Tuesday, February 20, 2007 Edition: #3471
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
36-year-old TV actress Bridget Moynahan (“Six Degrees”) is more than 3-months pregnant and her rep claims her ex-, 29-year-old New England Patriots QB Tom Brady, is the papa (he dumped her for tight-end model Gisele Bundchen at the end of LAST YEAR) . . . The 2 Florida embalmers who worked on the body of Anna Nicole Smith have been ordered not to ‘discuss, write about, photograph or draw the body’ but Broward County ME Dr Joshua Perper proudly claims she’s basically looking like she did in life – or close to it (you know, filled with plastic) . . . A digital video of Anna Nicole Smith seemingly high on drugs while 9-months-pregnant with her baby daughter Dannielynn is currently making the rounds but no media outlet has yet aired it because it surfaced after mistakenly being mailed to a Brooklyn auto body shop and copyright issues are at stake . . . Internet gambling site BetUS.com has placed odds on the paternity of Anna Nicole’s baby: Larry Birkhead is the favorite at 1-to-2, followed by Howard K Stern at 6-to-4, her one-time bodyguard Alex Denk at 10-to1, and her late hubby Howard J Marshall via frozen sperm at 20-to-1 (wacky Prince Frederic von Anhalt is a 40-to-1 long shot) . . . Television and the Internet are moving closer together again with a new 10-part, half-hour TV reality series called “Facebook Diaries”, which will be edited together from videos submitted by users of the Facebook online site, a MySpace-style youth-themed social site . . . And the family of Alexander Litvinenko, the Russian agent poisoned in London, are furious over plans to turn his story into a Hollywood movie; the late spy’s 22-year-old son Alexander claiming it will trivialize his father’s life and turn it into cheap entertainment (sounds like somebody wants a cut).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• David Crosby & Graham Nash – They’ve postponed their upcoming tour, citing 65-year-old Crosby’s ‘medical issues’.
• Christina Aguilera – TONIGHT she launches her 41-city “Back to Basics” North American arena tour in Houston TX. The Pussycat Dolls are the tour’s opening act.
• Gwen Stefani – The 37-year-old says she’s enjoying motherhood so much she wants to have more children before she gets too old. Um, better hurry, hon’!
• Justin Timberlake – He & ex-, Cameron Diaz, have been spotted hanging out together in West Hollywood. There was no canoodling but they were reported to be ‘friendly’.
• K-os – TONIGHT the Canadian hip-hop artist does “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS), likely thanks to “Late Show’s” Canadian bandleader Paul Shaffer.
• Nickelback – TONIGHT they kick off an 18-city tour in Tacoma WA, with Three Days Grace and Breaking Benjamin as support.
• Rodney Atkins – TONIGHT the “Watching You” country chart-topper plays the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Spice Girls – Rumors are circulating (again) that they’re planning to reunite for a tour, this time demanding $5 million apiece for broadcast rights. They split up in 2001.
• Being released TODAY: “Better Than I’ve Ever Been”, a Nike-commissioned hip-hop track featuring Kanye West, Nas and KRS-One, and produced by Rick Rubin, now available on iTunes with proceeds to support youth programs.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Babel” ( Drama ): A tragic incident involving an American couple in Morocco sparks a chain of events for 4 families in different countries around-the-world. Tied by circumstance but separated by continent, culture and language, each character discovers that it’s family that ultimately provides solace. Nominated for 7 Oscars, including ‘Best Film’ and ‘Best Director’ (Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu). Stars Brad Pitt & Cate Blanchett. Filmed on 3 continents and in 4 languages.
• “Flushed Away” ( Animated Family ): An upper-crust mouse named ‘Roddy’ (Hugh Jackman) who is flushed down into the bustling world beneath the streets of London meets an enterprising scavenger named ‘Rita’ (Kate Winslet) who works the sewers in her boat. Also features the voices of Ian McKellen, Jean Reno & Andy Serkis.
• “For Your Consideration” ( Comedy ): Christopher Guest’s latest satire revolves around actors shooting a small independent film (“Home for Purim”) whose lives are turned upside down when buzz begins that their performances are awards-worthy. Features Guest’s usual ensemble cast of Catherine O’Hara, Harry Shearer, Fred Willard & Eugene Levy, plus Parker Posey, Ricky Gervais (British creator of “The Office”), Sandra Oh (“Grey’s Anatomy”) & many others.
• “Man of the Year” ( Comedy ): In this just-before-rehab role, Robin Williams stars as a popular late-night talk-show host who follows through on a practical joke that he’ll run for US President. Surprisingly, he wins! Co-stars Christopher Walken, Jeff Goldblum & comedian Lewis Black. Partially shot in Toronto, Hamilton and Cambridge ON.
