Monday, February 20, 2006        Edition: #3222
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• He’ll show ‘em! TODAY 49-year-old veteran CBS-TV White House correspondent John Roberts (former MuchMusic veejay), snubbed by his network during the long search for news anchor Dan Rather’s successor, jumps to CNN as ‘Senior National Correspondent’ based in DC.
– “Variety”
• He’s looking for alimony! FRIDAY Nick Lachey filed papers in LA Superior Court reserving the right to seek spousal support from soon-to-be ex-wife Jessica Simpson.
– “People”
• Thuh name ith Bond, Jamth Bond. New ‘007′ actor Daniel Craig was left toothless and bleeding when things went horribly wrong on the set of “Casino Royale” in Prague, Czech Republic. It seems he accidentally got hit in the face during a fight scene with a bit-part actor. A British dentist was flown in to outfit Craig’s busted teeth with caps.
– “Mirror on Sunday”
• At least he’s got a babe now. 25-year-old French actress Eva Green has been cast as the next ‘Bond girl’. Green, who starred opposite Orlando Green in “Kingdom of Heaven”, will play ‘Vesper Lynd’, the role played by Swiss actress Ursula Andress in the original 1967 “Casino Royale” spoof.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• Panty raid on Wisteria Lane! Security’s been beefed up around the cast of “Desperate Housewives” after a thief stole some of Eva Longoria’s underwear and later tried to sell it. Lingerie belonging to Nicolette Sheridan & Teri Hatcher is also suspected to have gone astray.
– “Contact Music”
• What do unemployed movie stars do to fill time? Actor Kevin Costner has formed a 5-piece band which will make its debut at a charity golf tournament in South Carolina.
– PopBitch.com
• Maybe she’s not doing so well? Jennifer Aniston is reportedly still ‘getting help’ twice a week in order to cope with her split from Brad Pitt. An insider claims she may look fine in public, but behind closed doors … she’s a mess. Meantime, the divorce is said to be settled: she gets the $29-million Beverly Hills mansion; he gets control of their lucrative film company, Plan B Productions.
– “In Touch”
• Heir-to-the-throne by day, special-forces-operative by night? Britain’s 23-year-old Prince William may choose a military career in the UK’s elite Special Air Service (SAS) after passing a series of grueling screening tests. Among them, marching across hilly terrain … for 3 days … without sleep.
– “The Sun”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Andrea Bocelli – TONIGHT he guests on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• Britney Spears – She says she’s looking forward to getting back to work because she misses traveling, seeing different places, being with her dancers … and having fun.
• Michael Jackson – His long-promised hurricane relief charity single is now scheduled for release at the end of the month. Guest artists on “I Have This Dream” are said to include Snoop Dogg, R Kelly, Ciara & Keyisha Cole.
• Pussycat Dolls – TODAY they appear on ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”.
• Rolling Stones – SATURDAY over a million fans piled onto Rio De Janeiro’s famous Copacabana Beach for a free “Bigger Bang” concert. That’s less than half the crowd some were predicting.

THE G-SPOT:
A psychologist says grumpy people can’t help being in a bad mood because their brains are born that way. Dr David Zald of Vanderbilt University in Nashville TN claims to have found a tiny part of the brain which he believes governs our moods. The more active that part of the brain, the more likely someone is to suffer regular bouts of irritability, anxiety or anger. (Especially on Mondays.)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

DID YOU KNOW?
• Fear of flying is very common but you are statistically more likely to be killed by – a donkey.
• 65 parts of your body are considered safe for piercing including eyebrows, chin, tongue, lips, nostrils and belly button – but only if it’s an ‘outie’.

