Monday, February 26, 2007        Edition: #3475
Can You Believe This Sheet?

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• According to the ubiquitous ‘inside source’, after Britney Spears shaved her head she had a complete breakdown and attempted to kill herself. She purportedly tried to walk directly into oncoming traffic but a member of her staff grabbed her. During the same night, it’s said she escaped and made a second attempt. Meantime, Kevin Federline has visited her at the Promises Clinic in Malibu CA, where he’s apparently offered his support if she cleans up her act. (Who woulda thought he’d come off sounding like the responsible one?)
– “National Enquirer”
• Sizzling photos of 20-year-old “American Idol” contestant Antonella Barba that were leaked online have become the most popular search topic. The pics include some that prove her oral abilities may be in areas other than singing. “Idol” producer Nigel Lythgoe says, “It’s sad, isn’t it, that your best friends are the ones that … put your photographs on the web?” Barba’s situation seems similar to that of Frenchie Davis, who was booted off Season 2 after it was revealed she once worked for an adult website. (Hey, another performance like that off-key version of “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” LAST WEEK and Antonella will be gone in a flash …. so to speak.)
– “Entertainment Weekly”
• “American Idol” is expecting some big names to grace the stage THIS YEAR, including Martina McBride, Jennifer Lopez, Gwen Stefani, Tony Bennett, Diana Ross, and Bon Jovi. Plus, former “Idols” Carrie Underwood and Kellie Pickler will also make appearances. (Who would you like to see as a ‘guest coach’? Weird Al perhaps?)
– TMZ.com
• THIS SUMMER kids will get a chance to work on their singing, dancing, acting & songwriting at “Idol Camp”, a non-competitive summer performing arts program from the producers of “American Idol”. 12-to-15-year-olds attending the Northfield MA camp will go to classes featuring celebrity guests, former “Idol” contestants, and industry pros … for a fee. Like $2,900 a head. (Can they possibly think of any other ways to milk this sucker for money?)
– RealityBlurred.com
• All of Hollywood dropped huge wads of cash primping for LAST NIGHT’s Academy Awards. Among those getting buffed, beautiful and robbed blind were Kate Winslet, Meryl Streep and Reese Witherspoon, who each blew $500 on a facial. (Yeah, as if they paid the bill.)
– “People”
• And conscientious adopters Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are said to be set to adopt another boy, this time from the Tan Binh orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. (Not surprising, given that Angelina has said she prefers her adopted spawn to the one from her womb.)
– “Us Weekly”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Busta Rhymes – He’s been busta-ed again, this time for driving with a suspended license, which NYC cops discovered after he was pulled over for running a red light. Hey Busta, what rhymes with ‘Duh’?
• Chris Daughtry – His tune “Home” has replaced Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” as the ‘exit song’ when contestants are voted off “American Idol 6”. It will be used throughout this season.
• Hank Williams Jr – Nearly a year after a cocktail waitress accused him of yelling obscenities and choking her, a misdemeanor assault case against him has been dismissed due to lack of evidence.
• James Blunt – Early SATURDAY he was involved in a car accident in which a man’s foot was run over outside an exclusive pre-Oscar party. Blunt was not injured and it’s as yet unclear what role he played in the incident. He was scheduled to perform at Elton John’s Oscar bash in Hollywood LAST NIGHT.
• Kenny Chesney – TONIGHT he launches the latest edition of his informal “Keg in the Closet Tour” of college towns with a bar performance in Tuscaloosa, home of the University of Alabama and Stillman College.
• Mariah Carey – She’s enlisted Willie Nelson’s help to co-write a song for her upcoming movie, “Tennessee”, in which she plays a waitress and aspiring songwriter. No release date for the film has been set.
• Van Halen – First their reunion tour was postponed and/or cancelled and now a compilation album spotlighting the band’s David Lee Roth era has been put on hold. The release had been scheduled to coincide with their MARCH induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SCHED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) features a performance by Incubus.
• Nickelodeon’s 20-city “Slime Across America” kicks off in Orlando FL, leading up to the “Kids’ Choice Awards” MARCH 31st. The touring ‘Slime Mobile’ features games and attractions, including, naturally, the chance for kids to get slimed.
• The Tibet House 17th annual Carnegie Hall Benefit Concert in NYC, hosted by actress Uma Thurman, features performances by Michael Stipe, Lou Reed, Patti Smith, and Ray Davies among others.
• “Wife Swap” (ABC) features a salon proprietor trading places with ‘a hardworking mom who bottles and sells deer urine with her husband’. Man, that’s gotta piss him off.