• “The Prestige” ( Dramatic Thriller ): Hugh Jackman & Christian Bale play Victorian-era magicians whose rivalry builds into an escalating battle of tricks and an unquenchable thirst to uncover the other’s trade secrets. Co-stars include Michael Caine, Scarlett Johansson, and classic rocker David Bowie.
• “Shut Up & Sing” ( Biographical Documentary ): Chronicles the personal and professional lives of the Dixie Chicks as they evolve from the darlings of country music to unintentional rebels in the wake of their criticism of President Bush and the Iraq war. The film raises questions about the right to freedom of speech and the negative consequences it sometimes has.
• Also released on DVD TODAY: “Gandhi – 25th Anniversary Collector’s Edition”; and “The Three Stooges: Hapless Half-Wits”.
GETTING OUT FROM BEHIND THE WHEEL:
A team of Stanford University scientists is aiming to develop a car so advanced that it can be controlled by artificial intelligence rather than humans. So far they’ve created a vehicle that can drive about 100 miles without human assistance. By 2010, they expect to hit 1,000 miles; and by 2020, a million miles. The team’s invention, known as ‘Junior’, will compete in the “DARPA Grand Challenge Race” from LA to Las Vegas later THIS YEAR, for cars that steer themselves. (Movie actor Ray Liotta should be first in line for one of these.)
BEWARE OF GIANT ANTS:
Chinese entrepreneur Wang Zhendong told investors they could expect returns of up to 60% if they put money into his giant ant-breeding project. That may sound like a truly weird investment, but ants are a traditional ingredient in Chinese medicine and Wang managed to raise close to $400 million in 3 years as more than 10,000 investors signed up. The problem is, it turns out the entire concept was nothing more than a scam and the investors have lost everything. That doesn’t go over well in China: 15 of Wang’s employees have been fined and given jail sentences of 5-to-10 years … and Wang himself has just been sentenced to death!
– Xinhua News Agency
LAPPING IT UP:
The developing world will soon be receiving cheap wind-up laptop computers as part of a UN-backed project to bring technology to the Third World. The laptop, called the ‘XO’, will be delivered to children in Nigeria, Libya and Rwanda. It features built-in Internet access, a wind-up crank, and a lawnmower-style ripcord to generate power. The project is the brainchild of Nicholas Negroponte of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. There are, however, concerns that some families may simply sell them for cash. (Or – more likely – use them just to play games.)
– PA News
‘NATURAL’ GROUND-UP GOOSE LIVER:
Producers in Spain have developed what’s being called ‘ethical foie gras’, a version of the celebrated paté that’s made without harming geese … other than slaughtering them, that is. Traditionally, geese are force-fed so their enlarged livers can be used to make the French delicacy. The ethical version uses geese which have stocked up on extra food naturally in preparation for their normal winter migration. Like most ‘natural’ products, of course, it costs more. (Messing up a highly anticipated winter vacation … how can that be ethical?)
SURREAL ESTATE LISTING:
‘UFOland’, the world headquarters of the white-robed prophet known as ‘Rael’ in Québec’s Eastern Townships, is on the market for a cool $2.95-million … and it even comes with its own flying saucer! The so-called ‘Raelians’ gained worldwide notoriety in 2002 after announcing the birth of a cloned human baby which it never actually produced as proof. Observers say the sale of their HQ is a sign of decline for the sect that believes in free love, telepathy, and that humans were created in an alien lab 25,000 years ago. The group itself agrees that their popularity has peaked in Québec, so they are packing up and relocating to the American South. (Where there’s a far greater concentration of wackos to attract.)
– “Globe & Mail”
THE EYES HAVE IT:
A bionic eye implant that could help restore the sight of millions of blind people could be available to patients within 2 years. US researchers have been given the go-ahead to implant the prototype device in 50 to 75 patients. The ‘Argus II’ system uses a mini-cam mounted on eyewear to feed visual info to electrodes in the eye. Patients who have tested a less-advanced version of retinal implant were able to see light, shapes and movement. The University of Southern California researchers say the new version will hopefully take real-time images from the camera and convert them into tiny electrical pulses that will jump-start the eye and allow patients to see. (Batteries not included.)
– BBC News
DO YOU HAVE THAT STUFFY, ACHY, SNEEZY FEELING?
A multi-media art exhibit featuring an ad campaign for a fake drug to treat a fictitious illness is causing a stir because some people think it’s all real. Australian artist Justine Cooper created the marketing campaign for a non-existent drug called ‘Havidol’ which purportedly treats ‘Dysphoric Social Attention Consumption Deficit Anxiety Disorder’ (DSACDAD) … which she also invented. But the exhibit at NYC’s Daneyal Mahmood Gallery, which includes a website, mock TV and print ads, and billboards is so convincing many people think it’s authentic. (This is nothing new … pharmaceutical companies have been doing this for years!)
DID YOU KNOW?
• 65 parts of your body are considered safe for piercing, including eyebrows, chin, tongue, lips, nostrils and belly button … but only if it’s an ‘outie’.
