Thursday, February 1, 2007        Edition: #3458
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Isaiah Washington is scheduled to return to the “Grey’s Anatomy” set for the first time since seeking counseling for uttering his infamous homophobic slur – the 2nd time (what date do you want in the ‘Dead Pool’?) . . . TONIGHT “Nip/Tuck” actor John Hensley guest stars on “CSI” (CBS/CTV), playing a hottie at a ‘host club’ where women pay big bucks for celibate ‘relationships’ (well, gather the whole family around for this one!) . . . Courtney Love claims “American Idol” producer Nigel Lythgoe called her LAST WEEK to ask if she’d be interested in being a judge on the show (rather than replacing Paula Abdul with another loony, isn’t it more likely they just want her as a guest judge?) . . . NEXT WEEK pseud-celebrity Tori Spelling is having a baby shower and the big do will be hosted by none other than – Tupperware (how appropriate, it’s also plastic!) . . . His many solo visits to rehab haven’t helped so now Pete Doherty & on-again/off-again model-girlfriend Kate Moss have checked into a London clinic together where it’s thought they’ll attend therapy sessions as a couple (“I get so tired of tying the rubber tube on his arm ..”) . . . Donny Osmond will host the upcoming TV game show “The Great American Dream Vote” (ABC) in which contestants reveal a lifelong dream and viewers vote on who gets theirs made into reality (what if it’s like ‘peace for all mankind’?) . . . Brit actor Hugh Grant will NOT be a guest at his former girlfriend’s wedding, as actress Liz Hurley has left him off the list for her MARCH hitch-up to Indian businessman Arun Nayar (it’s a case of ‘No Weddings & a Snub’) . . . Today’s obligatory Beckham blurb: Victoria Beckham has just signed a $6.4-million deal to market her own line of fashion accessories in the US (not fair, these people are money magnets) . . . And Dr Adrian Cohen, a physician who has treated contestants on “Survivor”, is being investigated by Australian authorities after admitting to abusing ‘medical-grade’ cocaine and inappropriately obtaining prescription drugs (maybe this explains some of the more wacked-out contestants like ‘Jonny Fairplay’?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Billy Joel – After years of classical composing, he’s back in the pop biz with the new single “All My Life” which will be sold on iTunes beginning FEBRUARY 20th. Tell your mother.
• Britney Spears – She’s put the Malibu CA home she shared with Kevin Federline during their 2-year marriage on the market for $13.5 million. Meantime, word has it Kevin turned down a $10-million divorce settlement that included walking away from their kids, and now a final offer is on the table … $25 million. One source says he’s already turned that one down as well.
• Christina Aguilera – TONIGHT she sings on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel)
• The Eagles – 59-year-old Don Henley has announced they’re about to release their first studio album since 1979. Quote: “It’s coming out in 60-to-90 days … if we don’t kill each other first.”
• Jet – TONIGHT the Aussie band does “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Ludacris – TONIGHT he guests on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Mariah Carey – One wiseacre who’s seen her cover photo for the upcoming issue of “Playboy” says it looks like it was airbrushed … in a wind tunnel.
• Reba McEntire – The CW has confirmed her sitcom “Reba” is about to end its 6-season run despite the fact that it’s the fledgling network’s highest-rated comedy. The final 2 episodes will air back-to-back FEBRUARY 18th. This is shocking … this show lasted 6 years?

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A selection of movies in the making …
• “The Departed 2” – Screenwriter William Monahan is working on a follow-up that would bring back the temperamental, foul-mouthed cop played by Mark Wahlberg (who received an Oscar nomination for the role), and introduce a new character to be played by none other than Robert De Niro (who was up for the role that Martin Sheen ended up playing in the first film).
• “Meet the Little Focker” – Yep, it’s yet another “Meet the Parents” sequel, this time focusing on ‘the baby’. Teri Polo has already signed on to reprise her role as ‘Pam Byrnes’ but there’s no official word yet if Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, Blythe Danner, Dustin Hoffman and/or Barbara Streisand will be back. Seems the producers (the ‘Mother Fockers’) just won’t quit until they’ve squeezed every last conceivable double entendre out of this franchise.
• “Whiteout” – Kate Beckinsale will play a US marshal attempting to solve the first-ever murder in the Antarctic. The catch is, she has to catch him before the sun sets or she’ll be stuck with him in darkness … for 6 months. The movie is set to start shooting mid-MARCH in Montréal and Manitoba. Manitoba standing in for Antarctica … isn’t that typecasting?

