blake Cusack 2.0′. Version 2.0 was born LAST WEEK at the Community Hospital in Holland, Michigan and the hi-tech Cusacks promptly sent out – an electronic birth announcement. (The kid came with a warning label: ‘Will Not Function in Conjunction With Microsoft’.)
Source: “Holland Sentinel”

TALK ABOUT JUNK IN YOUR TRUNK:
Egas Moniz Hospital in Lisbon, Portugal has asked the local zoo to loan it X-ray equipment that is usually used on elephants – so it can treat overweight patients. It seems the hospital’s  regular X-ray equipment has a load limit of 140 kg or 300 lbs. (You know you’re fat when …)
Source: Agence France-Presse

DRUGS SHOULD BE CULTIVATED:
Here’s irony for you – the big boom in herbal medicine (naturopathy) is threatening to wipe out up to 20% of the plant species on which it depends. Why? About two-thirds of the 50,000 medicinal plants that are in use are harvested from the wild. Eventually the plants and their natural habitats will be toast. And that could jeopardize the health of millions in developing countries. In some countries, up to 80% of people rely on herbal medicines. ([Co-host] has been doing his best to rectify this problem using a grow light and an old bathtub in his basement.)
Source: “New Scientist” magazine.

DID JAMES BROWN OFFICIATE?
Two boxers in St Petersburg, Russia have exchanged wedding vows – in the ring. 40-year-old Nikolai Kibkalo & 31-year-old bride Natalya Karpovich wore traditional wedding wear while he placed the wedding ring on her finger, then put on boxing gloves after the ceremony for a few rounds of sparring. (So what’s so different here?)
Source: BBC News World Edition

HOLEY GOLDFISH!
Here’s a new fad you might not have heard of – fish piercing. Yup, it seems more and more body art fans are tricking out their pet fish with lip and/or tail studs to ‘enhance’ their appearance. (Sound sick? Then how about de-clawing, tail-docking, tagging cattle ears – not to mention fish hooks!)
Source: BMEzine.com

BABY FAT:
New research at Scotland’s University of Glasgow suggests that even toddlers aren’t getting enough exercise these days. The study finds that the average 3-year-old is only physically active about 20 minutes a day, well short of the recommended hour-a-day of activity for that age. And tested toddlers only burned about 1,300 calories a day, leaving researchers concerned that these sedentary habits will lead to obesity later in life. (Forget the ‘Terrible Twos’ … now we’ve got ‘Tubby Twos’.)
Source: “The Lancet“

GET OUTTA HERE:
NYC’s Transportation Department has vetoed a proposed sign that says ‘Leaving Brooklyn: Oy Vey!’ Earlier it nixed a sign reading ‘Leaving Brooklyn: Fuhgeddaboudit!’ Brooklyn Borough president Marty Markowitz says the city department has no sense of humor. (How ‘bout – ‘Leaving Brooklyn: Hooray!’)
Source: “Social Studies”

AND WE QUOTE:
 ”We were extremely disappointed by elements of the MTV-produced half-time show. They were totally inconsistent with assurances our office was given about the content of the show. It’s unlikely that MTV will produce another Super Bowl half-time.”
– NFL Executive Vice President Joe Browne

THE BULL SHEET 02.03.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [84] Dr Henry Heimlich, Wilmington DE, physician who developed the ‘Heimlich Maneuver’ in the mid-1970s as a method to save choking victims (celebrities who have been saved by the maneuver include Elizabeth Taylor, Ronald Reagan & Cher … dammit)

    1956 [48] (Joseph) Nathan Lane, Jersey City NJ, highest-paid Broadway actor ever (along with Matthew Broderick for “The Producers”)/movie actor (“Stuart Little 1 & 2″, ‘Timon’-“The Lion King”)  FACTOID: He chose the name ‘Nathan’ after the character ‘Nathan Detroit’ from the Broadway musical “Guys & Dolls”. Coincidentally, he later played that role in the hugely successful 1992 Broadway revival.

1965 [39] Matraca Berg, Nashville TN, country singer (“Baby Walk On”, “Things You Left Undone”)

1965 [39] Maura Tierney, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Nurse Abby Lockhart’-“ER” since 2000)

1970 [34] Warwick Davis, Epsom UK, 3 ft-6 in movie actor (‘Professor Filius Flitwick’-“Harry Potter” films, “Return of the Jedi”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day”, a day of protest over how people with bifocals are forced to look ridiculous while working on computers, heads tilted back like turkeys in a rainstorm.

TODAY is “Men’s Grooming Day”. Yup, it’s that one day of the year again already!

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1877 [127] The staple of poor pianists, “The Celebrated Chop Waltz” (better known as “Chopsticks”), is registered in Britain by its composer, 16-year-old Euphemia Alten, using the pseudonym Arthur de Lulli

1959 [45] ‘The Day the Music Died’ as rock ‘n roll singers Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens & The Big Bopper are killed in a plane crash near Clear Lake IA

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1881 [123] 1st use of the word ‘Jumbo’ (PT Barnum names his new 6-ton elephant)

1984 [20] World’s 1st baby conceived by ‘embryo transplant’, in Long Beach CA (“Here, let me carry that for you …”)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1947 [57] North America’s ‘coldest record temperature’, -63 degrees C or -81 degrees F, at Snag, Yukon Territory

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Weatherman’s Day
[Thurs] Dump Your Significant Jerk Day
[Fri] “Barbershop 2″ and ”Miracle” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Girls & Women in Sports Day
[Sun] 46th Grammy Awards
[Sun] NHL All-Star Game (St Paul MN)
[Sun] NFL Pro Bowl (Honolulu HI)
This Week Is . . . Cardiopulmonary Week / Crime Prevention Week
This Month Is . . . Celebration of Chocolate Month / Creative Romance Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
CAT FACTS:
THIS MONTH is “Cat Health Month”. Here’s a few cat facts, thanks to a new survey of cat owners and breeders by the Feline Advisory Bureau …
• 80% of cats enjoy catnip.
• 75% are allowed to go outdoors during daylight hours.
• 69% of those that go outside display hunting behavior. 41% of those kept inside resort to catching bugs to maintain hunting skills.
• 50% hate car travel. Just 16% enjoy it.
• 44% will retrieve items thrown for them – toys, paper balls, etc. (The other 56% just stare at you like you’re out of your mind.)

PHONE STARTER:
“What food item has been gathering dust in your kitchen cupboard for more than a year? Wanna swap it with someone?”

BS BLATANT JOKE:
Opportunity knocked. My doorman threw him out.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In a recent survey THIS placed 3rd on the list of ‘Things She Doesn’t Want to Hear in Bed’.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: “He shoots, he scores!”

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

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