Friday, February 16, 2018 – Edition: #6159

Sheet Happens!

“The Bull Sheet” will not be publishing on Monday, February 19 to observe the Canadian ‘Family Day’ holiday. All subscribers will receive credit for the missed service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, February 20.

★ Amy Schumer and Chris Fischer got married in Malibu on Valentine’s Day, and the ceremony was attended by some of her closest celebrity friends. Schumer and Fischer exchanged vows in front of about 80 people, including, Jennifer Aniston, Jake Gyllenhaal and Jennifer Lawrence, Larry David and David Spade. The wedding happened just days after Schumer and her chef husband made their relationship social media official with a kissing photo on Instagram Sunday.
(How does David Spade always get invited to these things?)
★ The couple who bought the ‘American Horror Story’ murder house are…wait for it, living a horror story of their own. Ernst Von Schwarz and Angela Oakenfold bought the Rosenheim Mansion in Los Angeles, which appeared throughout the show’s first season, in 2015 for $3.2 million. Now they’re suing for unspecified damages. They say they are plagued with crazed fans who take photos, trespass, and sometimes even force their way inside their home. They’re blaming their realtor and the former owners, who they claim should have disclosed the house’s history.
★ It’s not the plot of a James Bond movie, but maybe it could be…Pierce Brosnan is being threatened with jail time. Indian officials are warning the actor that he could face two years behind bars if he doesn’t provide an explanation for why he appeared in an advertisement promoting a company that sells mouth-freshening products, including some that contain tobacco. It’s illegal to advertise tobacco products in India. Brosnan, known for portraying 007 in the James Bond films, was featured in the ad about 18 months ago, and has claimed in the past that he was told the item he was promoting did not contain tobacco or other dangerous components.
(I’d say he has provided as explanation!)
★ Bill Paxton’s family has filed a wrongful death lawsuit against the hospital and doctor who treated the beloved actor. Paxton went to the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center last February 14 where Dr. Ali Khoynezhad allegedly performed heart surgery on him. According to the suit, Dr. Khoynezhad used a procedure that resulted in Paxton suffering a stroke. The lawsuit states that risky procedures were used and the hospital is responsible for letting a doctor who wasn’t familiar with the procedure perform the surgery.
★ Luke Wilson played the part of hero in real life. It happened after a car wreck in Los Angeles that left one man dead. A witness also involved says Wilson enlisted his help to free a woman who was injured and unable to get out of her smouldering vehicle.  According to the witness, it was Wilson who “led the charge” to get the woman out of the vehicle. The woman they freed is hospitalized with serious injuries. Wilson and the witness were unhurt. Also in the accident was pro golfer Bill Haas; the man who was driving him was killed in the wreck. Haas suffered leg injuries, but they aren’t considered life-threatening.
★ Natalie Portman donated $1,000 to Ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund after the host guessed the gender of the actress’ second baby. In 2016, Portman welcomed a daughter (named Amalia) just as DeGeneres predicted. Portman was back on Ellen’s show this week, and she revealed that she ‘kept good’ on the bet.

• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Kate Winslet, Laura Benanti, Wolf Alice ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Annette Bening, Rachel Brosnahan, Royal Blood ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Tiffani Thiessen
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Eddie Redmayne
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Steph Curry, Ayesha Curry
• “Big Brother: Celebrity Edition” (CBS): Episode 7
• “2018 Winter Olympics” (NBC/CBC): Figure Skating, Alpine Skiing, Freestyle Skiing, Skeleton, Curling, Men’s Hockey, Snowboarding, Speed Skating.

• “Premier Boxing Champions”(FOX): Devon Alexander faces Victor Ortiz in a welterweight bout in El Paso.
• “2018 Winter Olympics” (NBC/CBC): Alpine Skiing, Short Track, Skeleton, Ski Jumping, Curling, Men and Women’s Hockey.

• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Phoebe Robinson, Cynthia Bailey
• “Meet the Peetes” (HALLMARK: In the premiere, Holly and Rodney prepare for their twins’ big 20th birthday party, but getting the whole family under the same roof will be tricky.
• “2018 Winter Olympics” (NBC/CBC): Bobsled, Speed Skating, Freestyle, Figure Skating, Alpine Skiing, Women’s Hockey.

