Wednesday, February 13, 2013        Edition: #4925

Get a Load of This Sheet!

Dr Dre is suing electronics firm Yamaha alleging the company’s PRO headphones infringe on the patent of his Beats by Dre line (it’s the ‘look’ he’s most worried about, as Beats have become as much a fashion accessory as a way to listen to music) . . . Actor Pierce Brosnan has hinted that the plan to honor all 6 ‘James Bonds’ from Sean Connery to Daniel Craig at the Academy Awards February 24th will hit a snag, because one won’t be there (he won’t say who, but presumably it would be him – unless they up the ante) . . . “Modern Family” star Sofia Vergara has revealed she was in school studying to be a dentist until she was ‘discovered’ by a photographer while walking along a Colombian beach and soon modeling offers started coming in (ever had a tooth-puller that looked like that?) . . . Actor Leonardo DiCaprio, now on a break from making movies, has been spotted having dinner with pal Kevin Connolly (‘E’ on “Entourage”) and – not 1 or 2 – but 12 beautiful women at Koi in NYC’s Trump SoHo (an earwitness says he openly bragged that ‘everyone’ wants to be him) . . . And ratings for this week’s return of “The Walking Dead” (AMC) were phenomenal, beating shows like “American Idol”, “Modern Family”, “The Big Bang Theory” and “NCIS” in the all-important 18-49 demo (proving there are almost as many zombies watching TV as are ON TV).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Female contestants compete in the Hollywood round in hope of making it to the semifinals.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Dave Grohl (“Sound City”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Lupe Fiasco f/Guy Sebastion (“Tetsuo & Youth”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Tegan & Sara (“Heartthrob”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Fall Out Boy (“Save Rock & Roll”, out May 7th).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Niki & The Dove (“Instinct”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Kacey Musgraves (“Same Trailer Different Park”, out March 19th).
• “Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs Favorites” (CBS/Global) – In the 26th-season premiere, 10 fans team up to compete against 10 favorite contestants from past seasons, including dweeby law student Cochran, underwear-clad Phillip, and the sometimes devout Brandon Hantz, nephew of infamous “Survivor” veteran Russell. (Think this show’s getting tired?)
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Eli Young Band (“Life At Best”).

• The Black Keys – reports that the reason Dan Auerbach’s wife didn’t accompany him to the Grammy Awards is that they’ve split and are headed for divorce.
• Beyoncé – “Vogue” has had to release its March issue featuring Queen B early after the cover was leaked online. (Cuz that’s what we really need lately … more Beyoncé.)
• Bon Jovi – Tonight in Montréal QC, they embark on the “Because We Can” world tour in support of the upcoming album “What About Now” (out March 8th). As well as North America, they’ll also tour Europe, the Far East, Africa, Latin America, and Australia.
• Carrie Underwood – Tonight she kicks off another leg of her “Blown Away Tour” in Colorado Springs CO. The outing is now slotted to encompass more than 100 shows in total. Hunter Hayes continues to open as special guest.
• Drake – His new song “Started From the Bottom” is a bit pretentious considering he grew up in Forest Hill, one of Toronto’s ritziest ‘hoods. The video shows him working as a sales clerk in a Shoppers Drug Mart, about as mainstream a job as an urban Canadian can get.
• P!nk – Tonight her “Truth About Love Tour” begins in Phoenix AZ, with The Hives as opening act. The trek runs through March 28th in Boston MA.
• Jane’s Addiction – Tonight guitarist Dave Navarro guest stars on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (NBC) in an episode entitled “Funny Valentine”. He’s playing a sound engineer named ‘Ferrari’ who witnesses a crime but refuses to talk to authorities about it.
• Justin Timberlake / Jay-Z – The two artists collaborated on Justin’s new single “Suit & Tie” and are now said to be planning a 10-city stadium tour together later this year.
• Kanye West – He and pregnant fiancée Kim Kardashian recently paid $11 million for a sprawling mansion in a gated community in Bel Air CA, but TMZ reports they aren’t stopping with one property. Word has it they’re planning to also buy homes in NYC, Miami, and Paris. (Kanye’s plan to avoid the in-laws?)
• Maroon 5 – Tonight in Columbus OH they embark on an extensive North American tour with Neon Trees and Owl City as support acts that runs through April 6th in Rosemont IL. They then move on to the UK, Ireland, France, and the Netherlands.
• Sound City Players – Tonight Dave Grohl’s all-star band plays a one-off gig at NYC’s Hammerstein Ballroom. Foo Fighters serve as the core of the lineup, with guests Stevie Nicks, John Fogerty, Rick Springfield, Cheap Trick’s Rick Nielsen, and Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic.

