Tuesday, February 25, 2003        Edition: #2484
We Give a Sheet!

TONIGHT Wynton, Branford, Delfeayo, Jason & Ellis Marsalis, considered the ‘first family of jazz’, kick off a rare 5-date tour together in Montréal . . . Eminem’s new Shady Ltd clothing collection is set to hit stores in APRIL (since when is a bunch of mismatched sweats considered a ‘collection’?) . . . Sheryl Crow claims organizers of the Grammy Awards told her not to make any anti-war statements during the show but Grammy officials deny there was any attempt to stifle performers from expressing their views (despite who’s lying, her guitar strap said ‘No War’ anyhow) . . . Nelly has stopped wearing the trademark bandage on his cheek in honor of a jailed friend because he says the media made too big a deal about it (and someone finally clued him in that festering wounds aren’t that sexy) . . . According to the annual calculation by “Box Office” magazine which averages all the reviews given by film critics, the worst major film release of 2002 was the Dana Carvey (pseudo-) comedy “Master Of Disguise”, followed by the turkeys “Formula 51”, “Feardotcom”, and Eddie Murphy’s truly awful “The Adventures Of Pluto Nash”.

Tom Hanks & Paul Newman star in the crime drama “The Road to Perdition”, the story of a Depression-era Chicago hitman who sets out with his son to get revenge for a hit on his family . . . Alexis Bledel, William Hurt & Sissy Spacek in the family fantasy “Tuck Everlasting”, about a young woman who falls in love with a young man who’s part of a family of immortals (an adaptation of Natalie Babbitt’s popular children’s book) . . . Jackie Chan stars opposite Jennifer Love Hewitt in the action comedy “The Tuxedo”, about a hapless chauffeur who takes a secret agent’s place with the help of a special gadget-laden suit (“Inspector Gadget” with martial arts) . . . There are also new DVD collections of the 1st season of TV’s “Deep Space Nine”, and the 2nd season of “Queer As Folk”.

A new survey shows major differences in the way men and women view being repeatedly asked for a date. Women were found to perceive it as something that may escalate to harassment, whereas men tended to characterize it as ‘a lucky streak’. (Of course, a lot of men also think ‘stalking’ is ‘commitment’.)

Getting naked for peace has become the thing to Down Under of late. In the latest episode, over 250 men stripped naked on a Byron Bay football field then spelled out the words ‘Peace Man’ with human bodies. LAST MONTH over 750 Aussie women stripped off and formed the
words ‘No War’ for an aerial photograph.

Experts researching the origins of the raised middle finger as a physical expression have now traced the gesture as far back as ancient Greek and Roman times. The sexual meaning of ‘the finger’ has always been roughly the same and has always been considered rude. The new findings debunk a common legend that ‘flipping the bird’ got its start at the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. All of this landmark research can be found in the book, “The Finger: A Comprehensive Guide to Flipping Off”.

The world’s best-selling doll, ‘Barbie’, is getting grandparents. The as-yet-to-be-named dolls, will be sold as a couple when they hit stores THIS FALL, and are said to look slim and perky for their age. Mattel is also introducing a new ‘Baby Doc Barbie’ to help her friend ‘Midge’ bear her 2nd child. In case you’ve missed all this, Mattel’s ‘Happy Family Line’ includes a pregnant ‘Midge’, complete with a detachable swollen belly. (Available with ‘Shark Lawyer Ken’ who sues for child support.)

The new BBC documentary “Newton: The Dark Heretic”, has uncovered the fact that 17th century scientist Sir Isaac Newton spent 50 years writing some 4,500 pages of notes trying to predict when the end of the world would come. By the calculations of the famous scientist, best known for discovering gravity and paving the way for modern physics, the apocalypse is just 57 years away – in 2060. (Cool, screw the mortgage!)

• Here’s what you need next time you’re driving through a deer crossing area at night – lion poop! Yup, the West Japan Railway Co is crediting the king of doodoo for saving a lot of time and money in preventing deer from crashing into trains. During a 3-month trial period, railway tracks in wildlife areas were coated with a mixture of lion feces and water as a deer repellant. And apparently it works!
• A naked man in his 50s has been freed by firefighters after being handcuffed to a toilet in a Wichita, Kansas motel room which was then set on fire. The motel manager managed to put out the fire but the firefighters were needed to cut the cuffs off. The motive for the incident is  unknown. (In related news – hell hath no fury …)
• As if this is a problem – British dentists have been warned that they face fines and jail time if they give their patients tooth-whitening treatments! The treatments are illegal under EU rules that govern the supply of hydrogen peroxide bleach, which is used in the procedure. (Contrary to popular belief in the UK, however, there are no laws against BRUSHING your teeth.)
• The tourism director for the tiny European country of Liechtenstein, between Switzerland and Austria (60 sq mi, population 33,000), says corporations interested in holding conferences there will be allowed to rent the ENTIRE COUNTRY, with the cooperation of all local officials.
• 27-year-old Eduardo Alexandre dos Santos went to a police station in Sao Paulo, Brazil to get a character reference for a job application – and ended up in the slammer for 5 days! Police say he was mistaken for a missing convict because he has exactly the same name. (Wow, now there’s a hi-tech investigation!)

