Thursday, February 13, 2003        Edition: #2476
More Bull Soup For the Radio Personality’s Soul!

TONIGHT, Canada’s Oscars, the 23rd “Genie Awards”, will be handed out in Toronto as Atom Egoyan’s “Ararat” leads nominations with 9, including ‘Best Picture’ . . . TONIGHT ”Survivor: The Amazon” (the 6th series) debuts on CBS/Global TV with a special 90-minute episode (this series divides teams by gender – pitting 8 men vs 8 women – which host Jeff Probst says had the unexpected benefit of promoting nudity!) . . . American author Mark Winegardner will continue the late Maria Puzo’s “Godfather” saga by releasing the novel “The Godfather Returns” in the fall of 2004 (and you can bet they’re already casting a movie) . . . Ozzy Osbourne is urging Michael Jackson to get psychological help (snort!) . . . The surviving members of The Grateful Dead are renaming the band – The Dead . . .  Russell Crowe has reportedly invited ex-girlfriend Meg Ryan to his wedding to Danielle Spencer at his Aussie ranch in APRIL (this is etiquette on par with belching during the marriage vows) . . . eBay bidding on a bra that country singer Terri Clark removed during a radio talk show to raise funds for charity has surpassed $3000 – with 2 days to go! . . . A new memorial for rock icon Jimi Hendrix will open in Seattle in APRIL with ‘rainbow’ marble and more space to accommodate the thousands of fans who pay homage each year . . . Brad Pitt has turned down an offer to reprise his “Friends” guest role as an old school friend of ‘Ross’ with a hatred for ‘Rachel’ saying, “You can only do these things once” . . . A new book written by Joe DiMaggio’s long-time lawyer & close friend Morris Engelberg reveals that the late Yankee slugger truly believed the Kennedy clan had his one-time wife Marilyn Monroe killed (by asking Teddy to drive her home?).

George Clooney & director Steven Soderbergh will remake Argentina’s ‘Best Movie’ of 2001, the hit thriller “Nine Queens”, which follows a day in the life of 2 con artists . . . “Monster’s Ball” producer Lee Daniels is trying to sign Whitney Houston for the female lead in his next flick “The Woodsman”, but says the really meaty role is the male lead – a lumberjack pedophile – and promises whoever plays that role will get an Oscar . . . How the mighty have fallen – Sylvester Stallone has signed on as the ‘chief villain’ in the next “Spy Kids” sequel, “Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over” (like Sly’s career) . . . Tim Allen is in talks to develop and star in a bigscreen remake of the vintage TV family sitcom “Father Knows Best” . . . Shooting begins NEXT MONTH on “The World Of Tomorrow”, an indie sci-fi thriller that will star Angelina Jolie as a pre-WW2 pilot, Jude Law as her swashbuckling colleague & Gwyneth Paltrow as a snoopy journalist (hey Jude, now that you’ve dumped the wife you can take a run at Angie!).

According to an old wives’ tale, the first bird a maiden sees on Valentine’s Day will reveal her future mate. For example –
• Robin – a sailor.
• Blackbird – a clergyman.
• Sparrow – a farmer.
• Crossbill – a cranky and quarrelsome man.
• Bluebird – a poor but happy fellow.
• Woodpecker – nobody, she’ll end up a spinster.
(Wait, you forgot some! Seagull – a real sh***head. Turkey – a fat-assed loafer who never gets out of his La-Z-Boy.)
Source: “Cassell’s Dictionary Of Superstitions” by David Pickering

According to yet another pre-Valentine’s Day survey, the celebrity most women would like to date is George Clooney, the subject of yearning for some 40% of those polled. On the flip side, Angelina Jolie would be #1 with the most men, pulling 30% of the vote. And what about the date from hell? Most women think a date with Ashton Kutcher (“Just Married”, “That ‘70s Show”) would quickly make them wonder “Dude, Where’s My Car?”, while most men say a date with Anna Nicole Smith would be a total bust.

In a new poll of 500 men and women, 87% of men say they prefer a woman to be curvaceous and the right weight for her height. Just 8% like a woman to be thin and underweight, as many fashion models seem to be. Interestingly, the response was almost identical among women.

Beginning NEXT WEEK passengers flying British Airways will be able to surf the Internet as part of a new hi-tech system developed by Boeing that’s being tested for 3 months on flights from London to NYC. If it proves a hit with passengers, it may become a permanent feature on
747s and 777s. (Now you can join the Mile High Club … on your own!)

Well, here’s something else to worry about. Ever hear of ‘gynecomastia’? It’s the increasingly common syndrome of enlarged male breasts. The good folks at PETA insist it’s a result of overconsumption of meat and dairy products, so they’re launching an awareness campaign. And what will be the theme song? Appropriately, it’ll be the Aerosmith classic “Dude Looks Like a Lady”! (What’s the prob? Nowadays dads can breast-feed, too.)

