Thursday, February 1, 2018 – Edition: #6148

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

★ “Glee” star Mark Salling committed suicide by hanging, according to police. Reports say that a family member came to the LAPD station at 3 AM Tuesday to report Salling as a missing person. His body was later found near a riverbed in the area where he lived. Salling had been awaiting sentencing after pleading guilty to possession of child pornography. Prosecutors say he had 50,000 images of underage children. Salling had cut his wrists back in August and it appeared to be a suicide attempt then, although his lawyer denied it. Salling was 35.
★ Blake Lively’s new movie has been put on hold yet again while she reportedly undergoes further surgery on her hand. The ‘Gossip Girl’ star injured her right hand during an action sequence for the spy thriller ‘The Rhythm Section’ in December and filming had to be put on hold while she recovered. Unfortunately, her initial surgery did not go as planned and she will need to undergo a second operation, as well as time to recover.
★ Many fans around the world have tattoos dedicated to Leonardo DiCaprio — and now Tom Hardy is one of them. After losing a bet to Leo a few years ago, Hardy agreed to get a tattoo of Leonardo DiCaprio’s choice.  Well, Hardy is finally sporting the artwork, which appears to read: “Leo knows all.” DiCaprio bet Hardy that he would be nominated for an Academy Award for his role in 2015’s “The Revenant”.
★ Macaulay Culkin threw some major shade Donald Trump’s way this week. During a REDDIT AMA, the former child star, who’s now 37, answered a series of questions posed to him by fans. Asked about his role in the movie that made him a household name, ‘Home Alone’, Culkin didn’t pull any punches. He said that the 1990 original was ‘more fun’ than the sequel because it ‘had 100 percent less Trump.’ Donald Trump made a cameo in the 1992 sequel, which contained a scene filmed in his Manhattan hotel.
(Macaulay, prepare for a Tweetstorm!)
★ Meryl Streep, the most celebrated actress of her generation, has filed an application to trademark her name. Records show the application was filed with U.S. Patent and Trademark Office on Jan. 22. It requests that the name Meryl Streep be trademarked for “entertainment services,” movie appearances, speaking engagements and autographs.
(There goes my next radio name…)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Lupita Nyong’o, Billy Eichner, Ty Segall, Rick Springfield
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Sam Smith, Cecily Strong, Dan White
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Michael Shannon, Meghan McCain
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Rachel Maddow, Dylan McDermott, Rita Ora, Nikki Glaspie
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jamie Dornan, Pete Holmes, Rich Brian
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Dr. Phil McGraw, the Soul Flyers, Albert Hammond Jr.
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Joel Kinnaman, Chrissy Teigen
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Guest co-host Amber Tamblyn
• “The Talk” (CBS): Anna Faris, Jaymes Vaughan
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Rita Ora
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Ellen’s 60th Birthday, Part 1 ”
• “The Four: Battle for Stardom” (FOX): Week Five. A new set of challengers face off against the Four, determined to take their coveted seats.
• “A.P. Bio” (NBC): Pilot: Catfish. In the series premiere, a failed philosophy scholar becomes an A.P. biology teacher with no intention of teaching science to his honor-roll students but, instead, using them to enact revenge on his rival and take the job that is rightfully his.

• Snoop Dog – is in Minnesota for some Super Bowl related appearances. Not only is he headlining BET’s annual pre-Super Bowl gospel concert, but he’ll also be a featured performer at a party thrown by Playboy. (That dude has a good agent!)
• Pink – responded to Recording Academy president Neil Portnow’s controversial comment about women needing to “step up” with a handwritten note pointing out that “women have been stepping up since the beginning of time.” (Good point coming from a woman who has twice performed at the Grammys while suspended in the air and doing literal backflips while singing.)
• Jay-Z – may be taking his global brand to a whole new level with his own restaurant. He recently made the move to secure the rights to the name “Hovino” for the purpose of restaurant and café services, pubs, cocktail lounges and wine bars. He has an affinity for food and has been known to talk about his love of pasta, especially linguine and clams.
• Lynyrd Skynyrd – rumors of their demise have seemingly been exaggerated. Guitarist Gary Rossington says they have plans to extend their recently-announced farewell tour beyond its initial four-month run. He says the tour will last “a year or two”, and even then, ‘farewell’ might not mean the end of Skynyrd’s live appearances. “I don’t know if it’s really ever gonna end, but this is a plan to start to”.
• Heart – Ann Wilson will open for the just announced Jeff Beck/Paul Rodgers co-headlining ‘Stars Align’ tour. It runs July 18-Aug 26 in the U.S., plus a stop in Toronto Aug. 1
• Bob Seger – is offering fans a free download of his previously-unreleased track, ‘Finding Out’. Available via Seger’s website, it was originally planned for inclusion on his 2006 album, “Face The Promise”, but was shelved and reportedly recorded during sessions for last year’s “I Knew You When” release.
• Gene Simmons – wants rockers to say no to drugs … not just because it’s killing the musicians, but also because of its impact on fans. He says his fellow rockers need to remember there are kids out there following their every move … and the stars’ drug use influences them.
• Lady Antebellum – singer Hillary Scott has welcomed twin daughters. She posted a photo of 2 hospital beanies marked ‘A’ and ‘B’ with the caption: “Our family is thankful and proud to announce the arrival of our precious baby girls. They were born in the early hours of January 29th, 2018 and we can’t wait to share more about them in the days to come.” (Funny names, though!)
• Carrie Underwood – was pulled over for speeding, and she admits she’s not pleased with herself. She Tweeted, “After 18 years, I can no longer say I’ve never been pulled over for speeding. I feel so ashamed! I may or may not have cried in my car after the cop let me go.” She included these three hashtags: #RuleFollower #GrannyDriver #ImSorry

