Monday, February 1, 2016        Edition: #5621


Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Saturday night at the 22nd annual “Screen Actors Guild Awards”, the journalism drama “Spotlight” won the ‘SAG Ensemble Cast Award’ in a night that was dominated by diversity winners. Solidifying his front-runner Oscar status, Leonardo DiCaprio received ‘Best Actor’ for “The Revenant”. SAG voters have backed the last 10 winners of the ‘Best Actor Oscar’, including Eddie Redmayne last year for “The Theory of Everything”. Brie Larson won ‘Best Actress’ for her role in “Room.”
– Variety.com
★ Actor/director Nate Parker’s feature film directorial debut, “Birth Of a Nation”, won the ‘Grand Jury Prize’ at the Sundance Film Festival on Saturday. The movie picked up the biggest deal ever at the annual independent film showcase when Fox Searchlight bought distribution rights for $17.5 million last week. It received a standing ovation throughout the closing credits at its festival premiere. It chronicles the story of former slave Nat Turner, who led a liberation movement in 1831 to free African-Americans in Virginia.
– WENN.com
★ A story by children’s author Beatrix Potter, written more than a century ago, is getting published for the first time after the rediscovery of the tale that features some of her best-known characters such as ‘Peter Rabbit’. “The Tale of Kitty-in-Boots”, penned by Potter in 1914, was found by publisher Jo Hanks after she came across an out-of-print biography of the author from the 1970s that mentions the story. Hanks then discovered 3 handwritten manuscripts in Potter’s notebooks that are archived at London’s Victoria & Albert Museum. Penguin Random House is publishing the new (old) story in September.
– Reuters.com
★ And Brooklyn Beckham is going behind the camera for fashion label Burberry. The 16-year-old son of David & Victoria Beckham has previously modeled for the brand and has now landed a job as a photographer. On Saturday, he was spotted out on the streets of London shooting for the fashion brand’s new ‘This Is Brit’ fragrance campaign. An insider says Brooklyn may only be 16 but growing up in a house where his parents are influential in their fields has “earned him a head on his shoulders far beyond his years”. Or as they say, it’s not what you know …
– “The Mirror”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Old Dominion (“Meat & Candy”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – X Ambassadors (“VHS”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – John Moreland (“High on Tulsa Heat”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Colin Hay (Men at Work). Rerun.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Coldplay – Their new video for “Hymn For the Weekend” co-stars Beyoncé, who sings on the track, and also features a cameo from Bollywood superstar Sonam Kapoor.
• David Bowie – Details of how his estimated $230 million fortune is to be distributed were filed in a Manhattan court on Friday. Circa $100 million goes to his former model-wife Iman, their 15-year-old daughter Lexi, and his 44-year-old filmmaker-son Duncan Jones. Bowie has also asked for his body to be cremated and his ashes scattered during a Buddhist ritual in Bali.
• Kanye West – He’s returning to “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) this month, making his 5th appearance as musical guest. West is set for the February 13th episode, with Melissa McCarthy hosting.
• Mariah Carey – She now has 8 dogs: Cha Cha, Jackie Lambchops, JJ, Jill E Beans, Squeak E Beans, The Good Reverend Pow Jackson, Pipitty L Jackson, Mutley P Gore, and Jackson III.
• Merle Haggard – The country legend had to cancel 2 weekend concerts in New Mexico as a result of a continuing battle with double pneumonia. He was forced to cancel a series of concerts in December after being hospitalized in California.
• One Direction – Harry Styles has recently been “linked to” fashion stylist Pandora Lennard. Pandora’s older sister, Jasmine, famously dated Simon Cowell at one time. BTW, Aussie hacks have come up with a new ‘Brangelina’-style portmanteau to celebrate Mariah’s engagement to Jamie Packer. The couple is being referred to as ‘Pariah’.
• Phil Collins – The classic rocker has revealed he’s back together with his 3rd wife Orianne, 6 years after paying her £24.3 million in Britain’s biggest-ever divorce settlement. The 64-year-old says they have been secretly living together for 6 months. That’s one way to get your money back.
• Rihanna – The RIAA has announced her new album “Anti” is officially certified Platinum. In fact, it achieved the mark in under 2 days. According to “Entertainment Weekly”, it was streamed over 13 million times on Tidal in its first 14 hours of availability and downloaded from the service over 1 million times.
• Shawn Mendes – He’s announced a 2016 world tour. After playing NYC’s Radio City Music Hall March 5th, he’ll tour Europe in April-May. His North American dates begin in Boca Raton FL July 15th and run up to August 21st in Toronto ON.
• Thomas Rhett – “Die a Happy Man” leads the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart again this week. It’s apparently taken up a residency atop the list.

