Thursday, February 20, 2003        Edition: #2481
Have Another Sheetload!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the 2nd episode of “Survivor: Amazon” airs with the score at Women 1, Men 0 (it’s just been revealed that Daniel Lue, the klutz who kept falling off the balance beam last week, is currently at home recovering from malaria) . . . This guy’s life is becoming a TV series – TONIGHT FOX-TV airs “Take 2: The Interview They Wouldn’t Show You”, Michael Jackson’s half-hour rebuttal to Martin Bashir’s documentary, for which Michael was reportedly paid $2.5 million (10 hours of Michael Jackson in a week – that’s more time than his wives spent with him combined) . . . TODAY in London at a Copper Owen’s ‘Rock Legends’ auction, a long lost 1974 recording of a musical collaboration between Mick Jagger & John Lennon on the blues song “Too Many Cooks” is on the block, as well as the black, left-handed Fender Stratocaster guitar used by Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain on the group’s 1991 world tour . . . TONIGHT the annual UK music awards, the “2003 Brit Awards”, will be handed out and Tom Jones will get a lifetime achievement award for ‘Outstanding Contribution To Music’ . . . SUNDAY the “Grammy Awards” are returning to NYC for the first time in 7 years, and the parties kick off TONIGHT when a slew of celebs are expected at a ‘Rock the Vote’ bash . . . U2 singer Bono has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, but he’s just one of some 150 nominees . . . After consulting with docs at the Cornell Medical Center in New York,  Julia Roberts has quit drinking & smoking and started a course of fertility treatments in order to increase her chances of having a child with hubby Danny Moder (there’s no snooze button on the old biological clock!) . . . Supermodel Kate Moss is getting married to long-time boyfriend Jefferson Hack by the end of the year (they already have a 5-month-old daughter) . . . While some reports had them splitting up, others are now saying Gwyneth Paltrow & Coldplay singer Chris Martin have kicked their relationship up a notch by living together – she’s moved into his north London home.

MOVIES IN THE MAKIN’:
Charlie Sheen has agreed to appear in the sequel horror spoof “Scary Movie 3″, likely as a condition of locking up a 2-pic deal with Miramax studio . . . A $100-million remake of “Around The World In 80 Days” is scheduled to star Jackie Chan as ‘Phileas Fogg’ . . . Picture this – Robert Redford will play a father-in-law who takes in down-and-out single mom Jennifer Lopez in the drama “An Unfinished Life” . . . Pop princess Kylie Minogue is in talks to star in a film version of the meaga-hit Andrew Lloyd Webber musical “Cats”, but it’s nothing exclusive – producers have also approached Madonna . . . After disappointing reviews at the Sundance Film Festival, Robert Downey Jr’s movie comeback opposite Mel Gibson in “The Singing Detective” is being delayed, while producers figure out what needs to be tweaked.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• According to a online survey by Hotjobs, 70% of respondents have dated or would love to date a co-worker. (The other 30% are single guys.)
• “Family Circle” magazine asks women who they’d like to trade places with on Oscar night. Perhaps surprisingly, Meryl Streep is the favorite, followed by Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Lopez. Just 8% of respondents pick Julianne Moore, even though she’s nominated for 2 Academy Awards.
• A “Top Sante” magazine survey of 5,000 working women finds that 3 out of 4 admit they have flirted with a colleague.
• It seems family breeds contempt. According to a new Blockbuster poll, 39% of us like our in-laws as much as our own parents. And 17% actually like them better! (If you’re not an in-law, are you an outlaw?)

THE DINING IN THE DARK DIET:
No wonder master chefs spend so much time on ‘presentation’. A new study at Sweden’s Huddinge University Hospital finds that eating while blindfolded reduces average food consumption by as much as 24%. In experiments participants who wore a blindfold while eating not only ate less, they said they felt just as full afterward as those who could see their meal. (If this is really true we should eat a lot less in a dimly-lit restaurant, no? And there should no overweight blind people anywhere.)

