Wednesday, February 13, 2008        Edition: #3710
Get a Load of This Sheet!

Author JRR Tolkien’s estate is suing New Line Cinema, claiming it failed to pay out a cut of the profits from the “Lord of the Rings” movie trilogy, a whopping 7.5% of some $6 billion (a nasty court action only made interesting because it may threaten planned production of a 2-part movie based on Tolkien’s “The Hobbit”) . . . Famed Las Vegas illusionists Siegfried & Roy are coming out of retirement NEXT YEAR to perform at an Alzheimer’s fundraiser, their first performance together since Roy Horn was attacked on stage by their tiger ‘Montecore’ in 2003 (as a joke, Siegy’s gonna slip catnip into Roy’s back pocket) . . . Movie star Reese Witherspoon says she hopes her kids (8-year-old Ava, 4-year-old Deacon) don’t get special treatment at school because, she claims, ‘disappointment is character building’ (in that case, I’ve got a whole freakin’ subdivision of the stuff) . . . Britney Spears’ cousin & former confidante Alli Sims is urging the troubled pop star to retire from show biz, saying it’s the only way to have a normal life (yeah that’s why Alli’s now hanging with Avril Lavigne) . . . NYC tour company ‘Rich & Famous Tours’ has added the SoHo apartment where actor Heath Ledger was found dead to its list of stops (solely ‘at the request of customers’, of course) . . . And Paris Hilton has lost access to her pet puss named ‘Prada’ after failing to pick the cat up from a vet for several weeks after it was taken in for neutering (“You byotch! First you chop off my privates, then you abandon me!”).

• Fergie – Rumor is she & actor/boyfriend Josh Duhamel (“Las Vegas”) are moving up wedding plans because she’s pregnant. She was allegedly overheard revealing the news to ‘friends’ at a Grammy Awards after-party.
• The Game – He’s pleaded no contest to a felony charge of possession of a firearm in a school zone and has been sentenced to 60 days in jail, 150 hours of community service, and 3 years probation. Dude, what were you thinking? You can’t just whip it out in a schoolyard.
• John Mayer – He’s “Cosmopolitan” magazine’s ‘Fun, Fearless Male of the Year’ … whatever that means.
• Keith Urban – He’s decided to offer environmentally-friendly tour merchandise at his concerts, including T-shirts partially made from recycled plastic bottles.
• Lenny Kravitz – The 43-year-old has been admitted to a Miami hospital, reportedly suffering from extreme dehydration & fatigue caused by severe bronchitis. A European promotional tour has been postponed.
• Rihanna – Neither she nor her driver were injured in a minor accident that occurred when leaving a Grammy Awards after-party. Guess she should have told him to “Shut Up & Drive”.
• Stone Temple Pilots – Word has it they’ll announce a reunion concert THIS WEEK. It’s said to be scheduled for the “Rock On the Range Festival” in Columbus OH MAY 17-18. Is Scott Weiland messing up plans for TWO bands at once?
• Taylor Swift – The 18-year-old country star admits she regularly drives past ex-boyfriends’ houses ‘check up on them’, but insists her spying is completely innocent. If she were a guy, this would be ‘stalking’.
• Velvet Revolver – They’ve now been forced to cancel a series of shows in Australia after frontman & former Stone Temple Pilots singer Scott Weiland checked into rehab again. Does he get a frequent flyer bonus?
• The Who – Pete Townshend says he & Roger Daltrey have begun writing songs separately for a new album to follow up 2006’s “Endless Wire”. Hopefully the other residents at ‘the home’ enjoy it.

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The lucky top 24 are selected from the Hollywood auditions.
• “MTV Live” (MTV Canada) – City & Colour, the acoustic side-project fronted by Dallas Green of Alexisonfire, is featured.
• Pamela Anderson – TONIGHT & tomorrow she performs 4 shows at the Crazy Horse in Paris with one of France’s most famous nude revues. Her act apparently involves a striptease on a Harley Davidson. What a girl will do to make a living, eh?
• “Project Runway” (Bravo) – It’s the final challenge before the designers return home to work on their collections.