SUPER BELLY:
Among Americans, “Super Bowl” Sunday is the 2nd-biggest food-consumption day of the year after Thanksgiving, but diet book author Charles Stuart Platkin says you can eat well without overdoing it, if you choose snack foods wisely. Otherwise, according to his book “The Diet Detective’s Countdown”, here’s the equivalent effort you’ll need to put in to get rid of it …
• To burn off 2 handfuls of potato chips, you’ll need to run the length of 45 football fields.
• Half a giant Italian sub requires marching for 138-and-a-half minutes to burn it off.
• And 4 beers equal 64 minutes of stair-climbing.
– UPI

VIRTUAL VALET:
THIS MONTH New York City’s first ‘Robotic Parking Garage’ opens. The developers of the Chinatown garage are counting on the technology to squeeze 67 cars into an apartment building basement that would otherwise fit only 24. Here’s how it works: the garage itself does the parking. The driver stops the car on a pallet and gets out. The pallet is then lowered into the innards of the garage and transported to a vacant parking space by a computer-controlled contraption similar to an elevator that also runs sideways. The technology has a good track record overseas but hasn’t fared so well this side of the Atlantic. A robotic garage in Hoboken NJ accidentally dropped an unoccupied Cadillac Deville 6 floors in 2004 and a Jeep 4 stories the following year. (But at least you know it can’t take your car for a joyride.)
– “Daily News”

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• The tiny Québec town of Herouxville has drafted a new ‘Code of Conduct’ for immigrants that says killing women in public beatings or burning them alive is prohibited. That kind of behaviour is apparently now limited to locals.
• In an attempt to recover from her husband’s death, a California woman paid $5,400 for breast implants, had relations with 3 male Marines and a woman, hosted loud parties at her house, and participated in a wet T-shirt and thong contest in the Mexican border town of Tijuana. Then THIS WEEK she was convicted of killing him.
• Movie star-turned-defendant extraordinaire Sacha Baron Cohen is getting sued yet again. This time the litigant is an Israeli comedian who claims to have coined ‘Borat’s catchphrase “wa wa wee wa” 16 years ago. And he’s admitting to it!
• TODAY a newlywed Utah couple are scheduled to appear in federal court on charges of robbery. Unable to find a better way to finance their honeymoon, the couple allegedly robbed a bank … twice. The same bank.

SPRING BLING:
Trend forecasting company WGSN, whose solemn duty is to predict what everyone will soon be wearing, insists that ‘skinny leg’ is out and ‘all over volume’ is in (deep, we know). According to company experts, ‘Boho’ is also out; and ‘Nu Rave’ is going to be all the rage. Other emerging trends that are going to be huge next season are ‘metallics’ and ‘neons’. After all, everyone looks hypnotic in fluorescent tights and shiny turbans. (Sorry [co-host], holey AC/DC tees from 1988 are still out.)
– “Radar”

ALL-TIME BEST PUNK ALBUMS:
Apparently nothing punky has been any good for 30 years now, according to a new ranking by experts in the genre …
5. The Stooges – “Fun House” (1970)
4. The Sex Pistols – “Never Mind The Bollocks” (1977)
3. Dead Kennedys – “Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables” (1980)
2. The Clash – “The Clash” (1977)
1. The Ramones – “The Ramones” (1976)
– IGN.com

THE SCIENCE BEHIND BEAUTY & THE BEAST:
A University of New Mexico study of 48 heterosexual couples who’ve been together for at least 2 years has discovered that opposites not only attract one another, they also tend to stay together. A couple’s genetic differences seems to be the scientific key to lasting happiness, likely nature’s way of ensuring their offspring have maxed-out immunity. The more different a couple’s genes, the more likely the female is to stay faithful. (So if you’re going to try online dating … ask for a DNA sample.)
– “New Scientist”

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 100% of lottery winners surveyed say they gained weight after winning.
• 86% of men check out or admire other women while shopping with their wife or girlfriend.
• 62% of married couples admit they at least occasionally have trouble getting along with their spouses. Apparently the other 38% are liars.
• 33% of people in relationships hide debts from their mate.
• 32% of male consumers who buy a new TV for Super Bowl Sunday will return it afterward.
• 21% of teens say their parents flat out refuse to let them have a tattoo.

THIS BALLET IS NO BOLSHOI:
A ballet troupe made up of Russian women weighing an average of 280 lbs is hitting the road. ‘The Big Ballet’ company is set to perform at 27 theaters in Britain over 30 days, the first time the 16 dancers who each weigh a minimum of 238 lbs have toured away from home. The show includes parodies of popular classical ballets such as “Swan Lake” and “The Nutcracker”. The Big Ballet was set up 13 years ago by top Russian choreographer Evgeny Panfilov who set out to prove people of larger build can move with the same grace, dignity and flair as traditional dancers. Tour venues have yet to be finalized as health & safety inspectors are still checking which stages are strong enough. (Instead of tutus, they wear four-fours.)
– Ananova News

THE BULL SHEET 02.01.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1965 [42] Dwayne Dupuy, Natchitoches LA, country musician (Ricochet-“Daddy’s Money”, “Blink of an Eye”)

1968 [39] Lisa Marie Presley, Memphis TN, Elvis Presley’s idle rich daughter/wannabe singer (“Tennessee Tide”)/Mrs Michael Lockwood since 2006/ex-Mrs Danny Keough/ex-Mrs Michael Jackson/ex-Mrs Nicolas Cage

1969 [38] Patrick Wilson, Buffalo NY, rock drummer (Weezer-“Perfect Situation”, “Beverly Hills”)

1975 [32] Big Boi (Antwan Patton), Savannah GA, hip-hop artist (Outkast-“The Way You Move”, “Ms Jackson”)/sometime movie actor (“Idlewild”)  UP NEXT: The comedy film “Who’s Your Caddy?”, due later THIS YEAR.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bubble Gum Day”, an annual FUN-draising idea in which kids & teachers who donate to a charity get to chew bubble gum at school.