SORRY, CHARLIE:
Britain’s Food Standards Agency is warning pregnant women and mothers who breastfeed that they should limit the amount of tuna they eat to 2 cans or 1 fresh tuna steak per week. The concern is over the levels of mercury found in the fish. They’ve already been warned against eating shark, swordfish and marlin. The new tuna advisory does not apply to any other adults or children. (You know things are bad when you can take your temperature by holding a fish under your arm.)

THANK GOODNESS FOR SPEED DIALERS:
Several telephone companies are urging the ‘Industry Numbering Commission’, which regulates the distribution of telephone numbers, to increase all North American telephone numbers to 12 digits (including area code) instead of the current 10. The telecom giants say now’s the time to be proactive about what they see as the newest threat to the dwindling supply of available phone numbers – ‘Voiceover Internet Protocol’, or ‘VOIP’. That’s where voice data is converted to Internet protocol data and sent over the Internet the same way that information is sent. (This means even local calls in some areas would require 12-digit dialing!)

LAW & DISORDER:
• New Zealander John Sullivan has been convicted of speeding semi-naked – on a motorized barstool. As if that didn’t attract enough attention – his butt was on fire! Seems Sullivan is famous for his outlandish party tricks, this one involving a rolled-up newspaper, a cigarette lighter, and his converted barstool which he claims can reach 50mph. After confessing that he’d ‘had a few’, he was sentenced to 200 hours of community service. (Yeah, great idea. Stick this guy in a seniors’ home as entertainment.)
• Pratap Nayak spent 6 years in prison in Orissa, India for a crime he didn’t commit. But when officials declared him innocent and free in 1994, no one told Nayak. His lawyer had died. Nayak spent over 8 more years in jail before officials recently discovered the mistake and freed him. (You can bet there’s a line-up of lawyers at this door now.)
• After a TV documentary showed police officers taking bribes at a station in downtown Sao Paulo, Brazil, authorities discovered that it wasn’t a real police station. The fake precinct house, which included a staff of impostors dressed as officers, charged exorbitant fees to those seeking police services and was set up just blocks from a real station. (The cops were PO-ed it was cutting into their profits.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
Fear of flying is very common but you are statistically more likely to be killed by – a donkey.

THE BULL SHEET 02.20.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [78] Robert Altman, Kansas City MO, film director (“Gosford Park”, “The Player”, “M*A*S*H”)/married to former “Wonder Woman” Lynda Carter since 1984  NEXT MOVIE: Directs former ballerina Neve Campbell in “The Company”, an ensemble musical/drama centered around a group of ballet dancers.

1927 [76] Sidney Poitier, Miami FL, movie actor (“Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”, “In The Heat of the Night”, Oscar-“Lilies of the Field”) who received honorary ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’ at 2002 Academy Awards

1941 [62] Buffy (Beverly) Sainte-Marie, Piapot Reserve SK, folk singer/songwriter (“Until It’s Time For You to Go”, “Up Where We Belong”)

1950 [53] Walter Becker, NYC, classic rock musician (Steely Dan-Grammy Award for “Two Against Nature” 2001, “Reeling in the Years”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2001

1966 [37] Cindy Crawford, DeKalb IL, fashion model (over 600 magazine covers, 1st supermodel to pose for “Playboy”)/famous mole bearer/failed actress (“Fair Game”)/ex-Mrs Richard Gere/Mrs Rande Gerber since 1998  QUOTE: “Models are like baseball players. We make a lot of money quickly but all of a sudden we’re 30 years old, we don’t have a college education, we’re qualified for nothing, and we’re used to a very nice lifestyle. The best thing is to marry a movie star.”

1975 [28] Brian Littrell, Lexington KY, washed up pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Drowning”, “Shape of My Heart”)/cousin of BSB’s Kevin Richardson who called him up in his senior history class & asked him to join the band in 1993

1978 [25] Lauren Ambrose, New Haven CT, TV actress (Claire Fisher-”Six Feet Under”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Student Volunteer Day”, honoring all students who give their time to improve the lives of others and their communities. (In some places they have to do a specified amount of community service or they don’t graduate. Good idea?)

TODAY is “Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day”, when at noon local time you’re encouraged to go outdoors and yell ‘HOODIE-HOO!!!!’ at the top of your lungs to relieve winter blahs and encourage the arrival of spring. (Could make an interesting on-air bit with callers.)