WHY MEN DON’T TALK AT NIGHT:
In his book, “What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man’s Mind Really Works”, social philosopher Michael Gurian claims that men aren’t really lazy, sexist or pigheaded, it’s just that the male psyche is radically different than the female’s due to biological differences in the brain. Gurian says the hormones that bathe the male brain (testosterone & vasopressin) make men seek competitive groups to prove their self-worth and identity. And that supposedly explains …
• Why men have such a thing about cars.
• Why men don’t see the dust on the furniture or realize it needs to be dusted.
• Why men won’t let go of the TV remote.
• Why men think mowing the lawn is more important than vacuuming the carpet.
• Why it’s difficult for men to talk when they get angry.
• Why men put so much of their identity into their work.
• Why men won’t talk to you at night.
(And also … why men write books offering up excuses for men being men.)
– Reuters

ARGUMENT STARTER:
Did you see those Estonian, Norwegian and Czech cross country skiers humping their Olympic butts up and down hills for hours the other day? Tough guys, right? But which is the toughest sport? According to a recent study, based on risk of injury and the fitness, intelligence and skill required, the toughest sports are, in order: Gymnastics, Triathlon, Rock Climbing, and Hockey. (Hey, what about Ice Prancing?)
– “Men’s Fitness”

MOST LIVABLE US STATES:
Based on 44 factors contributing toward ‘quality of life’ …
5. Virginia
4. Wyoming
3. Vermont
2. Minnesota
1. New Hampshire
At the opposite end of the scale, state statistics place Mississippi at #50 … for the 7th year in-a-row!
– Morgan Quitno Press

DINING-IN-THE-DARK DIET:
No wonder master chefs spend so much time on ‘presentation’. A study at Sweden’s Huddinge University Hospital finds that eating while blindfolded reduces average food consumption by as much as 25%. In experiments participants who wore a blindfold while eating not only ate less, they said they felt just as full afterward as those who could see their meal. (If this is really true we should eat a lot less in a dimly-lit restaurant, no? And there should no overweight blind people anywhere.)
– AFP

FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR HEART:
Professor Galdino Pranzarone of Roanoke College in Salem VA says the ‘heart’ symbol used to represent love is actually based on the shape of female buttocks, as viewed from the rear. Pranzarone suggests that the twin lobes of the stylized heart we often see correspond roughly to a well-formed human posterior. He argues that the ancient Greeks and Romans were among the first to see that link. (Apparently we’re drawing our hearts upside-down.)
– “Discovery News”

SHE SAID IT:
“I, uh, I had a conversation with God, basically. I don’t know how to interpret this, but he said, ‘I’ve given you this beautiful gift and you’re throwing it away.’”
– Black Eyed Peas’ Fergie, telling “Blender” magazine that shakin’ your hump is a higher calling.

THE BULL SHEET 02.20.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [81] Robert Altman, Kansas City MO, film director who’ll receive an ‘Honorary Award for Lifetime Achievement’ at the 2006 Oscars (“Gosford Park”, “M*A*S*H”)/married to former “Wonder Woman” actress Lynda Carter since 1984

1927 [79] Sidney Poitier, Miami FL, movie actor who received an ‘Honorary Award for Lifetime Achievement’ at the 2002 Oscars (“Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”, Oscar-“Lilies of the Field”)

1941 [65] Buffy (Beverly) Sainte-Marie, Piapot Reserve SK, folk singer/songwriter (“Until It’s Time For You to Go”, “Up Where We Belong”)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (1999)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1995)

1950 [56] Walter Becker, NYC, classic rock musician (Steely Dan-“Reeling in the Years”, “Do It Again”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)

1966 [40] Cindy Crawford, DeKalb IL, over-the-hill fashion model (over 600 magazine covers, 1st supermodel to pose for “Playboy”)/ex-Mrs Richard Gere/Mrs Rande Gerber since 1998

1975 [31] Brian Littrell, Lexington KY, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Just Want You to Know”, “Shape of My Heart”)/cousin of BSB’s Kevin Richardson

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Call An Old Friend Day”, a day to phone someone you haven’t talked to in a very long time. But isn’t there likely a reason you haven’t spoken in a very long time?

• “Family Day” in Alberta, observed annually on the 3rd Monday of February, and this year marking the 100th anniversary of Alberta’s Legislative Assembly. Hey, any excuse for a mid-winter day off!

• “Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day”, when you’re encouraged to go outdoors and yell ‘HOODIE-HOO!!!!’ at the top of your lungs at noon local time to relieve winter blahs and encourage the arrival of spring. Could make an interesting on-air bit with callers.

