Monday, February 16, 2015        Edition: #5398

Ahhh, It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

★ 38-year-old Brit actor Benedict Cumberbatch is a married man after exchanging vows on Valentines Day. The “Imitation Game” star wed his 36-year-old pregnant partner Sophie Hunter at the medieval St Peter & St Paul’s Church in Mottistone on the Isle of Wight, off the coast of England. Guests at the reception at nearby Mottistone Manor included Cumberbatch’s “Sherlock” co-star Andrew Scott. Cumberbatch and theater director Hunter announced their engagement last November, 5 years after they met on a movie set.
★ Is ‘Lady Mary’ engaged? “Downton Abbey” actress Michelle Dockery is reportedly engaged to John Dineen. The couple have been dating for over a year and reports in a British tabloid claim the pair has decided to take the next step … down the aisle. The couple has yet to officially confirm the news but sources claim 33-year-old Dockery has shown off her engagement ring to fellow “Downton Abbey” cast-members during a script reading.
– “Daily Mail”
★ Snoop Dogg and metal band Anthrax are featured on an upcoming “Game Of Thrones” mixtape, with tracks inspired by the new season of the popular fantasy drama. “Catch the Throne: The Mixtape, Vol 2” will feature 15 songs by a number of acts, with each artist representing one of the ‘power-hungry families’ featured in the Emmy-winning series. Method Man and Killswitch Engage are also featured on the free mixtape, which is slated for a release next month. It will likely be popular … “Vol 1” was streamed over 2.5 million times.
★ Actor Johnny Depp is planning to republish one of his favorite novels. The “Pirates Of the Caribbean” star and his publishing partners at HarperCollins imprint Infinitum will re-release tattoo artist Jonathan Shaw’s cult novel “Narcisa: Our Lady of Ashes” later this year, according to a report. Shaw’s quirky love story was first published in 2008 but it has since gone out of print. Depp has previously published books by Woody Guthrie and Bob Gruen via his imprint.
★ And Brian Williams’ suspension from NBC News has the tongues of media gossips wagging. Some feel it’s unlikely execs at NBC didn’t know that Williams was prone to exaggeration, and find it hard to believe that nobody noticed he’d been telling lies about taking fire. So what’s the real reason for his suspension? There are 2 rumors doing the rounds: The plausible one is that NBC wanted to be rid of BriWi but weren’t keen on another network snapping him up; the more interesting one is that he’s angered the ‘Illuminati’ by refusing to flash their symbols live on-air.

• “Celebrity Apprentice” (NBC) – The 2 finalists, Leeza Gibbons and Geraldo Rivera, complete; Donald Trump announces the Season 14 winner.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Cold War Kids (“Hold My Home”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – “Mash Up Mondays” continue, pairing up different acts to perform together. Tonight we get ‘Aloe Blaccstreet’ … Aloe Blacc and Blackstreet.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Holy Wave (“Relax”).
• “Late Late Show” (CBS/Omni 1) – Weird Al Yankovic (“Mandatory Fun”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Two Gallants (“Two Gallants”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Kishi Bashi (“Lighght”).
• “Queen Latifah” (syndicated) – Faith Evans (“Incomparable”).
• “Stevie Wonder: Songs In The Key Of Life – An All-Star Grammy Salute” (CBS): A 2-hour pre-taped special saluting the prolific singer-songwriter at LA’s Nokia Theatre. Performers paying tribute include Ariana Grande, The Band Perry, Chris Martin, Ed Sheeran, John Legend, Janelle Monáe, Lady Gaga, Usher, and Willie Nelson.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Chris Brown (“X”).
• “Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show” (CNBC) – The 139th edition of one the most prestigious canine competitions airs tonight and tomorrow from NYC’s Madison Square Garden. Tomorrow’s live coverage airs on USA Network/Animal Planet Canada.