• Hedley – have had their scheduled performance at the Juno Awards dropped in a “mutual decision” after allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced this week. The group calls the allegations “unsubstantiated” and say they respect and applaud the #MeToo movement. They are nominated for 4 Junos. The ceremony is March 25 in Vancouver BC.
• Taylor Swift – A judge in California has thrown out a copyright infringement lawsuit brought by two songwriters who claimed that she had ripped off the “Playas, they gonna play /And haters, they gonna hate” lyrics of their song for her 2014 hit ‘Shake It Off’. The judge said that the phrase was “too banal” to copyright.
• Adam Lambert – has promised fans he’ll release new music this year. He has been touring with Queen, but he exchanged tweets with some of his 2.6 million followers on Wednesday, letting them know he’s hard at work on his follow-up to 2015’s ‘The Original High’.
• Styx and Joan Jett – have announced a summer North American tour. 27 shows are scheduled starting May 30 in Irvine, CA. Tesla will open
• Coldplay – made Michelle Obama’s official Valentine’s Day playlist. She shared a Valentine’s Day message to her husband on Instagram, along with a playlist that included their song ‘Fix You’, plus songs like ‘Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe’, by Barry White, ‘Halo’ by Beyoncé, and Etta James’ classic ‘At Last’, which was the Obamas’s first dance after the 2008 inauguration, performed at the time by Beyoncé.
• Led Zeppelin – Jimmy Page says that in addition to the reissue of their 2003 album ‘How the West was Won’, there is another live album on the way…at least. “I can’t give the game away, but there’s a recording that’s another multi-track that we’ll release. There’s a lot of stuff to come out, a number of releases. I’d like to say that they’ll be coming out over the next 10 years.”
• Tommy Lee – the former The Mötley Crüe drummer and actress/comedian Brittany Furlan announced via Instagram on Valentine’s Day that they’re engaged. This will be the first marriage for Furlan, and the fourth for Lee.
• Brett Eldredge – has opened for some major A-list stars — Keith Urban, Luke Bryan, Little Big Town and more — but now he has announced his first solo headlining tour. ‘The Long Way Tour’ launches April 5 in Garden City, Idaho, and runs through May 5 in New York…so far.
• Maren Morris – was thrilled to meet (and perform with) Kesha! Both were selected by host Vince Gill to perform in an intimate songwriters round alongside he and Emmylou Harris at the ‘2018 All For the Hall’ benefit concert in New York. Included in the show: performances of the collective’s individual hits, plus Gill, Harris and Morris all chiming in with harmonies on Kesha’s acoustic “Your Love Is My Drug”.

• “Black Panther” (PG-13, Action/Adventure): T’Challa, after the death of his father, the King of Wakanda, returns home to the isolated, technologically advanced African nation to succeed to the throne and take his rightful place as king. (Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira)
• “Early Man” (PG, Animation/Kids): Set at the dawn of time, when prehistoric creatures and woolly mammoths roamed the earth, Dug, along with sidekick Hognob unite his tribe against the mighty enemy Lord Nooth and his Bronze Age City to save their home. (Tom Hiddleston, Eddie Redmayne, Maisie Williams)
• “Samson” (PG-13, Action/Adventure): After losing the love of his life to a cruel Philistine prince, a young Hebrew with Supernatural strength defends his people, sacrificing everything to avenge his love, his people, and his God. (Jackson Rathbone, Billy Zane, Taylor James, Rutger Hauer)
• “The Party” (R-Rated, Comedy/Drama): Janet hosts a party to celebrate her new promotion, but once the guests arrive it becomes clear that not everything is going to go down as smoothly as the red wine. (Timothy Spall, Kristin Scott Thomas, Patricia Clarkson)
• “Loveless” (R-Rated, Drama): A couple going through a divorce must team up to find their son who has disappeared during one of their bitter arguments. (Maryana Spivak, Aleksey Rozin)

I’m sure you are aware that the ‘Gold’ medals handed out to winning athletes at the Olympic Games are not made exclusively of real gold. In fact they are generally 92.5% silver, with gold plating. But how much are they worth? Depends what you mean:
As scrap metal: PyeongChang’s gold medals are worth about US $577 (silver medals are worth around $320, and bronze medals have a scrap value of about $3.50).
Auction Value: Olympic gold medals tend to sell for around $20,000-50,000 these days (silver medals sell for about $10-30k and bronze medals for less than $10k). Of course, it depends a lot on what athlete won the medal.
Impact Value Of An Olympic Medal in Endorsements & Public Speaking: Priceless
(And by the way, if you are an athlete from Azerbaijan and you win gold, the country will pay you up to $510,000…THAT’S motivation!)

