Thursday, February 24, 2000                                       Edition:  #1750

The average ‘Baby Boomer’ is now 50-years-old. Time to brush up on . . .
BS PARTY GAMES POPULAR AT THE OLD  FOLKS’ HOME:
• ‘Musical Recliners’
• ‘Spin the Bottle of Mylanta’
• ‘Hide and Go Pee’
• ‘Simon Says Something Incoherent’
• ‘20 Questions Shouted Into Your Good Ear’
• ‘Sag, You’re It!’
• ‘Kick the Bucket’

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
One of the guests hobnobbing with celebs at last night’s Grammys was China’s first rock ‘n’ roll radio DJ Zhang Youdai (‘The Rice Man’) . . . A passport used by ‘James Bond’ author Ian Fleming for a 1941 British espionage operation called ‘Goldeneye’ goes up for auction today at Sotheby’s . . . Sweden’s version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” has been ordered off-the-air, because the government says it constitutes an illegal lottery under Swedish law (“Tell me Sven, vut vould you do vit a million kroner?”) . . .  An estimated 19 million watched David Letterman’s return to “The Late Show” Monday, over twice the audience of Jay Leno (Dave’s now considering open-heart surgery once a month) . . . The cast of NBC’s “Friends” are reportedly asking for $600,000 each per episode to return next season (‘Fiends!’).

MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
Jodie Foster will play a one-legged nun (‘Sister Leans-A-Lot’?) in the soon-to-shoot drama “The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys” (one scene requires her to get hopping mad) . . . Tim Burton is in final negotiations to direct a remake of the sci-fi hit “Planet of the Apes” (starring Robin Williams without a shirt) . . . Catherine Zeta-Jones has been cast opposite Harrison Ford as a ‘pregnant woman’ in a drug-war film called “Traffic” (she’s already got the wardrobe) . . . Russian movie star Vladimir Steklov is in cosmonaut training in preparation to film the finale of the Russian-British thriller “The Last Journey” — aboard the abandoned ‘Mir’ space station (for him, this is well titled).

ONLY IN CANADA:
• A new StatsCan study of teenage students finds that girls have caught up to boys in the traditionally male-dominated subjects of math and science, and have pulled even further ahead in the traditional female strengths of reading and writing. (Only subject boys now  dominate is ‘skins ‘n shirts floor hockey’.)
• Freaky fall-out from another corporate merger — Ottawa-based Corel Corp will soon be 4% owned by arch-rival Microsoft as a result of Corel’s buy-out of a US firm. (In related news, the Ottawa Senators have announced the glass protecting fans at the Corel Centre will soon be replaced by new Windows.)
• CHQT Edmonton morning personality Bob Bradburn thinks he’s found Neil Young’s earliest recorded vocal performance and plans to give the 1964 tape to Young for his upcoming retrospective box set. (Young has declined the offer, saying the recording featuring a pubescent falsetto voice mumbling inane lyrics was actually made last week.)
• Getting football back to Ottawa by 2001 is one of the priorities at this week’s CFL governors’ meetings in Toronto. They’re also looking at possible expansion to Quebec City. (Yeah just what we need – more TV coverage of a bloody battle between Ottawa and Quebec.)

THE BULL SHEET 02.24.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1922    [78] Steven Hill, Seattle WA, TV actor (DA Adam Schiff-Law & Order)
1946    [54] Barry Bostwick, San Mateo CA, TV actor (Mayor Randall Winston-Spin City)
1951    [49] Helen Shaver, St Thomas ON, film actress (The Craft, Color of Money)
1958     [42] Sammy Kershaw, Kaplan LA, country singer (Love of My Life, Cadillac Style)
1963    [37] Mike Vernon, Calgary AB, NHL goalie (Florida Panthers)
1965    [35] Kristin Davis, Boulder CO, TV actress (Charlotte York-Sex and The City)
1975    [25] Manon Rheaume, Lac Beauport PQ, Team Canada women’s hockey goalie (silver medal-Nagano)/1st female drafted into NHL (but never played with Tampa Bay)

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
This month in Iceland they’re celebrating “Thorrablót”, called by some the ‘feast from hell’. The annual mid-winter, month-long banquet includes local delicacies like ‘sheep’s blood pudding rolled in lard’, ‘broiled puffin birds’, ‘rotten shark’ that’s been buried for 3 or 4 months, and the always delectable dish, ‘pickled ram’s testicles’. All of this is washed down with ‘black death’, a potato and caraway seed schnapps. Salut!

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993    PM Brian Mulroney announces he’s stepping down (cheers throughout the land)
1998    ‘Sir’ Elton John is knighted by QEII
1999    Lauryn Hill sets Grammy Awards record for female artists with 5 trophies, while Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” is named song and record of the year

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1976     [24] 1st-ever ‘platinum’ (2 million units) album (“The Eagles: Their Greatest Hits”)
1998    [02] Finance Minister Paul Martin announces 1st balanced budget since 1969 (he’ll try to better that with this year’s budget, coming Monday)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Today] National Tortilla Chip Day
National Engineers Week
National Wild Bird Feeding Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
IT’S NOT EASY BEING A GUY . . .

• If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don’t work enough, you’re a bum.
• If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.
• If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re an insensitive jerk.
• If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
• If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.
• If she has a headache at bedtime, she’s tired. If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.

BS TRIVIA:
Q: Who was ‘the pioneer of plywood’?
A: Alfred Nobel, of Nobel Prize fame, who also invented dynamite.
(Source: “The Bathroom Trivia Book”)

THE LAST WORD:
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.


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