• Christina Aguilera – She’s set to take on a guest role on the upcoming season of ABC-TV’s “Nashville”, playing – what else? – a pop diva. Her character named ‘Jade St John’ has a secret dream to record a country album if only her label would let her break out of her golden cage.
• Daft Punk – A new app that allows you to recreate their track “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” with your keyboard/keypad is said to be so addictive it kills your productivity. The DaftPunKonsole assigns keys to various phrases, ie: “work it”, “more than”, “work is”, etc.
• Drake – In a surprise release Friday he’s offered up a complete new album via iTunes, titled “If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late”. He may also still release the album “Views From the 6”, which was expected out later in 2015. The new album is now also streaming on Spotify.
• Katy Perry – She’s extending her “Prismatic” tour in 2015 with a new leg of European dates beginning tonight in Barcelona, Spain. She’s also visiting Austria, Belgium, Denmark, France,
Germany, Italy, Netherlands, and Scandinavia among others.
• Lady Gaga – She’s revealed that she will be performing at this year’s Academy Awards on February 22nd, although it’s unclear in what capacity she will be singing.
• Lily Allen – The Brit pop star has been targeted with a series of abusive text messages attributed to a member of the ISIS terror network. She fears her phone number was obtained after fellow singer Taylor Swift’s Twitter account was hacked in January.
• Mark Ronson w/Bruno Mars – The mega-hit “Uptown Funk” is thought to be making around $100,000 every week on Spotify alone.
• Maroon 5 – Tonight “The Maroon 5 2015 World Tour” begins in Dallas TX. The 27-city North American leg runs through April before traveling to Germany, Italy, Netherlands, Spain, and the UK. The massive trek is in support of their most recent album, “V”.
• Sam Hunt – He’s scored a chart double this week, with “Take Your Time” atop the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart and “Montevallo” #1 for a 2nd straight week on the ‘Top Country Albums’ chart.
• Taylor Swift – An inside source tells she collects mementos from all of her relationships. She has a bracelet and scarf from Jake Gyllenhaal, guitar picks from John Mayer, Taylor Lautner’s T-shirt, a tie of Conor Kennedy’s, and Harry Styles’ necklace. It’s like she has a trophy case of her past loves, the snitch says.

• The Dumb Dude – Usually super-chatty and not quite aware that they’re racist, or ignorant, or whatever, but they will always be the first one in the office to offer their hot take on anything.
• The Oversharer – You know that they have a weird thing on their armpit, because you heard them talk about it on the phone for like, an hour, while you were eating lunch.
• The Nemesis – There’s always one person you can’t stand; who’s mission seems to be to make your work life harder. It’s that jerk who talks over you in meetings, etc.
• The Office DJ – They come in every morning and hijack the sound system, putting on whatever thrash metal or steel drum ensembles they feel like listening to that day.
• The Work Spouse – The one person who you go to lunch with always and who you walk out with when the day is done. This person knows more about you than maybe your actual partner.
– Condensed from

Psychologists are warning about a new eating disorder whereby increasing numbers of women are cutting back on food in order to drink wine. The phenomenon mainly affects women, though smaller numbers of men who are obsessed with calorie counting are also choosing not to eat, effectively ‘swapping’ their food calories for alcohol calories. The disorder leads to drinking on an empty stomach, thereby maximizing the effects of the alcohol. It’s thought that these extreme dieters trying to live on a few hundred calories a day sometimes find it easier to consume a small amount of alcohol and briefly feel better than eat food. A glass of white wine contains about 130 calories and a pint of beer 200. (A sure tip-off is someone who says, “No thanks, I’m saving myself for a glass of wine”.)
– @MailOnline

(Just to warm you up on a Winter’s day.)
10. Bellevue Beach, Klapenburg, Denmark
9. Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey
8. Cap d’Agde, France
7. Morfa Dyffryn, North Wales, UK
6. Orient Beach, St Martin, West Indies
5. Tulum Beach, Tulum, Mexico
4. Baker Beach, San Francisco, California
3. Mazo Beach, Mazomanie, Wisconsin
2. Swanbourne Beach, Perth, Australia
1. Playa Es Cavallet, Ibiza, Spain

California Public Health officials are warning parents not to hold ‘measles parties’ that intentionally expose children to measles as it will further spread the severity of the current outbreak. Measles parties were popular in the 1950s-60s before the MMR vaccine was introduced for Measles, Mumps, and Rubella. The virus is particularly dangerous for children under 5. In a worst-case scenario it can cause pneumonia, brain swelling, or death. The outbreak originated earlier this year with a group of unvaccinated people at Disneyland in California. (Even if vaccines are less than 100% effective, they are far safer than exposing kids to the disease.)
– ABC News

• Eels can use their electric discharges to remotely control the fish they hunt.
– BBC News
• Red pandas use their bushy tails as blankets to help keep warm.
• It’s currently koala mating season in Australia. Anyone nearby should watch out for bellowing, their mating call.