In addition to gifting loved ones chocolate on Valentines Day, many Japanese women feel obliged to give small, inexpensive chocolates to male colleagues, bosses, and friends. That likely explains why 2 vending machines at Tokyo’s Shinjuku Station are attracting swarms of customers ahead of this Valentines Day. The machines are dispensing free chocolate, but only ‘Black Thunder’ chocolate bars, which normally cost a paltry 32 cents. These cheap chocolates that women present to male counterparts are known as ‘giri choco’. (The gift that says I like you but … not a whole bunch.)
– “Japan Times”

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 85% of those who log on to Facebook do it daily.
• 75% of teenage girls have dieted at one time or another.
• 60% of women have an exercise DVD around the house but never use it.
• 50% of us say we don’t use the ‘phone book’ anymore but we still get a new one every year.
• 40% of women use anti-aging cream.
• 25% of kids didn’t eat any vegetables yesterday.

An augmented-reality app that ‘translates’ grown-up newspapers for children has been developed in Japan. The “Tokyo Shimbun”, one of the country’s biggest dailies, has worked with advertising firm Dentsu to create the software that allows children to hold a smartphone over the newspaper to see a child-friendly version of the text. Cartoon characters appear on the screen, explaining stories and drawing attention to important words. (These days newspapers everywhere are searching for ways to survive the electronic age.)
– BBC News

New terms leaking into our lingo …
✓ ‘Cinemagraph’ – A still image in which one small area has been animated. Some of the coolest GIFs online of late use cinemagraphs, whereby creators animate one aspect of them, ie: a woman’s skirt ruffling in the wind, a taxi driving past a café window, etc.
✓ ‘Second Screening’ – Using a mobile device to monitor and post social media comments about what you are watching on TV or at the movies. (“I watched ‘The Big Bang Theory’ last night and second-screened my impressions with my smartphone, then I third-screened my comments about my impressions using my iPad.”)
✓ ‘Z-Monster’ – Sleepiness so excessive you can hardly keep your eyes open. (“Thanks to staying up late to watch a “Downton Abbey” marathon last night, the Z-monster is beatin’ me down this morning.”)

If you’ve ever wondered why a seemingly professional cab driver will ask you how to get to your destination, this is why. Going your way means they’ll make more money and they won’t be accused of ripping you off. Ethical taxi drivers have the knowledge and experience to take the shortest route to just about anywhere within their service area, but they hate being accused of taking the long way by passengers who think they know better. (Would you feel safe saying, “You’re the expert … you decide the route”?)

Remember life before the iPhone? We thought not. If rumors come to fruition, one of the following could be the next watershed Apple device that permanently alters our lives …
✓ iPad Mini with Retina Display – The first version had a disappointingly low resolution. Even the tiniest bump in specs would make the iPad Mini ready for high-res ‘retina display’ graphics.
✓ Streaming Radio Service – Apple’s Pandora-killing radio service has been rumored for a while. Word has it that it’s been snagged in negotiations with the major record labels.
✓ Budget iPhone – Google’s Android OS is quietly winning the numbers game in large measure because it’s so cheap. That’s why many claim that a low-cost iPhone is in the works.
✓ Smartwatch – There’s been buzz there’ll be a wearable Apple device of some kind with an ergonomic curved-glass display. Could this bring back the popularity of the wristwatch?
✓ A Cable-Like Set-Top Box – The existing Apple TV box will get an update sometime in the next year. If it was licensed to stream content from the big TV networks, that would be huge!
– Condensed from

A 105-year-old Santa Barbara, California woman is believed to be Facebook’s oldest user.  Edythe Kirchmaier is also California’s oldest licensed driver. Oh, and she loves that iPad mini she got for Christmas. (Retirees age 65 and older are the fastest-growing group of social networkers, according to Pew Research. 40% of Internet users over 65 now use Facebook, up 150% since 2009. 11% of Internet users 50-to-64 now use Twitter, up from only 5% in 2009.)