A WOMAN’S WORK:
A new study suggests that getting married prompts a 50% increase in housework for women, while for men the effect is totally opposite. According to the research when a woman is single housework takes up just under 10 hours a week, but after marriage that increases to 15 hours. On the other hand, a single man does an average of 7 hours of housework weekly; a married man just 5. (This is unbelievable – a single guy spending 7 hours cleaning?)
– “Economic Journal”

CUP COMPARISON:
A “Consumer Reports” taste-test of fast-food coffees claims that McDonald’s sells the best cup of java. With it’s cheap cup of ‘decent and moderately strong’ coffee, McD’s beat out Dunkin’ Donuts (‘weak, watery and pricier’), Burger King (‘looked like coffee but tasted more like hot water’) and even heavyweight Starbucks, which was rated as too expensive and, according to the judges, ‘burnt and bitter enough to make your eyes water’. (What’s Canada’s best fast-food cup? Tim Horton’s? Second Cup? Timothy’s? Country Style? Mom’s Kitchen & Dry Cleaning?)
(Isn’t it more about what you put in it? Pure cream and a couple spoonfuls of sugar will make a cup of motor oil taste good!)
– “Seattle Times”

PHOTOSHOP-PLUS:
Israeli computer scientists at Tel Aviv University have developed the ultimate enhancement tool for retouching digital photos. Their program called ‘The Beauty Function’ scans an image of your face, analyzes it and then produces a slightly more beautiful you. To develop the program, 300 men and women were surveyed and asked to rank pictures of faces on an attractiveness scale of 1-to-7. Those scores were then correlated to some 250 ‘measurement points’ on the face, everything from eye size to nose length. The program alters scanned faces to match these ultimate measurements. (On the scale from 1-to-7, [co-host’s] photo ranked ‘Get a Bag!’)
– “Jerusalem Post”

BRING YOUR OWN KIT:
Britain’s 22-year-old Prince Harry will be deployed in Iraq as early as MAY, making him the 1st top-rank member of the UK royal family to serve in a war zone since his uncle Prince Andrew flew helicopters in the 1982 Falklands War. What’s causing a furor in Britain is that the prince has reportedly had to put up over $2,000 to buy extra equipment he’ll need for his tour of duty, including helmet, goggles, boots, even longjohns. Critics say that’s a damning indictment of the funding of British forces. (Rumor has it he’ll be protected by a crack undercover SAS special forces team anyway – he probably won’t even get his new boots dirty!)
– “News of the World”

SAVING FACE:
As Facebook.com’s mastermind, Mark Zuckerberg is sitting on a potential goldmine that could make him the next Silicon Valley whiz kid to strike it rich. But the 22-year-old founder of the Internet’s 2nd-largest social-networking site (after MySpace) could also turn into the next poster boy for missed opportunities if he waits too long to cash in. Facebook is expected to generate over $100 million in revenue THIS YEAR. The bright outlook is one reason Zuckerberg has felt justified in spurning several takeover bids, including a $1-billion offer from Yahoo!. He says he has a bias toward ‘building rather than selling’. (Well, at least there’s one property that won’t soon be part of Astral Media.) (Translated: “TWO billion is more what I had in mind.”)
– AP Business

DID YOU KNOW?
75% of people wash from top to bottom in the shower.

AND WE QUOTE:
Robert Downey Jr is here tonight. He is a true original; he did rehab way before it was cool … when you had to, like, stay there until you were better.”
– Host Sarah Silverman at the “Independent Spirit Awards” SATURDAY.

THE BULL SHEET 02.26.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1928 [79] Fats (Antoine) Domino, New Orleans LA, oldies singer (“Ain’t That a Shame”, “Blueberry Hill”)/among the first inductees into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1986)/Hurricane Katrina survivor

1945 [62] Mitch Ryder (William Levise Jr), Hamtramck MI, oldies singer (Mitch Ryder & the Detroit Wheels-“Devil with a Blue Dress On”, “Jenny Take A Ride!”)

1953 [54] Michael Bolton (Bolotin), New Haven CT, overwrought pop singer (“When a Man Loves a Woman”, “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You”)/9 #1 singles, 8 top 10 albums/engaged to TV actress Nicollette Sheridan (“Desperate Housewives”)

1971 [36] Erykah Badu (Wright), Dallas TX, R&B singer (“Love of My Life”, “Bag Lady”)

1979 [28] Corinne Bailey Rae, Leeds UK, pop singer (“Like a Star”, “Put Your Records On”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “For Pete’s Sake Day”, which asks the pressing question, ‘Just who the hell is Pete, anyway, and why would we do anything for his sake?’

