Thursday, February 10, 2011        Edition: #4444
Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘N Fresh!

Movie director Kevin Smith (“Jay & Silent Bob” films) has dropped 65 lbs (29 kg) since he was humiliated by being asked to evacuate a Southwest Airlines flight last February for being too fat to fly (340 lbs is a lot of luggage!) . . . It’s been decided that Britain’s upcoming royal wedding of Prince William & Kate Middleton will not be televised in 3-D, due to the ‘additional camera footprint’ in Westminster Abbey it would cause (but will they still make it into a videogame?) . . . The upcoming autobiography of 20-year-old Bristol Palin (daughter of Sarah) is already posted on, currently called ‘Untitled Bristol Palin Memoir’ (304 pages on teen pregnancy and how hard it is to wobble around like a giraffe on “Dancing With the Stars”) . . . Hollywood Foreign Press Association, the organization that hosts the “Golden Globe Awards”, is suing its former publicist Michael Rusell for fraud, claiming he cannot prove his recent allegations that the organization engages in payola in exchange for awards (if free dinners & accommodations count, they’re fried!) . . . 44-year-old “Sex & The City actress Cynthia Nixon’s fiancée, 43-year-old Christine Marinoni, has given birth to the couple’s first child together, a boy named ‘Max Ellington Nixon-Marinoni’ (‘The Kid is All Right’) . . . Claims by Steve Harvey’s ex-wife that he left her ‘penniless’ are exaggerated, considering he’s on the hook for $40,000-a-month & a one-time $1.5-million payout (seems Steve’s doing okay between his syndicated “Steve Harvey Morning Show” on radio & the latest incarnation of “Family Feud” on TV) . . . And just as famous felon Lindsay Lohan was charged with grand theft (necklace) yesterday, along comes more legal trouble – a lawsuit over an alleged unpaid $41,000 for spray-tanning from Tanning Vegas (proving again she’s got the ‘Mierda Touch’ – everything she touches turns to crap).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Auditions continue in Hollywood.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Adam Lambert (“For Your Entertainment”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Justin Bieber (“Never Say Never”); Travis Barker (Blink 182).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Alberta Cross (“Broken Side of Time”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Bryan Ferry (“Olympia”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Elton John (“The Union”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – The Pretty Reckless (“Light Me Up”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Nicki Minaj (“Pink Friday”).

• Aerosmith – Steven Tyler’s decision to join the “American Idol” judging panel is paying off as sales of his band’s albums are way up. For instance, their 1994 hits compilation “Big Ones” has experienced a 260% sales boost  since his debut on “Idol” last month.
• Arcade Fire – “Scenes From The Suburbs”, a 30-minute short-film collaboration with Spike Jonze, will screen at the “Berlin International Film Festival”, which opens tomorrow.
• Justin Bieber – He credits actor Will Smith with guiding his ‘movie career’ and helping him find his next bigscreen project. Hope it’s better than that “Karate Kid” remake.
• Michael Jackson – A Superior Court judge has ruled that TV cameras will be allowed to shoot the involuntary manslaughter trial of Dr Conrad Murray, now scheduled to begin March 24th.
• Neil Young – Tonight an eclectic lineup of artists pays tribute to his music at a Carnegie Hall benefit concert in NYC for music & arts programs. Performers include Cowboy Junkies, Joan Osborne, Patti Smith, Pete Yorn, The Roots, and Shawn Colvin.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Cogan’s Trade” – Brad Pitt plays a professional enforcer who investigates a heist that takes place during a high-stakes poker game held under the protection of the mob. Sam Rockwell and  James Gandolfini co-star in the film, which starts shooting later this month in New Orleans LA.
• “Ender’s Game” – The long-in-development adaptation of Orson Scott Card’s sci-fi bestseller may be closer to launch. Gavin Hood (“ X-Men Origins: Wolverine”) has finished the script which he also intends to direct. No casting has been announced as yet.
• “Great Hope Springs” – Meryl Streep is in talks to star in this drama about a couple wed for 30 years who attend an intense counseling weekend to examine issues threatening their marriage. If she signs on, Streep will be re-teaming with “The Devil Wears Prada” director David Frankel.
• “Gypsy” – 68-year-old Barbra Streisand has confirmed she’s returning to the bigscreen to produce and star in another film adaptation of the musical about famed stripper Gypsy Rose Lee. Rosalind Russell and Bette Midler have starred in previous film versions.
• “The Look of Love” – Diane Keaton & Ed Harris star in this soon-to-shoot indie romance story about a widow who meets a man looking exactly like her dead husband, and that connection rekindles old feelings.