Canadian Dan Tibbs, a former polygraph examiner with the Niagara Regional Police, has developed a new kids’ board game called “Liar Liar Pants on Fire”. The game allows you to score points by telling the truth, as determined by a palm-sized lie detecting device that uses electrodes to measure blood flow and skin responses. Tibbs says it’s intended to spark parent-child conversations. Some sample questions –
• “Have you ever kissed a boy or a girl?”
• “Have you ever secretly stayed up past your bedtime to watch TV?”
• “Have you ever farted in the bathtub?”
A more adult version of the game, called “IdQuest” includes questions like –
• “Have you ever gone through someone’s medicine cabinet while visiting?”
• “Are you ashamed of your relatives?”
• “Have you ever urinated in the shower?”
Both games sell for about $40. (Play the game on-air using a ‘liar buzzer’ whenever it sounds like your contestant is fibbing.)
NET: http://www.liarliarpantsonfire.com (not yet operational when we checked)

Where in the world would you go for a real adventure? Here are the top spots according to a travel Website –
• China
• Peru
• Galapagos Islands
• Alaska
• Costa Rica
• Egypt
• Australia
Source: iExplore.com

1943 [D-2001] George Harrison, Liverpool ENG, rock musician (“My Sweet Lord”, Beatles-“Let It Be”)   FACTOID: TODAY, on what would have been his 60th birthday, a tribute album called “Songs From The Material World” is being released, featuring cover of his tunes by Todd Rundgren, the Smithereens, They Might Be Giants, and others.

1966 [37] Tea [TAY-uh] Leoni, NYC, movie actress (“Jurassic Park III”, “Deep Impact”)/Mrs David Duchovny

1967 [36] Carrot Top (Scott Thompson), Cocoa Beach FL, obnoxious clown-haired comedian who relies on wacky props & sells out more than 200 concerts a year/ad huckster (AT&T)

1971 [32] Sean Astin, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (Sam Gamgee-“Lord of the Rings” films)

1973 [30] Justin Jeffre, Mt Clemens MI, pop singer (98 Degrees-“I Do Cherish You”, “The Hardest Thing”)

1974 [29] Shannon Stewart, Cincinnati OH, Major League Baseball outfielder (Toronto Blue Jays) who just signed a 1-year deal for $6.2 million

1986 [17] Justin Berfield, LA CA, TV actor (Reese-“Malcolm in the Middle”)

1986 [17] James & Oliver Phelps, UK, twin actors (Fred & George Weasley-“Harry Potter” films)

TODAY is ”Life Is Just a Bowl of Cherries Day”. (Afterward it’s the pits.)

TODAY is “Lumberjack Day”, honoring a tough job that’s become a popular sport – logging games are on the Outdoor Living Network about 6 times a day. (A good day to dig out Monty Python’s old “Lumberjack Song”.)

TODAY is “National Don’t Utter a Word Day”. You see, the world is made up of talkers and
listeners. And the listeners need a rest.

1859 [144] 1st use of ‘insanity plea’ to prove innocence

1940 [63] 1st ‘televised hockey game’ (NY Rangers vs Montréal Canadiens on W2XBS-TV in NYC)

1964 [39] 22-year-old Cassius Clay (Muhammad Ali) wins his 1st world heavyweight boxing title by defeating Sonny Liston in Miami (Clay was such an underdog only 8,300 fans showed up for the bout!)

1896 [107] ‘Largest chicken egg’ on record laid by a Black Minorca hen in England (the 5-yolk egg weighs nearly 12 ounces and measures 12.25 inches around the long axis and 9 inches around the short axis)

1981 [22] ‘Most-penalized NHL game’ as Boston Bruins and Minnesota North Stars amass 84 penalties for a total of 392 minutes

[1 week today] Mardi Gras / Pancake Day
[Wed] National For Pete’s Sake Day
[Wed] Canadian Music Week begins (http://www.cmw.net/)
[Thurs] International Polar Bear Day
[Fri] International Floral Design Day
This Week Is . . . Eating Disorders Awareness Week (toilet flush SFX)
This Month Is . . . Children’s Dental Health Month / TV Sweeps Month


• What is the only kind of fish to have eyelids?
a) Electric Eel
b) Shark
c) Mascara Fish
[According to “Focus“ magazine, it’s sharks.]

• What are the only 2 perennial vegetables?
a) Asparagus and rhubarb.
b) Lettuce and peas.
c) Broccoli and [co-host].
[Asparagus and rhubarb. All the others need to be replanted each year.]

• Women say they overeat when they’re lonely, sad or angry. When do men tend to overeat?
a) When they’re sad.
b) When they’re happy.
c) When they’re worried.
[When they’re happy, especially in groups.]

• Canadian Daniel David Palmer was the first person anywhere to take up this profession.
a) Hockey Puck Inspector.
b) Chiropractor.
c) Proctologist.
[According to “More Canada Firsts” by Duff Conacher, the Port Perry ON native was the world’s first ‘chiropractor’.]

• Holy collateral damage General, we’re on the verge of war and we don’t have a snappy name for it yet. What to do? No prob, just log on to the ‘Military Code Name Generator’!
NET: http://www.ubique.ch/codename/
• You may have discovered your ‘Porn Name’ on the Web, but do you know your ‘Dutch Porn Name’? Ya, you find it here. By the way, is that a wooden shoe in your pocket?
NET: http://www.dutch-fun.com/porn.htm

Actually this is pretty nice weather for a town this size.

Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, about 3 out of 4 people do this before company comes over.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Upgrade to a fresh toilet paper roll.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. – Dick Cavett


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