• 70% of females & 67% of males say they’ve received an ‘explicit’ e-mail, text message, or instant message.
• 47% of guys claim they’d give up sex for 6 months in return for a 50-inch plasma TV.
• 33% of businesses have a policy discouraging ‘inter-office romance’.
• 31% of us have broken up more than once with the same person.
• 29% of guys & 26% of women say they’ve been involved in a relationship that started online.
• 15% of us have NEVER been to a music concert.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘GUB’ (Great Unread Book) – A publishing industry term for well-known books that are purchased and then usually left untouched. (Today’s interior decorating tip: A vintage edition of “Beowulf” makes an impressive GUB for your coffee table.)
• ‘Let’s Sunset That’ – A business-lingo recommendation for a bad idea that should never be mentioned again. (A variation of ‘put it where the sun don’t shine’.)
• ‘Post-Kinetic Environment’ – Military slang for the site of an explosion or destructive engagement. (In other words, a flippin’ war zone.)
• ‘Probo’ (Professional Hobo) – Someone who makes their living from begging. (“It must be fundraising time at PBS … probos keep interrupting the programs.”)

A publishing outfit called Books By You sells thousands of personalized romance novels each year around this time with titles like “Racing Hearts” and “Pirates of Desire”, where the reader is the star. Customers answer 20-to-30 questions about themselves and/or their beloved, ranging from body type to pet names. Then the details are woven into one of the company’s 8 pre-formatted novels. Clients can go a step further and have a photo attached to the book jacket. Then the personalized novel is shipped directly. Cost? About $35 plus shipping.
– Associated Press

5. ‘Roger Rabbit’ & ‘Eddie Valiant’ (Bob Hoskins) in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” (1988).
4. ‘The Oracle’ getting a tongue hose-down from some scraggly old geek in “300” (2006).
3. Adrien Brody (“The Pianist”) planting one on Halle Berry at the Academy Awards (2003).
2. Jason Biggs & Seann William Scott getting tongue-tied in “American Pie 2” (2001).
1. Michael Jackson & then-wife Lisa Marie Presley being icky at the MTV Video Music Awards (1994).
– eTalk

• In Greece, a 36-year-old bride has died less than an hour after she and her husband were wed. She reportedly crumpled into his arms during their first dance, which was a Greek song titled “Love Me”. Awww.
• In Russia, Anton & Nataliya Popasov had been married 20 years until their recent split but as they’re still under contract with the Moscow State Circus, the veritable show must go on. Their act involves her shooting an apple off his head. Would you trust your ex- … with a crossbow?
• In Romania, a customer has won a court case against an adult toy shop after he complained that his inflatable doll was deflating too quickly … and not moaning properly. A consumer board has verified his claim, fined the store $1,200, and forced them to provide him with a new doll.
• In Minnesota, Barnacle’s Resort on the shore of Lake Mille Lacs is getting around a state law that bans smoking in bars by using an exemption for ‘theatrical performances’. On Saturday nights, the tavern is transformed into a ‘playhouse’ where the customers serve as ‘actors’ and their cigarettes as ‘props’. We’re guessing the state legislature won’t put up with this for long.

5. “War & Peace” – The Russian film version runs 8 hours, but that’s still far less time than what’s required to read Leo Tolstoy’s 87-lb novel.
4. “The Journey” – This obscure Swedish movie clocks in at 14.5 hours.
3. “The Burning Of the Red Lotus” – A 27-hour Chinese film.
2. “The Longest, Most Meaningful Movie in the World” – 48 hours of newsreel & stock footage.
1. “The Cure for Insomnia” – An 87-hour-long epic featuring a poet reading a 5,000 page poem. (Hey, they forgot “Uncle Lou’s Vacation Shots from Florida”.)

• You’ve likely got yourself a ‘thermal mug’ to keep your coffee warm while on-the-road but what do you do when your coffee’s too hot? The new ‘Brugo’ travel mug guarantees each mouthful is at a drinkable temperature. It does that by funneling the liquid through a separate cooling chamber when the mug is tilted. The gizmo is designed to keep your drink at just below boiling point. (Not much good for beer ‘travelers’ though.)
• Omnipresent TV chef Jamie Oliver is flogging a new invention called the ‘Flavor Shaker’, a little ceramic pot that you put ingredients inside, then add a ‘magic ball’ and give it a good shake. The ceramic ball purportedly crushes, grinds & bruises the contents, releasing ‘amazing aromas and zingy flavors’. It’s said to be perfect for creating dressings and marinades. The gadget has gotten him in trouble with Ofcom (the UK equivalent of the CRTC), because he’s giving it ‘undue prominence’ in his TV shows. (Translation: He’s hyping the crap out of it!)
• Dolby Laboratories has announced it’s developed a new sound-processing system for cellphones that it claims will bring ‘rich, vibrant surround sound’ to music, movies, and TV programs. ‘Dolby Mobile’ aims to enhance all forms of entertainment generated by handheld devices. (Now to be chic, you’re gonna need to have ringtones in Dolby.)