NEW BARBIE BODIES:
The iconic ‘Barbie’ doll is getting 3 new body types – tall, curvy, and petite models – plus a slew of tones, eye colors, and hairstyles. It’s all part of toymaker Mattel’s ‘Project Dawn’, a secret initiative in response to increasing criticism over the years about the brand’s homogenous beauty standards and unrealistic body proportions. In its intro to the ’2016 Barbie Fashionistas’, Mattel says its signature doll line now includes 4 body types (including the original), 7 skin tones, 22 eye colors, 24 hairstyles, and countless on-trend fashions and accessories, thereby offering girls more choices than ever. (About 20 years too late.)
– TIME.com

SUPER BOWL 50 FACTS:
The big day is coming up Sunday. Just in time, here a few fascinating facts …
✓ It is the 3rd straight year with both top seeds in the Super Bowl.
✓ For the first time since the 4th Super Bowl, the game will not be referred to by a Roman numeral. The league says the numerals will return next season for Super Bowl LI.
✓ Denver’s Peyton Manning (39) will become the oldest quarterback to start in a Super Bowl.
✓ Owner Pat Bowlen gave up day-to-day control of the Denver Broncos in 2014; he has Alzheimer’s disease.
✓ It is the first Super Bowl at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara CA, opened in 2014. The Super Bowl has been played in northern California one other time, in 1985 at Stanford Stadium.
✓ Halftime entertainment is by Coldplay, with a guest appearance by Beyoncé, who headlined in 2013. (Rihanna is also rumored to be a surprise.)
– Condensed from StarTribune.com

THE BEST TIME TO DO IT:
If you want to have the best experience on online dating site Tinder, use it at 9 pm. That’s when most people are on the app, according to new data from Nielsen. The company has also tracked OkCupid and found that it’s hottest at about the same time. That’s perhaps surprising to certain people who use the apps for late-night hookups. In reality, usage plummets after 10 pm, at least in Nielsen’s sample. So don’t waste your time on Tinder in the wee hours of the morning. Interestingly, 4 pm is the second-most popular time of day to search for a date. (Are people trying to get lucky during an afternoon slump at work?)
– “HuffPost Tech”

SAD SECRET ABOUT DISNEY PRINCESSES:
Disney films like “Pocahontas” and “Mulan” might be named after women, but men speak almost all the lines. A disturbing new study by linguists has revealed that men have more to say than female characters in these movies …
✗ 68% of lines in “The Little Mermaid” (1989) are spoken by men.
✗ 71% of the time male characters speak in “Beauty & The Beast” (1991).
✗ 76% in “Pocahontas” (1995).
✗ 77% in “Mulan” (1998).
✗ 90% of all lines go to men in “Aladdin” (1992), the most shocking imbalance found.
Despite “Frozen” (2013) being heralded as a feminist movie for telling the story of 2 sisters, 59% of lines are spoken by men. Perhaps surprisingly, early Disney films such as “Snow White” (1937) spread speaking roles more equally between male and female characters. “Cinderella” (1950) and “Sleeping Beauty” actually gave women more dialogue than men.
– Adapted from “Washington Post”

BS AMAZING FACT:
You could probably outrun a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
– “Science”

BS CHRONOMETER 02.01.16


1969 [47] Patrick Wilson, Buffalo NY, rock drummer (Weezer-”Perfect Situation”, “Beverly  Hills”)

1971 [45] Michael C Hall, Raleigh NC, TV actor (“Dexter” 2006-13, “Six Feet Under” 2001-05)/survivor of Hodgkin’s lymphoma

1975 [41] Big Boi (Antwan Patton), Savannah GA, hip-hop artist (f/Kelly Rowland-”Mama Told Me”, Outkast-”The Way You Move”)

1994 [22] Harry Styles, Holmes Chapel UK, boy-band singer (One Direction-”Drag Me Down”, “What Makes You Beautiful”)/briefly Taylor Swift’s boyfriend

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Car Insurance Day”, which commemorates the 1st auto insurance policy, issued to one Truman Martin of Buffalo NY on this date in 1898. It cost $11.50 (96 cents if he paid monthly).

• “Change Your Password Day”, an annual reminder that ’123456′ is not keeping your data all that safe.