• “Groundhog Day” is TOMORROW, an annual celebration based on an old Scottish rhyme that says: “If Candlemas Day is bright and clear, there’ll be two winters in the year.” The Teutons (Germans) decided that if the Sun was out on Candlemas Day, an animal would cast a shadow, predicting 6 more weeks of bad weather (the ‘second winter’). The animal used then was either a badger or hedgehog. But when German settlers took the tradition with them to Pennsylvania, they used the groundhog (a type of woodchuck), which was abundant in the area. The woodchuck (as in “How much wood can a …”), is a member of the squirrel family.
– Canada’s best known prognosticator is ‘Wiarton Willie’.
PHONER: 877.844.9884/519.534.5492 (Wiarton Willie Festival Committee)
NET: http://www.brucepeninsula.org/willie.htm
– ‘Punxsutawney Phil’ is the original forecaster and most famous hog. Despite what organizers would have you believe, since 1887 this ‘Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather Prophet Extraordinary’ has seen his shadow about 90% of the time and only made correct predictions 39% of the time. But organizers don’t really care – this whole deal isn’t about accuracy, it’s about tourism!
PHONERS: 814.938.2555 (Historical Society)/814.938.7700 (Chamber of Commerce)

• “National Freedom Day” in the USA, begun in 1948 to promote good feelings, harmony, and equal opportunity among all citizens and to remember that the USA is a nation dedicated to the ideal of freedom.
NET: http://www.americaslibrary.gov/cgi-bin/page.cgi/es/pa/free_1

• “Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month”as declared by the Food Retailers Association. Shopping carts cost more than $100 apiece and the Food Marketing Institute estimates 1.8 million of them are taken from supermarkets in North America EACH YEAR. Who pays for this? You do, because it means your food ends up costing more.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [03] In the infamous ‘Super Bowl Wardrobe Malfunction’, Justin Timberlake rips Janet Jackson’s top during the half-time show, exposing her breast (which becomes the excuse for a year of excruciating media censorship)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1964 [43] Governor of Indiana declares “Louie, Louie” by the Kingsmen ‘obscene’ (an ensuing FCC investigation disagrees, only finding it ‘unintelligible’)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1898 [109] 1st ‘Auto Insurance’ issued as Dr Truman Martin of Buffalo NY pays $11.25 for $5,000 in liability coverage (next day the company notifies him that his rates will triple because he had an accident)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1920 [87] Royal Northwest Mounted Police merge with Dominion Police to form ‘RCMP’

1968 [39] Canadian Army, Navy & Air Force merge to become ‘Canadian Armed Forces’ (but Canadians still call them ‘army guys’ … even if they’re pilots … and they’re women)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [28] Beginning of ‘Coldest Month’ ever recorded in Canada (an average temp of -47.9 C at Eureka NT)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Candlemas (Christian)
[Fri] Full (Snow) Moon
[Fri] Wear Red Day (Women’s Heart Health Day)
[Fri] 38th NAACP Image Awards
[Sat] 59th Directors Guild of America Awards
[Sun] Super Bowl XLI (Miami FL)
This Week Is … Catholic Schools Week
This Month Is … Creative Romance Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS HOUSEHOLD HINTS:
• Use a strand of uncooked spaghetti to test a cake for doneness when a toothpick isn’t long enough, or if you don’t have any toothpicks in the house.
• Use a hot knife blade for cutting fresh breads and a wet one for cutting soft cakes.
• To help stop meatloaf from sticking to the pan, put 1 or 2 strips of bacon in the pan before the meatloaf.
• Remove adhesive from stickers on glass by rubbing vegetable oil with a soft cloth or paper towel, then wash.
• Foggy mirror? A blow-dryer will clear it!

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Should kids wear helmets to go tobogganing?
• Is Brandy being used as a ‘political trophy’ as some suggest, or is she just paying the price for being a really bad driver?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

WHAT WOMEN ARE READING THIS MONTH:
• “Look Better in the Buff in Time for Valentine’s Day” (“Ladies’ Home Journal”)
• “How to Buy the Right Brassiere for Your Body” (“Chatelaine”)
• “Turn Your Guy into a Sex Genius” (“Cosmopolitan”)
• “Change-Your-Life Hair Tips!” (“Cleo”)
• “A Great Blow-Out Without a Stylist!” (“Glamour”)
• “Are You a Giver or a Taker in Bed?” (“Redbook”)
• 5 At-Home Mask Recipes” (“Woman’s Day”)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you live in Europe you will get more of THIS than anyone else in the world.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sleep.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Some people aren’t hard of hearing, just hard of listening.


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