• The manufacture of an average desktop computer and monitor uses more than 10 times its weight in fossil fuels and chemicals. Does Al Gore know about this?
SHE SAID IT:
• “I vomit in my mouth whenever I’m around him.”
– Kim Mathers, speaking of her love for her 2-time ex-husband Eminem in a WKQI-FM Detroit interview. She also calls him unfaithful, uncaring … and a bad lay. Seems the rumors of a 3rd go-round for these two are a bit exaggerated.
• “If I see something sagging, bagging and dragging, I’m going to nip it, tuck it and suck it. It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”
– 61-year-old country singer Dolly Parton, proving she can still turn a phrase.
THE BULL SHEET 02.20.07
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1927  Sidney Poitier, Miami FL, movie actor who received an ‘Honorary Award for Lifetime Achievement’ at 2002 Oscars (“Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”, Oscar-“Lilies of the Field”)
1941  Buffy (Beverly) Sainte-Marie, Piapot Reserve SK, folk singer/songwriter (“Until It’s Time For You to Go”, “Up Where We Belong”)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (1999)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1995)
1950  Walter Becker, NYC, classic rock musician (Steely Dan-“Reeling in the Years”, “Do It Again”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)
1966  Cindy Crawford, DeKalb IL, over-the-hill fashion model (over 600 magazine covers, 1st supermodel to pose for “Playboy”)/ex-Mrs Richard Gere/Mrs Rande Gerber since 1998
1975  Brian Littrell, Lexington KY, has-been pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Just Want You to Know”, “Shape of My Heart”)/cousin of BSB’s Kevin Richardson
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Call An Old Friend Day”, a day to phone someone you haven’t talked to in a very long time. But isn’t there likely a reason you haven’t spoken in a very long time?
• “Mardi Gras”/”Fat Tuesday”/”Shrove Tuesday”/”Pancake Day”/”Carnaval”, always 46 days before Easter and traditionally the final chance to indulge before the austerity of Lent. In Latin, ‘carne vale’ means ‘farewell to meat’. The day is marked by masked balls, lavish costumes, floats, parades, torchlight processions, dancing, fireworks, and feasting on all sorts of foods. Some of the biggest celebrations are in New Orleans, Louisiana; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; and Nice, France. Many of the traditions go back to the 14th Century.
• “National Wedding Month”, when all those JUNE weddings get planned. A poll finds that 82% of couples plan to use classic, traditional vows in their ceremony. Only 4% will completely abandon custom and compose their own vows, while 13% will compromise using a combination of tradition and their own creativity. The average number of guests at weddings is now 171.
• “Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day”, when you’re encouraged to go outdoors and yell ‘HOODIE-HOO!!!!’ at the top of your lungs at noon local time to relieve winter blahs and encourage the arrival of spring. Could make an interesting on-air bit with callers.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1996  Snoop Dogg is acquitted of murder in drive-by shooting death of gang member (and the long rap sheet begins)
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1945  1st ‘Family Allowance’ cheques issued in Canada (known as the ‘Baby Bonus’)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1996  Orlando Magic set NBA record for ‘Home Wins at the Start of Season’ (28-0)
1998  15-year-old US figure skater Tara Lipinski becomes youngest gold medal winner in Winter Olympics history (Nagano, Japan)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Ash Wednesday
[Wed] Card Reading Day
[Wed] Single Tasking Day
[Fri] Canada Winter Games begin (Whitehorse YT)
[Fri] Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
[Fri] Curling is Cool Day
[Fri] Chili Day
[Sat] 27th “Razzie Awards” (Los Angeles)
[Sun] 79th Academy Awards
This Week Is … Child Passenger Safety Awareness Week
This Month Is … Learn Italian Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
ACTUAL SUPERMARKET TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Urgent Product Recall: Satanic Bath Mat Conjures Devils in Bathrooms!”
• “Jesus Now Appearing Exclusively in Whole Wheat Tortillas!”
• “First Nursery School Fraternity Founded!”
• “Ventriloquist Is In Coma But His Dummy’s Still Talking!”
• “Hubby Still Hears Dead Wife Through Her Pet Parrot!”
BS WEB GOODIE:
With the handy “American Idol Rejection Construction Kit”, you just take a comment from column A, add another from column B, and then a gesture from column C and you have the perfect Simon-style putdown or backhanded compliment, ie: “I’m sad to say …your performances were like the Pearl Harbor disaster – a smash hit! [Big smile].”
BS RANDOM JOKE:
• If you don’t die from it … it’s healthy.
• How come there isn’t a better way to start a day other than waking up every morning?
BS PHONE STARTER:
Guys, describe the ideal wife.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In a dating service poll, ‘body odor’ ranks as the #1 reason a woman would refuse a 2nd dinner date, followed by ‘too much cellphone use’. THIS ranks 3rd.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: ‘Flirting with the waitress’.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.