Based on an admittedly unscientific magazine survey …
• 90% of bachelors say they’d be psyched if a woman asked them out because that kind of confidence is sexy.
• The poll also picks ‘butt’ as the female body part that turns men on most.
• The hottest outfit a woman can wear is athletic shorts & a sports bra, just ahead of jeans & a tee, a little black dress, and a mini-skirt with sexy top.
• Almost all guys say that if a woman cheats, they’d want her to fess up.
• What drives men nuts most is when women are ‘moody’ or ‘high-maintenance’, more so than being ‘clingy’ or ‘indecisive’.
• The #1 factor a guy looks at when considering if a girlfriend is wifey material? Whether or not she’s supportive of his goals, and if she shares his values.
– Condensed from

A study at Britain’s University of Leeds has discovered that massive bursts of ultrasound are generated during the first second of biting into crunchy food, so that the food is simultaneously analyzed by both the mouth … and the ears. Researchers claim that means the food is, in effect, ‘talking’ to us, suggesting that the sound & feel of food in the mouth are as important as taste, appearance, and smell in deciding whether we like it or not. (Yeah, that’s why kids just love vegetables … hey, what a sec.)
– “Medical News Today”

Based on worldwide online searches tracked by Google Trends over the past year …
5. Shakira – Global interest in her peaked last Summer, when her song “Waka Waka (This Time For Africa)” was chosen as the official song of the World Cup.
4. Eminem – His Google popularity grew in June with the release of his new album “Recovery”.
3. Miley Cyrus – Interest in her peaked in December, when she was caught on tape smoking a bong.
2. Lady Gaga – Popularity peaked in September when she took home 8 MTV Video Music Awards. Still, she’s only 79% as popular as Justin Bieber.
1. Justin Bieber – Discovered on YouTube in 2007, he’s become an online phenomenon all over again.
(Also in the top 10: Drake, Katy Perry, Michael Jackson, Rihanna.)

We first wrote about this fashion trend in Paris last Fall, and now designer handbags have become a status symbol for upwardly-mobile men in China. Guy purses, known as ‘shou bao’ in Mandarin, are being marketed by upscale designers like Burberry, Louis Vuitton, and Prada. One marketing strategist notes that, for the Chinese, it’s a show of masculinity. But it needs to be a luxury brand, he warns, or you won’t be taken seriously. (A plastic Walmart shopping bag, for instance, shows little status.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

Fitness experts offer these simple ways to burn 100 calories …
• Walk at a slow pace for 36 minutes. Do this on your lunch break, or have a ‘walking meeting’ and accomplish 2 things at once.
• Walk while pushing a stroller on fairly flat ground for 30 minutes.
• Do some ‘Nordic Walking’ for 27 minutes. Using poles while walking makes it a total body workout.
• Use the stairs for 14 minutes.
– Excerpted from

• ‘Harvey’ has to be the unluckiest dog in England. The Kent woman who adopted the stray Jack Russell terrier from a rescue group brought him back just 2 days later. Was he not a good companion or misbehaving? Nope. She explained she was returning him because the ginger & white pooch … clashes with her curtains. (Somebody’s been watching too much “Steven and Chris”.)
• A California mother is suing the makers of Nutella, claiming the chocolate-hazelnut spread makes ‘misleading nutrition claims’, should not be marketed as ‘part of a balanced meal’ and is  actually high in saturated fat and sugar. (It’s the latest I-can’t-take-responsibility-for-my-own-inability-to-read-a-food-label lawsuit.)
– “Men’s Health”
• Romania’s beleaguered witches, who recently began paying tax for plying their trade of foretelling the future, may soon face another setback. Proposed legislation threatens fines or even prison if … their predictions don’t come true. The new bill would also require a witch to have a permit and provide customers with receipts. (Shouldn’t they have seen this coming?)
– Associated Press
• The Redditch Borough Council in central England has given the go-ahead for a local swimming pool to be heated using energy created by … the crematorium next door. Heat from the incinerator’s chimney will be channeled to the new pool. The practice is quite common in parts of Europe, especially Sweden. (We thought this idea would be dead in the water.)