TODAY is “Call An Old Friend Day”, a day to phone someone you haven’t talked to in a very
long time. (Isn’t there likely a reason you haven’t talked in a very long time?)

THIS WEEKEND is “Second Honeymoon Weekend”, set aside for all couples to spend quality time together away from ‘the grind and routine of their daily lives’. Suggestions?

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1937 [66] 1st ‘flying car’, combination auto/airplane, is tested (‘Aeromobile’-Santa Monica CA)

1945 [58] 1st ‘family allowance’ cheques issued in Canada (‘baby bonus’)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1993 [10] Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” logs a record 14th week at #1 on “Billboard” chart

1996 [07] Orlando Magic sets NBA record for ‘home wins at start of season’ (28-0)

1998 [05]15-year-old US figure skater Tara Lipinski becomes youngest gold medal winner in Winter Olympics history (Nagano, Japan)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Card Reading Day
[Sun] 45th Grammy Awards
[Sun] International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
This Week Is . . . Brotherhood/Sisterhood Week (honors siblings who’ve had sex changes?)
This Month Is . . . Responsible Pet Owner’s Month / Sleep Safety Month (be careful!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS HORRIBLESCOPES:

• Aries – The boss will make you squirm today. Fortunately, you will show remarkable talent at squirming.
• Taurus – Excellent day to do something new with bean curd.
• Gemini – Today you’ll experience the urge to go cavorting in the woods. Don’t get talked into buying any cavorting supplies though – they’re only needed by professionals.
• Cancer – You will answer the phone today by shouting, “You bloated sack of protoplasm!” Unfortunately, it’s not your friend calling. It’s your mother-in-law.
• Leo – No pressure but your love life depends entirely on tonight’s dinner.
• Virgo – Today is the second-to-last day of the 19th segment of your life. Reflect on that.
• Libra – Today you will dredge something up from the past but after a moment’s reflection you will toss it back.
• Scorpio – Beware! If you’re walking along and the background music changes to a kind of eerie theme and the volume begins to increase – turn around and go the other way!
• Sagittarius – Today you’ll discover a trick to make those long meetings seem more interesting. Imagine that everyone else has a ferret clinging to their head.
• Capricorn – A good time to develop multiple personalities. That way you won’t be laughing at you, you’ll be laughing with you.
• Aquarius – Several people will tell you moose jokes today. This is their subtle way of telling you you’re having a bad hair day.
• Pisces – Your next fortune cookie will say, “See? We told you it taste like chicken!”

THE KING & QUEEN OF ‘Z’S:
Listeners call-in and imitate their significant other’s snores. Or ask them to record them and mail/e-mail them in. All recordings that make it on-the-air win qualifier prizes like earplugs, loud CD’s to crank up, or anti-snoring devices. Let the listeners vote on the top 3, then award an appropriate grand prize, like a king-size brass bed.

BS ‘BRUNETTE JOKE DAY’
In the interest of equal time, TODAY is our 3rd annual celebration of ‘non-blonde’ jokes –
• Who makes all the bras for brunettes? [Mattel]
• Why are most brunettes flat-chested? [It makes it easier for them to read their T-shirts.]
• Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? [It matches their mustache.]
• How can you tell a brunette is lonely? [Check her for a pulse.]
• Why don’t brunettes get breast implants? [They've already spent their money on thigh & butt implants.]
• What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover? [“What part of 'yes' don't you understand?”]
• What do brunettes miss most about a great party? [The invitation.]
• Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2,000 for a boob job? [Because the plastic surgeon has to start from scratch.]
• What do you call a good-looking guy with a brunette? [A hostage.]

BS PHONE STARTER:
“Guys, describe the ideal wife.” (A poll of men determined the ideal wife would average 5′-5″ in height, would not wear glasses, would have a good figure and lots of sex appeal. She would also be courageous, helpful, and able to meet people. She would NOT be domineering.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Unbelievably, this is the #1 requested karaoke song in North America.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: “Summer Nights” by Olivia Newton John & John Travolta.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you don’t die from it – it’s healthy.


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