1958 [57] Ice T (Tracy Morrow), Newark NJ, TV actor (‘Detective Fin Tutuola’ on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” since 2000)/former rapper (“Cop Killer”)

1961 [54] Andy Taylor, Newcastle UK, classic rock guitarist (Duran Duran-“The Reflex”)

1977 [38] Brad Walst, Norwood ON, rock bassist-vocalist (Three Days Grace-“Just Like You”)

1982 [33] Lupe Fiasco (Wasalu Jaco), Chicago IL, rapper (“The Show Goes On”)

1987 [28] Ryan Follesé, Nashville TN, pop vocalist-guitarist (Hot Chelle Rae-“Tonight Tonight”)

• “Almond Day”, saluting what’s believed to be one of the earliest cultivated foods. 80% of the world’s almonds are now grown in California.

• “Do a Grouch a Favor Day”, a day to perform an unexpected good deed to cheer up someone who’s sulky.

• “Family Day” a semi-national annual Canadian holiday. The province of Alberta has observed it on the 3rd Monday of February since 1990. Saskatchewan adopted the idea in 2007; Ontario added the mid-Winter break in 2008. Manitoba celebrates the holiday as “Louis Riel Day”.

• “Presidents Day” in the USA, always the 3rd Monday in February, originally to honor the birthdays of both George Washington (February 22nd) & Abraham Lincoln (February 12th), now recognizing all US Presidents.

1990 [25] 1st issue of “Entertainment Weekly” magazine (singer kd lang on the cover)

2007 [08] Britney Spears shaves her own head after an LA salon owner refuses to do it for her

2005 [10] National Hockey League cancels the entire regular season and playoffs, becoming the 1st major sports league in North America to do so over a labor dispute

1980 [35] ‘World’s Longest Traffic Jam’ extends 180 km (109 mi) from Paris to Lyons, France

[Tues] Pancake Day/Mardi Gras
[Tues] PTA Founders Day
[Wed] Ash Wednesday
[Wed] NME Awards (London)
[Wed] Drink Wine Day
[Thurs] Chinese New Year
[Thurs] “Two-And-a-Half Men” series finalé (CBS)

Brotherhood & Sisterhood Week / Build a Better Trade Show Image Week / Condom Week / Date Week / Justice for Animals Week / Pancake Week / Through With the Chew Week


Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Why is it that in the movies that …
● All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman, covering her chest, but only to waist-level on the man lying beside her.
● Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
● If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
● If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade … at any time of the year.
● When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill … just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
● Computers never display a cursor on-screen but will always say: ‘Enter Password Now’.
– First published in “BS” 1998.

Getting girls to flash in exchange for a string of beads has become a Mardi Gras tradition in New Orleans LA. A few less successful encouragements …
• “Show me your bra, as long as it’s somewhat modest!”
• “Flash me in such an oblique way that I can still post the pics on Facebook!”
• “Show me half your areola!”
• “Do something adorable with a kitten!”
• “Show me your appendectomy scar!”
• “Adjust your pants slightly!”
• “Show me your neck wattles!”
• “Thank-you for your drunken generosity!”
• “Take off your wimple!”
• “Have sex with me please.”
– First published in “BS” 2010.

I bought my wife “50 Shades of Grey” as an e-book to help ‘re-Kindle’ our relationship.

☎ What’s the worst piece of advice you’ve ever received?

Question: THIS is now true in almost 40% of heterosexual marriages.
Answer: The wife makes more money than the husband.

People don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think.

Rob Schaecher @ Country 97.3 [KBLR] Blair NE; Alipate @ FM96 Suva, Fiji; Alma Entertainment, South Huntington NY; André Kunz @ OFM Bloemfontein, South Africa; and David Ogg @ Nevis Radio, Fort William, Scotland.

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