• “International Face & Body Art Day”, a worldwide day of recognition for the gifted people who bring joy and wonder to others worldwide through the art of face and body painting.
NET: https://www.facebook.com/ifabad

• “Spunky Old Broads Day”, dedicated to the saying ‘old girls just wanna have fun’. Spunky old broads are positive, fun, butt-kicking mature women over the age of 50 who refuse to sit back quietly and get old. Who’s the spunkiest famous old broad? Betty White?

• “Working Naked Day” … naw, it’s not what you think. It refers to those who work at home, ‘stripped of all of the support of the corporate workplace’. So much for that mental picture.
NET: http://bit.ly/dCg5Wp

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [12] In the infamous ‘Super Bowl Wardrobe Malfunction’, Justin Timberlake rips Janet Jackson’s top during the halftime show, exposing her breast (which becomes the excuse for a year of excruciating media censorship)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2008 [08] NASA announces that “Across the Universe” by The Beatles will become the first song ever beamed directly into space via the ‘Deep Space Network’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2009 [07] Johanna Siguroardottir is chosen the 1st female Prime Minister of Iceland, also becoming the world’s 1st openly gay head of a country

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2007 [09] ‘Super Tonio’ (Antonio Vasconcelos) is born in Cancun, Mexico weighing 14-and-a-half pounds and measuring 22 inches in length (the newborn has to wear diapers designed for 6-month-olds)

2015 [01] New England Patriots win Super Bowl 49, beating Seattle Seahawks 28-24; Patriots QB Tom Brady is named MVP and becomes 1 of only 3 quarterbacks to win 4 Super Bowls (joining Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] “The People v OJ Simpson: American Crime Story” debuts (FX)
[Tues] Crêpe Day
[Tues] Groundhog Day
[Tues] Sled Dog Day
[Tues] World Play Your Ukulele Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
African Heritage & Health Week / Children’s Authors & Illustrators Week / Meat Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
HOW NOT TO GET A GIG:
Personnel Directors of 100 large corporations have listed the most unusual questions they’ve ever been asked by job candidates. A sampling of some of the strangest …
• “What is it that you people do at this company?”
• “What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?”
• “Why do you want references?”
• “Do I have to dress for the next interview?”
• “Will the company pay to relocate my horse?”
• “Does your health insurance cover pets?”
• “Would it be a problem if I’m angry most of the time?”
• “Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?”
– First published in “BS” 2010.

TRULY ODD FORTUNE COOKIES:
✳ “You will take a trip very soon. Because this paper was dipped in LSD.”
✳ “The best revenge is a life well lived. The second-best revenge is murder. With an axe.”
✳ “I’ll give you 10 bucks to ask the waitress out.”
✳ “Keep your friends close, but your enemies locked in a basement so they can’t harm you.”
✳ “The early bird gets the worm. But worms are gross, so who gives a crap?”
✳ “You should save some money. Or not. What do I care? I’m just a freakin’ cookie!”
✳ “You are exceptionally good looking. Oh wait, I take that back. This cookie was meant for the person next to you.”
✳ “Exercise is the key to happiness. Oops, did I say exercise? I meant ice cream. Check your menu.”
– First published in “BS” 2013.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I WISH the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• What do you call those little dots on dominoes?
a. Pats
b. Pips [CORRECT. Also known as spots, nips, or dobs.]
c. Paps
– Wikipedia.org

• You’re eating something made of hydrolyzed collagen, which is partially decomposed protein taken from the hides, hooves, bones and connective tissue of cows and pigs. The protein in these materials is broken down with an alkaline solution and then extracted with hot water. What are you eating?
a. Hot Dog
b. Beef Jerky
c. Jell-O [CORRECT. Yum!]
– “Useless Digest”

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What are you looking forward to this week?

BS WEB GOODIE:
How do political candidates come up with all the stupid BS they say? Perhaps they use the handy online ‘Politics Phrase Generator’ …
NET: http://phrasegenerator.com/politics

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: New stats say the average woman will do THIS about 16 times in her lifetime.
Answer: Go on a diet.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A banker is a person who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, then wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Lindsey Bruntz @ Bob FM [KSRX] Sterling CO; Francisco Cardona @ Radio WAGC Bogotá, Colombia; Kevin ‘Crash’ Davis @ Guess-FM [WGUE] Memphis TN; Jake Watson @ Mustard TV, Norwich UK; Danny Creighton @ Radio 1, Dubai UAE; and Bonnie Holzhei @ WEWN Bay City MI.


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