Maybe your Valentine is still not speaking to you because you didn’t make dinner reservations for the 14th, and the two of you ended up waiting…forever. Or worse, ordering take-out. Well, here’s your out: Master chef Gordon Ramsay says that Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year that you should NEVER eat at a restaurant. He says that because it is one of the busiest days of the year, it’s not unusual for restaurants to fall a tad below par. With so much food to prepare, sometimes the chefs aren’t able to put all of their love and effort into each and every dish—despite how much they may want to. In fact, Ramsay says “Valentine’s Day is the worst day of the year to go out.” “Busy kitchens with tons of diners means you don’t get the true feeling of the restaurant.” And besides, according to him, you should be cooking for your loved one on Valentine’s.
(Not if I know what’s good for me…and her!)
(That’s why I told her we should go out LAST night instead…..not at all because the game was on Wednesday night!)

✓ Pretend to look at something else when someone is blocking the product you want in the grocery store.
✓ Become immediately repulsed after touching wet food in the sink.
✓ Rehearse arguments in your head that probably will never happen.
✓ Refuse to eat until you find the perfect show on Netflix.
✓ Smile awkwardly at someone you know but don’t know well enough to say hi to.
✓ Reread an email immediately after you’ve sent it.
✓ Become embarrassed when you think of something awkward you did years ago.
✓ Stop the microwave one second before it goes off.
✓ Spell out Feb-ru-ary in your head.
✓ Set your alarm earlier than you need to so you can snooze.
✓ Turn your music down when you look for a parking space.
✓ Push in all the bubbles on your soft drink’s plastic lid just because.
(And if you don’t, YOU are the weird one!)


1958 [60] Ice T (Tracy Morrow), Newark NJ, TV actor (‘Detective Fin Tutuola’ on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” since 2000)/former rapper (‘Cop Killer’)

1959 [59] John McEnroe, Wiesbaden, West Germany, American tennis great (3-time Wimbledon winner, 4- time US Open winner)

1961 [57] Andy Taylor, Newcastle UK, pop/rock guitarist (Duran Duran-‘The Reflex’, Hungry Like the Wolf’, The Power Station -‘Some Like it Hot’)

1974 [44] Mahershala Ali, Oakland CA, movie actor (“Hidden Figures”, “Moonlight”)/TV actor (‘Cottonmouth’ on “Luke Cage” 2016, “House of Cards” 2013-16)/rapper

1977 [41] Brad Walst, Norwood ON, rock bassist-vocalist (Three Days Grace-‘Pain’, ‘I Hate Everything About You’)

1989 [29] Danielle Haim, LA CA, pop-rock guitarist/drummer (Haim-‘The Wire’, ‘Forever’)

1989 [29] Elizabeth Olsen, Sherman Oaks CA, movie actress (“Captain America: Civil War”, “Avengers: Age of Ultron”)

1990 [28] The Weeknd (Abel Tesfaye), Toronto, ON, singer-songwriter (‘Can’t Feel My Face’, feat. Daft Punk -‘Starboy’)

1965 [53] Michael Bay, LA CA, film director (“Transformers” films, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movies)

1972 [46] Taylor Hawkins, Fort Worth TX, rock drummer (Foo Fighters since 1997-‘Learn to Fly’, ‘Best of You’)

1972 [46] Billie Joe Armstrong, Oakland CA, rock singer-guitarist (Green Day-‘American Idiot’, ‘Boulevard Of Broken Dreams’)

1981 [37] Joseph Gordon-Levitt, LA CA, movie actor-director-producer (“Lincoln”, “The Dark Knight Rises”)/former TV actor (“3rd Rock From the Sun” 1996–2001)

1981 [37] Paris Hilton, NYC, socialite/sometime TV personality (“Paris Hilton’s My New BFF”)/movie actress (“House of Wax”)/great-granddaughter of hotel magnate Conrad Hilton

1991 [27] Ed Sheeran, Halifax UK, pop singer-songwriter-guitarist-producer (‘Shape of You’, ‘Perfect’)

1996 [22] Sasha Pieterse, Johannesburg, South Africa, TV actress (‘Alison DiLaurentis’ on “Pretty Little Liars” since 2010)

Movie actor John Travolta (“Pulp Fiction”) is 64; Game-show hostess Vanna White (“Wheel of Fortune”) is 61; Movie actor Matt Dillon (“There’s Something About Mary”) is 54; Rapper Dr Dre (Beats by Dre) is 53; Country musician Trevor Rosen (Old Dominion) is 43; TV actor Ike Barinholtz (“The Mindy Project”) is 41.