More than 200 teams have competed in the 11th annual “All-National Hole Digging Competition” in Japan. Competitors are given 30 minutes to dig a hole as deep as possible. Extra points are awarded for ‘most creative hole’ and ‘most original costumes’. This year’s winning hole measured 10-and-a-half feet deep (3.26 meters), claiming the coveted ‘Golden Shovel’ award.

• More than a million people die around-the-world in car accidents each year. (And you have a fear of flying?)
– “BBC News Magazine”
• 15% of people polled say that while they’ve been cooped up in their homes due to this year’s severe Winter weather, they’ve passed the time by having a lot more sex than usual. (8% say that’s impossible … their back’s still out from shoveling snow.)
– AP
• The average blonde has 140,000 hairs on the head while the average redhead only has 88,000. (Explains why every guy you meet that’s nicknamed ‘Red’ … is bald.)
– “Medical Cosmetology”


1964 [47] Glenn Beck, Everett WA, syndicated conservative radio personality (“The Glenn Beck Program”)/TV host (Fox News Channel)/author (“Arguing With Idiots: How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government”)

1967 [44] Laura Dern, Los Angeles CA, movie actress (“Jurassic Park” films, “Rambling Rose”)/ex-Mrs Ben Harper

1991 [20] Emma Roberts, Rhinebeck NY, movie actress (“Valentine’s Day”, “The Winning Season”)/daughter of actor Eric Roberts/niece of actress Julia Roberts  UP NEXT: “Scream 4”, opening April 15th.

1994 [17] Makenzie Vega, LA CA, TV actress (‘Grace Florrick’ on “The Good Wife” since 2009)

• “For the Birds Day”, a highlight of “Wild Bird Feeding Month”. (So check your cookbook for some yummy wild game recipes. No?)

• “Rejection Awareness Week”, to draw attention to people who’ve taken a chance on love and had their hearts stomped on. (Awww.)

1990 [21] Paula Abdul becomes first female artist to have an album in the top 10 for over 50 weeks (“Forever Your Girl”)

1996 [15] IBM’s Deep Blue notches 1st ‘Tournament Victory by a Computer‘ under classic chess rules, beating world chess champion Garry Kasparov

2006 [05] 2,500 athletes gather in Torino, Italy as the XX Olympic Winter Games open

1982 [29] 28 skiers perform a simultaneous back-flip while holding hands (Bromont, Québec)

[Fri] “The Eagle”; “Gnomeo & Juliet”; “Just Go With It”; “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Pro Sports Wives Day
[Fri] Satisfied Staying Single Day
[Sun] “Grammy Awards” (Los Angeles)
[Sun] Man Day
This Week Is … International Friendship Week
This Month Is … Fiber Focus Month


• ‘The Saint Bernard’ – Slobber way too much, leaving partner’s face looking like a microwaved glazed donut.
• ‘The Wrecking Ball’ – Lunge in so hard they clank teeth, leaving their partners with the smile of a hockey player.
• ‘The Meat Grinder’ – Forget (or don’t care) they have braces and, like a “Saw” film, proceed to attack their partners’ tongues & lips with their cheese-grater grillz.
• ‘Vlad the Impaler’ – Repeatedly shove their Gene Simmons-sized tongues down their partners’ throats, testing the gag reflex.
• ‘The Black Hole’ – Feel the need to open their mouths as wide as they can like a snake trying to devour an ostrich egg.
• ‘The Hoover’ – Suddenly start sucking on their partners’ tongues like a runaway vacuum cleaner hose.
• ‘The Puffer Fish’ – Forget how to breathe through their noses and end up exhaling into their partners’ mouths, filling their cheeks with hot, muggy breath.
• ‘The Stevie Wonder’ – Always way off the mark, they keep bobbing and weaving around their partners’ faces in search of the right spot.
• ‘The Dentist’ – Slide their tongues all over their partners’ teeth, giving them an unwanted dental cleaning.
• ‘Mr & Ms Rigor Mortis’ – Either too paralyzed by fear of doing it wrong or simply refuse to move, expecting their partners to do all the work.
– Adapted from

People say I’m apathetic … but I don’t care’

What’s the best way to discipline kids? (65% of parents in a “Parenting” magazine poll say ‘time-outs’.)

Today’s Question: Over a lifetime the average person has 28 of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: First kisses.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

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