• “Levi Strauss’ Birthday” (1829-1902), the man who created the first Levi’s blue jeans for California’s gold miners in 1850. Without him many of us wouldn’t have a wardrobe.

• “Pistachio Day”, apparently honoring people addicted to having pink dye all over their mouths. Bet you can’t eat just one!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1909 [98] 1st ‘cartoon’ shown in a movie theater (nowadays instead of cartoons before the main feature, you get 27 preview trailers and ads for the snack bar)

1962 [45] Broadway show with the longest name opens – “Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama’s Hung You in the Closet and I’m Feeling So Sad” (turns out to be the year’s ‘Best Play’ winner)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1983 [24] Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album reaches #1, then spends a total of 37 weeks there

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1882 [125] 1st commercially manufactured breakfast cereal – ‘Shredded Wheat’

1936 [71] 1st ‘Volkswagen’ factory opens, in Germany

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Spay Day USA
[Tues] International Polar Bear Day
[Wed] International Floral Design Day
[Wed] Tooth Fairy Day
[Wed] International Repetitive Strain Injuries Awareness Day
[Wed] Public Sleeping Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Telecommuter Appreciation Week / Eating Disorders Awareness Week / Ghostwriters Week / Write A Letter of Appreciation Week / Return The Borrowed Books Week / Universal Human Beings Week

BULL’S BITS

BS INTERVIEW:
Vancouver-based ‘Backward Speech Analyst’ Jon Kelly claims that, when played backwards,
Britney Spears’ “Baby, One More Time” was a cry for help … had someone only listened. Want Jon to analyze something for you?
PHONER: 888.453.0751
NET: http://www.yourinnervoice.com/consult.htm

BS MORNING SHOW STUNTS:
• ‘Brush With Greatness’ … Ask listeners for stories about famous people they ALMOST met (no actual speaking or body contact with celebs allowed). You know, stuff like “I sat in a chair that George Clooney had just been sitting in and it was still really warm.”
• ‘BYOB’ … Stands for ‘Bring You Our Breakfast’. Listeners call in, e-mail or send in entries. Once a week you go on location to a draw winner’s driveway where you bring (or make) breakfast.
• ‘Dreaded Morning Oldie’ … Every day at the same time you feature a wacky novelty song from the past that has somehow failed to pass the test of time. Assassinate the really bad ones with SFX of automatic weapons, grenades, etc.
• ‘Morning Toast’ … A daily salute to someone local or someone in the news who’s done something really cool (for instance, won the lottery and actually QUIT their job). You tell the story, then the morning crew clinks coffee cups and offers a group ‘Salut!’.
• ‘Radio Bloopers’ … Virtually every radio station keeps a stash of on-air and production studio goof-ups. Why not share them with your listeners? The dumber they make you look, the more listeners will love ya!

BS WEB GOODIE:
• Don’t let the Chinese New Year be a boar! Celebrate by dubbing your own martial arts film online. Then you can play it back on-air ‘and prepare to drink my pain, you funny-face pig lover’.
NET: http://www.tigerfilmdub.com
• How many times have you asked yourself, “If I were a cheese, what kind of cheese would I be?” Now you can find out with the ‘Online Cheese Comparator’. Paula Abdul, for instance, is apparently a Babybell. Yeah, it’s cheesy … but fun!
NET: http://www.astradyne.co.uk/cheese/

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Thursday nights … and so does she.
• Gossips are people who talk to you about others. Bores are people who talk to you about themselves. Brilliant conversationalists are people who talk to you … about you.

BS ‘NATIVE NAMES’:
We tell you what the residents of a city are called, you tell us which city they are from …
GAME #1 –
• Sydneysiders … Sydney, Australia.
• Muscovites … Moscow, Russia.
• Glaswegians … Glasgow, Scotland.
• Geordies … Newcastle, England.
• Haligonians … Halifax, Nova Scotia.
• Angelenos … Los Angeles, California.

GAME #2 –
• Neapolitans … Naples, Italy.
• Chilangos [chee-LAWN-gos] … Mexico City, Mexico.
• Trifluvians … Trois-Rivières, Quebec.
• Mancunians … Manchester, England.
• Phoenicians … Phoenix, Arizona.
• Portenos [por-TANE-yos]  … Buenos Aires, Argentina.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, THIS is the #1 lie women tell.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: “I’m not mad!”

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Accentuate the positives, medicate the negatives.


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