The phrase “I forgot to bring cash” isn’t going to fly anymore at Catholic churches in Paris. The city’s diocese has introduced contactless card payments to collection baskets at Saint Francois de Molitor, a church located in an upscale neighborhood. The diocese explained that five connected collection baskets with a traditional design are circulated during the service. Attendees have the option to choose on a screen the amount they would like to offer — from 2 to 10 euros (US $2.50 to $12.50) — and the payment is processed in “one second.” The diocese explains that the move is meant “to anticipate the gradual disappearance of cash money.”
(And now your money can disappear even faster!)
(I’m guessing it would be tacky to ask for cash back on one of those things?)
(I’m guessing you don’t have to hide your PIN when you are using your bank card in church?)
(Sorry, I’d give but “the root of all evil” and all that stuff…)

The Lego toy company marked its 60th anniversary by constructing a 10-foot-tall Lego brick from 133,000 smaller Lego bricks. The company posted a time-lapse video to YouTube showing “Master Builders” at Lego’s U.S. headquarters in Enfield, Conn., using 133,000 Lego bricks to build a massive version of its classic “2×4” Lego brick. The brick, which weighs 1,200 pounds, took about 350 hours to build, and will go on display in New York City’s Flatiron District.
(They play with Lego on company time, and they make a viral video out of it. I do the same thing and my annual review says I’m “childish and incorrigible”.)
(I’m sure this creation is quite incredible, but I can’t help but think that if I had enough Lego, I could have built the same thing in one afternoon when I was 4!)

Some of us just can’t get out of bed in the morning. Some of these might help…
➢Ditch Your Alarm Clock(!!): If your alarm clock isn’t properly waking you anyway, consider not relying on it at all. As impossible as it might seem, you can train your body to wake up without an alarm. (Oh, I’d LOVE to ditch the alarm clock. Where’s the hammer?)
➢ Get an Old-School Alarm: A loud one….that you can’t snooze through. Picture the old kind that you see on Bugs Bunny cartoons…with the bells on the top….and no snooze button. (The kind that even if it doesn’t wake you, it WILL wake the neighbors!)
➢ Remember Your REM Cycle: The REM cycle — a sleep stage that makes up about a quarter of your total sleep cycle in a night — lasts for about 90 minutes, so trying to make sure that your sleep duration is a multiple of 90 minutes will help you wake up at a lighter sleep stage, which makes it much easier to get up. (If I have to do math before bed, I’m NEVER going to fall asleep…)
➢ Be Consistent With Your Wake-Up Time: If you’re trying to establish an end to your oversleeping problem, then it’ll help if you wake up around the same time every day, and yes, that would ideally include weekends, too. (I’m surprised I got through that without laughing…)
➢ There’s an App for That: Some apps, like the one called ‘Alarmy’, force you to complete a puzzle before they turn off, thus guaranteeing that you’re fully awake (and so is the rest of the house, before you fall back asleep), or the one called ‘Alarm Clock for Heavy Sleepers’, which allows you to customize your morning wake-up routine with music and multiple alarm styles, from the gradual wake-up option to the smack-you-awake option. (Or as it was originally called, the ‘Mom’ option!)


1968 [50] Pauly Shore, Los Angeles CA, movie actor (“Encino Man”, “Son in Law”, “Bio-Dome”)

1968 [50] Lisa Marie Presley, Memphis TN, pop singer (‘Lights Out’), daughter of the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley, one-time wife of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson)

1969 [49] Patrick Wilson, Buffalo NY, rock drummer (Weezer-‘Buddy Holly’, ‘Beverly Hills’)

1971 [47] Michael C Hall, Raleigh NC, TV actor (“Dexter” 2006-13, “Six Feet Under” 2001-05)/Broadway actor (“Lazarus” 2015-17)

1975 [43] Big Boi (Antwan Patton), Savannah GA, hip-hop artist (f/Kelly Rowland-‘Mama Told Me’, OutKast-‘Hey Ya!’)

1983 [35] Andrew VanWyngarden, Columbia MO, indie rock singer (MGMT-‘Kids’, ‘Electric Feel’)

1987 [31] Ronda Rousey, Riverside CA, MMA fighter (won 12 consecutive MMA fights, six in the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC), before suffering her first loss, to Holly Holm in November 2015), now signed to WWE

1994 [24] Harry Styles, Holmes Chapel UK, boy-band singer (One Direction-‘Story of My Life’, ‘What Makes You Beautiful’)/solo artist (‘Sign of the Times’)

• “Car Insurance Day”, which commemorates the 1st auto insurance policy, issued to one Truman Martin of Buffalo NY on this date in 1898. It cost $11.50 (96 cents if he paid monthly)

• “Change Your Password Day”, an annual reminder that ‘123456′ is not keeping your data all that safe.