Percentage of pet-owning households that own a –
Dog . . . 36.1%
Cat . . . 31.6%
Bird . . . 4.6%
Average number of pets owned, by type of pet –
Dog . . . 1.6 (how painful for the partial pooch)
Cat . . . 2.1 (a total of 18.9 lives)
Bird . . . 2.1 (do the chickens in the freezer count?)
Sources: US Census Bureau/American Veterinary Medical Association


1934 [69] George Segal, Great Neck NY, TV actor (Jack Gallo-“Just Shoot Me” since 1997)

1944 [59] Jerry Springer, London ENG, trash TV talk show host (“Jerry Springer Show” since 1991)

1944 [59] Stockard Channing (Susan Stockard), NYC, TV actress (First Lady Abby Bartlet-“The West Wing”)

1950 [53] Peter Gabriel, London ENG, classic rock singer (“Sledgehammer”, “Big Time”)

1971 [32] Mats Sundin, Bromma SWE, NHL center (Toronto Maple Leafs)

1974 [29] Robbie Williams, Stoke-on-Trent ENG, arguably the UK’s #1 pop singer who just can’t seem to crack the North American market (“Feel”, “Millennium”)

1997 [06] Prince Michael Jackson Jr, LA CA, Michael Jackson’s #1 son with ex-wife/baby carrier Debbie Rowe

TODAY “National Condom Week” begins. A new poll by the makers of Durex condoms finds there aren’t many virgins left over the age of 25 – only 2% of those polled. Other highlights of the survey:
• The majority lose virginity by age 18.
• Most young adults are having sex about twice a week.
• 54% of males and 49% of females have had a one-night-stand.
• The majority of women say they lost their virginity because it felt right or they were in love.
• The majority of men say they lost their virginity – because they had the chance.

TODAY is “Get A Different Name Day”, set aside to give us opportunity to pick one we’d really like. Find listeners with really odd names and ask them what nickname they’d like to be called. Or find them a cool new name at the ‘Baby Namer’ Website.

THIS WEEK is “Canada — Take it to Heart Week”, an initiative which combines the anniversary of “National Flag of Canada Day” (February 15), “Canadian Heritage Day” (February 17), and “Citizenship Week” (February 10-17).

2002 Country legend Waylon Jennings dies at age 64

1841 [162] 1st capital of ‘Canada’ (Kingston ON)

1933 [70] ‘Blondie’ & ‘Dagwood Bumstead’ 1st married in the comics (today’s their Platinum Anniversary!)

1947 [56] 1st major oil strike in Alberta (Leduc)

1988 [15] 1st-ever Winter Olympics in Canada open (Canada fails to win a single gold medal at 15th Winter Games in Calgary)

1635 [368] 1st ‘public school’ in America opens, the Boston Latin School (school cheer is ‘Ubi Sub Sububi’ [Always Wear Underwear])

1741 [262] 1st American magazine published (with the clever name “The American Magazine”)

1969 [34] 1st human egg fertilized in a test tube (a womb with a view)

[Fri] Valentine’s Day
[Sun] Daytona 500
[Sun] Do A Grouch A Favor Day
[Sun] 2003 East Coast Music Awards (Halifax NS)
[Mon] Family Day (Alberta)
[Mon] Presidents’ Day
This Week Is . . . Freelance Writers Appreciation Week (to celebrate, send in your BS renewal!)
This Month Is . . . National Weddings Month (remember, it takes 2 to make a marriage – a daughter … and her mother)


• Aries – Good day to bring yummy, warm doughnuts slathered in chocolate to a meeting. Later, ask people how their diets are going.
• Taurus – Today you will be struck by the notion that life is like one of those little cars that the Shriners get to drive. Try to lay off the martinis at lunch from now on.
• Gemini – Today is a good day to greet everyone with great enthusiasm as in, “Melissa! You’re still alive!” Everyone likes to feel appreciated.
• Cancer – You will find that it is true – everything is better with the addition of either chocolate or garlic. Well, except for running shoes.
• Leo – You’ve been yodeling in your sleep … again. Is it any wonder that you’ve been having trouble with romantic relationships?
• Virgo – While looking through comparative salary figures you will discover that the job of ‘villiage idiot’ in many metropolitan areas pays better than your current position.
• Libra – You will walk into a door frame today and people will smirk. But remember, they’re smirking with you, not at you.
• Scorpio – The arrest for eating all of your neighbor’s shrubbery should cause you to consider adding at least a bit of meat to your diet.
• Sagittarius – Two people near you will engage in sudden, violent rubber-band warfare. You
will be caught in the crossfire and severely twapped. Next time, consider protective headgear.
• Capricorn – Today you will discover a horror almost beyond imagination – your home is haunted by the ghost of an insurance salesman!
• Aquarius – Nothing unusual will happen today. Unless you count the episode with the iguana.
• Pisces – Your new co-worker seems honest and is a really hard worker, so who cares if he insists on wearing a studded dog collar? You’ll have to draw the line on butt-sniffing though.

1. What’s your idea of a romantic night out?
a) A bouquet of red roses, a candlelit dinner, dancing the night away.
b) A trip to the movies to watch a ‘chick-flick’.
c) Front row seats at WWE Smackdown.

2. What do you consider to be romantic music?
a) Diana Krall
b) Enrique Iglesias
c) Anthrax

3. What are you most likely to give on Valentine’s Day?
a) Flowers and luxury chocolates.
b) Lingerie or Calvin Klein underwear.
c) A Dirt Devil.

4. How would you start a love letter?
a) “My darling …”
b) “My little cuddly snooky wooky …”
c) “Yo man!”

5. What type of flowers would you send to your lover?
a) Red roses.
b) A potted mum.
c) A cactus.

6. How would you propose to your partner?
a) “My darling, will you be mine forever?“
b) “Hey, how’s about getting hitched?”
c) “So, wanna make it legal?”

7. How often do you send flowers?
a) Once a week, every week.
b) On special occasions only.
c) Whenever you can’t attend the cremation in person.

A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious accident and shouts,”Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replies, “Of course not, I cut your arms off.”

Today’s Question: One-third of women and two-thirds of guys say this can happen in as little time as a single week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: You can fall in love.

Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.


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