• It’s estimated that a fifth of all fish catches worldwide are now illegal.
– “New Scientist”
• Being warm is satiating, scientists say. The warmer you are, the fuller you feel. That’s why restaurants often keep their thermostats low … so you’ll eat more.


1944 [64] Jerry Springer, London UK, trash TV talk show host (“Jerry Springer Show” since 1991)/”Dancing With the Stars” contestant (2006)

1950 [58] Peter Gabriel, Woking UK, classic rock singer (“Sledgehammer”, “Big Time”)

1971 [37] Mats Sundin, Bromma, Sweden, NHL center (Toronto Maple Leafs)

1972 [36] Todd Harrell, Escatawpa MS, rock musician (3 Doors Down-“Here Without You”, “When I’m Gone”)

1974 [34] Robbie Williams, Stoke-on-Trent UK, pop singer (“Angels”, “Millennium”)

1976 [32] (Leslie) Feist, Amherst NS [raised Calgary], pop singer (“1234”, “Mushaboom”)

1979 [29] Mena Suvari, Newport RI, movie actress (“Factory Girl”, “American Beauty”)

1997 [11] Prince Michael Jackson Jr, Beverly Hills CA, Michael Jackson’s #1 son with ex-wife/baby carrier Debbie Rowe

• “Get A Different Name Day”, set aside to give us opportunity to pick one we’d really like. Find listeners with really odd names and ask them what nickname they’d like to be called. Or find them a cool new name at the ‘Baby Namer’ Website.

• “International Condom Week”, just in time for Valentines Day. A poll by the makers of Durex condoms finds there aren’t many virgins left over the age of 25 … only 2% of those polled!

• “Read to Your Child Day”. It’s an investment in the kid’s future!

1988 [20] Michael Jackson purchases a Santa Ynez CA ranch that he later names ‘Neverland’

1841 [167] Kingston ON becomes the 1st capital of Canada

1947 [61] 1st major oil strike in Alberta gushes in Leduc

1988 [20] Opening of 1st Winter Olympics hosted by Canada (Canada fails to win a single gold medal at 15th Winter Games in Calgary)

1635 [373] 1st ‘Public School’ in America opens, the Boston Latin School (school cheer is ‘Ubi Sub Sububi’ [Always Wear Underwear])

1741 [267] 1st American magazine published, with the clever title “The American Magazine”

1920 [88] ‘National Negro Baseball League’ is organized, home to many of the greatest players of all-time, such as Satchell Paige

1969 [39] 1st ‘Human Egg Fertilized in a Test Tube’ (a womb with a view!)

[Thurs] Valentines Day
[Thurs] 39th NAACP Image Awards (FOX)
[Thurs] “Jumper”; “The Spiderwick Chronicles” open in movie theaters
[Fri] “Definitely, Maybe”; “Step Up 2 the Streets” open in movie theaters
[Fri] National Flag of Canada Day
[Fri] Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Mon] President’s Day
[Mon] Family Day (AB, ON, SK)/Louis Riel Day (MB)
This Week Is … Random Acts of Kindness Week
This Month Is … Get to Know an Independent Real Estate Broker Month


• Refreshments.
• A representative on hand to answer your questions.
• No horseplay.
• Minor delays.
• A brief pause while we transfer your call.
• No dessert unless you finish your carrots, mister.
• Consequences.
– Thanks to Meredith Rodkey

Computers allow you to make mistakes faster than any other device … with the exception of handguns and tequila.

“Sexy Surprises He’ll Love” (Cosmo)
“Look & Feel Great in Just One Month” (Glamour)
“How to Touch Him” (Redbook)
“What’s Your Man IQ” (Chatelaine)
“How To Surprise Your Valentine” (Ladies’ Home Journal”)
“12 Easy Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship” (Woman’s Day)

“Learn to Pick Up Chicks No Matter Where You Are” (Maxim)
“The Guy’s Guide to Romance” (
“Lingerie-Buying 101“ (Men’s Fitness)
“How to Take a Woman to Dinner” (Esquire)
“The 10 Most Uncomfortable Movie Dance Scenes” (Stuff)
“Chocolate & Flowers Are Just a Start!” (Men’s Health)

• If you could watch just 1 TV show for the rest of your life, what would it be? (“Friends” tops off a recent poll, surprisingly followed by “M*A*S*H” which hasn’t been around since 1983.)
• Which performer should never be allowed to talk to the media because when they do, they sound like a complete idiot? (Let’s see, how about Avril, Celine, Kanye, Keith …)

Today’s Question: 21% of women think it’s ‘sexy’ if a guy does THIS; 67% of women are okay with it; but 80% of men say they’ll NEVER do it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Shave their legs.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

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