• Cockroaches groom themselves to improve their sense of smell. (We do it in order NOT to smell.)
– “Magazine Monitor”
• A gorilla can tightrope walk. (But not as well as a politician.)
– “The Telegraph”
• Mice enjoy being massaged. (OK, so who discovered this and … how?)

We’re on BS beach week hiatus February 18-22 inclusive. Subscribers will receive account credits in lieu of service.


1944 [69] Jerry Springer, London UK, trash TV talk show host (“Jerry Springer Show” since 1991)

1950 [63] Peter Gabriel, Woking UK, classic rock singer (“Sledgehammer”, “Big Time”)

1972 [41] Todd Harrell, Escatawpa MS, rock musician (3 Doors Down-“Here Without You”, “When I’m Gone”)

1974 [39] Robbie Williams, Stoke-on-Trent UK, pop singer (“Candy”, “Angels”)/former member of pop group Take That

1976 [37] (Leslie) Feist, Amherst NS, pop singer (“1234”, “Mushaboom”)

1979 [34] Mena Suvari, Newport RI, movie actress (“American Beauty”, “American Pie” movies)

1997 [16] Prince Michael Jackson Jr, Beverly Hills CA, Michael Jackson’s #1 son with ex-wife/baby carrier Debbie Rowe

• “Ash Wednesday”, the beginning of Lent. Lent, of course, is supposed to be a time of spiritual preparation for Easter that generally involves fasting and penance. Catholic tradition dictates that the 40 days before Easter be a time of restrictions. So what are you giving up for Lent?

• “Employee Legal Awareness Day”, a day  to make employees aware of the main legal duties involved in conducting their day-to-day activities and the main legal risks incurred by failure to fulfil those duties. (Also a good time to find out what your boss can and can’t do to you.)

• “Get a Different Name Day”, set aside to give us opportunity to pick one we’d really like. Find listeners with really odd names and ask them what nickname they’d like to be called. Or find them a cool new name at the ‘Baby Namer’ website …

• “International Condom Week”, just in time for Valentines Day.
• “Cover your stump before you hump!”
• “Don’t be silly, protect your willy!”
• “Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool!”
• “Don’t make a mistake, cover your snake!”
• “If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket!”
• “No glove, no love.”

• “World Radio Day”, a UN observation adopted on November 3, 2011 by UNESCO’s 36th General Conference. It was originally proposed by Spain. (Shouldn’t we get the day off or something?)

2008 [05] A California judge rules that actor Mel Gibson has successfully completed the terms of his no-contest plea to misdemeanor DUI (his career, however, never recovers)

1988 [25] Opening of 1st Winter Olympics hosted by Canada (Canada fails to win a single gold medal at the 15th Winter Games in Calgary)

1988 [25] Michael Jackson buys a ranch in Santa Ynez, California and names it ‘Neverland’ (it’s later renamed ‘the scene of the crime’)

2003 [10] Dan Price completes a 4,000-mile cross-country ride from Joseph, Oregon to Key West, Florida … by tricycle (averages 50-to-60 miles a day, camps out at night)

[Thurs] “A Good Day to Die Hard”; “Beautiful Creatures”; “Safe Haven” open in movie theaters
[Thurs] Pet Theft Awareness Day
[Thurs] Call In Single Day
[Thurs] Quirky Alone Day
[Fri] “Escape from Planet Earth” opens in movie theaters
This Week Is … Jell-O Week
This Month Is … Bake for Family Fun Month


• “You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs, any questions?”
• “Happy Valentines Day! I love you so much that if we were on a sinking ship and there
was only one life jacket … I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.”
• “This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn’t 200 bucks a night.”
• “You’re a honey and you’re a cutie, but I wish you had Kim K’s booty.”
• “Hi, I’m Mr Right. Someone said you were looking for me.”
• “I admire your strength, I admire your spunk but the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.”
• “I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny, so let’s get to the point – let’s do it, I’m horny!”

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

Take this gal-oriented quiz to find out “Which ‘90s Dreamboat Is Your Perfect Valentine?” …

Question: Holding one of THESE makes you feel friendlier toward others and more generous.
Answer: A warm mug of something. (Coffee, tea, cocoa, soup … urine sample.)

☎ What’s the LEAST romantic thing your partner does? (Forget your wedding anniversary? Watch TV during sex? Wear socks to bed?)

Halitosis is better than no breath at all.

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