• “President’s Day” in America, celebrated in honor of all former US Presidents and coinciding with the birthdays of Presidents George Washington & Abraham Lincoln.

THIS MONTH is “National Wedding Month”, when all those JUNE weddings get planned. A poll finds that 82% of couples plan to use classic, traditional vows in  their ceremony. Only 4% will completely abandon custom and compose their own vows, while 13% will compromise using a combination of tradition and their own creativity. Here’s a BS look at …
ORIGINS OF WEDDING TRADITIONS:
• The throwing of confetti or rice is an ancient fertility rite. Handfuls of grain or nuts were traditionally thrown because they are ‘life-giving’ seeds. In some European countries – eggs are thrown!
• Tradition dictates the new wife must never trip or fall to avoid bad luck, the origin of carrying the bride over the threshold.
• Until the 1900′s brides hardly ever bought a special ‘wedding dress’, opting for their best outfit instead. White dresses were made popular by Britain’s Queen Victoria, who broke with the tradition of royals marrying in silver.
• The tradition of bridesmaids evolved from the custom of surrounding the bride with other similarly dressed women – in order to confuse ‘evil spirits’.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1996 [10] Snoop Dogg is acquitted of murder in drive-by shooting death of gang member

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1945 [61] 1st ‘Family Allowance’ cheques issued in Canada (known as the ‘Baby Bonus’)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1996 [10] Orlando Magic set NBA record for ‘Home Wins at the Start of Season’ (28-0)

1998 [08] 15-year-old US figure skater Tara Lipinski becomes youngest gold medal winner in Winter Olympics history (Nagano, Japan)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Card Reading Day
[Tues] Single-Tasking Day
[Thurs] Full ‘Snow’ Moon
[Thurs] Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
[Thurs] Curling is Cool Day
[Thurs] Chili Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Child Passenger Safety Awareness Week / International Friendship Week / Engineers Week

BULL’S BITS . . .

BS OLYMPIC EVENTS IN HELL:
• Disfigured Skating
• Beelzebub-Sledding
• Giant Slalom & Gomorrah
• 666-Meter Ass-Luge Down a Razor Blade Into Rubbing Alcohol
• Lawyer vs Insurance Salesman Speed-Talking Competition
• Men’s 500,000-Meter Barefoot Speed-Skating
• Clean ‘n Sober Snowboarding
• Ice Dancing

BS PHONE STARTER:
Do you think it’s cheesy that CBC-TV Olympic anchors (Brian Williams et al) pretend to be in Torino when in fact the ‘Olympic Studio’ is in Toronto? Or are you happy the Corp is actually saving us some of our money?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• How come there isn’t a better way to start a day other than waking up every morning?
• Time to kick off another show … one person’s lonely effort to accumulate evidence for his next sanity hearing.
• Rumors were circulating earlier this year that Madonna had skin cancer. Fortunately, it seems the only ugly growth she’s thinking of cutting off this year is her husband.

BS OLYMPIC QUIZ XX:
• Why was athlete Eleanor Holm disqualified from the 1936 Olympics?
a. For using Absorbine Sr.
b. Because her birth name was actually ‘Walter’.
c. For partying with Olympic officials. [CORRECT. For ‘sipping champagne with officials’ en route to the competition.]

• What Olympic event made it’s debut at the 1932 Winter Games?
a. Synchronized ski jumping.
b. Two-man bobsleigh. [CORRECT. It was added to the world championships in ‘31 and the Olympics in ‘32.]
c. Two-man ice dancing.

• Who was the only Canadian to win a gold medal at the 1968 Winter Olympics in Grenoble, France?
a. Don Jackson
b. Nancy Greene
c. Brian Williams
[Skier Nancy Greene.]

• Who was the only American to win a gold medal at the 1968 Winter Olympics in Grenoble, France?
a) Dick Button
b) Peggy Fleming
c) Bob Costas
[Figure skater Peggy Fleming.]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent study, drivers are twice as likely to stop for pedestrians if they do THIS.  
Answer to Give Out Next Show: If they are well-dressed.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

 


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