• “Almond Day”, saluting what’s believed to be one of the earliest cultivated foods. 80% of the world’s almonds are now grown in California.

• “Day Of the Shining Star”, a public holiday in North Korea when the birthday of late leader Kim Jong-il (1941-2011) is celebrated.

• “Do a Grouch a Favor Day”, a day to perform an unexpected good deed to cheer up someone who’s sulky. NET:

• “Innovation Day”, spot a problem, think of a solution, and before you know it you’re innovating! Innovation Day is all about imagining new, better ways of doing things.

• “Women’s Heart Health Day”, observed on the Friday of Valentine’s week.

• “PTA Founders’ Day”, commemorating the parent-teacher association’s founding in 1897. It was originally known as the ‘National Congress of Mothers’.

• “Random Acts of Kindness Day”, sponsored by a non-profit organization that believes in making the world a nicer place.

• “World Human Spirit Day”, encouraging 2 minutes of silent meditation throughout the world – and ‘beyond’ – to focus on the true spirit that flows through everything. Wow, groovy.

• “World Whale Day”, to raise awareness of these magnificent sea creatures. The annual celebration originated in Maui, Hawaii.

• “Battery Day”, observed on the birth date of Count Alessandro Volta (1745-1827), the Italian physicist credited with developing the first electric cell in 1800. His vital invention is now used everywhere from smoke alarms to phones.

• “Drink Wine Day”, set aside to embrace the positive benefits of wine such as new friends, reduced risk of heart disease, and the enhancement of food and life. (Like you needed a reason…)

• “Thumb Appreciation Day”, a day devoted to the digit that helps make us human – the opposable thumb. Chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans have opposable thumbs … on all 4 limbs. Wow, we’ve got thumb envy!

2002 [16] Thieves break into George Michael’s London home and steal over $170,000-worth of paintings, jewelry, and designer clothes; then drive off in his $135,000 Aston Martin DB7

2007 [11] Britney Spears shaves her own head after an LA salon owner refuses to do it for her

2011 [07] Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’ makes history, becoming the ‘Billboard Hot 100’ chart’s 1,000th #1 hit

2015 [03] Red Hot Chili Peppers bass player Flea breaks his arm in 5 places in a gnarly snowboarding accident

1937 [81] The synthetic fabric ‘Nylon’ is 1st patented by DuPont & Co

2005 [13] National Hockey League cancels the entire regular season and playoffs, becoming the 1st major sports league in North America to do so over a labor dispute


✓ The most common age of an Olympic champion is 23 years for the Summer Games and 24 years for the Winter Games.
✓ ‘John’ is by far the most popular given name for Olympic medalists, with Johns having won 272 medals in total. Robert (186) and Vladimir (180) are the next most common.
✓ Olga (73), Elena (66) and Maria (65) are the most common female names to make it to the podium.
✓ 136 athletes have competed at both the Summer Games and Winter Games, but American Eddie Eagan is the only athlete to have won Olympic gold in both (boxing and bobsleigh).
✓ Gold, silver, and bronze medals represent three of the five Ages of Man in Greek mythology.
✓ Beginning in 1928, every medal had an image of the Roman Colosseum, despite the Olympic games’ Greek roots. This blunder was corrected in 2004, when it was replaced with Athens’ Panathenaic Stadium.

(***While you run down the list rapid fire, your contestant must determine whether each item is an oddly-named disease/syndrome, or a move executed in figure skating …***)
Toe Walley [Figure Skating]
Swizzles [Figure Skating]
Stringhalt [Disease]
Double Stag [Figure Skating]
Mazurka [Figure Skating]
Jumping Frenchmen of Maine [Disease]
Half Lutz [Figure Skating]
Alice-in-Wonderland [Disease]
Falling Leaf [Figure Skating]
Walking Corpse [Disease]
– First published in “BS” 2004.

• Why do we always ask babies and pets the same question twice? (Aren’t you just the cutest little thing huh? Aren’t you just the cutest?)
• Why does one recite at a play, but play at a recital?
• Why is it that people will buy anything that’s ‘one to a customer’?
• Is cheese the plural of choose?
• Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
• Do cannibals get engaged to be marinated?
– First published in “BS” 1998

I go to the gym almost everyday… almost Monday, almost Tuesday…

• If you could have ANY animal as a pet, what one would you choose?

Question: 30% of us hate doing this on a dinner date. What?
Answer: Sharing food

The bed is a magical place where you suddenly remember everything you forgot to do.

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