• “Spunky Old Broads Day”, dedicated to the saying ‘old girls just wanna have fun’. Spunky old broads are positive, fun, butt-kicking mature women over the age of 50 who refuse to sit back quietly and get old. Who’s the spunkiest famous old broad? Betty White?

• “No Politics Day”, annually on February 1st. Why? Because it’s about time somebody said … “Give it a rest!”

• “G.I. Joe Day”, the name was inspired by 1945 Robert Mitchum movie “The Story of GI Joe”. FACTOID: Hasbro invented the term ‘action figure’ because it thought boys wouldn’t play with a ‘doll’.

• “World Hijab Day”, the 6th annual event to encourage non-Muslim women of all backgrounds to wear and experience the hijab in the name of interfaith solidarity.

[Fri] Bubble Gum Day
[Fri] Groundhog Day
[Sat] Ice Cream For Breakfast Day
[Sat] American Painters Day

2004 [14] In the infamous ‘Super Bowl Wardrobe Malfunction’, Justin Timberlake rips Janet Jackson’s top during the halftime show, exposing her breast (leading to a year of excruciating media censorship)

2009 [09] Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band perform the halftime show during Super Bowl 43 between Arizona Cardinals & Pittsburgh Steelers in Tampa FL

2017 [01] In a post on Instagram that is liked over 8 million times in 24 hours, Beyoncé reveals she is pregnant with twins

2008 [10] NASA announces that “Across the Universe” by The Beatles will become the first song ever beamed directly into space via the ‘Deep Space Network’

2009 [09] Johanna Siguroardottir is chosen the 1st female Prime Minister of Iceland, also becoming the world’s 1st openly gay head of a country

2006 [12] 100-lb competitive eater Sonya Thomas chows down on 26 sandwiches in 10 minutes to win the ‘World Grilled Cheese Eating Championship’

2013 [05] ‘The Shard’, tallest building in the European Union, officially opens in London UK

2015 [08] New England Patriots win Super Bowl 49, beating Seattle Seahawks 28-24; Patriots QB Tom Brady is named MVP and becomes 1 of only 3 quarterbacks to win 4 Super Bowls (joining Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana)


✓ Only 41% of items on to-do lists are ever actually done.
✓ Your body temperature will drop if you watch a video of other people putting their hands into cold water.
✓ The world’s billionaires made enough money in 2017 to end extreme poverty seven times over.
✓ New York State is larger than England.
✓ Despite spending half his career in the saddle, Clint Eastwood is allergic to horses.
✓ In the 1800s, ducks were called ‘arsefeet’ because their feet are so close to their bottoms.

• “You will take a trip very soon. Because this paper was dipped in LSD.”
• “The best revenge is a life well lived. The second-best revenge is murder. With an axe.”
• “I’ll give you 10 bucks to ask the waitress out.”
• “Keep your friends close, but your enemies locked in a basement so they can’t harm you.”
• “The early bird gets the worm. But worms are gross, so who gives a crap?”
• “You should save some money. Or not. What do I care? I’m just a freakin’ cookie!”
• “You are exceptionally good looking. Oh wait, I take that back. This cookie was meant for the person next to you.”
• “Exercise is the key to happiness. Oops, did I say exercise? I meant ice cream. Check your menu.”
– First published in “BS” 2013.

• When your kid asks who her daddy is, you point at the NBA game on TV and say, “One of them.”
• Having never potty trained him, he’s now too big for regular diapers and must wear Depends.
• When you ask, “Now, what do we do if the cops come to the door?” she answers, “Flush Daddy’s stash?”
• You hog all the UV light in the tanning booth.
• Your 8-year-old wears a nicotine patch.
• Your kid sits YOU down to talk about drug use.
• He still takes his pacifier to school … high school.
• Your kids are being bullied. And they’re home schooled.
• You formula-feed your newborn so you can save your breast milk for White Russians.
• When your daughter asks why she has 7 toes, you reply, “Got me, ask your daddy-cousin.”
– Adapted from

Rest assured, I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia.

• Which quarterback has completed the most career Super Bowl passes?
a. Joe Montana
b. John Elway
c. Tom Brady [CORRECT, 164]
d. Peyton Manning

• Of these teams, which has the most Super Bowl losses?
a. Buffalo Bills [CORRECT, 4…tied for most with Denver, Minnesota]
b. Seattle Seahawks
c. Dallas Cowboys
d. Carolina Panthers

• Of these QBs, which has won all of his Super Bowl appearances?
a. Dan Marino
b. Ben Roethlisberger
c. Roger Staubach
d. Troy Aikman [CORRECT, 3]

• Would you rather live in the PAST or the FUTURE for one week?

Question: 98% of homes have one of these. What is it?
Answer: A screwdriver

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

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