Monday, February 24, 2003 Edition: #2483
TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• THIS WEEK as “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban” begins shooting, it will be actor Sir Michael Gambon who’ll play ‘Professor Albus Dumbledore’, confirms “Ananova”, replacing late actor Richard Harris. During filming over the weekend, the ‘Hogwarts Express’ steam train sparked a fire which destroyed upwards of 50 acres in the Scottish Highlands. A helicopter had to be brought in to waterbomb the blaze!
• TONIGHT CBS-TV airs a sneak preview of the small-screen spinoff “My Big Fat Greek Life”. “E! Online” reports the series may then regularly air on SUNDAY nights. (Did you know the word ‘spinoff’ comes from the Greek word ‘spinofa’, meaning ‘milk an idea for every cent you can’?)
• TODAY Al Pacino is scheduled to take former gal-pal Beverly D’Angelo to court, reports “NY Post”. The actor is attempting to increase his visitation rights to the couple’s 2-year-old twins. (Who fondly refer to their dad as ‘grampy’.)
• Nicole Kidman has revealed a radically shorter hair cut on the set of her new film “Birth”. According to “Mirror”, there is ‘furious debate’ over whether she has really cut her hair short or if it’s simply a wig. (The UN Security Council is expected to make a ruling later on this week.)
• “Globe” reports that when it came time for Jennifer Aniston, Debra Messing & Ben Stiller to don swimsuits for a scene in the movie so far known as the ‘Untitled John Hamburg Project’ in Hawaii, all 3 actors protested that they’re ‘too fat’. Producers then spent half a day convincing them that they’re gorgeous and their bodies are spectacular. Finally, they emerged from their dressing rooms in bikinis and trunks, as the crew broke out into sarcastically grateful applause. (Too bad fat guys in Speedos at the beach aren’t so shy.)
• “National Enquirer” claims it has uncovered a ‘secret plot’ to have Kathie Lee Gifford come back to replace Kelly Ripa on “Live with Regis and Kelly” when Kelly goes on maternity leave – even as Ripa is in the middle of a battle to negotiate a new contract. The tab says when Kelly got wind of the plot, she exploded! (One could only hope.)
• Next time you’re watching Naomi Judd acting as a judge on the talent show “Star Search”, check the hair. “Star” magazine claims she’s become a regular at Hollywood Wigs and recently bought $1,000-worth in every shade of red from strawberry to deep auburn. (Unfortunately for host Arsenio Hall – that’s his REAL hair.)
• “Buzz” reports that a 28-year-old Norwegian woman taking part in the Swedish reality-TV series “Plastic Clinic” has disappeared after having a boob job. “She took her breasts and left,” seethes plastic surgeon Carl Troilius. While participants are paid to be on the show, they’re required to pay for the cosmetic surgery themselves. She’ll have a tough time defending herself if they ever get her in court – the entire operation is on videotape! (Call in the ‘repo’ man!)
• And according to “Weekly World News”, here are the week’s ‘Breaking Stories’ – ”Pope Moves Into Bomb Shelter”, “Tearful Teen Tells Stunned Cops: Cannibals Ate My Mother!”, “Man Dials Wrong Number & Talks to Osama Bin Laden!”, “Priest Wants to Make Howard Stern a Saint!”, and – why didn’t someone tell us before? – “Warning: Cow Manure Does Not Cure AIDS!”.
A study of newlyweds in “Prevention” magazine finds that the average wife’s satisfaction with her marriage plummets in 75% of couples after the first baby is born. (We thought it was after the honeymoon.)
What is believed to be the world’s fattest cat has been discovered in Russia, weighing more than 44 lbs (20 kg). 5-year-old Katy has a 27-inch waist and has lost interest in everything but food. According to her owner, she plows through sausages at the rate of one-and-a-half per minute. (‘Garfield’ lives!)
TWINKIE OR NOOKIE?
A Hostess survey finds that 10% of us would rather snack than make love. (That’s ‘cause you don’t have to lie when you say, “Mmm, that was good!”)
EXERCISE IN FUTILITY:
50-year-old British yachtsman Adrian Cross has abandoned his attempt to break the record for sailing around-the-world after taking twice the record time – just trying to leave the English Channel. In 130 days of trying, he’s been driven back by high winds, run into an oil slick, and then trapped in the French port of St Malo by high seas for 2 months. The current record for circumnavigating the globe is 64 days, 8 hours, 37 minutes and 24 seconds. (Two words, pal – British Airways.)
ON THE ROAD AGAIN:
According to a Marriott Hotels survey, women adapt better than men to extended-stay business trips. (Maybe ’cause they’re not out prowling half the night?)
Tiger Woods has all of golfdom arguing over the appropriateness of his attire during the final round of the Buick Invitational. Tiger had the temerity to wear a short-sleeved mock turtleneck shirt – a grave departure from the traditional 3-button, polo-style, collared golf shirt. Golf conservatives are harumphing (some exclusive clubs saying the shirt would never be allowed on their courses), while sportswear retailers are reporting a flood of calls from duffers wanting the mimic the look. Like ‘em or hate ‘em, Woods’ latest line of Nike shirts will hits stores in MAY, retailing for around $50. (Augusta National says they’re OK – as long as they aren’t worn by a woman.)
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• According to the FEBRUARY “Harper’s” magazine, more than 100,000 neutered pets have been implanted with – fake testicles. (And man, was our dog Susie PO-ed!)
• The Aerobic Information Bureau says you can improve fitness by walking no faster than your letter carrier. (But who can move that slow?).
THE BULL SHEET 02.24.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1951  Helen Shaver, St Thomas ON, movie actress (“The Craft”, “The Color of Money”)/2001 Genie Award (“We All Fall Down”)
1955  Steve Jobs, San Francisco CA, CEO of Pixar Animation Studios (“Monsters Inc”, “Toy Story”)/Apple Computer CEO & co-founder with Steve Wozniak (1977)
1956  Paula Zahn, Omaha NE, CNN TV anchor (“American Morning with Paula Zahn”)
1958  Sammy Kershaw, Kaplan LA, country singer (“She Don’t Know She’s Beautiful”, “I Can’t Reach Her Anymore”, “National Working Woman’s Holiday”)
1965  Kristin Davis, Boulder CO, TV actress (Charlotte York-“Sex and The City”)
1966  Billy Zane, Chicago IL, movie actor (“Titanic”, “The Phantom”)/Broadway actor (Billy Flynn-“Chicago”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Tortilla Chip Day”. Well, that certainly makes planning tonight’s dinner a lot easier, doesn’t it?
TODAY the 2003 inductees for the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame will be announced in St Mary’s ON, an event anticipated more than usual because Pete Rose, who got his 4,000th career hit while playing with the Montréal Expos for part of the 1984 season, is under consideration. Rose has a lifetime ban from Major League Baseball and therefore the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown for gambling on games.
THIS WEEK is “National Read Me Week”, a week to wear readable clothing. What’s the best shirt slogan you’ve seen?
THIS MONTH in Iceland they’re celebrating “Thorrablot”, called by some the ‘feast from hell’. The annual mid-winter, month-long banquet includes local delicacies like ‘sheep’s blood pudding rolled in lard’, ‘broiled puffin birds’, ‘rotten shark’ that’s been buried for months, and the always delectable dish, ‘pickled ram’s testicles’. All of this is washed down with ‘black death’ – potato-and-caraway seed schnapps. Bon appetit!
10 YEARS AGO . . .
1993 PM Brian Mulroney announces he’s stepping down (cheers throughout the land)
5 YEARS AGO . . .
1998 Elton John is knighted by QEII (Sir Reginald Dwight)
1 YEAR AGO . . .
2002 XIX Winter Olympics close in Salt Lake City
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1582  The system of days, months & years used on modern calendars is 1st proclaimed by Pope Gregory XII – the ‘Gregorian Calendar’
1914  Clarence Crane invents “Life Savers”, what he calls ‘a hole encased in candy’
1938  1st ‘nylon’ product (toothbrush bristles from DuPont)
1976  1st-ever ‘platinum’ (2 million units) album (“The Eagles: Their Greatest Hits”)
1997  Scottish researchers announce they’ve successfully cloned a sheep named “Dolly” (1st time mammal DNA is used to produce an exact replica)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1988  Luciano Pavarotti receives 165 curtain calls after an opera performance in Berlin
1999  Lauryn Hill sets Grammy Awards record for female artists with 5 trophies (then where’d she go?)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] National For Pete’s Sake Day
[Wed] Canadian Music Week begins
[Thurs] Spay Day USA
[Thurs] International Polar Bear Day
[Fri] International Floral Design Day
[Fri] Public Sleeping Day
[Sat] 55th DGA Awards
This Week Is . . . Eating Disorders Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Black History Month / World Understanding Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
• Whyzit the ‘celebrities’ on “I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!” don’t wear name tags? Wouldn’t it make it easier to figure out who the heck they are?
• Whyzit the only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom?
• Whyzit people who work in health food stores always look so unhealthy?
• Whyzit as soon as you put away a tool, you’re certain to need it immediately?
• Whyzit on medicine commercials they say ‘Tell your doctor if you have any medical
problems’? They’re the doctor, shouldn’t they know and be telling you?
• Whyzit the weather can be ‘HOT as hell’ one day but ‘COLD as hell’ another?
• Whyzit there isn’t a better way to start a day than waking up in the morning?
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What do you think are the best and worst jobs?”
• “What sitcom best describes your family?”
BS TRIVIUS PURSUITI:
Q: Only 4 countries start with the letter ‘D’. Denmark, Djibouti and Dominica are 3 of them – what’s the other?
A: Dominican Republic.
Q: Hey, what do you call those little dots on dominoes anyway?
A: Their official name is ‘pips’.
Q: How much of your brain is water – 10%, 40% or 80%?
A: About 80%. With all the water squeezed out, the average 3-lb brain would weigh just 10 oz.
Q: What Olympic event was the inspiration for the Frisbee?
A: The discus.
Q: You’ve just been served a ‘martini’ when you decide you’d rather have a ‘gibson’. What single item does the bartender need to add to your drink to make the change?
A: A cocktail onion.
Sources: “Compton’s Encyclopedia”, “Trivia Quest”, “Guide to Bartending”
BS BLATANT JOKE:
Pfizer, the company that makes Viagra, is testing a nasal-spray version of the drug on dogs. A dog on Viagra is called a pointer. Afterward, it’s a setter.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent study, this is the one thing that men least like to talk about.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Clothes and fashion.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.
WELCOME NEW BS-ERS!
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